memory.

christmas days

2011-12-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

so before I start off the bulk of this post, let me just get a few things off my chest first! XD

one, DAMN MY SEC 3 TUITION KID IS CUTE! Like, the boyish cute. Seriously, he might be ALOT younger than me, and according to him, "the shortest one in class, the smallest one, too light for a guy, too skinny for a guy", I'm like "Dude, if I were younger than you, I wouldn't mind you lol." Plus he seems to have an awesome character. I really pray that girls won't mind his height so much lol. At least, for me, I'll always be shorter than general guys, so I have no problem finding taller guys lol. When I tried comparing our heights, he was like "I AM TALLER THAN YOU LA" to which I replied "I THOUGHT WE WERE AT SIMILAR HEIGHTS OMG" Ah well. He's really cute :p but no worries, not going to step over boundaries here. BUT DAMN AM I LUCKY LOL. He has an awesome character, and damn "When I talk to you, I feel like I'm talking to a friend than a teacher." I SHALL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT :D!! TO ALL THE YOUNG GIRLS OUT THERE, THIS IS A GUY YOU SHOULD BE FRIENDS WITH LOLOLOL.

next, DAMN MY STYLIST LEFT A BIG IMPRESSION ON ME. BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I ONLY SEE HIM ONCE EVERY TWO TO THREE MONTHS, I THINK OF HIM SOOOO FONDLY AND QUITE OFTEN BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A NICE, NORMAL GUY. DAMN LOL. He's always asking me, in chinese, "Going pak tor today ah?" to which I always reply no (honest), he says "Aiyooo, why never??" LOL AND THE WHOLE CONVERSATION IS ABOUT OUR CURRENT LIVES (in general terms). I'm really fond of him in that friendly way XD

ON TO THE BULK OF THE POST.

I WENT TO USS TODAYYYYYYYYY YAIZZZZZZ With my mom and sis~~ I had everything for free since they paid for everything >< I feel really bad sia, gotta make sure I pay them back or return the favors when I start working lol seriously.

So we headed to USS in the morn at about.. 11am? And spent the whole day there lol. We rode almost every single ride out there, like, at least one for each of the different attractions (Sci-fi, Egyptian, New York, Far Far Away, Madagascar etc) BUT THE FIRST WAS THE TRANSFORMERS RIDE OMG I WAS LIKE "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU--------" FOR THE -WHOLE- RIDE LOL. I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE OF HAVING NO WORDS TO SAY DURING THE WHOLE RIDE LOLOLOLOL And we sat RIGHT IN FRONT. SO IT WAS AWESOME. DAMN lol, after trying all the rides already, we thought of doing the transformers ride again - but the waiting time was still as horrid as about an hour long at least lol. So yes, on average, if its a clear sunny day, an hour's long of wait is usual.. I won't complain about that because its something thats hard to avoid (: But thank goodness, for the next two rides, because of the rainy weather where people gave up queueing for the two outdoor roller coaster rides, we got in without much waiting :D LOL WE SAW MOM CLOSE HER EYES FOR THE RED ROLLER COASTER HAHAHAHAHHA AND SIS WAS LIKE "AIYO SO WASTED LOL!!!" and when she further told us "Nvm, sometimes I close one eye only." sis went "OMGGG EVEN WORSE LOLOL" HAHAHAHAHAH THAT WAS SO FUNNY. PLUS OUR STUPID WTF :OOOOO FACES TAKEN ON THE CAMERA LOOKED LIKE "LOLOLOLOLOL" my mouth gapped wide open, and sis's as well LOL we were laughing at each other HAHAHAHAHA.

AND DAMN LOL SIS AND I TOOK THE 360-TURN BLUE RIDE TWO TIMES AHAHAHAHAHA IT WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME LOLOLOLOL. Mom didn't take this one because the red one was just nice for her already XD!!!!! DAMN THIS RIDE WAS JUST FUCKING AWESOME. The transformers one was just AWESOME, that 3D experience and all that. BUT THIS ROLLER COASTER RIDE WAS SO FUCKING THRILLING LOLOLOL I told sis, "Yeah...gonna be addicted" HAHAHA. OH YA! The second time we took the blue ride, I suggested "...Lets seat at the first row this time round." AND LOLOLOL THAT WAS JUST FUCKING AWESOME SHIT LOLOLOLOL Damn I really never knew roller coasters were meant to be THIS THRILLING. I was always afraid or not really interested because I always feel that, because of my weight and small size, I may really FLY OUT of my seat. But now that I think about it, there are YOUNGER CHILDREN TAKING THIS. So I was like '...yeah, they're even lighter than me.." So yeah, I HAVE THUS CHANGED MY OPINION OF ROLLER COASTER RIDES NOW, AND I LOVE THEM HAHAHAHAHA.

So anyways, those were more of the highlights of the day for all of us - since we're all adults, these attractions were better to us in our opinion. the kids rides that we sat are relaxing, and a good way to slow down the day.... THOUGH IN THE END SIS AND I TOOK THE BLUE RIDE (SECOND TIME) AS OUR ENDING RIDE OF THE ADVENTURE HAHAHA. Just DAMN LOL WE'RE SUCKERS FOR THIS THRILLING EXPERIENCE. ah well.

oh yes, we had pizza for lunch! It was really niceeeeee. When we just entered USS, sis and I were like "... I smell nice pizzas." so yeah, that just decided the pizza's fate for our lunch ;D THEN WE HAD CHILLI'S FOR DINNER at around 10pm. DAMN THAT WAS SO DAMN NICE. THE FOOD WE SHARED WAS JUST SO FUCKING AWESOME. I JUST *HAVE* TO EAT AT CHILLI'S AGAIN I FUCKING SWEAR. (http://chilis.sg/) I JUST MUST. EAT. AT. CHILLI'S. AGAIN. I DON'T CARE. DAMN I SHALL JUST DRAG YOU PEOPLE TO TRY IT OUT. ITS FUCKING AWESOME - to me anyways. FREE FLOW OF MAJOR DRINKS - the blackberry iced tea was NICE! And the chicken crisps, and the starting salad. BIG PORTIONS, REAL HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE, NICE CHICKEN CRISPS AND BRILLIANT FRIES, SALAD, CORN DAMN ALL JUST IN TWO DISHES ONLY! JUST... FUCK, I MUST EAT AT CHILLI'S AGAIN. Aside from RWS, there's one at tanglin mall ;D

I think that's about it for today, really. It was just really fun at USS, and the general experience at RWS was good ^^ I don't know if I'll go back again, but...
...Yeah, I think its just blatantly obvious how much I enjoyed myself HAHAHAHAHA

CIAO!

fun days

2011-12-15T08:45:00.000-08:00

so I went to Desaru for a nice getaway at the Lotus Beach Resort with my uni clique – 6 of us in total. And it was fun because of the good company! I wouldn’t say that the resort is top-knotch, but whenever you have good company – usually everything turns out GOOD! (: and it helped that we didn’t argue at all during our stay there. We lived under one roof in a 3 bedroom apartment lol – and I was pretty worried that we’d argue who’d use the bathroom, or whether we could share some toiletries etc. but thank God that we all were open with all these things and didn’t mind it at all.
I wonder what it’d be like if I lived like that with you girls instead? We might end up arguing over certain things :p not that I’m saying we definitely WILL, but with our friendship on the line, damn I’m pretty afraid of that. I’m usually anything, but I don’t know about some of you XD we’ve all been separated all over the place for too long that we’re not spending almost everyday together now, unlike during our secondary school days heh. I do hope though, that if we ever go on a trip together, that we still be respectful, humble, and give-and-take to each other (:

Anyways, back to the original intent of this post lol. To start off, damn we had to wake up early to catch the first train at 540 so as to make sure we wouldn’t be late for the coach lol >< though at first, we were to go by ferry, but a few weeks before departure, the guide told us the ferry terminal to Desaru suddenly got shut down – or something like that. So we had to wake up pretty early to catch the coach instead =W= 5am – I haven’t woken up THAT early in a LONG LONG while LOL. Oh yes, when I boarded the train, it was pretty surprising to see that the seats were almost full already! I had TOTALLY expected (and wanted) an empty train of sorts for the peace and quiet, but I guess not.

So it’s officially my first time out of the country on my own with friends – and it was a really really good experience. I really enjoyed it a lot.¬¬ all that independency was refreshing. Being out of my family’s protection but at the same time we looked out for each other – I’m really, really glad we cared for each other that way, especially when we passed the borders yup.

silvia and I sat beside each other for the whole journey during the coach and we were the two who were always sleeping LOL especially the first day before we reached the resort.

so after we passed the border, they took us to the fruit farm as per the itinerary. but before that, we had a short stop for breakfast at the JB area since some of the other passengers (who signed up for the same tour package to Desaru) requested for a breakfast stop. the 6 of us ended up eating at a cafe instead of the coffee shop. most of us were feeling full already, so we just had something light like toast and/or beverage. I had thick toast spread with peanut on top ^^

so after that we slept on the coach (again) and headed for the fruit farm. TBH, Amanda and I weren't really listening to what the guide was saying, we were just doing some photo-taking of the plants there and doing some of our own observations (; scientist much? heh plus we got to taste really fresh, albeit really sweet too, passionfruit juice. yup it was fresh alright,with all that crushed pulp lol. it was quite an eye-opener to be seeing all those plants and fruit trees actually. they also had a zoo lol. a mini zoo. which I think was... well I don't really like going to zoos because the animals are kept there in captivity. seeing animals in cages isn't something I enjoy much. they should be free (: I guess you could say that farm was a pretty commercialized one, even the guide said so himself, so I was thinking to myself "money-leeching bastards" lol. I hope the animals there are treated okay at least.

so anyways, after that we had a... what they called "fruit lunch" but to me, it was like regular lunch LOL. when the itinerary read "fruit lunch" I really thought it was lunch FULL OF FRUITS ONLY. which would've been fine as well. but anyways, the lunch was niceeeee. I wouldn't say it was DELICIOUS, but it was good enough for my taste and appetite haha. I ate quite a bit lol :p then after that we had a little talk on bees keeping management - or summin' like that. silvia was like "omg.. I don't want to sit through a LECTURE when we're on holiday! -.-" HAHAHAHAHA I agreed with that. at least they gave each of us a sampling of honey ;) and it was TASTYYY. and I was sooo tempted to start a new habit of taking a spoon of honey everyday LOL yeah... since they say good honey is nutritious. ah well.

and that was the end of the tour on the itinerary. the rest was just free and easy, like we wanted, and the tour guide left us to our own stuff for the rest of the stay thank goodness lol it was more like, the fruit farm tour was a complimentary thing LOL the real tasty bit was just having time to ourselves hahahaha. so when we arrived at the resort, OMG IT WAS CROWDED. yeah.. so it was goodbye to peaceful quiet days. but hmm, maybe it was better that way, since I was with friends and enjoying the quiet days with my own stuff isn't really nice lol. better to just spend your time with company (; I can always do my own things on my own time at home or something anyways. so! hmm.. we started off playing card games, as usual we did monopoly and uno lolololol. whilst snacking heh. but at the end of it all we were too tired already lol and so some of us ended sleeping for a while (silvia did) I think I did too, on the chair lol.

by the time we were ready to head to the beach, it was about... 5 or something. we spend about two hours there just putting our feet in the crashing waves hahaha. and camwhoring. lol. it was really nice to step on the sand barefooted and all. been a few months since we last did that haha. though, the first time we stepped into the water was with our slippers on. AND ONE OF MINE ALMOST FLOATED AWAY LOLOLOLOL thank goodness Kai Bin was quick... but she got wet because of that haha >_> after that we just decided to head back to our room for a bath and of course, our instant noodles dinner. we had in our plans to go drinking that night too, at the bar, after our dinner and some games and some tv haha. I ended up sleeping a bit whilst waiting for amanda to finish bathing (I'd already showered by then). seiously, for the whole day, I was just so tired whenever we'd finished any activity lol, and silvia too. we both slept late the other day hahaha. well actually, I had lights off at about 11-12, but could only sleep TWO HOURS LATER OMG. I was rolling in my be with alot of things on my mind zzz. so I ended up having only like, what, 3 hours of real sleep? wth lol. ah wells. back to the post.

so we went drinking, AND IT RAINED THEN! haha. the whole day was just dry until night, thank goodness! well of course we were stranded in the rain till about 11pm+ lol only Kay and I drank non-alcoholic beverages - we had fruit punch lol. the rest drank alcoholic stuff. and Kai Bin got red so fast lol - the other girls kept teasing her about it XD plus we had wedges to go along, with mayo and mustard NAISE. I MUST EAT WEDGES WITH MUSTARD AND MAYO AGAIN SOME TIME. sadly we didn't bring games with us so we could only talk and self-entertain lolol. but it was alright. when the rain let up, we decided to return to our apartment before the rain got heavier again lol. so the last thing we did before sleeping was MASKING! yes, we brought out masks along for the trip and did them together as the before-sleep activity :D it was a nice quiet peaceful time we had. haha.

by the time we went to sleep, it was about 1am I think. ALL of us were too freaking tired already lol so it was really easy to fall asleep, unlike the previous night for me -.-' it was a REALLY good sleep I swear lol. though the next morning when I woke up my arms were kinda aching lol. we then had breakfast at the resort ballroom before leaving on the coach. the guide then told us suddenly he'd prepared a surprise extra activity - and he brought us to this food festival, which was only like 2/5 opened lol. only a few of the stalls were open, but at least he gave each of us 10 RM worth of coupons to spend at the fair. so yeah I spent some of it on water apples since my parents like them and gave the rest to weng lin since I had nothing else to buy really haha. then we all just headed for the border and back to singapore after that~ we discussed and decided to have dinner together at causeway point lol, but Kai Bin ended up throwing up before we even ate anything - she looked really uneasy so we sent her home first after the rest of us ate, before going back ourselves~ AND THAT WAS THE END OF THE TRIP! yup.

lol one thing is, when we entered Singapore, it just started to get REALLY DARK. AND IT RAINED WHILST WE WERE ON THE BUS TO KRANJI MRT LOLOLOL. three of us missed the bustop, and so they had to walk all the way back to kranji from the next stop LOL. WHILST IN THE HEAVY RAIN. HAHAHA. damn seriously this whole trip was FULL of funny/memorable things happening HAHAHAHA.

thanks to the good company this trip was really good ^^ AND FUNNY hahahahahaha XD

dream days

2011-12-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

so now that the exams have ended, ITS TIME TO PLAYYYY!!!! loads(well, not really) of meet ups to plan, CHRISTMAS CARDS TO MAKE - yes, you read them right - I'm making them this year. christmas solutions.. yeah, still cracking my brain! x_o plus, the christmas party on the 23rd!

though TBH, THIS BREAK IS TOO SHORT!!! C'MON! THIS SEMESTER WAS CRAZY!!! AND I ONLY HAVE ONE MONTH TO RECOVER? THAT'S JUST UNFAIR. But ah well.. what can I do but to make the best out of it eh?

So anyways.. for those who're curious, or want to know what I'll be up to this break so that you have an idea what I'll be doing:

Anime
Yes, probably loads of it.

Gaming
Replaying my old rpg's (I started on NWN 1 during revision week LOL)
AND ALSO PLAYING OTOME GAMES. Yes, again. Because in actuality, I've only played ONE so far, ever since I got into the fandom, and that was Vampire Knight which I haven't finished. By that, I mean that I haven't finished playing ALL routes. I got the basic story done, but I'll have to play through it again and again, but targeting different guys, and different endings - each time lol. VK aside, I've started on Miyako. Harutoki style - ancient feudal japan and all. There's so much kanji to read that my brain blows after a few hours of reading this game lol. Yes, I really mean READING, its a visual novel, slightly different from VK where there were interative games and all. This time, Miyako, until now, I've only been reading the story as it unfolds - not much to DO on my part, except try to read those kanji I haven't been exposed to yet - its really quite challenging. That aside, I'm really excited to be playing my second otome game haha. I haven't the slightest about what to REALLY expect for this game, because I resisted reading spoilers and all that. Don't wanna form any pre-expectations for this game :p Regardless of whether it turns out good or bad, I still want to enjoy it for the experience ^^

Meet ups
Yes, I have a few to plan lol. Most are TOT style - Talk over Tea. Though it doesn't have to be tea XD But you get the general idea~
Puss in Boots with Daph, XY, and hopefully our moms lol. Yes, you read that right. My mom wants to watch it too, and when I mentioned it to XY she also expressed interest in bringing her mom too lolol so it'd be nice if Daph's mom could join us as well. It'd be quite an experience lol.
TOT with Vanessa and Rachel. Currently waiting for Ness to contact me about her schedule and all.
TOT with Ben - another Ben, mind you. Not the 14 years older one LOL Not the one year older one either. The one who was in my group for Accounting. He just keeps suggesting on a meet up. No worries, I'm not getting any ideas, and neither is he. Because he's already attached yup. No border-crossing here. Just plain old TOT. Gotta discuss with him soon enough when I can catch him online.
XQ and Vicky coming over tomorrow to watch Gantz together at my place yup.
Maybe, juuuuuust maybe, meet up with my jap level 3 friends. Not much of an idea about how it'll come to pass, its just a maybe.

Christmas
Aside from the party, I have cards to make, and also prezzies to think of. Please don't expect anything fancy from me this year either XD Its going to be really simple... But I swear the card is going to be better than the prez, in that sentimental way. Oh yes, I also have to make Ben(Aussie)'s card too. More like a greeting card for him lol, since he's not on much. Come to think about it, I'm quite glad I have his address because other than online, that's the only way I'm able to ask about his well-being LOL But that's how it is with online friends - I haven't contacted James either, sadly. But I do see him on facebook now and then, so I'm guessing he's doing okay, at least. With all that mess in the UK - I'm hoping he's alright. Then again, you can't get too sentimental when it comes to online friends because first and foremost, you're both miles apart - and so there's just THIS much you can do for said person - unlike friends who are with you in the same country.

Japanese
Yes, I have to practice it. Its rusty after a semester of not touching it at all -_- I ALSO need/would like to/plan to revise organic chemistry =_= because of next semester's modules.... AIYA DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ALL THIS NOW ZZZ. Jap is okay though. :D

Reading
YES, FINALLY BACK TO READING. I hope to read all the books I've stalled up so far.. physical and soft-copy. Damn its really quite alot to read, though I really prefer the physical/hard copies.

I think that's about all for this post. I'm splitting my posts up because they're all about different things.

channel

2011-12-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

I know I'm probably too sensitive about certain things, but that's how I handle them..

For example, I'm actually really sensitive towards Joseph, its probably because of how I see him in a different light.. he's a friend, but he could also be more than a friend. the fact that he thinks similarly but isn't doing anything about it just spells "No thank you" to me. I admit I'm also too busy to date, but he doesn't treat me as someone "I've known for 9 years". He DID say "Well, I've known you for 9 years, that just spells something." It used to mean something to me, but now? No, it doesn't. "I'm more close to my uni friends right now." Well sure, who wouldn't be lol, in their first year, I'm also happily friends with uni people. But even so, I also expressed interest in meeting him up in school once in a while, and on numerous occasions. But he didn't do the same. I guess I should never have expected anything from him. That's when I started thinking, I can never get along with this person. So I decided I never wanted to have anything to do with him ever again. So what did I do? I blocked him off msn, facebook, and ignored any message he sent. See, THAT'S how I handle things when it comes to this person. Previously I would just get him off my mind, but now, no thanks - I don't want to have anything to do with this person anymore. He's a stranger in my life, and that stays permanent.

another example would be HM. I'm not spelling out that name here because that person has the url to my blog - though whether he actually VISITS it is another issue. Anyway.. I'm pretty sure you all know about how I thought I might be liking this person some months ago. But recently, I found out he has a girlfriend now. Was I devastated? Admittedly, somewhat. So I told myself that I was probably confused with how he treated me so well when he was back in Singapore, that it gave me some vibes. But in the end, it turned out my hunches were wrong ^^' Now that he's back again, I.. haven't the desire to meet him up in a group. I just don't know how to face him and I also don't want to see him. So that's how I'm handling this.. I'm just not meeting him up for the time being. I don't want to talk to him either. I don't know when he'll be going back though.

So there you have it.

its a promise.

2011-09-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

funny,

I'm never surprised by things that don't work out in life.. I just knew they wouldn't work out, and I wouldn't blame you for it because I just knew you'd say "Sorry." I've half resigned to this fate of always saying "Yeah,.. I knew." If I were to look at these from a third person's POV, I'd say these are just some temporary stops on the road that God had prepared for me so that I could learn lessons about life. People I find always have bad compatibility with me so I always wonder whether fate is toying with my life this way.

Of course, you could say I'm still young (:

and counting

2011-09-25T20:22:00.001-07:00

this is on a totally unrelated note.

keeping my options open,
I should just stop thinking too much into it since I've done what I can,
I'll just let time take its course, and see whether fate's in my favor this time round.

now that's that....

and its back to reality.

If you add them all up

2011-09-20T19:08:00.001-07:00

So why am I so stressed out and unhappy?
Well, first thing is, I am busy. Now, everyone's busy, so if I feel busy that's normal right? Well, so yes, I feel its normal too. But the highlight is this - I don't ever put aside my work to go out and enjoy myself. No one really asks me out either. No one's telling me 'Girl, you need a break.' And anyways I don't just listen to anyone so I will only seriously consider that if you understand me.

I don't even know if I want to go out. I've so many things on my mind all the time and these things are always about work. I can never have the time, or rather, I just don't put aside time to think for my well-being because time is so precious now and work is apparently No. 1 on my list. I'm just working and working all the time because no one sways my thinking that just working without playing is alright.

Sure, you can argue with me 'You're already an adult, you should be able to balance your own life.' Yeah, I'm balancing it. I'm just working and raging and ranting about having no life. I'm just putting more weight on work. Its like there's a never-ending list of things to do. Once I finish something, there's something else. And its precisely because of this that I don't ever think about wanting to go out.

Just, really, I don't even know how to express all this and its making me even more pissed since no one really understands where I'm coming from. You're not me afterall, and I don't blame you.

I'm just really unhappy. There's honestly nothing for me to look forward to. Everything seems like either work, or an obligation. And you can clearly tell how I'm not enjoying myself at all. I just don't know how to go about balancing my life anymore. "There's always new work to do, so its entirely up to you to balance your time out." ...Right.

I'm just all alone, unhappy, stressed and working to keep my mind off all this. Though in fact, because I keep being like this that it just keeps getting worse. Recess week is next week and I don't feel like I can relax at all!

"failed dual way..."
"bubble of protection..."
"easy way out..."
"responsibilities of an adult..."
"in limbo..."
"balance..."
"just who am I?..."

this goes out to someone

2011-09-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

I have so many things to say but I don't know where to start.

setting aside what I told you recently by sms, I want to say these things, and no matter how insensitive this is, I think its better if you knew. I'm sorry that I can't sugarcoat these words.. the last thing I want to do is to hurt you, but I'm hurt, stressed and isolated enough as it is. I think its very difficult for me to consider your feelings this time round and as much as I don't want this post to destroy our friendship, or make you want to severe ties with me, I have absolutely NO ONE ELSE to talk to about all this so that I don't have to take it out on you. Every one person I think of.. it just feels that they live separate lives from me and I can't connect. But at least they hear me out. Still, no matter how they hear it out, I just feel that the problem will never alleviate and its like they're my alcohol to this problem, just a drug to numb the feelings for a while before having to take the drug again. I feel SO ALONE, and to me, you're basically not there anymore. I can't blame it on you either, because we DO LIVE separate lives, and we "don't get to meet often". I put "" because I know that in actual fact its me who "can't" meet up because of my work. I don't know what to say really. You try to reach out to me, but you also consider my priorities, my obligations, and everything else about me, so much so that you only ask how my day is, or have a great day, as if you're a stranger who's trying to wish me well. You never express your desires. So according to you, you don't say much but you care alot, I trust in that, but in all honesty, recently, just knowing you care isn't enough anymore. You can consider your busy schedule akin to mine, so if you know that I'm so occupied, do you think I have the time to actually remind myself "She cares for me."? Our friendship is only living on the messages we send each other. LOL, sounds pathetic isn't it? Its like in our busy schedules we just send random text messages to keep in contact. What's up with that? Its like a desperate attempt at keeping our friendship alive. Both of us do that. I'm not one to say this, and neither can I say something like this to someone like you but "Words alone aren't convincing enough." I'm sorry.

I don't know why I feel so negative about us right now, its probably because of the kind of life I have now - which you know only the general part - I'm studying frequently. I suspect I have to leave you alone often soon too since your semester will be starting, sad as that may seem. Because like you, I understand how important it is this new semester is to you like how my semester is to me. And so the consequence of this? We don't meet often. You don't even TELL me, you only explained to me ONCE that you wanted to ask me out ALOT OF TIMES but didn't attempt to since "you understood I needed to study" and didn't want to disturb me. And the very few times you did, I always rejected them because it was so out of the blue......Argh, I just don't know how to put it. Its just totally not like randomly going out with someone. If it were May Bo, yeah I could do a random hanging-out thing. I don't know but every time you try to ask me out, I just feel that its always at the wrong time. The way you ask, perhaps? I just...just...I don't know really, I don't even know what I'm feeling now whether its just profound sadness, depression, hurt, unsatisfaction, gosh I could write a list. There's just something wrong about us. I can't do normal things with you, I can only do sentimental things with you.

Do you even really know what's going on? No, because I don't tell you even when you ask. Why? Because its random, and I feel like I can't connect with you with what I can say to people who can really understand my situation. We're just so separated now and there's nothing I can do about it, nor suggest, that can make things better because whatever either of us do, it just feels out of the blue and plain weird.

Continuing from, "Do you even really know what's going on?" - No, obviously you don't. You want to know? Sure I'll say it here. Its not everyday I get to blog but just tonight I feel so so so pent up I can't take it anymore and I might just go kill myself from all these things. So I know you know that I'm constantly studying. Do you know what kind of consequence that has for me? Add in that I don't hang out with my uni clique because they all are the go-home-immediately type, and I'm not close to anyone of them, neither can I be close to some other people like I want to because they already have their sticky partner and I don't want to intrude. Do you know what I've become as a result? I'M BECOMING AN ISOLATED, LONESOME, DEPRESSED, SOCIALLY-DEPRIVED PERSON. Try adding on this, "I can't even connect to, nor find solace, in my closest friend anymore." I don't know what to do, there's no one helping me(yeah, according to adults that should be the case yeah we should be independent yeah I'm independent in my own ways), no one's telling me "Girl, you need to take a break." and even my family is like "I totally understand you need to study, don't worry (:" I feel like ABSOLUTELY NO ONE FUCKING CARES IF I HAVE A LIFE ANYMORE BECAUSE WHEN THEY SEE ME ALL THEY SEE IS ME STUDYING AND STUDYING AND STUDYING AND THEY GO "I should leave her to concentrate because that's her life right now." Of course I'm grateful, but you know, as a result, there's no one who can comfort me. I feel like I can keep crying and crying and crying nonstop to the point where I just give up crying and go end it all. I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough for such an onslaught of piling negative feelings that the only way out that I can think of is just to stop everything. Either go kill myself or just continue tumbling down the rabbit hole by going on like this because, afterall, like I always say, "One day's sleep will do the trick." (: !!!!

You're working now and I understand why you don't even come online, and that you're very tired once you're home and you have other obligations. Yeah, I totally understand this. But you know what kind of consequence this had on me? That I could never talk to you nor share my deepest troubles with you anymore because doing it on the phone or on sms just doesn't cut it. Its like "You're just being there for me. You're concerned for me." but you can't connect with me anymore, no matter how you should wish otherwise, and I'm serious when I say that. I just feel that I can't repair this anymore, we're just too separated, and I should just only talk to you about random things, but I can't share my troubles with you anymore. I suppose its because I'm superimposing on you my need for a sticky partner when clearly I really can't see you that way afterall. Before uni started everything was beautiful but at the start of this semester, with your presence in my life diminishing by a million times each week, add on the fact that you're the only person I only depend on for comfort and company right now, everything's changed. I'm sorry for superimposing my needs on our friendship..

I'm sorry for saying all these things because afterall, if you weren't you, I wouldn't be able to say these things and we would definitely slowly drifted apart silently. Maybe the nature of our friendship has changed that our dependency on each other has totally changed. Just imagining how you'd be hurt after reading all this makes me want to give up because normally at this stage you'd want to totally be a stranger in my life. I understand that there's a limit to how much pressure and insensitivity you can take from me, and will understand if you choose to give up.

But if I don't say this out, I'm afraid you'd feel the growing distance between us without knowing why, and at the most, you'd be going for my funeral because the problem I feel about this friendship is not the only trouble I have. I don't feel like I'm driven to the edge, I'm handling my studies well. But its to the point that I cannot put my work down, I feel have no one to hang out with and just doing that with you so suddenly feels weird and wrong to me. I mean, having to tell you to hang out with me? C'mon, its like you're being instructed what to do. I want you to be yourself, but at the same time I wish you could be my sticky partner too.

One thing I noticed is, I'm always the one having problems with this friendship, and this makes me feel like deadweight too. I can't take this anymore.

I'm guessing a solution to this problem is you can't be that kind of sticky partner that I so wish I had because I'm really deprived of that kind of friendship. I guess I should take a step back and not attempt to sticky-friend with you because at the rate its going it doesn't seem to work out. You can't change that, so let's just go back to the way we were 3 years back.

some collection~

2011-08-03T21:59:00.002-07:00

a continuation of reviewing the rest of the series I've completed!

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD. BEWARE OF PICTURES OF BISHOUNEN. FANGIRLING ABUNDANT.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures posted here. They belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.

all pictures linked.

house of five leaves:
I loved it, period. This series stands on its own, separated from your other more typical shows. Its a very life-oriented series, with no overall action plot, but mini arcs. And I LOVE IT. VERY REFRESHING. TOP ON MY LIST. And I LOVE the soundtrack! ITS ALMOST BRILLIANT! A combination of traditional japanese instrumental music with a little modern mix to give off the right emotion for each track. Currently listening to the soundtrack again XD Really, the tracks make me feel like I could re-watch this series for the refreshing and relaxing atmosphere it gives off. Aiya shit, think I could also rewatch Ristorante Paradiso too...SHIT XD!

Also, despite people hating the character designs, I like it (; Its a unique take, and its by the same author as Ristorante Paradiso, of which I'm also a HUGE fanGIRL of. WHY DON'T THEY HAVE ARTBOOKS FOR THEM!!! D: On a site note, its kind of weird hearing Daisuke Namikawa's low-voice-acting. Don't get me wrong, its easy to get into the character, its just that LOW-VOICE coming from someone who voiced FYE in TRC. Yeah. Like, imagine Sakurai Takahiro in HIGH-VOICE OMG NO THANKS. Oh yes, Sakurai-san voices Yaichi here ^_^ Namikawa-san voices Masanosuke yup. I still don't really get the hype about Sakurai Takahiro though. I mean, yes I like his voice, its *cough*very-yaoi-centric*cough* but I'm not going GAGA over it like I am for Daisuke Ono. LOL. Oh well.

Story in a nutshell: It follows the simple life-story of our timid ronin Akitsu Masanosuke who meets and gets hired as a bodyguard by the very mysterious and charismatic Yaichi. Masanosuke finds himself drawn to a strange bandit group who call themselves the "House of Five Leaves", of which Yaichi is the leader. Masanosuke is reluctant to help them, but as he grows closer to his eccentric new companions, he learns to relate to them and grow as a person in the process.

That cat is too cute ><

natsume yuujin-cho + zoku natsume yuujin-cho:
AHHHHH!!! I LOVED THIS. THIS TOPS MY LIST TOOOOOOO. Its VERY episodic, but it NEVER fails to impress me with the very-cute Nyanko-sensei (omg even the word "nyanko" is CUTE. I LOVED THAT EPISODE with the black cat that natsume calls KURO NYANKO OMG CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE *BURSTS*) and the slightly indifferent but oh-so-handsome Natsume. AND OMG NYANKO-SENSEI IN HIS BEAST FORM IS SO OMG *NOSEBLEEDS* I love protective beasts ;) Its like Mai's very fearsome and majestic (yet loving, to me awwwww) Kagutsuchi from Mai HiME. AHHH!!! I LOVE BIG PROTECTIVE BEASTS. DO WANT PLS. Its like having a protective lover who would never leave you ;) In all, I LOVE THIS SERIES. It has a SERIOUS knack for capturing heartfelt emotional moments ;_;

KURO NYANKO. pu---BWAHAHAHAHA XD With Nyanko-sensei angry at how the other black cat is impersonating him just to get Natsume's attention (to his problem).

PLUS I LIKE HIROSHI KAMIYA HERE. He's got a serious talent for quick pronouncing. But he doesn't top Daisuke Ono, Jun Fukuyama, plus others 8DDD! oh yes, akira ishida's here too. but not much of a lingering presence XD

EDIT: After listening to a Hiroshi Kamiya mimic singing Ren'ai Circulation...LOL I think I've officially fallen in love with the voice XD SO I'M OFFICIALLY IN THE HIROSHI KAMIYA FANCLUB NAO. 8DD

...though, on a side note, I really disliked Miyuki Sawashiro's character -_-' I've only liked Sawashiro-san's voice when she's in *ahem*seme*ahem* pitch aka low. The shoujo-otome ones? No -_-' Although, Maaya Sakamoto's voice is good in low and high ^_^

also also also XD I LOVE Hinoe x3! *fangirl scream*

plus plus plus THIS LITTLE GUY IS FUCKING CUTE OMG DO WANT.

and and and LOL EVIL RABBIT.... NOT. AWWWW. He's actually a very cute/handsome protective spirit guardian ^_^

and LAST BUT NOT LEAST!......BENIO-SAMA!!!! *insert intense fangirl scream here*

true tears:
Its a good story, that's all I say. I've watched this here and there, but only really got around to watching this in one-shot this break. Its rated really good, with all that drama going on. But for me, I never really got into the series simply because I NEVER LIKED HIROMI. I really didn't like her. I loved Noe and Aiko though ^_^ Okay, enough character-ranting. Animation is splendid, and I especially liked the BG art. OH AND, I AM BIASED FOR JUN (Noe's brother), despite his serious sis-con (sister complex) problem, HE'S CUTE OMG. AND HIS VOICE TOO *MELTS* He's my FAVOURITE character despite being only on the sidelines in the plot... BUT STILL, JUN-SANA!!! XD

From top left corner, anti-clockwise: Hiromi, Aiko, Noe (second pic)

JUN-SAMA!!!! *fangirls*

dragon crisis:
hmm..nothing much to say about this. it was a very simple story (though it felt very messy), with characters lacking in some depth, but I still watched it till the end. Though, I loved Horie Yui's character here. Plus her voice is always good. She also voices a really awwww character in Otome Youkai Zakuro (which is also a PLUS PLUS PLUS GOOD SERIES LOVE IT. Sakurai Takahiro's character in it is good ^_^ its not low-pitched, nor high-pitched, but normal ;) seriously, Sakurai-san is really versatile in bringing out those emotions in his voices XD) okay back to dragon crisis. well, nothing more to say, really. its pretty mediocre >< LETS MOVE ON.

fractale:
this was really better than dragon crisis, though I would've wanted the story to flash out more about the "fractale" system that their world resides in, since the overall plot IS ABOUT the system itself. like dragon crisis, I've got nothing much to say here, except...NESSA IS SO EFFING CUTE AWWWW. PLUS VOICING BY KANA HANAZAWA OMG WIN. She's one of my favourite voice actresses aside from Horie Yui and a few others XD

NESSA:

eden of the east movies:
so this was a continuation from where the series left off and I must say, as usual the visuals were impressive. BUT the story still lacks a little depth...STILL! it was a good ride till the end, yup! Akira is still the really likeable hero in here ahahaha, but that's about it lol. the ending of the selecao game was a nice closure, what with a mini battle of wits, which never really pulled off >< I think Death Note's first half was better. (Pictures are from the anime series sadly :p)

Yeah, he DID kiss her in that scene ;D one smooth guy really. she was ranting about her day and how horrid it went and she was pretty upset about it (job interview). so he just went in for the kill to raise her spirits ;D

Le Chevalier d'Eon:
okay, I really liked this. I don't LOVE it, but I really like it ;) d'Eon is SUCH a young man XD I would so die to be his fiance :X anyways, this is a VERY history-heavy show, and not for people who prefer straight-forward ones. Its based on a period of France's history - the French Revolution, and centers on the French spy D'Eon de Beaumont. He takes it upon himself to trace the mystery of his sister's (Lia de Beaumont) death and finds himself trapped in a society of political rivalry, betrayals and loss. So its history + some fantasy elements = wonderful story yup. I honestly can't say I was VERY absorbed in it because it was difficult to follow what with all that history going on, but despite that, I still think its a really really good show for people who tire of typical anime shows. It was, truthfully, a very enjoyable ride.

Note: In history, D'Eon de Beaumont had no sister and was in fact a cross-dresser who goes by the alias Lia when dressed in women's clothing.

nabari no ou:
...I didn't like this. Despite it being rated well by the masses, I totally didn't like this show aside from ONE thing - the SIDE characters. Yes, you read that right, the SIDE characters, not the main. Rokujou's unbearable indifference until the end - oh gosh it was a PAIN to sit through it. There wasn't even enough development on WHY he had this indifference. And Yoite? I don't even know what to say. The WHOLE premise of this show is just Rokujou sticking to Yoite that culminates in the former granting the latter's wish. Yeah, sure, that's all fine and dandy. But wtf, even if the reason for their "close bond" is because Rokujou feels that they are mirror images of each other, there is almost absolutely ZERO development in that story. Like, why do both of them feel this way? We NEVER see a GOOD flash-out display of the REASONS that surround them. Gosh I was HALF frustrated watching this entire series. I am SO NOT GOING TO RECOMMEND it to anyone. It is, at best, a SUPER mediocre serious about characters. Its FINE if its NOT an action show despite it being about ninjas, so if the actual THING about this show is about CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT - I never saw ANY. From the main protagonists, to the antagonists, basically almost EVERYONE was just a stalemate. I say "almost" because the SIDE characters shine so much more than the main protagonists. EXCEPT ROKUJOU'S SENSEI. OMG THAT'S ONE FUCKING BALL-LESS WUSS. OMG I WANT TO JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS SHOW. SO FUCKING UNBEARABLE. UGH. MOVING ON.

Evangelion: 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance:
I enjoyed this, period. I loved every bit of it. The characters are all so loveable, and obviously the PLOT is where it shines, along with the mecha action. I mean, how many post-apocalyptic shows are there nowadays anyway? Little. I absolutely CANNOT wait for the next installment in this four-movie series that sums up the whole anime yup. though of course, to understand the series, I had to read up about the original anime stories heh, since the movie doesn't do alot of explaining. but unlike nabari no ou, I COULD FEEL character development here, especially for Shinji. He has some serious father issues, and I clearly felt that struggle he was going through so much so that during the first half of the first movie, he was A TOTAL WUSS IN MY EYES. But in the second half, and subsequently in this second movie, we see how the people around him change his emotions and views about life and its issues. Oh sure it sounds corny, but seriously, its the people around you that change you to a certain extent, though ultimately the person to decide on that change, is YOU, YOURSELF.

last regrets

2011-08-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

scene 1

I feel like its better to just keep to myself from now on.. Its hard to confide in people. Its probably because of how I've shed that last piece of childish innocence at this age. This is so hard to put into words.. As you get older, the more selfish you become. "My heart is just full of thorns." I feel like crying.

I think the best song to describe how I feel right now is this: Just Be Friends

"I already knew deep inside my heart; that the most painful choice would be the best."

"I shouted until my voice was dry."

I feel like my heart is worn out and torn up inside that I don't know how to put how I'm feeling into solid words. But before I loose it..

I can't find the right person to talk to; it has to be someone who knows me well, who doesn't mind me being emotional, who ultimately doesn't say things or give out an aura that makes me feel like an idiot.

Everyone else has grown up... I feel like a kid. I don't want to share things with people who would look at me like I'm some sort of baby.

But I'm screaming inside, and I want to let it out to somebody - but I can't think of whom.

Like..I just feel that maybe I should just be normal friends and just let go of the bond that makes us all feel like true family. "Even though I love you, and I don't want to be apart from you - but I have to say it - that this is the end." Its easy to say that, but its a very painful thing to do. Its probably stupid of me to feel like this, since I know that I'm not someone who can live alone without family-like bonds.. I know I can't live alone like this, but its one of the few ways to keep your heart to yourself. Its not like being indifferent, its more like..to live with normal bonds that don't go beyond the line. Its a very sad thing..but its also one way to prevent yourself from getting hurt.

scene 2

its probably unfair of me to say this, but I wish that there was someone I could trust and he would take me far far away from this kind of life. a wide blue sky.. a field of flowers..like, there are no painful emotional bonds that exist there.

scene 3

I've talked about this once, but I'll do it again. When your closest bestest friends have found their someone, no matter how much they say "No no, you're still precious to me!" you will never feel the same again. Never.

I feel like I'm out of the circle already. Correction, I -have- been out of the circle for a while. I mean, I still believe in these precious friends, but...its just, everything's changed and there's no way we can go back to those old times. I'm not saying that I want to stay in the past- in fact, I don't; we should always move forward. These friends were, and will always, be precious to me, but I will forever be inferior to that someone.

Though I say this, I still firmly believe that friends are as important as your special someone. Friends will stay by you, they will always be with you. Special someone's can never top the seat.

But looking past that, you slowly see that compared to that special someone, whom your friend(s) will live and share their innermost lives with - the bond that you have with your friend(s) can never top that. There is no denying it, no matter how your friend tells you otherwise, its a feeling that will never go away. Its a feeling that us singles have to understand, accept, and move on from. As friends, we all are destined to reach such a conclusion. I don't care how other people try to convince me otherwise, as a single, I will forever feel inferior. Probably until I find my own someone. I understand that I will change my sentiments after I've found someone, but until then, I will always feel this way. There's no need for anyone to tell me "You'll understand when you've found that person (:" because I already understand it. So don't look at me like I'm a baby - I hate it.

2011-07-27T23:56:00.000-07:00

I've more or less finished the list of anime series I wanted to watch this break XD think I'll just cover one or two drama next week, and then poof! school starts ;) nice timing ain't it? x)

2011-07-25T22:03:00.001-07:00

just a random update

I haven't been online for a few days owing to my sis revamping her whole room lol. i.e. disconnected modem. So the house right now is in a HUGE mess hahaha. With all her furniture and things, tables, desks etc. Everything's outside right now. She just finished painting the walls of her room on sunday and it looks really nice. And the new lighting my dad got for her from bangkok for her birthday - its hanging in her room now. Really pretty light and romantic lighting lol. Plus my own room and the living room has new lighting. Then dad had itchy hands to go get a new tv for the living room -_- so "old" (its only like, what, a few months old?) living room tv has replaced the kind-of spoiled one in my parents' room.

anyways,...its about 2 weeks till the new semester starts and I think its been a really, really good break. I did everything I wanted to, I did everything I enjoy doing, I'm satisfied. So I'm looking forward to the coming semester now. Though, I must say that I'm scared since I think the modules are going to be killers. I swear I'm going to cry when my second upper honors flies away. I'm very very scared.

2011-07-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

Scene 1

I think I've temporarily lost abit of the anime-watching passion this past two weeks >< I mean, I'm still watching, but I'm strangely not as into the stories as I hoped I'd be. Hmm.. They're really great shows, that's the only reason why I'd want to watch them. But it seems that I couldn't get ABSORBED into it, you know? Before the last two weeks, 99% of the anime series I watched since the break started - I got into them really easily. Like I would forget everything when I was absorbed into the story. But recently that's changed.. Maybe its a sign that I've watched enough, and that I should leave the rest till the next break? I think that's what I need to do...though I'm still "left" with 3 series to cover before the break ends. Is it because that I'm just "watching to finish the list" that I can't enjoy it as I'd want to? I must approach watching with my previous mindset of "Lets watch that!" instead of the now-mindset "I've to watch before break ends."

Or maybe the stories were just a tad bit too complex that it was difficult to sbsorb? Hmm..

Scene 2

I think I'm desperate for a relationship. Or something like that. But primarily not for the companionship... I just want to know who I am in a relationship. How would I behave in it? How do I carry myself? What does it mean to have someone special? Am I romantic? Or sweet? Or caring? Or cool? (lol, scratch that last)

I want to find someone, and I want to find myself.

本当は。。

2011-07-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

...companionship eh?

I can't help but feel "Who would want to date someone like me?" I don't have alot of qualities that shine, I am still quite immature.. I can't think of anyone I know so far who'd be crazy enough to want to even think of me as a possible companion.

Right now, the "me" right now - can I really be a good companion to anyone?? I mean well, couples grow together, but first to actually -get- together the other person has to think of me as worthy or something, right? I feel like I'm the one who needs companionship.

Oh well.

(continued 6 hours later)

The truth is I'm just lonely. Everyone's lonely, right? Yes. Here's the question: when you're lonely and desire some sort of companionship..do you turn to the person (of the opposite sex)you're closest to to fulfill that emptiness inside? Is it fair? Is it real? Is it because you like him that you turn to him? (Of course not lol, but you get the point.) Its like, you're driven to the edge and have no one else to turn to to complete your love life. JUST WHAT IS IT THAT COMPELS ME TO DO THIS?! I am just SO confused. Is it because you like him? Or is it because he's the only guy you know (so far) who's "close" to you? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!! (Getting frustrated here as I'm typing this HAHAHA. I just really don't know how to describe this feeling/confusion.)

on another note..I think I understand "companionship" a little better now..It feels like the kind of relationship that Chiaki and Nodame have in Nodame Cantabile. Its not as if its like "I can live without seeing you everyday." but it feels like that.. I don't think I want something like that. If there's nothing much drawing us together (leaving aside interests) then why do you even stay with each other? Just because finding someone else would be too hard? I don't see the point in being with someone then. Not that I'd rather be alone, but yes, that's the general feeling. I don't want to be in a companionship if it feels like we're living in completely different lives/houses. You're together, but at the same time you're not. You have your life, and I have mine. What's the point in being together? You can always find someone else - its just the effort needed to do so.

2011-07-07T19:39:00.001-07:00

I had the strangest dream last night....

Apparently, I got married in it! At 21 o_O It was a most peculiar marriage though, I remember it not being a ceremony nor a gathering. Maybe it was held in a small function room and there was just the ring-slipping onto my finger, that was the marriage. Some other fantasy-like things happened after that... It was most peculiar.

I remember exactly how the ring looks like and everything about it. The ring was a perfect size, and it fit onto my finger like it would never drop off. Something like, a perfect, tight, fit. And apparently in my dream world, the marriage finger is the fourth finger on the right hand. The ring was made of 925 silver - strange isn't it? But in the dream, it wasn't strange at all, we(uh, him and I) both know it would rust, but we both somehow had the same thoughts and understanding that diamond rings were for more older and mature people, and it was something *he* couldn't afford to buy just at that moment(I'm not sure if in the dream I could afford one either hahaha. But the dream explicitly pointed out that *he* couldn't juuuuuuust yet.) But I was alright with it anyways, and I truthfully am in reality when I think about this dream. I also remember what the ring looks like, and the method of putting it on so that it fits perfectly. And the last thing I remember, and its a clear sensation, was the feeling of that ring on my finger; that perfect tight fit. That "marriage finger" on my right hand still tingles hahaha. (I shall upload a picture of the ring's design soon..but for now I'm in a rush to go out!)

Strangely, this feeling of the ring on my finger seems precious to me. I'm strangely attached to this feeling lol.

ion

2011-07-01T09:24:00.001-07:00

walkwalkwalkwalk with pretty Doc. Chim today. she was kind enough to be my slav--*cough* to keep me company today. =D love you muchies =X MOAR BALLZ PLZ.

mom taught me some useful eyeshadow tips when we all got home XD I SHALL PUT THESE TIPS TO GOOD USE!

DAPHNE. Damn worried leh. I hope you recover well.. *cry* I cannot imagine my life without you!

some collection~

2011-06-19T20:56:00.001-07:00

just a collection of my final few thoughts about every series I've watched in the holidays =X

edit: at first I wanted to just post this as it is, but now that I think about it, having pictures for viewers to look at won't hurt either ^^ so I went on a picture hunt for these shows, and I got carried away, to the point that this post is going to be chock full of pictures lol.

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD. BEWARE OF PICTURES OF BISHOUNEN. FANGIRLING ABUNDANT.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures posted here. They belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.

all pictures linked.

shinrei tantei yakumo::
the first thing was DAISUKE ONO WHO VOICED THE MAIN MALE CHARACTER WHO'S A BISHOUNEN. <3 And the slowly-growing-but-surely-there romance between him and the girl 8D!! though at the end the romance didn't development into something SOLID (i.e. confession), it was still there 8D

sample bishounen:

and he gets the girl despite being the sarcastic type:

gundam 00: A Wakening of the Trailblazer:
okay, aside from the stupid flower at the end, the whole movie was enjoyable on so many levels. some brilliant robot fights ;OOOOO and moar pretty boys ;OOO pretty solid story~ I am SO GLAD that setsuna didn't end up with marina. I hate her :\ (movie was a continuation of the original anime series~)

sample pictar:

manabi straight:
this was the anime that made me feel SO STRONGLY about how important it is to Have Fun everyday of our lives x) I loved this anime because its inspiring on that level. there are just so many fun things you could do!

sample pictar of the importance to have FUN:

main character of FUN (she makes me want to keep doing fun things):

baccano!:
okay, this was like...first off, my final final impression after watching this TWICE in order to get the story and timeline in order is that I LOVE THIS SHOW. like SRSLY. the story-telling is DELICATE. and I fell in love with Takehito Koyasu's voice here. plus the character he gave life to - cute guy ;D its a story related to english mafia XD and I just TOTALLY LOVE some of the SRSLY CRAZY CHARACTERS HERE OMG FANGIRL HERE 8DDDD

sample pictar of series:

LUCK GANDOR, the mafia-handsome mannnn 8DD my FAVVV, and voiced by Takehito Koyasu<3 :

yeah, bloodied crazy assassin gets the girl too, he's SO CHARMING on that level 8D:

^ yeah..I love you too 8D

another lunatic who loves killing. they aren't getting married yet...but he's SO in love with her 8D he just likes how bloody red looks so pretty against WHITE. he's SUCH a romantic when he tells her "You're the last I kill before I die." AWWWW. MARRY ME. And she loves him to bits too ;D just that she can't really handle that crazy-killing-spree attitude of his:

CRAZY SCREW DRIVER GUY OMG I LOVE HIM:

uraboku:
SEIYUU BUFFET. hands down. 'nuff said. yeah, that's what it is. ALL OF MY FAVOURITE SEIYUUS IN THIS SHOW OMG I COULD DIE. (Seiyuu = voice actor). And this is also one of the rarer times when I totally like a female character in a reverse harem show. she's just so adorable XD she's a side character, but still I love her XD. BODERLINE BL MADE ME GO CRAZY. and actually, not all of my favourite seiyuus were in it. 90% of them were, but THE NUMBER ONE SEIYUU ON MY LIST WASN'T OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Katsuyuki Konishi wasn't in it ):

sample pictars of series' cast:

AND, not to forget, the VERY handsome, and VERY SENSUALLY VOICED (by Takehito Koyasu), TAKESHIRO-SAMA!:

durarara:
I kept hearing alot about this show and how good it was, and coincidentally its by the same author as baccano, just that this is a more recent show compared to baccano. BUT, BACCANO IS BETTER. I deno why, but Durarara just doesn't top it. I mean I liked it, and the character interactions were SRSLY SUPERB. But the story just isn't as complete as I would've wanted it to be, probably because of how the novels are still ongoing. I'm a HUGE FANGIRL of one of the characters Shizuo Heiwajima here. HE'S VOICED BY DAISUKE ONO TOO. now I understand the hype about Shizuo 8DDDDDD

KYAAA!!! SHIZUO-SAMA!!! and IZAYA <3:

some better depictions of IZAYA <3:

level E:
HOLY SHIET THIS SHOW WAS JUST EPIC ON SO MANY LEVELS. First off, the insane comedy. I was like ROFL XDDDD And the voice acting here was BRILLIANT. by brilliant I mean how the voicing gave so much life during the comedic parts. and TAKEHITO KOYASU AGAIN. nosrsly, the first time I heard him was in LOVELESS, and that was years ago. and then suddenly this holiday break, I hear him in almost every single show that I've watched so far. THIS MUST BE FATE. 8D and I also love how the character designs isn't fan-service. its old-school style animation. no bishounen, no bishoujo, but the characters aren't ugly tho, they're just not drawn in the typical pretty-style. I still like it nonetheless. no qualms about anything regarding this show.

sample pictars of LOL scenes:

01: 02:
^captain kraft(has a grudge towards prince baka):
according to my maternal grandmother, the best way to cure amnesia is to recreate the shock that caused it. (smug face)

prince baka(with amnesia):
that's just an old wives' tale! wait, why do you look so happy about it? (01)

captain kraft:
I know, I know! I don't want to do it either! But we've no other choice!
...so prince baka got mugged ^ (02)

kuroshitsuji II:
eh, don't want to even talk about this show. its just chock full of fanservice for girls lol (not that I'm complaining 8D). some of the stuff were even borderline BL LOL (that made me go KYA!!!!! 8DDDD). but I TOTALLY DID NOT LIKE THE ORIGINAL(because the manga is still ongoing) ENDING. OMG KILL ME I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO SEE IT. -_- No pictures, because I don't want to put them up for this series -_-

bakemonogatari:
first thing I know about this show is that it was highly anticipated in all aspects - animation, story, uniqueness blablabla. at first I liked it, but then I hated it when they went for the romance and THAT WAS IT. I DROPPED THIS SHOW. Its a DAMN HQ SHOW, but I just couldn't take the romance anymore. I hated it, hands down. :\ SOMEBODY WASH THIS BAD AFTERTASTE -_- No pictures here either, because I really disliked it THAT much.

steins-gate (still airing):
okay, I LOVE THIS SHOW. firstly because Miyano Mamoru's voice acting here is JUST BRILLIANT. ITS BRILLIANT LIKE SRSLY. I've never understood the hype about his voice acting; when he debuted he voiced Tamaki in Ouran, Light in Death Note, and Zero in Vampire Knight - shows that were good, but never topped my lists. So naturally I wouldn't notice his voice here because I wasn't going GAGA for his characters. but in Steins;Gate, this was the FIRST TIME EVER that I noticed his SUPERB voice acting. I swear HIS VOICE IS JUST SO DAMN VERSATILE. I fell in love with it instantly. and I like this whole show in general in all aspects. No pictures because this show is more of PLOT and BRILLIANT VOICE ACTING BY MIYANO MAMORU than pretty boys and girls.

star driver:
MIYANO MAMORU AGAIN. LOVE HIS VOICING HERE OMG. I absolutely LOVE how he brings SO MUCH LIFE into Takuto(main character) in this show. He makes Takuto a VERY VERY likeable character, definitely. I love Takuto ;DD And also as always, Akira Ishida's voice acting. Plus JUN FUKUYAMA YAIZ. Okay okay, aside from the voice acting, this show was CHOCK FULL OF FLAMBOYANT DISPLAYS OF LOL, in a VERY good way. Its a really good series if you look past the repetitive fight scenes ;)) The MOST flamboyant-LOL, imaginative, ambitious I've ever seen. well, that's an exaggeration, but you get what I mean.

FABULOUS boys, they're just gorgeous on so many levels. voice, personality, character design - you name it:

I LOVE her, what with that SEXY LOOK, VOICE, and PERSONALITY of hers, along with her ever-infamous GARASU-KISSU (Kissing through the glass):

red garden:
THIS WAS GOOD. despite the at-first unappealing character designs and the OVERLOAD OF DORAMA during the first few episodes, the pace of the show quickly picked up and fervently displayed the ever-developing character interactions and stories. setting aside the pretty HORRID spontaneous singing of songs throughout the episodes, the highlight of this show is, without a doubt, the character development. man I need to read more so that my vocabulary bank expands and I can express properly how I feel about this show XD

sample pictars:

eden of the east:
like bakemonogatari, this was another highly-anticipated show by the masses. I was blown away with the first few episodes, until the next few all the way till the end it just went a little downhill for me. don't get me wrong, its still a pretty good show in its own right, but I wished the story was flashed out more. 12 episodes don't do this justice, but at least they didn't rush this out. here's hoping that the two movies that I'll watch soon enough, will give this show enough closure hmm. will give my final final final impressions about this series when I get down to watching the two movies XD

I hope you enjoyed this FABULOUS post 8D

from Y to Y

2011-06-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

「I knew I would be right about everything..」

「涙落ちる前に行かなきゃ。」

「私。。きっと大丈夫だよね。」

「如何したらいいのかワカンナイ」

「I don't really feel like sleeping for fear of thinking about things I don't want to.」

list

2011-06-12T01:49:00.001-07:00

just a list of the anime series I've covered during so far during the holidays xD so I can keep track =X

completed:

shinrei tantei yakumo
gundam 00: A Wakening of the Trailblazer
manabi straight
baccano!
uraboku
durarara
level E
kuroshitsuji II
bakemonogatari
steins-gate (still airing)
a-channel
red garden
eden of the east
star driver
house of five leaves
dragon crisis
natsume yuujin-cho
fractale
true tears
eden of the east movies I and II
kara no kyoukai
Le Chevalier d'Eon
Evangelion: 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance
zoku natsume yuujin-cho
nabari no ou

priority to finish:

cowboy bebop

long post shall be long...?

2011-05-30T07:49:00.000-07:00

yes, I'm finally getting around to posting since I'm feeling emo enough lol

(it just so happens that doctor chim already posted one oO)

so what's been up?

my exams have ended; they were a total hell. I was close to breaking down after the second paper, so yes it was that bad. I remember vividly about how depressed I was feeling; it was as if everything was going to be hopeless. my grades this semester are going to be bad as I know it, and the following consequence to that is an overall GPA that shall prevent me from getting my desired second-upper. I'm only left with two years, and I fully know that there's no way in hell I'm going to make it. so I'm probably going to face a rough start in the working society. I'm going to be disappointed when I get my degree, and my family too - which inwardly adds on to my stress.

so now its the holidays

and I've been out almost everyday since it started~ the beach with my uni gals - oh gosh it was SO SO fun! I remember going crazy over seeing and just walking on the white sand with my bare feet at siloso beach. gosh I felt soooo free! I really want to go back there again and experience that sense of freedom once more.

next up was a friend's 21st birthday party. though I've only known her since the start of this semester, the project group we were in - I guess you could say it was a blessing all of us turned out to be good friends X33 I don't regret these days.. I loved the group I was in x)

then...oh right, mom's day belated celebration with crabs. oh that was a good lunch I had with my family, it was full of cranky, stupid jokes and loads of laughter. I love my family xD we're such joke-sters lol ;))

next day was a full day with Daphne. badminton, spontaneous Gantz movie. oh it was just great. I've never spent a whole day with her like this before, gosh it was so eventful on so many levels. apparently we found out that GV's become really strict on age-checking. you -must- have your IC with you. I didn't, but they let it go for once after they saw my uni matric card.

YEAH. GANTZ WAS JUST FUCKING GOOD. HOLY SHIT I WAS BLOWN AWAY. SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. and obviously the plot is slow-moving, but the second you feel that the events in the movie are repetitive, the next it just sweeps you off your feet because it really isn't all that repetitive. personally, I give it 6 out of 5 stars. CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE TO BE RELEASED LOCALLY. TOTALLY -WILL- BE BUYING THE HD RELEASE OF THE COMBINED TWO MOVIES ;))!

and then was HY's bday celebration, and FINALLY my hair trim. I think you all know about how torn I was between sticking to the hair stylist who gave me the short hair, or going for a cheaper cut. but ever since a friend of mine said "make self happy", I firmly decided on sticking to Jaymz. Yeah..it was expensive, but it was also a really relaxing and ultimately enjoyable visit at his new salon. I'm not sure if I'll go back to him for the next trim - I think that depends on if I can afford it~

then there was my church's bazaar. yeah, I know none of you turned up lol. the only one who did was one of my guy friends. but really, I wasn't expecting anyone of you to visit either >_>'' the few memorable things about this carnival was how the customers at our booth always smiled back at me when I greeted them fervently. it was really heartwarming, and probably one of the few driving forces that made me stand throughout the hours I was there. gosh waking up at 8am and helping out till 4pm isn't a joke.. I didn't walk around the carnival because I really couldn't bear to leave our booth to my parents only. I don't really know, but I guess you say I was quite emotionally attached to the stall. I just can't bear to leave the stall without knowing it would be in good hands -_- that's not to say my parents are bad at it - they're really good at it. but I think they seriously might've been overwhelmed. and my sis - she was just dead log. zzz. she's good at thinking but not good with customers. she's bad at it, period. not her thing. -_-' I was hoping when she arrived she could take over me, but nooooo, she went around the stalls and had her share of fun ._. ah well.

and I've also been catching up on anime~!

like, FINALLY. so I covered the rest of my halted Kuroshitsuji II whose anime-original ending totally made me go RAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!!!!!! so I had to go pick up from where I halted the original (still ongoing) manga to wipe off the HORRID aftertaste of the anime who's storyline is completely different from the original manga. I watched the second anime season purely out of interest lol, and because kuroshitsuji is kewl. and I totally love the manga~~~ I still have Faster Than A Kiss that I have yet to resume since the exams started -_- arghhh, must always have good determined mood to do these things =X

other animes I've covered include Steins;Gate, Shinrei Tantei Yakumo, Level E (totally loved that one). man only three series...it seemed more than that but I guess its because they're so many episodes each xD I STILL HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO WATCH!!! CAN'T WAIT. xD

onto something else entirely..

Ben has been MIA-ing. I have no idea if its on purpose, but I can gather that this is the limit of the friendship we hav...had. I need to vent this out lol. because seriously, we all know, it takes two hands to clap. if I'm the only one making an effort to catch up, then this speaks volumes about how "important" I am to him. as someone who tried her best keeping him sane and a bit more cheerful, he considered me as someone precious in that friendly sense. but now that we've moved on with our lives, we're getting busier with our studies and friends - but there was nothing stopping me from talking to him time to time. but he hasn't been doing that in the past few months. this situation feels like a parallel to what I experienced with Joel, only that Ben and I were close in that emotional sense and Joel wasn't really. I keep wondering if Ben is MIA-ing on me purposefully because (like Joel) he's actually really not all that interested in maintaining a friendship with me, or he's honestly "just. too. busy.". I don't know what to think, its bugging me a little, but not as much as other things. it doesn't mean we were emotionally "close" makes it assume-able that I understand how important he views me as. no, it doesn't work that way - there is *effort* required, and if he's not putting it in, I don't want to waste my time.

c'mon, even James is putting aside time to chat with me once in a while. this just speaks volumes..

and about Justin,

sigh I guess I still like him. I can easily relate to any story or situation if it deals with a girl fervently trying to catch the attention of a quiet guy. and I get sad because the girl eventually gets him, but I didn't. then I just started to realize that this saddness I feel is almost identical to when I still had feelings for Ben. sigh, this is the second time I'm feeling like this. just heartbreaking, really. the second guy to break my heart, in a way.

もし

2011-05-06T04:46:00.000-07:00

in the next 2-3 years, if I still haven't met anyone else better...I'll settle for you.

but if during that time you've found someone else - I'll let it go.

):

2011-04-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

still sad ):

心がまだ痛む。。

random update

2011-03-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

I wish I had more time to spend with you girls ):

its cruel =[

unconscious

2011-03-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

I'm unconsciously stressed, and in actual fact I really want to cry and just keep crying until I've relieved the stress, but I haven't the guts to cry like that anymore.

Its like if I cry I'll be a weakling and probably can't compare to other people who can manage their lives well without having to cry about stupid crap.

in actual fact I want to like someone, but I haven't the guts to do that either because of previous experience. its kind of like an unconscious "prevention" of myself from doing the same thing again and again. its like what they say "you learn from your experiences." then again I wonder if I'm applying this the right way lol. I just want to take things slowly this time, do it a different way.

I mean I'm just a really systematic person with a robotic step-by-step, fixed-type personality. I always walk straight, and never take turns. so whatever I bump into, I take it in, and I continue walking straight without thinking. though I tread carefully, but I just walk straight. I don't know if I stop to take breaks.

I feel like I'm not cut out for this world in this century. Deep inside what I really want to do, is just live my life without having to worry about my grades, future, love life, etc etc. I'm just really simple-minded, note, simple-MINDED, not simple, and in actuality I cannot take too much stress. but because I live in this world I force myself to do it because I have to, and whether I actually -can- do it is another story. its just not me basically.

sometimes I wish I needn't have to keep worrying about my friendships with other people. I just want to be myself, but that would mean letting go of that one single bond that make some friendships more special than others. I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm putting in my own effort because if you treasure friendships, you need to put in the effort. its just sometimes I wish it was effortless but if I did that I'd be taking things for granted. but I don't feel like myself to be honest. I don't even know if I want to disappear, or have friends, or whatever.

you know I just had this crazy idea about just giving up my dream of being an independent woman without having to rely on other people's income to survive. that I should just go find myself a rich-guy who'd never be poor until at least after I die, so that I can live my life in peace and do whatever I want to. then I wouldn't need to worry about having to score well, and just having an average degree is enough since I wouldn't be working.

its not like I feel like giving up, I don't. but I don't feel like myself. Or maybe I'm just slowly, but surely, shredding away my "old" self of being able to live life freely without too much worry.

posted 16 march, 2011.

again

2011-03-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

I saw you know who again today. it just..depressed my alright mood. so much so that I just really wanted to indulge in getting snacks to get over my mood.

to stop letting someone's presence affect you sure is hard; it takes a lot of time - now I believe that for even it just having been a simple case of one-sided feelings.

just what is this?

2011-02-27T07:13:00.000-08:00

so I was reading the wiki about "Love" and related term(s).

right I'm a person who can't stand not being able to define a state of mind/emotion that I feel. I prefer emotions and whatnot to have shape, just basically DEFINED. so I just hate it when one "shape" overlaps with another "shape". I mean, why can't two things be completely unrelated yet are in the same category? okay whatever, I'm spouting nonsensical stuff. and its only half-related to the topic at hand.

anyways..

I cannot understand how romantic love is formed between two people. I have tried a few ways of doing it but ultimately I began to understand that it really takes two hands to clap. I'm just baffled at my own circumstances like "Why can't I find romantic love?" I don't know how a couple went about starting their relationship in the past, nor can I understand why people have mutual feelings and affection for each other and yet when I tried, mine was always unrequited. I'm not complaining; I just don't understand the difference between the ways I tried, and the ways they did. but of course you're going to think right now that the difference is "because the other party was also interested". I know that. So yeah, its hard for me to accept how the people I was interested in didn't feel the same way no matter how much I tried, even to build a friendship.

once you know the feeling of love, it becomes hard to find it again. at least, for me that's the way it is. I don't know about you girls. I loved Ben, selflessly and unconditionally even though my feelings still weren't requited. but of course I've gotten over it now. that was how I experienced love, though it was only after breaking up that I came to knew what love was/meant. I don't know how to put this nicely but anyways, I've tried to re-create love but it just doesn't work that way. I cannot see anything beyond a simple liking or affection just being exactly what it is; love is just impossible to "have" when I know what it feels like. I've tried to build things up, but it just never worked out the way I hoped it to and of course it hurt in the process.

I just kept and keep trying and trying, to find romantic love, but I'm not getting it. No, don't start telling me "love comes when you stop finding it". I don't want to hear any of that crap because there is no way a person can "stop trying to find love". So don't pull that bullshit on me.

you know what? I hate it when long-time/successful couples look at me(not literally) like I'm some sort of poor kid in the pre-elemental stages of love. Like they're mocking me from where they sit high up on the "love" ladder. of course they mightn't think like that at all, and its just me thinking wild because of my numerous failed attempts. that's why I don't like to hear nor see certain people I know with their boyfriends. yeah, you're happy, good for you, to not have to experience again what I currently, and HAVE BEEN going through again and again. I'd like to say "You don't know what its like, really. So stop trying to think for my sake because I feel mocked more than anything." but I cannot because even successful couples know what its like to have unrequited feelings of affection (not even at the love stage yet hell :\) I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

anyways..back to the topic. so you guys know my most recent failed attempt. look, I totally understand everything about it. I knew and also understood unrequited affection and all related situations and feelings way before it all started, and I totally understand the after-effects of my failed attempt. so I'm doing what I can to just let it go. of course its hard, as you all also know from your own personal experience. I know that I'm still a little obsessed with him and I do my best to stop fantasizing on "hopeful situations" because they aren't going to happen.

you can just ignore the next paragraph, really. but if you're interested here goes,

there's this wiki article about "limerence" (gosh what kind of term is that?) which describes my feelings in this whole situation from beginning to end. (really, how can limerence be a scientific word for this? it doesn't even sound like its related.) I would greatly appreciate it if you wouldn't misinterpret my feelings then as a crush the whole time. I would feel severely insulted. I've never crushed on someone this long and have that crush develop into some kind of romantic affection(though one-sided), so I know its completely different from a crush. it was something I desired, of course, so I know how it feels like. gosh its so easy to distinguish from crush, like, affection, love and all related terms once you've been experiencing it for long.

so anyway, what was meant as a topic on the term "love" and related issues, has turned out to be a mixed topic of both love and my recent unrquited feelings(again). think you gotta bear with me as my future few posts might contain such things again, though the depth and amount of blogging space attributed to it will diminish over time.

to end this post,

I just really don't get how people attain romantic love.

I've been through failed attempts that I just don't know how to attain something like that anymore.

don't try to say "its a mysterious feeling...you don't know when it comes..." etc etc etc. because I don't need people telling me what I already know and understand. don't go all philosophical about love on me, okay? I'll start bragging about love when I get it. so for now..leave me to drown in my emo-ness.

posted February 27th, 2011

人生と鏡

2011-01-16T22:35:00.000-08:00

Life and mirrors.

There's so much on my mind that its hard to organize it all and post it here, but I'll try my best!

First and foremost.. I think I'm going through a stage in my life where I have to start shaping myself mentally, emotionally and socially. I think its going to define my person in the years to come. I feel undecided in my opinions about things in life - and I'll make my choices when the time comes. For now, I need to prepare myself.

Although, if there's one thing I've decided, its how I've made the choice to stay the way as I am, generally. Basically, I'm a maturing adult, but I still keep this kid-like side of me. If I don't have it, I'm probably going to be a stone cold person.

This maturity stage right now is, I suppose, the "golden age" for me - where at 21 years (my age this year), I experience, learn, and reflect. and it seems like the perfect age anyway!

I'm not telling you guys to expect a whole new me, or a different me - because all these are personal things deep inside me. its not always "visible".

Everyone is different. I have come to truly experience a taste of this since the start of my university days. I see and observe the people and friends around me, and I unconsciously reflect on the daily(or spontaneous) interactions I have with these people. I try my hand at getting to know some people better - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, albeit subtly - and its okay because at least I'm on good terms with these acquaintances.

I've also come to realize and understand that as we grow older, it becomes harder for us to make new close friends. I've put in the effort to do so, but nothing went deeper. I wonder if its because of how we all already have established friendships with other people we've known from our previous school years? I've more or less decided to stop making obvious attempts at deepening new friendships, but there's nothing stopping me from making new friends throughout the years to come.

I believe everyone is warm deep down inside, even if sometimes they have cold exteriors. I used to think that its always possible to talk to people who behave that way, but after having gone through just one hard try at it, sometimes its just not possible to clique. As they say, it takes two hands to clap. But there is no harm in trying to reach out, to make your sentiments known - "I'd like to be friends with you."

Although, I have to say, that the hardest part, is accepting the fact that sometimes, it just isn't meant to be. This is one thing I find difficult to do. So far in my life, all the people I've met are/were more or less mannered/mature enough to hold a pleasant conversation. Sincerity, decency, responsive. I have never met people who were indifferent, or shy - till now. I believe you all know who I'm talking about - and I don't regret anything. Though sometimes, in all my *cough*despair/failure*cough*, I have sometimes felt that I shouldn't have put in so much emotional effort.

And then the next difficult thing to do, is to let it go. I have..forgotten, how it feels like to let things go because the last time I did, it was 6 years ago and it took me approximately 3-4 years to let it cool down. Throughout the 6 years, there were times when someone caught my eye - but I was never serious about it with myself. And hence as you can guess, I never needed the words "let go".

But this time I made a choice, and I put most of myself in it. It didn't go very well and now, I find myself faced with the last stages of something I started but didn't end well.

Regardless, I can see the end coming, and I should just leave this as it is. Afterall, I put my hand forward for a clap, but nothing happened. I don't know if this was an experience God wanted me to have, but it is precious to me. Because I have learnt more than what I thought I would, in so many, many ways.

Posted January 17th, 2011

why do I miss him?

2011-01-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

so I found several answers whilst searching on google. yes, I am THAT desperate to know why, I am THAT desperate to want to do just SOMETHING about this.

I miss him because...

1. I always enjoyed my time with him on all those thursdays. Even though not all of the sessions were particularly exciting or happy, I still miss the interactions I had with him. Regardless of the absence of "beautiful memories" from the time I had with him, I miss him.. though secretly and silently. I treasure those times..because I won't have it back, and it won't happen again..

2. Just being with him as a person, or talking to him makes me happy - however selfish that might seem. I don't know if it makes him happy or irritated though, because I don't know what he thinks of me.

3. Anything related to him reminds me of him. I don't purposefully think of him, but he's just on my mind more or less.

I really wish I could do something to get to know him better slowly, not freaking him out in the process. But I honestly don't know what I should do, or how I should approach him because I'm always interacting with people who are his total opposite. How do I approach him in a subtle/natural way without seeming stalker-ish?

After reading some "tips" about these things, I'm starting to reflect on how I handled each session I had with him. And the result? I have so many things I regret doing/not doing.

For one, I regret asking direct yes/no questions. And I also regret not talking abit about myself with regards to the questions. But I'm just not someone who talks about herself when getting to know other people. I only do that when the other party asks me back. How should I talk about myself without seeming boastful?

Now I also regret not saying goodbye to him after every session. There were a few times that I didn't because I was too ..well, angry at him haha.. I regret not taking approaching this "him" issue positively all the time. But how can I, when he puts my efforts down with every (hopefully unintentional and personality-caused) silent treatment? Can I be forgiven for not saying goodbye after every session to someone I like? Am I making all the efforts to improve the current situation?...

I know I'm not, because that would make it seem too obvious because he's not your normal talking person. Since he's quiet, a bomb might be set off when he notices how often I try talking to him. Nuh-uh, I don't want that happening. But if I don't talk, how am I going to make things better?..

After reading those "tips", I find myself tempted (again) to ask him whether I bother him in a bad way or something along those lines. I'm scared that if I do, I might spoil the situation. But if I don't, I'll never know. But then again..There are times when being subtle and slow works better. Just that sometimes..I can't control myself. Sometimes I feel driven crazy and as if I have an insatiable desire to get along better with him.

And after how long do you confess to someone after liking him for a time? A few months? A few years? How long does it really take anyway? Is there even a fixed time? I guess if you actively talk to that person you could confess in a few months. But if its the opposite of that, a year after that? The only reason I'd even THINK of confessing is because of how I cannot control how I feel. Its hard to keep it inside all the time, having no one to talk to about it, nor advise me on it. But at least I have someone who'd listen to me, though she doesn't say anything much for reasons that I already know (;

Is he even shy? I'm just majorly confused, and I want to know if he is or not. How do I do that? I realize that I'm just a n00b at getting to know guys, especially someone I like. Hell, how is it possible to like someone you don't know well? Shit, I'm starting to get even more confused and more convinced that I'm just liking him out of my usual "needs". I'd hate that.

But till now I'm still thinking of him. Or maybe that's because I'm intrigued by how I still don't know him but want to? Is that why I still like him? What's gonna happen when I DO start to get to know him better?

I think you're probably thinking right now that I think too much about things when I should just do them slowly. I guess you could say I can't help it when I do it all the time. I always assume things that will typically "end this way" or "end that way". As if everything's just too easily predictable and that I'm better off reconsidering my efforts and ideas.

I have no one to talk to nor advise me nor encourage me well. But that's because only a few select people know I like him. Those that do can't help me much because they don't have connections to him, or they just probably think how foolish I am to like someone in such a shallow way, as if I'm not liking them in a true way.

..I just really have no idea how these things work. Its my first in a long, long while, and I'm feeling confused, sad, happy, alone. Is there anyone even happy for me?

changi airport

2010-12-25T14:52:00.001-08:00

so its 6:27am now, and I'm waiting to board Thai airways 2 hours later. so christmas was yesterday and I had a little feast at mom's aunt's ...though I had diarrhoea later lol.

I gotta say though it didnt really feel like christmas

status

2010-12-08T09:52:00.001-08:00

Will blog after exams =]

for you

2010-11-27T01:01:00.000-08:00

hmm..apparently, I just wanted to blog about today.

so I had polymer chemistry test 2 this morn'; got a ride from dad - thank God for that or I'd have to wake up pretty early lol. I reckon I did better for this test than the first, though I'm quite sure most people will be getting 90++ for this test. I'll be happy if I get more than 80. x]

after the test I was like "PHEW. FINALLY!" because yes, I could *finally* plan my schedule for the rest of the day and the upcoming week. so I have a substantial amount of work to do. but....I stayed out at westmall with my family for the better of the afternoon lol. so its 5pm now - really late. so I changed my schedule for the rest of today to "Finish all due work today." Its an achievable goal right? Not too farfetched, heh.

so anyways at westmall it was relaxing. even though at the back of my mind I was a lil worried about relaxing too much, but I believed its a lil rest I deserve. (though I wasn't busy for the week. or more like..not as occupied as last time.) anyways, we had udders, and went watson's-shopping. I -love- doing watson's/guardian-shopping. There's like, an endless amount of stuff you could get from there because everything's in one place lol.

...and I got justin to fold me a crane haha..I wanted it as a keepsake of sorts, but I didn't tell him that of course lol - that'd be stalker-ish. and so the little crane he so meticulously folded (like the previous two aluminium and sample-paper cranes as well; gosh it even has a FOLDED BEAK!) is now sitting atop one of my drawers where its easy for me to look HAHA. no, I'm not stalking here. its not like I WANTED something to remind me of him, no, its not like that. its something different really.

so I already know that he's really not on my list of potentials, he really isn't - that part has really SUNK IN already heh. but I guess it doesn't hurt to be an otome ^^ I know he's not the right type, but I still like him nonetheless. I reckon my cheeks get red when I talk about him, I get a lil shy, I'm happy when I see him - the normal reactions really. its nothing much, and I'm not getting too carried away, nor too stupid to realize things. but I'm happy nonetheless. I have this like-hate thing when it comes to him. that really quiet-I-don't-bother attitude of his I really can't stand - I actually ASKED about it, and all he had to say about it was "Ya.". Thats it. Lol. Ah well. I'm crushing on a guy like that, lol. But it'll be over soon anyway, I know it will, because when you loose regular physical interactions with someone you like, the feeling will fade. its sad, but I know it'll happen. and I'm interested in whether it'll really be this way. the future is, afterall, unpredictable. (though I'm almost really sure nothing's gonna come out of crushing on him).

gosh I think this sounds really mushy. I think I'm gonna tone it down tomorrow when I read this tomorrow lol.

posted 27th november, 2010.

another two more times...

2010-11-21T11:28:00.001-08:00

...and it'll be over, and I will probably never get another chance to actively interact with justin again. even with his email, its hard to actually chat him up. though maybe once in while it might work, but I can expect either a 3- or 2-alphabet word for replies, with extremely minimum elaboration. that's why I prefer the him in real life, though there's not ALOT of difference, but I can at least see his expressions.

so I'm really kinda sad about it, and I'm going to make the best chatting out of these last two sessions.

Hmm.

2010-11-18T08:00:00.001-08:00

If I cry more than I feel really happy about a situation, is it a sign that reality wants me to accept, or am I thinking far too much about it?

lol

2010-11-18T07:45:00.001-08:00

actually I think my facebook is better than my blog haha. Easier to post simple status updates, random shit, emo stuff, etc etc etc. but having a blog allows me to elaborate haha, which is better in another way

gorecki

2010-11-12T07:27:00.001-08:00

HE HAS FACEFUCKINGBOOK.

I'm pretty pissed about finding out about that, because I really DID NOT WANT to know.

How I found out? See I needed a more effective way of contacting him (for school work purposes) so I asked, and he said email/online. Then I had the itchy hand to use the friends finder on facebook for fun, and saw he was there. And I clicked. And voila, pissed me.

And neither am I going to be the one doing the adding. No, never, until I'm on better terms with him, which, IMO, is never going to happen because he is probably THAT MUCH uninterested in being friends.

I can't believe I'm affected so much by someone like that. I don't know why either (this is my favourite sentence). No matter how much I try, I can't see him normally as just merely an acquaintence; I'm very conscious of his presence. And I'm just so fucking ridiculously affected that its fucking absurd.

I think I'm gonna loose it; I'm gonna loose this fight. I'm gonna give up on this whole thing sooner or later. Just three more sessions and we'll see how everything's gonna turn out.

Till then..I'm just gonna let things be, and not attempt to talk at all. I really can't take it when he's so unresponsive.

Btw, this blog is private. So if there's anyone from NTU reading my blog, kindly tag in the chatbox. Though i highly doubt there's anyone since i've kept the url to this blog private.

so..

2010-11-11T09:10:00.001-08:00

These past two weeks..just some stuff happened, and during my time with you-know-who during a certain class today I was...just not talking at all, neither did he, so we were just doing the experiment and that was it. Some occasional random stuff, but nothing happened.
we left together for once lol. But the whole time I was being the quiet-cool me, not making any attempt at conversation, and neither did he. I cant really describe the situation today, but it ended on a very neutral note that I admit wasn't making me the least bit happy, but guess I just gotta accept it..

So thats the reason why I'm feeling kinda heartbroken.

justin. that's his name.

2010-11-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

its tough liking a guy
who shows almost absolute ZERO interest in talking/chit-chatting.
who gives you just a nod without a smile if you see him around the campus.
who replies any sms with one-liners.

what's with him that he doesn't reply when I complimented him on his new hair? =\

even so, I find it hard to just stop liking him. he's tall, he looks pretty good to me, I really do like it when he smiles, jokes with me, and does silly stupid bo-liao things during lab class(we're lab partners). I was weighing some stuff at the sample area in the lab, and he came up to me, holding up an aluminium-foil folded CRANE. I was like, "...Wth? You really are THAT bored eh? LOL" then we went back to our seats, and he said "That poor bird needs a friend. *takes used weighing paper and folds another crane*" I had this -_- and XD LOL expression written all over my face and he was probably amused by how I found it so absurd.

lol and that joke with smells. (we were figuring out the odours of some samples). I won't say it here because some of you might find it gross. LOL BUT I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING. We were guessing and trying hard to link what we were smelling, to something/anything. Then he looked at me and said, "Do you know what this really smells like?" so I asked, and he whispered something really softly, and I was like "Really? oO". And it was only THIRTY SECONDS LATER when I mingled with my other friends in the lab that I burst out laughing at the absurdity of what he said LOL. At first it wasn't funny, but the more I thought about it, the more absurd it was LOL. I JUST COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING xDDDD

When he saw me laughing like that I bet he was so amused by my reaction, that he himself started laughing too lol. That was the best smile coming from him for that day.. I can't forget that smile on his face at that instant. I just can't forget it, whenever I think back to that smells joke, I remember his smile instantly. Then I feel my cheeks getting red :\

at first, during the first few lab sessions, I felt really useless because HE KEPT DOING EVERYTHING OMG WTH. Okay well, not everything, but almost all of it. but recently I decided to just let myself be a little spoiled lol. but of course I do whatever I can whilst he's doing something else.

but outside of class he's just a tree log. what's up with that?

he's very difficult to talk to, because he just doesn't talk. all the waiting time for reactions in the lab, he doesn't chat. AT ALL.

outside of class, he's no gentleman. he doesn't smile at you, he prefers looking scary. BUT I SWEAR MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT WHEN I SEE HIM, regardless of whether he's smiling, or looking like a statue, and whether I'm pissed at him for being such a jerk-like person. But I won't lie. Though I'm not heads over heels for him, I can't help it if I get a doki doki moment. And don't be "woooooooo! shi wan likes him!" with me lol.

but he's just..no gentleman manners. but okay, like daphne said, maybe he's only nice to his girlfriend, God knows if he has one. Anyways, he doesn't greet you, doesn't ask about you, or anything.

okay, I get it that he isn't interested, but isn't it basic courtesy to greet someone you know? like WARMLY? I do that to him, he doesn't return the warm gesture. wth? that's just absurd. maybe not everyone greets, but honestly ugh lol.

I'm torn about how he's so jerk-like, and how I still find myself liking him.

maybe this'll fade, like the two previous guys. but this guy's been the furthest I've went, wtf is it with me starting to like someone like that? I must be out of my mind. there's no way in hell that I'm gonna lower my standards.
I'll see how things go, I'm pretty sure it'll be resolved soon enough. If not...well, we'll get to that later. but I admit, I like him. What a jerk though.

anyone got ideas how to handle liking someone like that? aside from ignoring hiim lol.

uh..

2010-11-02T07:30:00.001-07:00

I swear I have ZERO chemistry with guys. Am I too friendly? Too kiddy-looking?

all I see

2010-10-30T08:06:00.001-07:00

I think
my heart's beating fast,
cheeks turning red,
imagination running a lil wild,
daydreamin',
losing my concentration,

and all I see..is?

w00t!!!

2010-10-24T07:43:00.001-07:00

I R BLOGGING ON MY PHONE. THIS IS WAY TOO GOOD. Its so much more convenient than blogging from the computer, I think. LOL. So I think you guys can expect more posts from now on! If any of you are even reading this blog still lol~

さくら満開

2010-10-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking about how I really enjoy the schooling life, and how once I graduate everything's going to be over and I'll be back to square one, slowly climbing up the stairs of the working society. I wonder if you guys feel this way? another few more years, and we'll all become full-fledged adults.

on to something else,

I'm not going to reveal any details here, but honestly thinking about -it- distracts me alot. I literally have to force myself not to imagine anything and just concentrate on what's more important than -that-. though its a lil hard. I have to constantly tell myself not to imagine this or that, so that I don't get reminded of anything. But I wish for something better than this though ): strangely this always happens to me, when I try, things just don't turn out right. hmm..kinda disheartening, but I don't really know another way around it. its how I always approach things, or maybe I just keep meeting people who aren't on the same frequency as I am. that's why things don't work out..

Posted Oct 14th, 2010

wow.

2010-09-30T23:47:00.000-07:00

so I haven't posted in almost one month lol. not like I wanted to abandon this blog, I just really haven't had the appropriate time to spend on blog-posting. so I'm really sorry about that.

anyways, the days are passing by quickly, and in the blink of an eye, sunday becomes friday. so I just finished the lab for today since the experiment assigned to me was relatively simple and didn't require the full 6 hours. yes, lab is 6 hours. no, I'm not complaining, because you really -do- need THAT amount of time to finish the experiment ;P And I enjoy it anyway. I love school and work; they keep me occupied all the time. and I'm not complaining much.

this semester I'm taking on one more module, although it totals up to only twenty academic units, but in actuality its 7 modules. 3 core modules, japanese 2, polymer chemistry, food chemistry, and accounting. I took on the challenge of 7 mods this time, and so far I guess its going alright. I'm not working nor giving tuition like most of you are right now (Daphne, May Bo, Jehanne etc). most of my time is spent in school studying. and I have this new policy, okay well its not VERY new, but I'm applying it only now.

its not how much time you put in, but how much you get done.

so even if I stay back in school for 2-3 hours, if I only managed to complete 1 or 2 tasks, then that's not productive enough. or actually may be it is, but I just don't feel that way. I have alot of things to do, revise, and catch up with that there's a need to finish 3-4 tasks in 3 hours lol, however impossible and crazy it may seem.

I've more or less settled into the semester life now, staying back and studying and stuff, fixing on which days I need to finish lab reports and tutorials etc. so I think everything's pretty much going quite smoothly now.

so! you may start wondering what's gonna happen to my social/private life. well I can safely say that its pretty much dead right now. although I -do- surf the net and stuff for 1-3 hours when I'm home, while doing some work haha. even though that's not productive either. I usually get too absorbed into watching some videos on youtube.

I can't wait to eat the waffles at TCC..! Must remind myself 23rd Nov is the last day heheheheh ;P

And oh gosh recess week is coming soon, and I'm not rejoicing much either, because the midterms are right after that. Though I -will- spare a day or two in the resting week to enjoy myself or something.

in any case, I found some new music, I hope you'll like them. Some of them Daphne have heard before, and stuff.

Lia - Disintegration
From the game Little Busters developed by Key, here's the opening song that was remixed in the adult version of the game: Rita - Little Busters! -Ecstasy Ver.-
IMMI - Sign of Love, one of my favourites.
And here's someone who has a very angelic and powerful voice; I really like her in that singing sense. Although this song might not do justice, but I like it nonetheless: HIMEKA - last regrets(cover)

and that's all for now, I'm left with 2.5 hours to get some work done before my next(and last, for the day) class.

ciao!!

Posted October 1, 2010

ack

2010-09-06T01:56:00.000-07:00

I have a sore throat. Yes, it sucks. Probably because I ate too much of something over the weekends and didn't drink enough water because of it.

Anyways, this isn't a rant post, its a fangirling post.

So just yesterday I kind of dilly-dallyed in my studies and got distracted with this blog called "26 Hours" which is somewhat like White Butterfly, both of which are run by female otaku. So there were 2 posts on 26 Hours about Otome Road in Ikebukuro, and a special insights post about this butler cafe Swallowtail located in the area. There was also a youtube video about it w00t, it was pretty addictive and got me all REALLY excited about being able to visit one in the not-so-distant future -haRT- Apparently you need to do reservations in advance, and in Swallowtail the butlers are really real stewards who've gone through one month's worth of training. They treat you like princesses there (which IMO is kinda restricting but whatever), I also heard they accompany you to the washroom and wait for you outside! Holy shit man xD I'm absolutely gonna visit one of these cafe's in the near future!! <33 I might be alone since well..I don't think other people are really interested in it..

(btw, it really sucks to have a stomach ache while typing this out in school on my laptop and I'm alone. So I'll have to like pack EVERYTHING in order for me to go to the toilet :\ oh and, I also really hate it when my lappy is laggy. DDD: < oh and, it sucks when you have a sore throat and how painful it is to swallow. I NEED ANTIBIOTICS!!!)

Oh right, there's a bazaar at school now! *needs to remember to bring money tomorrow* ahahaha xD hmm what else...I don't really know because I'm far too distracted right now due to the sore throat and stomach ache, which I didn't expect :|||||||

-.-;

Posted September 5th, 2010

picture blog post iv

2010-09-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

and so this is the last post of the series. if there's anymore coming up, its not now haha. maybe the Gothic Lolita Ensemble mag I got? just a thought heh, I'm not really sure. I hope you guys enjoyed the four-part series. and now, on to kuroshitsuji!

I re-took pictures so there's more this time round. as usual, all pictures linked.

so this is the cover art of the book. the words are supposed to be in gold, but since this is a scanned picture, the reflection doesn't bode well heh. I tried scanning instead, but its really difficult, so I gave up, and this is the only page I scanned lol. here's a closer look at the detail and art of the words(with the gold color):

--- simply beautiful detail <3

And a closer look at some detail here.

This next picture was taken specially for MAY BO. Happy dude? xD You told me once how you preferred this guy over Sebastian(the butler). And so here's some fan service for you, along with two close up shots of his beautiful face and his oh-so-delicious lips grabbing that envelope:

And here's a decent shot of Sebastian -HART- biting off his glove to reveal oh-so-smexy fingers:

Next up: Some non-yaoi pictures of Ciel+Sebastian, along with some minor detail:

Sebastian's profile page:

Here's a look at his sexy face.

Ciel's profile page:

A snapshot of Madam Red's, Grell's and Ashe's profile pages respectively:

Snapshots of Sebastian's and Elizabeth's character sketches respectively:

And the back cover of the whole artbook:

And that's all folks! I sincerely apologize if the images weren't very HQ for all these pictures, including the ones posted in previous picture blog posts. I could've done better but well this is just a little showcase and its not like you guys will be using the pictures to do anything major anyway. You can use them if you want, just give proper credit. I didn't scan these for one simple reason, which I won't reveal here.

So anyways, I hope you enjoyed this short journey of smexy+beautiful+awesome pictures~~ CIAO!

Posted September 4th, 2010

and school officially starts

2010-08-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

and so school starts this week. and my schedule is alright, I'm kind of testing something, like, take one more module and see if I can take the load. I don't exactly know why I'm taking this one more mod, but one of the major reasons would probabaly be how my some of my friends are taking it too, so I was thinking I could take it with them. and because of this I had to shift my japanese lessons to evening periods, which is really totally fine by me, its just I don't know if I can take the load. so I'm gonna try out this schedule next week, and if it doesn't work out, I guess I just switch back to my original plan. but here's the problem: I have zero idea if there will still be vacancies for my initially-desired japanese lessons slot.its like a challenge of sorts, to myself. so that's the plan. every single semester is important to me, for alot of reaons which I won't state here for fear it might ruin my determination heheheh. I have this thing about saying out loud my personal academic decisions.

anyways, that's that, and on to other stuff. so its 5 plus right now, I'm at the clubhouse doing this blogpost (since I know I probably will dilly-dally at home lulz), enjoying the aircon while its blazing hot outside. mom says the early afternoon sun is one of the worst for skin. hmm. I'm probably gonna be occupied for the whole evening, I really PRAY that I'll not laze around lol.

so as you all know by now, I'm sporting a new hairstyle and contacts too, which alot of people go "OMG. I COULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU!" at in school xDDD I take it as a compliment >.> so yeah, I really do look really different. but no way in hell does it change my personality ;p so don't you guys worry, I'm still your sarcastic little devil cum naive angel <3

first week of school is always the most relaxed since there aren't any tutorials or lab sessions. and you can say I'm satisfied with the lectures that I've attended so far; I'm learning alot of things from my courses. I'm kinda looking forward to improving my japanese ;p hopefully it'll be alright. basically I'm looking forward to all of my classes, since I'm learning new (academic) things.

oh and the last picture blog post will be up anytime soon. I hope I'll be able to split my time well between school and life.
actually right now I'm just crapping out anything I can for no reason. guess I might just as welll log off now.

so I'll see you guys again (;

on a side note, I wonder how many of you lurk around my blog. heheh. but it doesn't really stop me from blogging since I really don't intend to shut this blog down. I haven't started on the new layout yet, gotta find the right time to draw the stuff out on my drawing block heheh.

posted August 31, 2010

これわただのランダムのポーストだよ～

2010-08-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

as the title says, this is just a random post xD of picture spam. just stuff.

EDIT: I cut my hair the other day and I have bangs now, so its different from the pictures now >_<

FIRSTLY, LO' AND BEHOLD, BECKA (and me)!!!!

I finally went out with Kay and WL for once during this WHOLE break LOL. And so here are the little snapshots of our lunch at Chef Daniel's Kitchen that I took with my pathetic 2MP phone camera HAHA.

Soup of the day with herb er...bread. Corn soup. It was pretty alright. But one thing I didn't like was how they served our main course while we were still having our appetizer. That's poor judgement. And we thought the cafe was kind of the reputable type. Ah well. And the orange juice was horrid. Its like just concentrate added with water. No freshness; artificial D: < Even the orange juice I make tastes a thousand times better -.-;

And that was what I had. Which was pretty nice. Minced chicken burger. I'm glad I changed my mind and tried this instead haha >_>;

WL's. She said it was too sour and not filling enough >w< i.e. it had no meat -.-

Kay's. She said it was alright. Though she noted the crinkle fries were bad. I didn't xD She seems to be pretty particular about fries o.o

Dessert!!! It was pretty delicious, like peach yoghurt cheese cake <3 We couldn't figuer out exactly what it was, so I just said that HAHA. But it was really nice.

And next I tried on this green dress while with Daphne at FEP that day~
1 2

Never knew I really did look alright in green. Mom always said it. And also the halter neck portion. So yeah I'm like on the lookout these things now.

picture blog post iii

2010-08-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

so what did I say I would do for this post? oh right, Kobato. and LOVELESS~ so here ya go~

note: ALL pictures are LINKED to said better quality images, unless otherwise stated.

so that's the front cover of these two beyond wonderful artbooks. oh off the topic, I just finished watching Hakuouki's anime's first season (next coming in october, thanks to Kay for the news, can't wait!), and I'm like "...I want an artbook for this." HAHAHA. I saw it the other day before I watched it but didn't get it since I really don't know what's really in it, and its still the same now. Its 62$ :\ Really expensive ): I think they(kinokuniya) have two kinds, can't remember what the other one was like hmm...

ANYWAYS! On to Kobato.!

This is the full cover page. Kobato-chan is SO CUTE <3

And this is one side of the pull-out poster which, of course, I did not pull out HAHA. It'd be such a waste. And its not like I have enough space to display it anyway xD Sadly.. >.>;

So these are the character pages of the three main characters, with pretty screenshots -haRt- Kobato-chan is obviously the really cute girl in the dress. She's a clumsy but pure-hearted warm girl who's always so cheery she'll brighten your day once you set eyes upon her. Isn't that great? Someone who's always cheerful~ I'm glad I have people like her in my life xD And the tall guy in the glasses is Fujimoto Kiyokazu-kun. The love-interest obviously. Gosh I have a really soft spot for this guy, he's really cute, and his friend Doumoto-kun, whose picture I didn't take, is also an ikemen(beautiful man, literally). Doumoto-kun is a REALLY nice guy, I wouldn't mind having him for a boyfriend xD He has more of a role in the anime, unlike the manga, which is still ongoing. So basically the anime has its own original ending (which wasn't THAT bad). And the blue stuffed animal is the bad-mouthed Ioryogi-san! He's like the really strict guard of Kobato-chan, but he's good a heart. Gosh in the latest chapters of the manga, some of his connections with Kobato-chan is revealed, and I gotta say its heartbreaking to an extent. The poor guy ;_;

And now, on to the LOVELESS shots~

And these are the full front and back covers of the book. Love the character designs -haRt-

And these are just examples of the character pages. The first is Ritsuka-kun, the main protagonist, and Soubi-kun is also the other protagonist but I didn't take a photo of his character page. He's in the character sketches (third picture). And the girls there are Kouya and Yamato, yes, they're a couple. And they're the only yuri couple whom I don't disapprove of. I love this couple xD

And that is the last picture for this post! And again, here's a teaser for the final blog post that'll be on Kuroshitsuji:

Posted August 26, 2010

devil in the deep blue sea

2010-08-25T04:39:00.000-07:00

So school's starting soon and I gotta get back on track to prepare for the new semester and new year.

Watched Prince of Persia, Clash of the Titans, and also re-watched Step Up (the first). The first two? Trash. So what if you have great action scenes? So what if you showcase the latest and most cutting-edge technology that creates all those magnificent CGs? IF THERE IS NO SOLID GOOD PLOT, YOU SUCK, AND YOU SHOULD JUST READ MORE GOOD BOOKS. Honestly, the only real good stories you ever get are either smart movies, or good dramas(for you drama-lovers out there), or anime. But even so there are also those that phail. But animes tell stories in a way that are better than movies sometimes. You have episodes that flash out characters and plotlines. How good is that?

Step Up...Well, I just watched it on a whim while trimming my nails HAHA. But...there's something good that came out of it,

If you want something, you give it your all and fight for it.

I'm talking about anything and everything. The overseas students here at NTU, especially those who hail from China, they're giving everything they have, they're working so hard. I don't think I can afford to be laid back, I gotta fight as hard as they do, to get what I want. I want to be eligible for a good job that can support me in the future. That's reality. Sure, a certificate is not everything..but its a means TO something.

Study hard, and play hard.

So I have a little plan for the upcoming 4-5 years, aside from the studying. I decided to invest in contacts as you all probably already know, since it'll be sometime till I have the money for LASIK. And also I really do want to visit Ben, like, after I graduate. I've been saying it again and again. I remember when I wanted to do it when I turned 18, but it turned out that I was still schooling, and it was also an important schooling year. Then I said 20 or 21, and now I deem that impossible, because I don't exactly have alot of money. Well I could take up jobs, but I think it'll be alot better if I visited him when I've graduated so I don't have to worry about any more schooling stuff haha xD

I wonder if I'll have a boyfriend by then. Because if I do, then..well I could stil visit Ben, but I think I'm going to feel restrained? But, well, I will never know how I'm like 4-5 years later. What do you guys think?

Reflections post coming up in a few days. Gonna work on the next picture blog post now (;

Look forward to it! (How many times have I said that anyway? xD)

Oh right, I might work on a new layout soon. Depends. Its not top priority.

Posted August 25, 2010

and blah blah blah xD

2010-08-19T08:10:00.000-07:00

here I am, with another (probably) long blog post.

so last week I thought to have a random chitchat meet up with my girls, and w00t we all met on saturday at 2am:dessertbar! Sadly Jo and HY couldn't make it in the end..But nonetheless, it was reaaaaaally awesome! The desserts <3 I proposed this meet up since well, it was something Jo and I discussed before, about us girls having random chitchat meet ups for fun~

and then on monday I was out with Daphne on some random fun xD So we went to IKEA and had these wonderful meatballs. yes, its THOSE meatballs. it was my first time trying them, and they were heavenly ;D So before that we just went around IKEA and chitchat-ed about the furniture and our future home aspirations and whatnot. then we headed to FEP and she tried on this really gorgeous purple maxi dress that looked even more gorgeous and heavenly on her ;DDD she was beautiful ;D I wonder if I'm the first person to see her try on a dress like this? >.>;; I think not but xD

then came tuesday and my ladies Kay and WL and I met up FINALLY in this long long holiday, at bugis, and had some pretty nice lunch at Chef Daniel's Kitchen at iluma. then we just walked around and stuff, and WL suggested to head to Bugis Street. And in my head I was like, "Bugis Street?? I wanna go! I haven't been there in AGES AND AGES, and it seems like everyone's going there. I wanna check it out >
so this long holiday is gonna come to an end soon, and I must say even though it wasn't really productive on the work side, I think it was still pretty well spent and all. its about time for me to get my studious momentum back online when school restarts >< I probably will post a general reflections about this long break in the next few days.

so until then, ciao!

Posted August 19, 2010

sexy. sensual. smooth.

2010-08-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

You're listening to Lush 99.5 FM.

So right now I'm eating a kinda late lunch - instant mushroom pizza that I toasted, and some leftover pulpy fruit juice. Enjoyable even though it sounds pathetic ^^;

So Tuesday I watched The Sorcerer's Apprentice with Daphne, Lynn, and Claris; it was surprisingly good for a Disney film. Enjoyable at least (; And I also collected and wore out my contacts for that day. Gosh it was just overwhelmingly spectacular and beautiful to be able to see so clearly everything that's around me without glasses. I just couldn't believe that I wasn't wearing glasses. So I thank God for giving me contacts. It was just magical, like a once in a life time opportunity. Absorbing all those sights around me without feeling like I was wearing glasses. Its just a little sad that I can't read well with the contacts, after all it isn't to my degree, it was the highest they could go with contacts. And I was also in luck when I went to contact it because I got serviced by this pretty cute glasses-wearing guy <3 Even though he was a bit..unfriendly of sorts. Like a teacher-attitude. :\

And wednesday I met up Kay and started on our report. Nothing much to say~ Just that I spent like an hour just LOOKING at nail polish, because I couldn't find/decide which color I should get for french manicure. So I exited the shop without buying ANYTHING ): Butttttt, I made a short trip to SASA and got two colors I thought was suitable (; So I'm gonna try them out soon enough.

So the itinery:

1. French Manicure
2. Watch my anime/jap-drama(that Heng Min gave me)
3. Continue with the journal review and report -.-;
4. Anything else I wanna do but can't remember right now HAHA

Posted August 5th, 2010

^^

2010-08-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

おはいようごさあいます皆さん！
Morning everybody!

Yes, its morning at the time I'm typing this. Thanks to the nice old lady who rang my doorbell half an hour ago, I am now fully awake and ready to start my day! (: Noooo, I'm not being sarcastic ^^;

Tiffy's happiness percentage for the past three days: at 80-100% ! (;

So! After doing all my first essentials to starting any day, today's basic itinery is:

1. Remove my nail polish and trim my nails to get them ready for french manicure. I still have to buy the natural nail color polish, which I'll probably get on tuesday or wednesday (;

2. DO MY JOURNAL REVIEWS!!! I'm SO out of time >< Because I gotta meet Kay on wednesday for report writing, and I've only done one out of four reviews x.x I've been sooo occupied with stuff for the past few days ever since I got my __(1)__!

3. Remember to get lunch! And probably milk and cereal too!

4. Prepare for Heng Min's arrival at around 3-4 pm. (;

5. Definitely MUST watch Angel Beats! 12 today!

So yup, that should be about it. So what's (1)? MY NEW GLASSES! Yes, I broke them on monday, the lenses shattered on the floor, so I had to live out a whole week literally without proper glasses. I was really, really, lucky that Daphne was gonna come later and I went down to the optics shop I always frequented to order new glasses and decided also, to invest in contacts, THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU SAVED MY LIFE! ;_;!! But at least I could find one of my super ancient pairs HAHA. So my vision was at half its best but I could still read off the comp, that's why I could do journal reviews LOL.

So, living a whole week like this, I kinda felt like I slowed my life down for a good time. I felt in touch with my being, and I did things everyday that I enjoyed, although it was kind of frustrating by the third day, because I couldn't watch anything nor play any games properly. I told myself, "NO WAY. I will -not- watch ANYTHING until I get my new glasses. I want to enjoy it FULLY!" So yup. Not having good glasses also made me work/play on my laptop in the living room, which made me rest my eyes more often since I just have to turn left and look out into the window. So yes, I'm still on my laptop right now because I really do prefer using it in the living room. I don't feel cropped up unlike in my room, its windy and all here, its just perfect basically. Well, almost HAHA. AND THERE'S ALSO A RADIO TOO! So I've been tuning in to LUSH 99.5FM everyday HAHA.

What've I been up to the past 3-4 days? DOWNLOADING OTOME GAMES LIKE CRAZY! =DD!! Well, *ahem* not like crazy, but you get the idea ;D And of course spending proper time with my family and stuff. That's the (probably inexcusable) reason for me not having worked on my journals >_>;; So right now I have the full version of Riddle Garden(the first otome game ever that got me into the genre, and the first one that I wanted but didn't get, well, legally anyway). Along with the Vampire Knight DS (which I have been actively playing, first route only though, and I'm aiming for Kaname! =DD!! There are sooo many bachelors to choose from >< I had a hard time choosing; whether Zero, or Kaname. But since I've always preferred Kaname from the beginning (manga- and anime-wise), I decided on Kaname. My experience with it coming later.) Edel Blume, and Will o' Wisp too. Those two are PS2 games, so I'm going to need a PS2 emulator (to play it on the PC) which I haven't looked up yet. There are quite a few other games that I'm gonna download too ;D Like Hakuouki, Death Connection, Hakushaku to Yousei, yup! They're all otome games, basically, maiden games for a direct translation, and games-aimed-at-female-audiences for another literal translation, and the ones I have now are the reverse harems type. I don't think I'm gonna get BL(boys-love) ones, it feels like I'm manipulating the boys ><

Okay, so on to my experience with the Vampire Knight game. So yes, obviously, I used a DS emulator to play the game on my comp. Its original platform is the, yes, Gameboy DS or whatever. So far, the game is really enjoyable, but hard at times because of the japanese-english translation I have to do myself. And there's alot of kanji that I can't read, but it makes me learn so its all good. Its not hard work at all when there're walkthroughs. Although! Walkthroughs = playing a proper route; not being able to really explore the game myself; confirm get the guy you want for that route. Aside from that, its doki doki and giggle indusive HAHA. I'm going for Kaname right now for my first play, gosh it was hard to choose between him and Zero, but I stated my reasons for choosing the former previously. There're mini games as usual, so this is my first real encounter with an otome game. What's it like? Its fun. Really, really fun. There's a mini game where you HAVE, I repeat, HAVE, to WINDOW STALK, yes I REPEAT AGAIN, WINDOW STALK , your guy using BINOCULARS you found. You're all living on school grounds, separated by Day Class and Night class dorms. Long story, not going into it. So you have to stalk your guy, EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. Yes, its true. And its not really easy, but kinda fun with the different endings you get if you fail to get the full stalk-meter, or he spots you three times, or you get the full stalk-meter PLUS NO HIM SPOTTING YOU! Haha, there are a few more combinations but you figure it out for yourself. He says such "bad" stuff at the end of the mini-game xD!!!! Melts my heart xD! So the rest of the game, well, it'll take a long time for me to type everything I've done so far with the game, so next time maybe. This is just a short review of my first hour with VK DS. I swear I'm going for Zero next, then Shiki! MUHAHAHAHA! And of course Kain, Ichijou, and then Aidou.

Oh and I realized, playing otome games doesn't mean you're lonely in your heart. Well, for me its not. I used to think people would think that way, but I figured out during the past few days that that's their business. They don't understand my fetish for otome games. You make the guy you fancy fall for you, you play around with the game, explore, FANGIRL, get all KYAAA!!! and doki-doki whenever he says sweet/romantic/sarcastic/playful/naughty/semi-bad-but-you-still-love-it-and-can-forgive-him phrases to you etc etc etc HAHAHAHA. Its not an art, its a hobby. I might still continue with it even if I had a boyfriend. And yes, that does happen to alot of girls (; Am I ever going to buy the games legally? Depends. Which translates to, probably not. HAHA. Its a hobby, and I really enjoy it, because its me. But of course I can control myself (;

Oh yes, the other picture blog posts. Probably won't be up in a few days. It'll take time. I haven't been working on it, but its not like anyone really looks at it anyway. I think. >.>; But I will do it, I don't have the slightest intention of giving up on this lol. just only two more posts anyway.

So anyway, that's all for now, I need to do my daily-essentials lol! CIAO MINNA-SAN!

hmm..

2010-07-23T04:36:00.000-07:00

sorry guys but I really wanna get this off my mind.

I just had a little chat with Dan this morn' and till now I CAN'T FREAKING THINK STRAIGHT. Someone please please PLEASE pull me back down to earth, like, using the ET method, or "Earth calling to Wanwan" method.

My Second Thoughts are screaming, "STOP thinking Shi Wan, it does no good to your health, your mood, OR your REALITY. There's no absolute credibility to what that person is saying. For all we know, he might be a fraud who just enjoys telling you things to make you dance in the palm of his hand like some idiot who can't think for herself about how he's lying to you about EVERYTHING. You're so naive!"

And my Third Thoughts are telling me, "She's right, you know, your Second Thoughts. You should just take everything he says with 100% salt in it. You know your reality is better than this. And you ALSO know that you *don't* want to go back to THOSE days again. Both of us, your Second and Third Thoughts, understand how much your First Thoughts are preventing you from falling back to Earth. When can we kiss the-online-life completely goodbye you girl? How many years has it been?! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER."

And my second thoughts continued with "You DO know that ONE day, your special someone will turn up. Its just a matter of time, and you already know that you aren't ready now, so what's the point? IT MAKES YOU MALFUNCTION! You're lucky she and I - your Third Thoughts and myself the Second - are here to REMIND you of your REALITY! NOW ARE YOU GOING TO FREAKING SAVE US FROM BEING DROWNED IN YOUR IMAGINATION OR LEAVE US TO DIE HUH?!"

"Alright alright! Give me a day to sleep it off, alright?" that's what I'm saying to my thoughts right now. And they warily agreed to my request.

I just hope it works.

picture blog post ii

2010-06-23T23:16:00.000-07:00

so this is the second post, and its only about the artbooks I own, among other things. its picture heavy, the pictures are of higher quality definitely, but uh taken by -camera-, so don't expect it to be flat. credits given too, for disclaimer purposes. so sit back, relax, and enjoy the eye candy!

note: ALL pictures are LINKED to said better quality images, unless otherwise stated.

So I proudly present some of the manga I own. The titles here are those I enjoyed the most <33 Now that I can read Japanese (well, aside from alot of kanji - but heck, the manga always has hiragana readings for the kanji), I've been buying my manga in jap instead. Original langauge FTW! Its just that they're hella lot more expensive. I haven't been buying any manga for some time now so yeah.. Oh and the Post Secret - my sis got that for my birthday this year ^^

--

SO! This is my collection of Sainkoku Monogatari Art Books~~ The one on the extreme left is FULL if wonderful and lovely illustrations drawn by Kairi Yura, who also draws the illustrations in the light novels of said title. The two on the right are the anime artbooks, which is, again, FULL OF AWESOME PICTURES OF BISHOUNEN -lovelovelove- The books contain alot of info on characters, relationships, episode summaries, short excerpts from the light novels etc. I haven't read them yet though, heheheh. Will do when its "time" I suppose? SO! On to the sample pictures from these spectacular artbooks.

--

--

Next up will be the LOVELESS artbook and Kobato. artbook picture post. Then the finale of this whole picture blog post, will be the Kuroshitsuji artbook! おたのしみにください! Look forward to it!

Teasers for next post:

Scroll down for the previous picture blog post, or click the following link:

Picture Blog Post I

Posted July 10, 2010

picture blog post i

2010-06-13T04:22:00.001-07:00

so these are random pictures taken with the 2MP camera on my phone, I said I'd put up a picture post so here it is. yeah, I finally got off my lazy ass, AGAIN, to do this after like, what, one month? lulz. so I'm doing this in school, and the pictures below are taken with another camera with higher MP. some with links to bigger and clearer pictures, some no links. enjoy!

kitty outside the lobby of my house. I think it was taken at night. I can't remember xD

I think...3-4 years ago? You can try guessing. Its MARGRITA! Which I didn't like >_<

SQUIRREL! Taken last year during my first ever university semester, at my estate =D~~ CUTE RIGHT?! xD

Took this at the bridge at central @ clark quay. GUESS WHO?! =D Don't worry, your face isn't that obvious here, so ^^ Don't scold me though okay? And there's no tagging here anyway so >.>; I forgot when this was taken though >_<

NESS! Remember this? Taken at 2am:dessert bart xD We were just chatting idly there, and it was really enjoyable xD My first time out with you xD

Marche! With Daphne! It was my first time there, 50 bucks for everything. At vivo city. Gahhh, I miss those times x))

My birthday this year. Thank you four, for the wonderful dinner x) I LOVE YOU DAPHNE!

(Linked)

LOOKIE! AT THE ALMIGHTY SEPHIROTH! GRACING MY GLASS CUPBOARD RIGHT BEHIND MY BED. <333333333333333 href="http://cat-cat.deviantart.com/art/Sephiroth-XXXposed-49934910?q=boost%3Apopular+sephiroth+xxxposed&qo=0" target="'_blank">THIS picture of him/a>.

(Linked)

Taken on my birthday this year ^_^ LO AND BEHOLD MY TWO LOVES: ANDY AND BOB! I love them lots lots lots <3

(Linked)

Taken on my birthday as well ^_^ All the prezzies I received >w< Love you all!!

(Linked)

Drew this a while ago this year. Yes, its an emo-looking GUY. I had the inspiration to draw such an expression at that time xD And well you know how bad I am at drawing identical eyes so I drew a tattoo over one of the eyes in the finished product.

LAST YEAR! At...uh..I forgot the bar's name. Eski bar? Daphne brought me there ^_^ Those were brilliant sausages btw. And I remember having cranberry juice that day ^^; We should go again =3 With other people too ^^

(Linked)

Drew this for fun whilst studying for exams this year xD Pretty different from what I usually draw. But I like it nonetheless.

My fan ^_^ Cute isn't it? Got it..either end of last year, or early this year. I really can't remember. Someone tell me? xD

Anyways, that's it for now. want a teaser for part II of this picture blog post? Here's one:

Posted June 12, 2009
PART II will come up soon enough ^^
All the editing are done already. The only thing left is to draft it into a blog post xD Squeezing them all into one post wouldn't be very wise afterall >_>

quick update

2010-06-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

just a quick one for all of you who're still following my blog. the picture blog post is underway; I'm still working on it. Trying to figure out the best way to post it. I think I might split the post up into two or three parts, with about two or three days in between for you guys to read through each post? Either that or I'll make a few slide shows I guess? So yup.

On a side note, I had a pretty good week today. Monday and wednesday with Daphne - thanks love~ Tuesday with someone else. Thursday at school, Friday with Jehanne at JE Library. Looking forward to next week's badminton with Lynn, hopefully she's free. Monday/Tuesday school seminar thingy. Seems pretty interesting, I might actually stay longer? Hmm. Gonna think up of ways to get out of the house more often... So here's a shout out: ANYONE OF YOU WHO WANTS TO GO OUT AND DO STUFF LEMME KNOW! That is, if you don't mind my coming with you =3

Posted June 5th, 2010

I guess I'm really incompetent sometimes ~

2010-05-13T03:26:00.000-07:00

Hey there you guys,

Sorry for the lack of posts. I don't really have much to blog about really, nothing interesting's happening in my life so much as for me to blog about it. Just normal day to day activities, friends, and whatnot. Though for this post its to rant about my incompetency and of course to blabber about what's been going on lately~

When I get pretty immersed in watching anime or playing games, I tend to loose track of time and my mood to do "the more important things" gets kinda ..ruined? Not ruined in a bad way, its just that I don't feel like doing it just yet, you know? I like doing things when I see fit, so its bad when I don't feel like doing things that are more important, just yet.

OH! But its not like I watch anime alot during school semesters. I'm in holidays right now so I do whatever I want to. Its just that summer research has started so..

Well the schedule isn't tight or anything, its a "do it at your own pace" thing. I just have to go see the professor with my other group mate (Kay :3) whenever we're ready to proceed to each next stage. So its bad when I don't do my part. And well I wasted two days watching anime just because I was hooked onto re-watching them. I honestly couldn't stop watching because each story and episode connects everything together. So I've been sleeping late these days... And its also because I finally tried out this english otome game(made by fans for fans!), and got a lil hooked, though not as badly. I know when to stop the game when its time for me to.

(On a side note, man its a little hard to type what with my scalded hand still healing. The hardened brown patches make it difficult to stretch my hand. But ah well..)

Anyways, continuing, this otome game is great. I recommended it to Maybo, but I don't know if she's gotten it yet. (If you haven't, you're welcome to stop by my house ad try it out on my comp or something ;P). Anyone else who wants to try it(its a dating simulation game for females), here's a link to the resources you need:

sakevisual - RE:Alistair++

Its really rare to find ENGLISH otome games, and that this is FREE too! And the art is juicy. Its a really simple game, but aside from that, its very, very enjoyable. So if you're like me - a sucker for reverse harems, or have a spot for bishounen(handsome guys), and don't mind playing dating simulation(DS) games - TRY THIS OUT! Serious! I can't wait for their next DS game to be released, its called Hanamix2. Can't wait! Now I know otome games are pretty fun ;) I've always wanted to try one out, and now that I have, I pray I don't get too hooked and start buying a Nintendo DS or a PS 2/3 just to play the games =\! HENG MIN BETTER DON'T GET ME TOO HYPED UP! >_<

Anyways, the picture post. Well I told May Bo it'd be up soon, but alas, I've been occupied with the above mentioned activities that I haven't finished the editing, at all. So it'll take a while. And uh...its going to be a show off picture post sadly >_>

Okay okay, back to summer research. So the schedule is relaxed! So just keep me posted about any activities you guys wanna do with me, or if you wanna go out with me to walk and talk, or come over, etc. Just let me know, alright? I won't bite! ^_^

Daphne:
Hey dear, I've really been wanting to contact you these days to talk about the suggested meet ups. But its kinda hard for us to talk/sms over the phone >< You're having lessons at night, and me being lazy on the other hand... Hey, really, just make a few decisions on your own, and at your convenience, and tell me instead >_< Though I'll try my best to make arrangements too, with Lynn. AHHH!!! I really want to go over!!! But I don't like going over when I have school stuff going on ): AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! >< Dad tells me to relax and take these things as what I wanna do, as things that I enjoy. But its kinda hard, because afterall its SCHOOL stuff, you know? School = cannot relax. Its sad, but this is how I'm like x_x

Anyway, continuing, I'm honestly an incompetent ass! Goshhhhh, I really need to learn to discipline myself better!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!! *Goes crazy*

Posted May 13, 2010

100th post

2010-05-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

Wow, this is like, the 100th post. But aside from that, I'm here to blog. Yes, blog.

Exams are finally over, and I have four months to spare to do the stuff I've left till now to do. Yays. So right now its 11:20pm, I'm waiting for my instant noodles to cool down abit before eating it. Yes, its dinner. Yes, I know its bad. But that's not the issue right now. I'm having a relaxing night by blogging for leisure at my own pace, whilst eating, and then doing stuff later. Its a quiet night, my parents are out attending a wedding dinner, whilst my sis is probably at her boyfriend's, so I'm home alone right now, enjoying this one-person thing right now.

So..in these four months, what have I planned out, and what do I wanna do?

Well first off,

I have summer research in school. And it'll last from May till July. I wonder what other productive things I could do after that before school starts. I was thinking of volunteer work (uh..its just for my resume. But of course to be charitable as well.) at a tuition centre, or maybe do simple community service stuff. Or seminars and the like.

Next, I wanna watch anime!!!! Finally I have the time to DO IT! Yays. *Starts eating the noodles*

Then I wanna read the books I have, maybe do some DIY-accessorizing. Hmm what else..Work out, I suppose? My muscles have been tensed up for a few months because of school.

Oh and speaking of which, I also hope to review the important school work with this break to prepare for year 2.

Anyways, I also wanna replay some games for fun. And I also have a CD project that's been on hiatus, but resumed working on. I hope it turns out well ^^ I'm currently doing the CD booklet.

And also, its probably routine, but I suppose meeting up with my friends is also part of the schedule. Hmm what else...I can't really remember.

So I guess that's about it. I wanna eat my noodles, and watch an episode of Lucky Star. Hopefully my laptop lasts x_X CIAO!

massive post

2010-04-28T06:14:00.000-07:00

that I accumulated throughout the exam period in notepad.
*copies and pastes*

--------------------------April 20---------------------------

...Had four periods of hiccups yesterday. :\\

And today my mouse keeps dropping onto the floor :\\
And also today, my muscles and bones feel like they're gonna die :\\

Is it okay to still think about your past love even now?
Is it okay to still drop tears when you think about it?
(Yeah, this is a question.)

I think...To love someone is really a choice, a decision..
I'm beginning to slowly accept that notion, and that waiting for the right person just isn't going to accomplish anything. I don't know if you girls(or any guy who reads my blog as well LOL), approach love and relationships like I do now, but this is a conclusion I've come to after years and after talking about it with various people. You can like someone, but..its different. I don't exactly know how to put this into words, but having someone to like, and choosing someone, are two completely different things. Sometimes when you've waited for so long you feel like giving up already, you end up taking the guy who's "most available".
Not to sound horrible, but sometimes its true. When I think about myself doing something like that, the ultimate question that perks me is "Would it be possible to grow to love that person?" even if in the beginning there wasn't anything.

Ughhhh, after that hiccup fit yesterday, I feel like my upper body's breaking apart :\

--------------------------April 22---------------------------

imagine listening to In Flames when you've just got home burnt out from exam+revision at school the whole day till 9pm. its awesome shit. a wave of 10000% metal song-induced drowsiness will overwhelm you, and you'd feel like "shit..." *faints*

Oh right, my glasses almost died on me today. well it did, but MOMMY FIXED IT BACK FOR ME. THANK YOU MOM. I LOVE YOU. to think my nightmare would come true :\
see I was having a nightmare about being really late for the exam today, and yeah.
well I wasn't the least bit late, but I could've reached earlier. the reason in the dream and the reason IRL are different though. LULZ.

--------------------------April 23---------------------------

OMG. 12:30am. BAT. IN. THE. HOUSE. *FREAKING FASCINATED* SO CUTEE! Wanted to take a photo but couldn't, too dark. And no, I don't use flash on bats.
Awwww, it was trying to find its way out via sensing air flows, says my sis when
she came back not long after the bat flew in. Sis is so smart o.o

Side note, I think guys on facebook who have an all-female friends list are P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C. Yes, you heard me right, shitty guys. :\

On another side side note, I feel like I've just sniffed in thousands of bat-pollen lol xD

--------------------------April 27---------------------------

....there was an unknown bug FLYING AND BZZZING around my room throughout the WHOLE night, that I didn't really get a good sleep :\ Every once in a while, I'd hear "bzzzz. bam! bam! bzzz!!!" ugh, and I was DEAD tired. So yes, whenever I woke up to
that, I fell asleep a few seconds later. But WTF? STOP BZZING. I WANT TO SLEEP OKAY?!?!?!
Then right now I've unconvered the bug's identity: it's some kind of moth. WTF?

Posted April 28th, 2010

KATAKANA NAMES

2010-04-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

Another just-for-fun post. Here are some katakana names derived from your original names~~ Enjoy!

Daphne - デフニ - De-fu-ni
Mine - チフニ - Chi-fu-ni
KayLynn - ケイリン - Ke-i-ri-n

May Bo - メイボ - me-i-bo
Jehanne - ジェイヤェン - je-i-ye-n
Jody - ジョディ - Jo-di
Cindy - セィンディ - See-n-di
Hui Ying - ホゥワェイン - Hu-ue-i-n

Note: These are not 100% accurate alright? xD Though Maybo's and Jody's should be just nice.

Note 2: Katakana is a language system used by the Japanese to write non-japanese words based on the original words' syllabus/articulation/whatever.

Note 3: I haven't/can't figure out which names need the long dash to prolong the sound so..forgive me! Su Min might know? Hmm.

just.

2010-04-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling damn "seh" right now. Like..blur blur. Had a stomachache this morning, but there was Japanese listening test today, so I *had* go to school. Didn't eat lunch, didn't have any appetite. Ugh....I'm just basically feeling physically unwell right now. And because I didn't really eat anything I'm feeling like jelly heheh -_-;

Just a short post actually, I didn't intend to blog but yeah?

On a side note, the test was...well, okay AT LEAST. But there was this ONE question, the short passage had alot of dollars and cents and yen prices for just two items. And the question was, "What did the person buy?" and I'm like, "...Shit, I didn't take note of the prices. DAMN." ):

Posted April 13, 2010

hmm.

2010-04-03T04:25:00.000-07:00

Happy April Fool's and Good Friday to you all, though its late.

Celebrated Daphne's birthday on Good Friday x) Treated her, and myself, to a nice foot massage x) Next time, we should do a spa. A simple one, perhaps? Or onsen at Japan =DD

Anyways, just a few things..
Sorry the picture post isn't up yet, it probably won't be up anytime soon, I don't know when I'll be like literally free again. I will be when I've done enough revision for a day or something, but then I'd want to use the time to watch my anime instead of taking photos =X Although, I *am* excited about the picture post, so look forward to it~

You know, everytime there's a public holiday that extends my weekend, I tend to loose track of time and play for a day, thinking that I "have nothing on next week". Meaning, I don't have any assignments due. But alas, I always do, like reading notes and preparing for tutorials and stuff. I played for a full two days without doing any revision during this extended minibreak (its in conjunction with e-learning week. so no school on thursday either mwahahahaha.), the only reading up I did was to revise fully on the Japanese lessons taught so far. That's all. And as I'm typing this out, I'm also reviewing the e-lectures uploaded, i.e. E-LEARNING WEEK. So its E-LEARNING. The plan is to review every module's e-lecture today. So sunday I can do other things.

I've been feeling..disappointed in myself lately. The past two weeks were a rush of disappointment in some way. Academic disappointment..Right now I'm not gonna think about it anymore, and the "pass-fail" thing salvages everything, so there's nothing much to worry about. Its a confirmed pass even if I don't look at any results. But you guys know me...I become beyond devastated when I mess up things. Sorry I'm not putting any details here, so just take this as it is. Its just one module btw, so its not that bad (:

And emotional disappointment - in myself. I feel like I really need to change myself back to how I was "then". Maybe daily school life changed my character, I don't know. But I found myself doubting this really close friend of mine, like as if I should just break it off since it feels as if nothing's working out.

(I'm not going to post details here, nor anywhere, because this is far too personal. Its a very sensitive issue to me, so no one knows about it.)

I feel like I really need to start from *that point* onwards, and be understanding, and never doubt that person nor his/her intentions. Because I know that person would never think ill of me, nor will that person do things that would hurt me. Just that recently, because of a certain message that I interpreted the wrong way, I start to question whether that person finds my habits a nuisance..So I'm going to try my hardest and not give trouble to that person anymore. I...I don't know the word for this, but I want to become humble again, in a sense. I want to become thoughtful for that person, and I want to beyond 100% believe in that person. I find it hard to not be judgemental of anyone, is that okay? Its really hard to describe my feelings on this matter...

Kobato. episodes 23 and 24 were such tearjerkers, I bawled my eyes out ;_; Twas soooooooo sad and heartbreaking, and Fujimoto-san is SUCH a TSUNDERE! But at least the ending was satisfactory. So these two episodes were a BOMB! It salvaged the entire filler-type-episodic series. The manga is still ongoing though, and I am looking forward to the next chapter~ Kobato is SUCH a cutie heheh.

Nodame Cantabile: Finale's last two episodes were FAR too rushed. Sad ): Those two episodes destroyed it for me. They had a nice build up from episode 1 right till 9, then 10 and 11 just blew it :\ Ah well.

I think that should be all, for now. I can't remember what else I wanted to blog about, so that's it. Ciao~~~

Posted April 3rd, 2010

otome games. artbooks. pictures needed. whatnot.

2010-03-17T00:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, as the title says. In school right now, studying. But I'm taking a short break to write a blog post.

@ Maybo:
I gots purty nails tew now =X Silvery white n' transparent. Flower-like, spiral and rose stickers on alternate fingers. Yeah I'm not posting pictures just yet. Too lazy.

And my こばと。artbook finally arrived. And it was worth my money. Will put pictures up when I have the time, because Heng Min insisted on photos. And my japanese manga arrived as well. Love it. Honestly, I can't wait to read them in original japanese. The Japanese lessons so far have introduced hiragana already, and now we're going into katakana. Test on friday on about 80% of the katakana x_X And there was lots taught on tuesday (katakana+months+years+special dates pronounciations + + + + + etc etc etc), couple that with having to stay back four hours for group project discussion for another module, and you have a tired Wan-Wan. I thought I was gonna die :\ Freaking tired, like seriously. And now my eyes feel like they're going to pop out any minute :\

And I just realized yesterday that my physics midterms are next week lulz. I didn't keep track of time, so I only realized it then :\ The only date I remembered was "25th March" and I was thinking, "...What date is it today?" Yeah :\ Not to mention my physics sucks ass :\

Oh yes, OTOME GAMES! Yeah, I'm like thinking of getting one that's worth my money. Not talking about Tokimeki Memorial Girls' Side here, not all the guys are appealing. I'd rather get a game that has guys that are more worth it >_>
No, I'm just starved for "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ING!!" and some romance.

On to some rants. I hate stupid people, like srsly. I'm carrying a tray of hot soup with noodles, and some idiot just had to bump into me without looking around first. And yeah, soup spilled onto the tray, and the lady beside me almost got it. :\

Next, I hate it when people talk really loudly on the bus. I CAN'T FREAKING LISTEN TO MY MUSIC PROPERLY YOU ASSHOLES. Maybe I should invest in those other earphones instead. But gahh.

Oh and I finally bought the USB fan. Froggy. Its lovely and its saves me the trouble of having to switch on the air conditioner when I'm not sleeping. I don't open the windows in my room because there'd be alot of dust. So no thanks.

Anyway, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll be getting the picture blog post up soon :\
Ciao~

Posted March 17, 2010

i r nawt d34d D:

2010-03-07T22:07:00.000-08:00

みんなちん, こんにちわ!!

l33t l4nguag3 r k3wl lulz.

Sorry I haven't updated in ages. Its not really in the agenda anymore, to update regularly, heheheh. But I will post once in a while I guess. Yes, I still remember the photos I said I'd upload for viewing, yeah uh, no idea when. But I'll do it ;P

Just started week 8 of semester. Recess week just ended. Zzzz, had to study, and I didn't manage to watch the stuff I wanted do D: Nevermind...And fingers crossed my application for the Summer Research this year is successful.

Anyway, the recess week. Summer Wars was awesome. But that was this jerk who yawned freaking loudly 3/4 through the movie. Asshole. And there I was, mesmerized by the movie, and he just HAD. TO. YAWN. I should've just shot him dead there and then :\

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO LEARN KATAKANA AND KANJI. LYKE SRSLY. Because I wanna start reading my japanese stuffies D:

Posted March 5, 2010

boo.

2010-02-24T08:54:00.000-08:00

みんなさんごめんね, for the lack of updates x3!!
(Minna-san, gomen ne,)

I've actually been pretty occupied with school lately. Loads to read up on, loads of stuff to practice. But fret not!

HAIL MY ONE WEEK TERM BREAK. EVEN THOUGH I'LL BE BUSY TOO. AHAHAHA!

Hmm..not much to say here really..Just wanted to tell you guys that I R NAWT DEAD!
I might post one or two pictures up soon when I can get off my lazy arse and connect my camera to the comp and do single-photo-editing. Sure it doesn't take alot of work, BUT ITS SO MUCH TROUBLE! Okay well, not SO much, but yeah, you get the idea right?

Oh and, my next layout might be "Last Regrets" from "Kanon" or something totally original. Graphics will be DIY-ed yay.

Grats to Jyan for officially ending her exams. Grats to Jo too.

Gawd I can't wait to go out for once next week xD

Anyways, I'll be signing off now. まったね!! (Matta ne!)

On a side note, learning japanese is awesome. Speaking in somewhat fluent japanese is awesome. Writing in japanese is awesome.

とってもうるしかったです!!!!

2010-02-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

this post goes out especially to daphne, xin ying, claris and maybo, for making February 10, 2010 a very, very, very special, and overly joyful day (:

thank you so much guys, really.

as of now, I haven't opened ANY Of the presents yet ;D
I want to wait till the 14th instead =DD

to daphne:
thank you a thousand, thousand times for making wednesday so memorable. I was really really touched when xin ying and claris was there with us for dinner. Its the same as last year isn't it? I never knew they were there XD!! Thank you so much, for planning out all this. All the effort, all the smsing, all the running about, all the reservations. If it wasn't for you, none of this would have happened. Having xin ying and claris there at dinner made it all the more merrier and enjoyable too. And the manicure was heavenly!!!! Let's hope this year I'll be able to do the same for you >_< Let's go for pedicure on your bday kay? My treat this time xD Words just can't express how grateful I am for all of this happening to me this year. Its like a chock full of sweetness and overflowing chocolate at the same time xD

to maybo:
thank you so much for giving me a present. thank you so so much!!
enjoy your CNY and valentine's, okay? ^^

to xin ying and claris:
thank you girls, for taking time off your busy schedules to spend the evening with me today. you guys added your own flavors to the whole dish that was to be my birthday surprise (: I was really happy, I really was. And I still am ;)) Just being there with me to do a pre-celebration was enough to make me happy. I was really touched that you guys were there. Thank you so so much! (:

6th February

2010-02-06T06:07:00.000-08:00

a mysterious melancholy fills my being this night. it makes my heart heavy, and renders my eyes to be filled with a sorrow that I cannot fathom. I am strangely saddened...but I cannot seem to find the reason why...

for thought.

2010-02-04T06:31:00.000-08:00

people are singing too many songs about love when there's not much of it to go round the world at all. it is a sick place, and we're adding loads of shit and rubbish to the already shitty world. the world is a place worse than before, people and society keep pulling their bullshit on you.

-

she's giving off vibes that say "I'm a flirt.", and she doesn't realize it. wait till she gets duped and banged. then she'll watch her step. we can't do anything for her if she isn't prepared to accept our harsh opinions, or maybe she's just too much of a hypocrite? she thinks she isn't doing anything wrong, which is what we all do more often than not. we reflect, but does she?

-

when you think there's a feeling there, it slips through your grasp before you can hold it tightly to your chest. why am I afraid of being immersed in these feelings? is it because I'm actually not really serious about it? that's hard to accept..

-

why am I like this when its about him? gosh, I really need to be more relaxed and understanding and expect less if I'm ever going to stay sane. its always the same - get frustrated -> calm down -> everything fades away -> repeat.

-

sometimes we just need people to state the ever-obvious for us; we're just too unwilling to accept the harsh truth on our own. if people state it for us, you usually get it. its always there, dormant, waiting for you to accept it and move on.

-

you're free to drown yourself in depression and sorrow, just don't over do it. stop feeling miserable for yourself if you're gonna say bullshit like "there's no such thing as a brighter side in my life.". you need to snap yourself back, even if you have to make harsh decisions. aren't your friends sticking by you? you're losing focus on the simpler things in life. having real love isn't the only thing in the world, you know. so don't pull your bullshit on us and say you can't take it anymore. it'll hurt for a while, but it'll pass, eventually. it always does.

-

just so you guys'd know, I'm not actually feeling terribly sarcastic right now. its just stuff I want to put down (:

-

last but not least, may God extend His comforting hand over the grieving family. my condolences are with you..

Posted February 4th, 2010

... :/

2010-01-30T09:53:00.000-08:00

Yeah now my compy has a better motherboard. Yays.
Love it to bits.
But.. WINDOWS LIVE MESSENGER CAN'T RUN PROPERLY. WTH.
****RRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGEEEEEE****

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: <<

And WTH THERE ARE BILLIONS OF SPIDERS IN MY ROOM IS BEYOND FREAKY AND GROSS. WTH WTH WTH WTH. ITS GROSS. GROSS. THIS IS THE NEXT THING I HATE 'SIDES ROACHES.
*******RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGGEEEEE*******

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: <<

But on a happier note, my netbook is back and in perfect working conditions. Kudos to papa for helping me out. And japanese class is going good. I CAN FINALLY READ JAPANESE HIRAGANA! IS THAT KEWL OR WHAT?!?!?! =DD

School is going fine. Just some other issue in my head that's making me go kinda crazy and slightly depressed? Hmm.

In any case,
I CAN'T WAIT FOR CNY TO COME! Because then I can use one day to watch my anime videos ;DDDD Yayyy <3 And well, there's my birthday as well.

So anyway, that's it for now.

Posted January 31, 2010

days of the week

2010-01-21T02:02:00.000-08:00

Monday is "dread HW111A tutorial" day.
Tuesday is "look forward to jap class" day.
Wednesday is "stay back in school and do next week's tutorials and complete this week's lab report and study" day.
Thursday is "do next week's tutorials" day.
Oh oh, wednesday and thursday is also "pon CBC122 lec" day because the lecturer sucks. I'd rather do self study for this course :\
Friday is ..I don't know. Yet.
But I will. In time.
Saturday is "have a good lunch" day. Lol.

On a side note,
Monday evening: I enjoyed my time with Joel at this piano recital at esplanade that he treated me to. There were a few really crazy pianists lol.

School is coming along well. How about you guys? Hopefully things are fine (:

Posted January 21st, 2010

first day

2010-01-13T04:08:00.000-08:00

oh today was pretty wonderful, I have to admit, aside from some minor stuff.

the first thing of note was sis and I are probably going to have to come to a consensus about who uses the toilet first. that's because most of my classes now start at 930am. Its either I wake up earlier or I shower at my parents' bathroom :\

on a side note, I hate wet towels. Its difficult to dry myself in them. D:

second was that I lost one of 925 silver butterly studs that daphne got for me, when I was on my way to the train station. I swore I put both studs into the pouch so I must've had dropped it somewhere. killers. and I was starting to get frantic because that pair of earrings mean quite alot to me, its a symbol of sorts, strange eh? its something daphne got for me and had me in mind when she bought it, so to lose it was devastating. but its not over. I FOUND IT IN THE END! I'd already come home from school searching for it in my room. and I tried the main door and did retracking, with the intention to retrack even to the carpark lol. in the end, thank God for a miracle, I FOUND IT IN THE ELEVATOR! ITS A MIRACLEEEEE!!!

and next thing of note was the train station. the lcd display (or whatever it is) that informed you when each train was coming WAS SPOILT. zzz lol. to think it had to be today.

next...two only had two lectures. the second was gooooooooooooood. learnt alot of things, and I was pretty much absorbed ahahaha. I told myself this sem to be more disciplined and responsible for my own studies. anyway this lecture was really enriching and I pretty much enjoyed it.

hmm...OH YES! the last thing of remembrance was I saw a cute kitty sleeping at the foot of the bridge at the swimming pool at my estate. I squatted down to stare at it sleeping but only could get 3 seconds of its eyes closed. nonetheless it was soooooo cute. I wanted to snap a shot of the kitty but my phone was deep in my bag i.e. I was too lazy to get it out....I kinda regret it but oh well.

anyways, previous post is the movie post. interested people tag/sms me (:

movies

2010-01-04T06:50:00.001-08:00

to catch.

I'm gonna list down some up-coming titles in accordance with interest-level, along with youtube-trailer links. Movies listed first are a must-catch type, the ones at the end of the post are the "Hmm.." type. Haha~

Interested parties, please tag/sms me (:

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
Trailer
Release Date: 7 January

Alice In Wonderland
Trailer
Release Date: 5 March

Summer Wars
Trailer
Release Date: 25 February

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Trailer
Release Date: 28 January

Others:

Daybreakers
Trailer
Release Date: 14 January

Legion
Trailer
Release Date: 21 January

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2009-12-31T10:09:00.000-08:00

1 January 2010

Happy 2010 to all of youuuuuuu!!!

Tiffy/Wan-wan/SW loves you lots lots ^^

So while I'm typing this, I'm eating the kueh that Jehanne gave us. Yum (:

THE FIREWORKS WERE FRIGGIN' SPECTACULAR AND AWESOME. I LOVED IT. AND I WAS SCREAMING EVEN WHEN I SAID ONLY 5 MINUTES BEFORE IT STARTED THAT I WASN'T FEELING EXCITED. Ahahahahaha. Gosh it was just really, really gooooooooooooooooood! I haven't felt this happy/delighted in ages. Its a different kind of 'happy' haha. Well, more like, I can't remember when was the last time hmm. Might have been a few weeks ago, might not. No idea. But this midnight was just...awwwwwww.

Thanks so much for spending it with me Jo, KG and Jehanne ^_^ !!

And kudos to Heng Min for hanging out with me before I met up with Jo and co. DINNER WAS JUST AWESOME HAHAHA. Those LAUGHS we had are like UNFORGETTABLE. I haven't had this much laughter in soooooooooooo long. So thank you so much (: High school days are awesome ;D

Last but not least, Happy New Year ! (:

so they say

2009-12-29T10:52:00.000-08:00

"If you love somebody, you should set them free."

Ronan Keating - The Long Goodbye

I can't help but feel an extreme and ineffable saddness from realizing something..

No matter how good a friend you make, no matter how much you think he or she was meant to be your soulmate (on a friendly basis), they are destined to leave you - once they have found their special someone to spend their lives with..

Your friends' hearts - they never belong to you - no matter how much you treasure them. I understand..I understand..I really do understand all these. Afterall, finding that special someone is (supposedly) everyone's goal - even mine. I've come to a point in life where I can understand and accept things that are inevitable, and still be able to smile at that.

But I cannot help but feel so lonely deep inside, and I must ask for your forgiveness for being selfish - even if it isn't my intention to be such...

Because I'm still alone in my love life, my friends hold an important place in my heart. And even more so, for someone who's practically spent the past 7 years of her life supporting me. But..For these important people to leave me one day like this...

I can't help but uncontrollably shed tears that I don't want flowing out of my eyes. These tears don't mean "I don't want you to leave me." rather, they carry the words "I know you have to leave me one day, but for now, the saddness that accompanies such a farewell - its too great for me to bear."

I am fully aware that we all will still remain friends - its not like we're leaving each other. Its something like..This farewell from you is "Our relationship is something of the past - and I can smile at it because it was good! You still hold a very important, an irreplacable place in my life.". But I know, and I understand that this place in your heart that you have given me to occupy is not great - not as great as the one person who will fill the rest of your heart with more love and hope than I could ever give to you.

I am not jealous. I am in fact, happy and will be, for when you, my friends, find your destined person. (:

But I wonder..

Will I be able to say the same thing to you, as you did on that day to me, when I've found my special someone?

30 December 2009

(Please scroll down for next post entered on same day.)

they will never know until..

2009-12-29T10:02:00.000-08:00

...until you tell them.

The only way, for friends to understand your true heartfelt intentions, is to make them known.

Do not feel, nor relish in the thought, that it is too wasteful and consuming to explain.

This way, you won't be misunderstood (:

And in doing so, you can gain a new light, a new understanding.

Don't bottle it all up and assume that there is no one who can understand your intentions. As long as it is good, as long as you are not intentionally trying to hurt the people around you out of anger, or jealousy, or spite - it is good.

If someone, if a friend, is trying to explain themselves to you, you should also try your best to sit through it. And if you don't want to because you do not think the issue to be of emotional significance to you, you could refuse it in a manner that would not result in misunderstandings. You cannot expect people to understand your character or personality, nor expect them to understand that your refute meant no intentional harm.

Look at these two sentences, and ask yourself, which is better? Which one should be able to help resolve things in a simple, yet happy manner, assuming the other party doesn't understand you well but yet is a good friend of yours?

" Its okay de, don't need to explain ^^ "

" dun need explain "

If you feel guilt right now, good for you - because you will change one day - everyone changes be it for the good, or the bad. If you know you are insensitive, then good for you - because you will change one day. Don't expect your friends to not hold grudges or misunderstandings against you - because the world does not revolve around you, and not everyone is as forgiving(or forgetful) as you are.

It is alright to be selfish, if you know your limits and that your selfishness is not malicious.

But then again, the world is not so kind..But at least, you should strive to maintain a healthy relationship with those you cherish for you will lose them if you don't. This is a message to all my friends, and of course to myself.

30 December 2009

MOAR PLZ

2009-12-26T06:28:00.000-08:00

Its 26 December 2009, and this is my christmas day for this year.

EOYEOYEOYEOYEOYEOY
End Of Year (Cosplay/Event)
NEED MOAR ANIMU FESTIVALZ PLZ
I wish I had taken more photos ;_; !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Gosh. It was like, TRIPLE JOY.
Because I went with Heng Min, who brought more friends, so I got to make more friends, and I seriously thoroughly enjoyed my time at the fair.
BUT NEXT TIME MUST GO EARLIER.
NOT ENOUGH PICS.
*CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY*
Will upload pictars on FB soon enough.

..The MOST memorable cosplayer was the guy who did Sephiroth.
Why? BECAUSE HE LOOKED LIKE SHIT. HE DESTROYED SEPHIROTH'S SEXY IMAGE WTHHHHH.
Don't worry, I took a side-view picture of that guy.

And there was YUI MAKINO.
SHE DID A SURPRISE MINI PERFORMANCE AFTER THE LOLITA FASHION RUN AT THE AUDITORIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Pictures of lolita show will be posted, don't worry you suckers for lolita ;) )
(Her concert starts at night - which requires a special ticket that I didn't purchase because I wasn't exactly interested in the concert. Give me a Daisuke Ono-Katsuyuki Konishi-Daisuke Namikawa script performance then YEZ PLZ. BECAUSE THEIR SEXY VOICES ARE TO DIE FOR.)
Gosh she was SO FRIGGIN' CUTE. She voices Sakura in the TRC anime and OVA's, and I couldn't believe my ears when I heard her singing live, because she sounds exactly like how she voiced Sakura. I mean, she's SUPPOSED to sound like that, but hearing it LIVE, I was at a LOSS FOR WORDS. JUST UBER DUBER CUTE PLZ. I'm *so* going to download her single that's gonna be released March next year. Sure its a VERY generic-sounding song BUT WHATEVER. I LIKED IT. She did a surprise performance for that to-be--released single, and I loved every second of it. It was like "AUDIO ORGASM" as Heng Min puts it. He loved the night concert, awwwwwwwww, loved how cute she was, loved how cute her screaming was. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I *so* friggin' loved the friends I made at the fair. Heng Min's cousin(girl), oh she and I clique SO WELL TOGETHER. She's the type, like me, to say "OMG SHE'S SO FRIGGIN' CUTE I CAN'T TAKE IT." =DDDD

And Kay was at the fair too. She had a booth there~ But I only managed to say hi once and she looked so busy so I went off with my friends first. But by the time I was back, she was gone ):

Ah well. STILL GOT SOY. START OF YEAR. YES MUZ ATTEND. Should I get a new outfit?
Gosh I still feel so friggin' high I can't put it into words XD

Anyways, I don't know what else about the event to blog about, I CAN'T REMEMBER. All I know is that WE WERE ALL SUPER HIGH xD

So until I can remember anything else, ciao!

=3

2009-12-20T01:24:00.000-08:00

To think that I'm not blogging much in this one month break when I'm actually somewhat "eager" to blog DURING school semesters. -.-'

Anyways, its a sunday today, 20th December. My eyes are popping out.

I had a great time with my sec school girls on the 19th <3 You guys are the best (:
Kudos to Jo and her mom for playing hosts to our stay over ^^

Pizza for dinner with Cindy and Maybo, pool with the girls along with KG, Brian and Clifton(Jo's younger brother). And Brian was being such an ass for being strict with me about pool DDDDDD: Its not like I'll ever improve >_> And besides, I can't play/practice with people around >_< And logcake~ It was delicious, thank God the girls liked it. Too bad KG and Brian couldn't get a taste of it mwahahahahaha. And yeah, next time I'll be the one threatening to push Brian down into the wet pool.

Oh and, AVATAR 3D was awesome. Like, really impressive stuff. Lots of details here and there, but there was somewhat of a lack of ...emotional attachment. For example, I couldn't feel much compassion when *her* father died in that scene. Sure her crying was all drama, but I couldn't feel touched ): And as usual, I love the lead male. I first noticed this actor in the latest Terminator installation(watched the movie at home..>_>). Just that the Terminator movie itself sucked real shit. But the guy was really cute, to me at least =3 I like guys who are slightly buff like him, and have that...slightly macho-bad look aura. They're SO attractive. Like wolves. I love wolves. =D

And before the 19th, I met up with Daphne on wednesday for some light stuff. Great lunch at The Soup Spoon; I wanna go back there again sooooooon DDDDDDDDDD:
Some walking around, tried on a few bikinis, but the ones I liked were too ridiculously expensive D: < Was thinking of going back there today to try on some other cheaper ones but I decided against it in the end (Sorry Bobo :3).

On a side note,

I seem to have the habit of blogging on my laptop. And only on my laptop. Even when I'm at home >w< Strange eh? Anyway...Time to do Daphne's special prezzie, then after that I can relax and do blogshop stuff and read and whatnot.

So that's that for now. Ciao.

finally!

2009-12-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

new blogskin is up.
LOVELESS ver 1.0
Graphics and layout by yours truly ;D
Basic arial font used for posts since its supported by virtually -all- computers lol.

The last layout had some gothic fonts(to go along with the vampire knight fantasy lulz) that my comp had, but I bet you guys couldn't see the fonts properly and got some arial-styled ones instead. So I decided I'd choose something simpler this time.

Hope you guys like it ^^

blogskin

2009-12-07T10:29:00.001-08:00

its coming up good.
should be up in the next few days.
look forward to it (:

imperfection?

2009-11-28T06:39:00.000-08:00

I'm..envious and I'm more often than not, frustrated at my own uselessness. I can't do anything and I don't know anything that's worthy of merit.

Daphne is so independent; she does everything herself. She works, studies, pays for her own necessities. She takes care of herself like she was her own mom.

And Xin Ying... She's so damn perfect. She's provided for, but yet she's got such a great character and she's so much more independent than I am. She has so many interests that she picks up and has time for.

Maybo..She's so sure of herself. She can bake, and knows so much about cooking. She's a living fashion dictionary (not that I take much interest in dressing myself up all the time, but..). And she also knows alot more things than I do. And she's so much more adept to drawing than I am.

And Jehanne..she's grown up to be a pretty lady, and she's good at her studies. She's got so many co-curricular credits to her name - she's gone to camps, festivals, etc. She's ...so studiously-perfect.

Cindy, Jody, Hui Ying, my own sister..

You guys are so sure of yourselves all the time. There's this aura around you guys that says, "This is me."

I feel...I feel empty. I can't cook, and I'm hardly independent. I don't even know if I can take care of myself. I don't know alot of things, and even though I try to read, it just doesn't ever seem enough to match up to you guys. There's nothing I do that's ever comparable to anyone's.. Its not like I feel really inferior, its more like...I just..hate myself (well, this part of me anyway.) to a certain extent.

I have so many opportunities to learn things and yet..I don't make use of them...
I wish...I wish I was stronger..Like you guys.

.

2009-11-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

I honestly CAN'T wait to change my blog layout, like SERIOUSLY.
I'm SO going to change it into sometihng about LOVELESS.
Hopefully self-made..

Posted November 20, 2009

machikirenai!

2009-11-19T04:04:00.000-08:00

exams starting tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SO TOTALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO END.
Why?
Because I WANT TO EAT ICE CREAM.
I wanna buy a tub of hagen daaz ice cream and eat it after I've had a nice dinner.
But I can't go down after dinner when I'm in the midst of the examintion period. Bleh.

And there are so many other things I've noted down that I wanna do.
1. Go to the skin centre for some treatment if its available *don't ask*
2. If all goes well for my skin, get a black bikini THAT FITS.
3. Go to the butterfly park with Daphne. YAY BUTTIES <3
4. Watch Twilight: New Moon (w/e the title is) - which is precisely what I've planned for (with Daphne) the day my exams end. w00t.
5. Movie marathon with Daphne at my place
6. Continue my POKEMON GAME. Re-play my other games yay.
7. READ MY BOOKS WTF I'VE GOT SO MANY (well just a few actually..) WAITING TO BE READ.
8. WATCH MY ARCHIVED ANIME.
9. Exercise? I deno. Badminton plz.
10. MY BLOGSHOP D: <
11. DIY stuff again. Because I need more earrings.
12. GET A FRIGGIN' DEBIT CARD AND START BUYING MY MOST WANTED ANIME DVDS.
13. Hang out at wala again. Cold rock ice cream again. Essential Brew's sandwich again. Subway cookies again. ALL AT HV.
14. CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION WITH EACH OF MY CLIQUES!!!!!!!!! I deno what prezzies to get you guys though...Haven't had the time to relax and think about these things yet :\

They're all at the back of my head. I'm barely thinking of doing these things because right now I'm concentrating on my exams. All this can wait. They're not in order of preference though. Just whatever I've been thinking of wanting to do after all this has ended. That said, I'm off now.

Posted November 19, 2009

kimi no motoe;

2009-11-10T05:28:00.000-08:00

They say, "Once bitten, twice shy."

Does that relate to you I wonder?
I think it does, for many.

I've seen people who've been hurt deeply by falling in love once, as I have, in the past. Its been years, and I've had countless reasons and excuses for not doing it again..

Studies, friends, family, and other personal commitments..

"I simply have no time for guys now."

When I think about it.. they all just sound like flat excuses. Afterall, I know people who balance their love lives with work and family so perfectly that I almost believe they are superhuman. I've never had a real relationship, so I really don't know how much commitment I'd need to pour in into one. Since I've never tried it out, I guess its plausible for me to say "I don't know, really.."

The time when I was in love, it lasted for years; well, just a few, but the me at that point in time - it was a lifetime of one-sided bliss. My feelings were never requited in the end, but I didn't loose anything. I was given the chance to feel and care for someone deeply, to do whatever I could in my limited power to make him smile, so that he wouldn't feel alone in his world. I loved and cared so deeply just for that one person; it never hurt that my efforts were never returned in like - just words of deeply humbled appreciation, and "Its your letters that really keep me going on these days.". I didn't care for him because I wanted to feel "needed" by someone. But as the years passed, my feelings for him slowly faded, but he still remains a precious friend to me, and I still continue to send him letters.

In the years that came, I could never do something like that again. Maybe it was because I was occupied by my studies, but I found it difficult to sow a seed of love in my heart again. I could never really like anyone further than a simple crush, and I didn't want to think too much about my true feelings. Was I running away from myself? Was I afraid of getting hurt? Was I...

Till now I am still living like this in my private life. I've gotten to know more guy-friends around me, but..there is just this gate in my heart that I can't unlock. There are a few suitors around, and I really am quite fond of one or two of them, but..I just...I feel like I'm afraid of taking that one more step. I don't really know why, but I'm just scared of commitment. My life wouldn't change too much if I started to feel for someone, that's a given. I mean, I do feel something. But I just find it hard to really like someone. I want to, I really do, but..

Are we all afraid of getting hurt again? Is that the unwavering, bottomline reason for us to not feel something for someone else? If both parties are afraid, then them both probably need to support each other in this aspect, and slowly build it up to be strong - that's what I just realized.

(Well, this isn't the reason why I gave up on one guy - that's a different story altogether. And he's not one of the suitors, not anymore.)

Posted November 10, 2009

random update

2009-11-05T00:54:00.000-08:00

Hey you guys,
A small update (Been wanting to post in a while)~
Just finished with some revising for a test tomorrow,
Thought I'd do a little update before I go home
since I never seem to update my blog at home lol.
At school is where all the work is done ahaha.

Section 1 of post is about meet-ups with friends.
Section 2 is about personal d0rama.

Anyways,
Exams are coming up soon,
In a matter of a week or two in fact.
So how are you guys anyways?
The only blog I still ever read is Bobo's ahaha.
Sorry xD
I might check out some of your blogs, I just don't do it all the time lulz.

I'll be posting up some pictures after the exams about some stuff I did/bought,
Because I want to SHOW OFF.
=D

Met up Daphne not too long ago and checked out jazz@south bridge.
The only few things I remember, are the rather dim lighting at the corner we sat(which was alright), a milky fruity rum drink I ordered, crinkle fries to go along with it, and a bartender who was pretty cute and fun to joke with. Mwahahaha. Bought a white dress spontaneouly on the same day, and I really do like it. So its money "well spent". IT WAS ON SALE ANYWAY SO WHATEVER.

Then there was Cindy's birthday. Pictures on facebook, which you guys have already checked out. And pool at Jody's as well. Hell I just totally suck as a beginner and made a total fool out of myself -.-

Met up Maybo last thursday to hang out at wala. Finally tried out Cold Rock ice cream with her - it was pretty fabulous. Nice cookie dough, right Bo? Hey I hope you weren't too disappointed with the techy problems that delayed the whole gig for a whole hour. I really do hope you have the intention of hanging out at wala again with me - because they play really good music. I mean, I'm not much of a critic, I just really enjoy myself there all the time. And the fries...Yeah, its really 6$ worth of fries lulz. I didn't know wala had fruity barcadi mixes until we asked about it -.- And Bo took my portion of the 1-for-1 drink. Cranberry flavor is pretty nice...

To spill the beans, I was supposed to have gone to wala with someone else, but he couldn't make it so I asked Maybo instead. Ah wells.

Anyways, on to some more personal matters.

Bo's blog recently been about love and relationships.. Well, to tell you the truth, I've been slightly fond of a guy since school started. But now...eh, I'm just totally gonna give up. I'm not going to bother about my feelings or him or whatever.
That's because some stuff happened, and I kinda experienced some unfounded jealousy that hurt alot I got teary eyed on the bus wtf :\
But there are loads of eye candy in school, and I'm kinda like, eye-ing on one particular guy haha. But I don't know him nor am I able to think of any easy way to get to know him >.< And my friend's lab partner is a really nice guy, I've only ever met him twice though. As much as I'd like to get to know him better, I think it'd be super awkward if I asked my friend for his mail or something. It'd be like spilling 100% beans lulz. Ah well.

I'm not really concentrating all that much on such a life with guys right now though.. I'm pretty much occupied with work and stuff. And I really do need to really start planning for some future things. There's alot of work to do, but yet there are so many other things I need to get into the flow of as well. Checking my mail(school), getting news on stuff happening around the school, and other stuff. Just not only work. AND VISIT THE DENTIST WTF. I've yet to arrange an appointment. I decided to get regular check ups on my teeth. >.<

Anyways, on to something else. At church there's this wonderful perfect family, and my dad is actually long-distance cousins with the mom. Everytime I look at/observe them during service, I'm like, "They're....so complete. The parents are so bonded with each of their 3 kids. The married couple themselves are so close to each other. And on top of it all, they're all so ..intune with God." And what's more there seems to be alot of respect within the marriage. I didn't know the mom was a full-time housewife until my mom told me lol, but I guessed the lady was probably working before she got married/had kids. For a housewife, there's usually this dependency on the husband. And sometimes it makes the woman look inferior. But this lady is so different, she carries her own weight and she shines like the sun for God's sake! And it kinda feels like, the husband never stresses the fact "I AM THE BREADWINNER OKAY?! SO YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME!"
IMO, most men, I believe, are like that.
And my mom. Whenever the family has a conversation (in the car, over lunch etc), she never fails to state, "Eh, who's paying for all this arh?" (She's always paying, don't ask me why my dad doesn't.) And she has to do house chores, which I don't do because I've never had that habit. I mean, I don't mind doing it, its just not inbuilt in me. I can't do something that is not a habit. Its bad I know, but that's besides the point. And she also says that its tough for her to have to behave/talk to each of us differently. She has to deal with our temperamental behavior, deal with my father's sudden outburst of cold war sometimes etc etc etc. The only thing I don't like about this is that she (unintentionally, probably) makes people feel bad by always stressing/hinting the fact that she's always the one paying, and its hard on her. I mean, what do you want me to do? She says "Nevermind la, its okay de." when I suggest paying for it. And my dad NEVER pays. Well he's had a pay cut ever since he turned into a senior citizen. The whole family always relies on my mom to pay for meals basically.
With all that ranting she does periodically, it makes me NEVER want to become a mom.
But then I think again, who's gonna take care of ME when I grow old?
And another thing (that's almost completely unrelated to kids), I don't feel a responsibility to clean up the house or toilet or wash bowls or wash clothes or anything at all.
Anyways, long post is long. And you're at the end of it, just because I can't think of anything else to say.
So, laters~

Posted November 5, 09.

gomenasai!!!

2009-10-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

hey you guys,
I'm really sorry I haven't changed the layout yet.
As most of you would already know,
the tests I have weren't actually centered on one week,
it was spread out to the whole month of october
(i.e. one week one or two)
so I haven't had any real time to spare to change the layout.

but fret not..I'll really be changing it soon.
As a teaser,
I'm gonna try making my own graphics
(but use a pre-made blog picture as the main picture lol)
just really simple graphics from whatever stuff I have already.
So look forward to it I guess (:
It won't be anything spectacular,
but at least it'll be 70% self-made
The script isn't mine of course lulz.
I'm just editing stuff here and there.
and my blogshop,
I haven't forgotten about it.
Will be doing it in december when I'm on a month-long break~

Take care yeah?

Posted Tuesday 14 October 2009

miniscule update

2009-10-01T01:06:00.000-07:00

hey there guys,
sorry about the lack of updates,
been busy+lazy haha.

I'll be changing the layout soon,
and putting up a new post soon enough.
probably by the end of next week since I have four tests coming up next week which I might screw if I continue being lazy+busy HAHA.

Wish me luck >.<

And good luck to you guys too, to whatever you're doing.

Stay happy (:

Posted Thursday, October 1st 2009

autumn break

2009-09-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

Yay, the one week school break is NEXT WEEk.
mwahahahaha.
I -finally- have time to myself to play and study and revise my PHYSICS.
which is lacking like crazy.
physics is the new maths.

can't wait for this friday, like seriously.
BECAUSE THAT'D BE THE START OF THE AWESOMELY SHORT BREAK.
There are quite a few things I want to do~
For starters,
I WANT TO DO THAT PUZZLE I BOUGHT WITH MY PARENTS.
I WANT TO WATCH ANGELS AND DEMONS WITH MY PARENTS.
Because they put it on hold just for me, aw.
Hmm what else..
Maybe some hanging out at wala wala next thursday?
(Provided Sherlyn and The UnXpected are playing..)
Maybe catch a movie with Jolene and gang, since she mentioned it last week.
Anyone else would like to add to my list of people-to-meet-up? xD
If my schedule becomes to packed for the break, I might not be able to slot you in xD
Simple because I don't want to go out almost everyday next week. >.<

Anyway these few days, some of you may have noticed that I'm not in the most happy of moods. (Okay, if you didn't notice, that's fine xD). Some stuff have happened, that's why I've been a bit...sad. But now I'm alright, I decided to get angry instead.
What's the point in putting in somewhat special efforts to make contact or meet up someone you haven't seen in months, but he doesn't really reply you back all the time? I mean, it just goes to show that the other party is not that enthusiastic about meeting me up :\
I'm absolutely not going to do it anymore.
At least for now, that is.
Abit sick of it.
And I think this is how Maybo felt with piggy Ryan.
Just that I'm not dating anyone right now.
I'm going to try my utmost best to make sure I don't think about him, nor ask him out, or anything. Talking is fine. I'm just not going to attempt to meet him up, unless he suggests to. I'm going to stop putting hopes in this, stop thinking, and treat him like he was just another regular guy-friend.
(I mean, its not like I was hoping to -date- him, its more like..how it makes me happy just meeting him up once a while.)

Anything else, anything else to blog about..Can't remember, really.
Well that's all for now I suppose.

Posted Tuesday, 22nd September 2009

._.

2009-09-14T02:55:00.000-07:00

Hullo ._.

I feel so fucking screwed up today :\
I made a huge, stupid, careless error in my previous lab report and only just realized it after I had handed it in.
Yeah and the lab report before that, I also made a similarly stupid and careless mistake. And these mistakes I made are critical in that they are crucial to my explanations of the results.
Am I cursed or what?! Honestly, I need to learn to read everything properly and just slow down. Gawd..This is just the worst.
Next, my friends and I were discussing about the recent test we had, and now I know I probably screwed up mine when I previously thought I had done okay :\\
And, I also only JUST found out today that we have a mock forensic science test during the 3-hour lecture this week. Wtf. The marks aren't counted since its a mock, but I'm still wtf. Like, WHAT THE FUCK?
Merh.
Also, I'm lagging behind on my own revision wtf, and I really, really DO need to revise and practice, but I have soooooo many things to do! Physics, maths, core chem corses (2), zzzzzz. And people actually wonder why the science students always have so many things to do while the arts/social-science students just need to have a good command of the English Language, do research, and write heaps of essays. No concepts involved, no practicing involved :\ My life is tougher than yours if you're an arts student who's reading this rant post.
And I also heard that its hard to score high for my course. And that in year 1 you can at best only get a GPA of 3. So I'm like, wtf?!shit...
I have school every. single. day. lasting for majority of the day. When I come back I'm usually quite worn out. Whatever time I have left on each day is SO little. But yet my list of work-to-do's goes on and on. And it doesn't help that whatever chemistry I learnt back in my college days aren't enough to help me deal with the new stuff I'm learning in my core chem courses.
Whatever time I've used to rest abit till now...they don't even amount up to a day(leaving out nella notte, and wala wala and church). I need 3 days of weekends instead of two, honestly. Because when friday comes I'm usually tired, and so I get a good sleep till saturday. Then saturday comes and I don't have much time till monday so I need to just start on work and revise. Sunday I have church, and I come back and revise my work. I don't have a proper rest day to do my own things, you know?
I'm absolutely not complaining here, I'm not fed up or anything. I'm just abit..worn out of sorts, that this routine is somewhat stressful. I feel like... "In the end..I'm not even university-material."
And the university curriculum is as short as 4 months, with a 2-month break after. So we study like batshit crazy during the 4 months, along with tests and exams and revision and practice.
I know that everything is do-able, and I know I can do it lol. Its more like...I just need a proper weekend to consolidate all that I've learnt for the week. And I ALSO need to read up on the relevant chapters taught for the week using the textbooks I bought.

Oh well..

Anyway, on to some amusing stuff.
I caught a roach in my room the other day. Sealed it in an air-tight container. AND ITS STILL FUCKING ALIVE. WTF WTF WTF.
The night I caught it, I decided I'd teach myself to be less afraid of roaches. So guess what I did. I just held the container up at eye-level, and stared at the gross thing running about in circles. Not more than 3 seconds of that, and I was ready to THROW UP MY COOKIES. :\ So yeah, now I'm like honestly thinking that roaches are fucking gross. I never want to do something like this again lolol.

Another small joke,
My dad had a friend who owned a pet bird. Everyday the owner would try to teach it greeting words. So one day his friends came over, and they talked to the birdy, "Hello hello how are you?? ^_^" Guess what it replied?

"BASTARD."

AHAHAHAHAAHAHA. Apparently, whenever the bird didn't learn the words, which was always the case, the owner would curse and swear, saying "Bastard!!!." So the bird learnt bastard instead LOL. Funniest thing I've ever heard haha.

So that's all for now~~

Posted 14th September 2009, Monday

nella notte

2009-09-10T09:05:00.000-07:00

w00t
just came back from Nella Notte 2 (a concert)
finally get to see kor performing again!!!!!!!!!!! (with a string ensemble)
choooooooo happy hahaha.
the original composition he wrote was pretty awesome
I personally liked it.
and I managed to get the tickets through kor,
so each ticket is 5$ cheaper ahahahahaha.
one for daphne one for me.
can't wait to see kor again >.<

today after the concert we left immediately,
but luckily daphne strongly encouraged me to turn back and wait for him at the auditorium to chat with him for a while.
she looked straight into my heart sia xD
I was shy about waiting la..but also because I feel that I'm not the only person on his list of to-greet-friends (aka I'm not that important)
but I think it was good I went back haha.
He said he was gonna go back to school to study since he's got a quiz tomorrow (again!!!!!!! xD always next day got quiz de lol)
I really wanted to go follow/disturb him at his school but sigh its a thursday, and I still have school tomorrow zzzzzz. and it was 10pm by the time the concert ended. haiz.
oh well.
next time go ask him out ba~
after his exams or somethin'

anyway, thanks daphne for coming with me (:

and I swear my physics lecturer is super cute sia.
xD
can't take it xDDDDDD
and bengang today was VERY entertaining AHAHAHAHAA.

posted September 10th, 2009.

wala wala

2009-09-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

Finally managed to put aside time to write a new plot post
sorry for the lack of updates guys >.<

anyways,
school is going really good.
honestly, this is much better than my dreadful college days.
my physics lecturer is so cute.
my cbc 121 lecturer pronounces some words in such a weird way, its so funny lulz.
I tried imitating some of his mispronounced words to my friends in school, and they said "...WHOA. SOUND JUST LIKE HIM SIA!!"
ahaha~~
and I've made quite a lot of friends from all over the place lol.
I'm so happy I decided to become more open and friendly,
because its led me to making more friends of both sexes.
and they're all seemingly good people,
so lucky me (:

anyways, met Daphne on thursday to chill out at wala wala with a band performance.
as usual, the vocalist sings great.
I wished they covered more songs I'm familiar with, but that's okay.
I miss their rock version of Keane's Everybody's Changing though.
That was a great cover.
All the band members were, as usual, great. The drummer was forced to sing 2 Become 1 again ahahaaha. (He sang the same song the last time I was there.) It was a request from the audience in the packed room.
by the time I came home I was superrrrrrr tired, and went straight to sleep at 1am.

Next thursday I'm meeting up Daphne again to attend Joel's mini concert. Finally get to see him performing lol. And I managed to get cheaper tickets through him ahahaha. Can't wait! Even though I'm always tired on thursdays but its okay. I'm good.
(I'm in school from 830 to 530 on thursdays lol. 4 lectures, awesome right? haha~)

anyways..
I STILL haven't caught up with my animes! Haiz. And I always have things to do haha.
I finish the important stuff first, then I do the extra stuff. Gosh there's just alot of extra stuff for me to do. Well actually, I pile all this work on myself lol. Re-read the notes, summarize the notes, re-do some tutorials, read notes for next week's lectures, do extra tutorials from the textbooks, do research on some stuff I'm not sure about etc etc etc. And its for almost all courses I'm registered for this semester lol.

I'm really occupied and busy all the time,
And it makes me wonder if its actually the same for SIM people?
How many courses are you guys registered for??

Posted 5th September, 2009.

lovers at JP!

2009-08-28T10:06:00.000-07:00

a great week.
had an even greater night out with a couple of old friends today.
took loads of pictures
of them actually, lol
photos will be put up at a later date on FB
because I'm resizing, auto-colour-correcting (some), and also trying to salvage all those red-eye photos >.<
they might look a tad bit weird, but it'd be the best I can do
so don't blame me =3

just got my lappy last saturday,
its working great
and its light
and its really handy, like really handy.

got some stuff for daphne too.
this pair of earrings from the NTU bazaar
a macaron key-chain
and some other stuff

and I made more friends,
and so school is getting alot, alot better
but it seems that I'm still busy here and there
so yeah..
oh well.

I haven't caught up with some of the animes I'm following this season,
for two weeks already xD
and some new chapters of certain manga I'm reading
ah well
its okay

oh and we also went to jo's new house at JP
great ambience at the pool at night
love it, honest.
I'd want my house to be like that,
but alot more spacious please xD
the overall design and concept is pretty impressive,
and visually more stunning than Parc Oasis
but I still like my estate (:
because its SPACIOUS!
ahahahahaha~~

oh and I also got me a Stitch puzzle to do with my family ;D

that's all for now (:

oh and the blogshop,
it'll take me some time to do a proper post
I'm really sorry about that.

once again,
pictures to be up soon. (:

bon voyage to jehanne!
take care my dearrrrr.
sorry I couldn't get you that puzzle >_<

an ending theme..

2009-08-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

school is going good..
but there are alot of things to do
rather, I'm doing more work than others are, I think.
but that's that..

and I have almost no life now.
I made friends here and there, so its getting alot better,
but I don't have the time to properly relax and do the things I want..
save for my daily routine stuff..

and I'm very lonely, so lonely to the point that I often break down,..
and it started ever since the U did.
I don't know why..
Everything is just so..I don't know.
All of my good friends (daphne, xy, maybo, jehanne, etc)
they're all busy with their school work,
and so am I,
its not that its difficult to meet up..
but somehow..I'm just really lonely..
my nights are filled with a very still air,
I don't even like sleeping in my room anymore.
well its more like..
I don't even want to sleep alone.
I'm in a house, with my parents,
and yet I'm alone in my room,
and there is no one but me.
its just..beyond lonely, I don't know how to describe it..
the days are just so different from what they used to be..
back in the old days we would all hang out together,
and even if we didn't, my days were still always happy
but since I entered the U..
I feel even more lonely than ever..
I don't wish for a boyfriend just so he can fill this gap,
or anything of the sort.
you don't go making boyfriends like that. its wrong.
I just..I just really wished the days went back to how they were before the U started..Where everything was my-pace-styled,
where I would have happy and comfortable company like when I was at work.
but now..
say if I met up with my old gang,
or just with daphne,
I would feel that everything's changed..like literally..
I can't get back into the I-have-good-friends mood anymore..
I only know that the people who are supporting me
are my family, and daphne
I feel like I can truly fall back and walk along the road of life when I talk to them, or when I'm with them..
I'm not saying that you other guys out there aren't on my mind,
but..its more like..I don't know how to put it.
but I really would like to get back into the close-friends-mood again with you guys..I really mean it..
in fact, I can't wait for it, because then I'd probably feel "Ahh..finally, this day my life is back."

and, I don't think I like being alone at home anymore. Because of all this, I prefer to do things when there are people around. When I have afternoon classes, I'm all alone at home in the morning, and it makes me very uneasy, so I play some soundtracks loud enough so that I won't hear the silence in my home..
I really don't like being alone...I really, really don't.
It..makes me want to cry, and I've been doing just that pretty frequently..

but of course I'm really more than grateful for having made some friends I can hang out with during breaks in school..
its really alot better than being alone in school..
so I'm really happy in this aspect..

I think I really do need to study smart and not harder. Because there's just too many things for me to do, so much so that I can't afford to give my fullest attention to every single detail.
and then I also need to manage my time well so that I can properly relax on my friday evenings or half-day saturdays..

to maybo:
I'm so sorry I couldn't make it for all the invitations you've smsed me. I'm really so sorry and I really wanted to go, but circumstances forbade it..Not because of alot of work but I just have this policy when I'm studying. But I was really happy that you asked me out..it made me really really happy because it made me get in very slight touch with my old life..so thank you so much, really..! Ask me out again alright?

to daphne:
thank you so much for that ice cream on that day..eating the ice cream you bought me makes me feel less lonely because I feel like I'm with you. Its really comforting..

2009-08-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

eh..just an update for the sake of it.
second of school today,
its still going fine.

school is great.
at least, better than wasting away at home.
but I come back near evening,
and after taking a quick shower,
I need to start reading up on tomorrow's lectures.

then on thursdays my lessons start at 8.30am
so I need to wake up super early just to eat a proper breakfast
and then leave the house at 7.15am for fear of the morning rush hour
zzzz

and I go on treasure hunts to find the lecture theatres
awesome eh?
then I still need to figure out where to get some stuff,
and I probably will need to go get a new black ink catridge because my old one is dying :\

and more
the lec notes sre in pdf format
and I have no idea how to print them out well
because the pages are...weird, eg
slide3 slide1
slide4 slide2
like that, if I don't rotate the pictures.
but if I rotate, the slides become really small
WTF?!
:\

edit: I managed to do it correctly! YAY. :\ By changing printer settings instead of preview settings :\ Ass.

BLOGSHOP UP!

2009-08-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

le butterfly.

like FINALLY. zzzzz.
still in the midst of updating, like seriously.
the first post is a test post. and you can't buy something if the price hasn't been listed yet. ahaha.

go check it out (:

I love you.

2009-08-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

you know you love someone
when you do things for him unconditionally
and expect nothing in return;
his happiness is your utmost happiness
you'd do anything for
an instant flash of a smile
across his face

you know that person is right for you
when you can be yourself
whenever you're with him;
no hiding of your true character

the person you truly love
is someone who makes you feel whole again

he is the closest to heaven
you'd ever want to be

you know you love someone
when its painful to be apart from him

you know you love someone
when you desire to share his burdens

he is the person
with whom you feel the safest

just some stuff I realized
by watching things.
searching, and searching..
for that someone
who makes you feel like that
and more.

what are your thoughts though?
share them with me (:

posted August 2nd

stars, plasma, ions, chemistry..

2009-07-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

now this is unexpected,
for me to do a new post the next day

in any case,
I was reading up on a game(n wikipedia) which had loads of relations to history,
like the Third Crusade, Damascus, Templar Knights, etc
so yes, I did loads of right-click-open-in-new-tab

there was this page about Doomsday
coming December 12, 2012
the end of the world,
related articles include astronomical significance,
historical countdown etc
which led me to right-click again
so I could read about astronomy-related things

back to the game, which takes place in Jerusalem and Damascus,
I saw some pictures of cities in Syria.
made me think, "I should go there some time."
there are alot of historically important locations there,
and the very thought of being able to stand in front of these sites, as well as seeing it, makes me think, "Wow...Something actually happened here so long ago. And to think the building is still standing. Very, very intriguing and wonderous."

It'd be spectacular if we could -feel- the great weight of importance of places in history
Don't you think so?
Which brings me to my next discussion,
even though it is totally unrelated to history

here we are, in the present.
and so many events happened so long ago,
things we never witnessed,
great people whom we've never set our eyes upon,
etc etc etc

and when I started reading the tabs about Aatronomy
it made me think about the whole universe.
the planets, the orbits, the sun, the Milk Way,
and how many light years it takes for ANYTHING to happen
It suddenly dawned upon me how insignificant we are, as individuals,
in this Great Flow of the universe.
As humans, we are only a very, very miniscule part of everything
And yet, when you think about YOUR own existence as a person in society,
everything each of us have experienced is, in some way, important to ourselves.
this sounds confusing,
but my point is,

our existence itself is miniscule compared to that of the universe
but because we are living organisms, and perhaps because we are human,
our intelligence and consciousness enables us to realize/believe in our own individual importance in society.
it makes us humans conceited and self-centered, doesn't it? just because we are able to think.

but I think it is more important to always remember,
that we are in fact,
very insignificant individuals as compared to the great flow of events in the whole universe

our lives are so short,
a mere hundred years as a maximum for each human.
what is a hundred years compared to ten light years?

all in all, the bottom line is, I repeat,
we are only a small part of a Great Flow in the universe.

anyway, on to my next topic,
I read about suns and stars as well,
wow, there's just alot of information on these things
my head could blow, but its really interesting
like magnetic fields, solar flares, etc etc etc.
anyway, I read this -
A star is a massive, luminous ball of plasma that is held together by gravity.

plasma...what's plasma? *right-click*
yeah, and I read and read and read,
and I realized,
SHIT I NEED TO REFRESH MY CHEMISTRY.
and yes, I'm definitely going to have to do that soon -_-;;

posted July 27th

theme park galore!

2009-07-26T02:03:00.000-07:00

so here's a little update on what I've been up to -

managed to catch the latest HP film recently
'twas not so bad.
I mean,
if you're looking for alot of action, a full story,
then you're better off not watching it.
personally,
the half-blood prince felt more like
an intermission and introduction of sorts to me.

I'd like to think
that it had a good development
of relationships between our
beloved characters,
some dark story beneath the cheerful scenes

however,
the transition between the
dark elements and the brighter side of things
was done totally half-assed
also,
the relationships weren't flashed out enough
so it was difficult
to get into the romance
it was as if the movie expected us
to already be informed of the backstory of each relationship shown.

then there's the part about
the half-blood prince's potions book
there was just not enough relation to it
sure, we're being shown scenes
of Harry never letting go of the book
at almost all-times,
but still,
there wasn't enough detail

I don't know if the potions book
was of any great importance,
and even though its supposed to be
"through the book, Harry gets closer to Professor Slughorn (sp)"
There just wasn't enough detail to the book, nor to
Harry's 'mission'

as a non-reader,
I'm left being quite disappointed in these aspects
everything basically felt
like an introduction to the book.
its not good enough to
be representative of the book.

with that said,
I'm not unhappy with the movie.
Afterall,
I wasn't expecting much
(not because of the reviews)
I just wanted to watch it,
that's all.

anyway,
here's something extra,
HARRY POTTER THEME PARK
Its to open next year I heard,
In America.
I'm gonna go there when I have the money, I swear lol.

oh and,
having a blob of custard on your cheek
is embarassing.
*chewy junior*

posted July 26th

le butterfly

2009-07-21T03:02:00.000-07:00

That will be the name for my upcoming blogshop.
le is french for the

I'm not about to create a page for the shop yet,
since I haven't photoshopped the photos I just took.
And plus,
I ALSO haven't finished taking photos.
But things are looking good I suppose.

So look out for more updates and whatnot.

cheers.

.."friends"

2009-07-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

I don't know where to start.

I suppose I'll say this first,

Its such a pain in the ass to be thoughtful when others don't spare a single shitty thought for you since they're so busy.

I always do the reaching out to this clique of mine,
I ask, "How are you?"
I initiate the conversation.
And what do I get in return?
Nothing.
They hardly ever do the same for me.

I've always wanted to keep them close, just because they were/are really good friends of mine. And we've went through thick and thin together back in high school. That's why I always held out my hand first, because I cared for them.

Regretfully,
my efforts were very often, if not always,
a one-sided concern.

But recently..These days..
I've come to think that..
They don't really care about "old" friends anymore,
Since they have new lives and new friends.
Like there's not a single need
for them to contact old friends.
Like they didn't really care at all.

"I always feel bad for my sec school friends, because I really treasure them, but I'm always lazy/don't ever do anything much for them."

What a load of bull.

"I dunno, just one good friend's enough, I suppose?"

If someone you cared for said those things to you,
And mind you, the good friend does NOT refer to you,
How would you feel?

I'm ..thoroughly disappointed.
I'm just seriously so hurt I could cry.
I'm not jealous of that "good friend",
I'm just so hurt that someone I showed care and concern for,
could actually say something like that to me.

I'm not boosting about myself here,
Neither am I ranting about how I'm not anyone's "good friend" anymore,
Nor am I being a petty little prick here.
I just wish those friends of mine could return the efforts.

I feel like I never want to meet up these people again.
Hell, I don't even want to organize any gatherings anymore.
I'm thinking something along the lines of,
"I feel like I want to cut all active ties with them, and just remain a dormant friend." - As if they're strangers to me now.

I feel like I should just forget about these old friends and make new ones when I enter the university.
In the past, I would've rebuked the former idea, but now..I see it as the only solution to ease whatever pain I'm feeling now - because these friends of mine are doing the exact same thing to me. Whether they're aware of it or not - I am NOT going to bother about it.

Why should I care for them anymore?
I used to be able to love my friends, and when I could it made me very happy. And they felt the same too.

Now...
Now I just find it an impossible feat for me to accomplish.
I find it very, very difficult to feel love for my friends,
I find it hard to spare a thought of concern for them.
Not now, not anymore.
Someone suggested that its because
I'm tired of doing that all the time,
Especially when others don't do the same.

And when I ponder over these words,
I realize that they're probably true.

All this make me feel like..
Like I should start doing something about myself and my life,
Since I've been doing quite alot of reflection about many things,
Starting from this point onwards,
I shall try my best to love those who still love me.

Don't you even DARE say that I'm turning my heart into stone.
You DO NOT have the right to say that.
Not to someone who tried to reach out to you,
But yet you entirely so-called FORGOT to hold out yours as well.

As of now..
There are probably only around five people to whom this post is not addressed to.

To Adeline's Husband, please don't make a joke out of this post. It'd be more than rude if you did.

16 July 2009
Posted 11pm.

totally. fucking. badass.

2009-07-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

10th July, 1:45am

uh, here's a short update.
just came back from a local gig @ Wala Wala.
Great night, seriously.
My second time there,
With my sis again, and with her friends.
These people are great company. Loved it.
And wtf, the long-awaited return of the female vocalist of the band,
My first time hearing her today,
And dude she can FUCKING GROWL.
TOTALLY BADASS.
And she's lovely.

I loved tonight.

Hey, I know its been almost a month since my last post.
And there are loads of things that happened, and I'm honestly too lazy to type everything out, so I'm just going to recite the events.

Earliest event was the Transformers movie date with XY, Daphne, XY's church buddies, XY's poly buddies (Jia Qing and gang). Before I met up with them I checked out PoMo's TCC. Twas pretty fine. Daphne joined me later.

Next up..Oh right, my family went to Johor for a simple and short one-day tour around, along with my mom's colleagues.
Delicious fishball noodles, albeit pretty expensive
(tourist spots suck :\ fucking money leechers),
batik painting
(which each of us were entitled to, and bring back home as a souvenier. I chose a pre-designed butterfly to paint),
durian farm stop
(oh gosh this was the highlight. great durian - even if I'm not a lover of it, I do eat it - and rambutans that we can pick from the trees and eat without getting scolded - they tasted heavenly).
Then it was just plain shopping at a local huge mall. Anything from this point onwards needs no explanation from me. But one thing I'll say is that its no different than shopping in Singapore - and its a bad thing because everything's the same. My family ended up hanging out at their local Watsons store lulz :\
Like, of ALL places in the mall, WATSONS. HAHA~
Then dinner was at this seafood village open-air restaurant. Satisfactory food (which is a compliment). And the open-air factor was good.
Since it was 4th of July, we spotted a fireworks display at a naval base not far from the restaurant. Pretty enjoyable stuff since there was a decent breeze, we were at a seaside as well - so the scenery was pretty good.

So yeah, that's all. I can't remember anything else.
And even if I did, the fact that I didn't blog it means it isn't all that significant, or I just don't want to type it out. Simple as that.

Anyways,
I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO KINOKUNIYA AGAIN!!!! I can't remember when's the last time I was there. I really, really want to go check out whether there're any new releases.

And also,
I WANNA WATCH HARRY POTTER WHEN IT COMES OUT. FUCK, who wants to come with me? Or rather, who's INTERESTED in watching it with me?

-edit-
I'm glad I went to Wala Wala "today", because I wasn't feeling really good the day before, so the gig made me happier and more relaxed. Thank God for that.

the Lord is my shepherd

2009-06-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

Today my mom had off, so I managed to talk to her about dad.
And I found some enlightment through her words and her perception.

"When things are going smooth, the devil will strike at our hearts to destroy the family peace. This year the employment rate has been low, so your sister blessed not only to have gotten a job, but one with a favorable salary. And I, and your father, haven't been retrenched. Not to mention you successfully got enrolled into the University. But now that your dad has become like this, there's only one reason I can think of - its that satan is striking at us. Evil will always come and attempt to steal our happiness away. There's no other reason I can think of why your dad's become like this - its like something's possessed his heart. He's never like this at all."

I'm glad I have a mom who's a devout christian, and moreso than I am.
I couldn't understand why my dad became so temperamental, and I really didn't know what to do about it. But when I heard my mom's opinion about all of this, I could finally realize that this was the devil's work. And this problem isn't something easily solved, and so we must turn to God for guidance.

This makes me think that God is testing my new-found faith - a revelation of sorts. Remember I said starting this year I had my faith renewed? I think God is using this new situation to bait me - whether I will pray to Him for guidance, or turn my eyes to the world instead.

And now I know what to do (:
I shall put my faith into God, believing that He will provide a way out for our family. I really don't want to see it get torn apart just because the devil wants it to, who likes a broken family? (No offense here.) But then there's this saying that goes, "Praying but not taking action is the same as staying idle." So...What can I do?
In a way, this makes me want to pray for my friends out there whose families aren't in a good balance - I want them to receive the same blessing that God showered upon me. I can't be the only one happy can I? So I shall do my best. I'm not a priest, neither am I a pastor so I can't exactly bestow blessings...I just pray to God that He will show the same kindness He has given me, to my friends out there..

Well anyway, long post is long post - JUST because today was eventful. So here's the next part of the post, its just a brief summary of the later part of today -

07S06 BBQ!!!!!!!!

Most of the class turned up today - thank goodness.
And it was soooooooooooooo fun.
It was held at the estate I live in, but sponsored by Abbas - he lives at Hibiscus(same estate) while I live at Alamanda.
I've never been THIS active in joining conversations (because usually I'm always quiet at other parties). And it was just unforgettable. We had loads of laughs and stuff, so it was just beyond enjoyable. I really had loads of fun. And then I suggested we play at the playground near the bbq pit (Hey, I live there lol. So I know my way around.) So we played catching, and freeze-n-melt. By the end of the day, it was already 11:15pm, and we were all stinky all over. By the time I got back home I smelled like trash, and my legs and arms were kind of aching haha. So anyway, to conclude, I'm glad I was there.

Right now I'm SO tired I could just fall asleep in my chair without brushing my teeth LOL

19th June 2009