I. am. fucking. stressed. out.
Like seriously.

1. I haven't received any notice from NUS yet. And its stressing me out to the point that I'm starting to get depressed over it - so much so that I broke down when I just woke up today ;\

2. I finally have today as my off. Yesterday on the bus home, I smsed Mei I can meet her today. Then I suddenly remembered, "SHIT. That NTU Seminar!!!" So I had to sms her, "Mei sorry hor, just remembered that I have to attend an NTU seminar. Will check when I get back home.

3. In the end, the registration date for the seminar was over (30 April). I went "WTF." So yeah, I AM meeting Mei today. But I'm like "Shit...I really need to attend that seminar." Mom even suggested I just go, but I told her, "I'm already going out! (Damnit)" And I was like, "HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO SLOT IN AN NTU SEMINAR INTO MY NOON SCHEDULE TODAY WHEN I'M ALREADY OCCUPIED?!?!?!"

4. JUST WHAT THE FUCK. Okay? Wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf. Ugh. I went to re-check the NTU Seminar info sent to my email, and figured "Hm...Maybe its not that important - seeing as the programme itself is pretty useless. I only need the -short- presentation and the tour." But well, the tour - I can actually just find my way around when I have the time. The curriculum - hmm...I really hope they'll have an orientation that includes description of the schedules and topics and the shit I'll be learning.

5. Kat is going to quit any time now. Like sunday or coming monday, maybe? And I'll have to teach another new one. The very thought of it just frustrates me to the point that I want to puke out my insides. Having to keep teaching and teaching and doing everything on my own and having to experience all that stress again - it just really exhausts me, mentally. I don't even know why I feel that having to teach a new person night-shift-stuff is so frustrating and stressful. I just know that it is. I have to adjust myself - and I keep having to do that again and again and again and again - so much so that I can't take it anymore. I'm not blaming Kat for quitting - I just feel..I don't know. Ugh... I want to rest from all of this - but I don't see it a valid-enough reason for me to quit and start rotting away at home ;\

6. I just realised that I"m really alone in all of this. Sure I have people to talk to, I have friends and family to comfort me - but that's all they can do. They can't help me. And I feel like a lone warrior standing up to a mountain of shit that keeps piling atop of one another. I just really feel alone - like the only person that can help me is myself. There's no one else who can solve my troubles.

7. Now that I've had my fill of pouring out, and crying, I suddenly feel a wave of exhaustion sweeping over me and pushing me to go sleep. But alas, I need to get a shower and go meet Mei. I just hope that I'll feel better by the time I'm on the train...I just hope that I won't think about all this so that I can have some good fun with Mei. If not, I'd feel miserable the whole day.