why do I miss him?

so I found several answers whilst searching on google. yes, I am THAT desperate to know why, I am THAT desperate to want to do just SOMETHING about this.

I miss him because...

1. I always enjoyed my time with him on all those thursdays. Even though not all of the sessions were particularly exciting or happy, I still miss the interactions I had with him. Regardless of the absence of "beautiful memories" from the time I had with him, I miss him.. though secretly and silently. I treasure those times..because I won't have it back, and it won't happen again..

2. Just being with him as a person, or talking to him makes me happy - however selfish that might seem. I don't know if it makes him happy or irritated though, because I don't know what he thinks of me.

3. Anything related to him reminds me of him. I don't purposefully think of him, but he's just on my mind more or less.

I really wish I could do something to get to know him better slowly, not freaking him out in the process. But I honestly don't know what I should do, or how I should approach him because I'm always interacting with people who are his total opposite. How do I approach him in a subtle/natural way without seeming stalker-ish?

After reading some "tips" about these things, I'm starting to reflect on how I handled each session I had with him. And the result? I have so many things I regret doing/not doing.

For one, I regret asking direct yes/no questions. And I also regret not talking abit about myself with regards to the questions. But I'm just not someone who talks about herself when getting to know other people. I only do that when the other party asks me back. How should I talk about myself without seeming boastful?

Now I also regret not saying goodbye to him after every session. There were a few times that I didn't because I was too ..well, angry at him haha.. I regret not taking approaching this "him" issue positively all the time. But how can I, when he puts my efforts down with every (hopefully unintentional and personality-caused) silent treatment? Can I be forgiven for not saying goodbye after every session to someone I like? Am I making all the efforts to improve the current situation?...

I know I'm not, because that would make it seem too obvious because he's not your normal talking person. Since he's quiet, a bomb might be set off when he notices how often I try talking to him. Nuh-uh, I don't want that happening. But if I don't talk, how am I going to make things better?..

After reading those "tips", I find myself tempted (again) to ask him whether I bother him in a bad way or something along those lines. I'm scared that if I do, I might spoil the situation. But if I don't, I'll never know. But then again..There are times when being subtle and slow works better. Just that sometimes..I can't control myself. Sometimes I feel driven crazy and as if I have an insatiable desire to get along better with him.

And after how long do you confess to someone after liking him for a time? A few months? A few years? How long does it really take anyway? Is there even a fixed time? I guess if you actively talk to that person you could confess in a few months. But if its the opposite of that, a year after that? The only reason I'd even THINK of confessing is because of how I cannot control how I feel. Its hard to keep it inside all the time, having no one to talk to about it, nor advise me on it. But at least I have someone who'd listen to me, though she doesn't say anything much for reasons that I already know (;

Is he even shy? I'm just majorly confused, and I want to know if he is or not. How do I do that? I realize that I'm just a n00b at getting to know guys, especially someone I like. Hell, how is it possible to like someone you don't know well? Shit, I'm starting to get even more confused and more convinced that I'm just liking him out of my usual "needs". I'd hate that.

But till now I'm still thinking of him. Or maybe that's because I'm intrigued by how I still don't know him but want to? Is that why I still like him? What's gonna happen when I DO start to get to know him better?

I think you're probably thinking right now that I think too much about things when I should just do them slowly. I guess you could say I can't help it when I do it all the time. I always assume things that will typically "end this way" or "end that way". As if everything's just too easily predictable and that I'm better off reconsidering my efforts and ideas.

I have no one to talk to nor advise me nor encourage me well. But that's because only a few select people know I like him. Those that do can't help me much because they don't have connections to him, or they just probably think how foolish I am to like someone in such a shallow way, as if I'm not liking them in a true way.

..I just really have no idea how these things work. Its my first in a long, long while, and I'm feeling confused, sad, happy, alone. Is there anyone even happy for me?