imperfection?

I'm..envious and I'm more often than not, frustrated at my own uselessness. I can't do anything and I don't know anything that's worthy of merit.


Daphne is so independent; she does everything herself. She works, studies, pays for her own necessities. She takes care of herself like she was her own mom.


And Xin Ying... She's so damn perfect. She's provided for, but yet she's got such a great character and she's so much more independent than I am. She has so many interests that she picks up and has time for.


Maybo..She's so sure of herself. She can bake, and knows so much about cooking. She's a living fashion dictionary (not that I take much interest in dressing myself up all the time, but..). And she also knows alot more things than I do. And she's so much more adept to drawing than I am.


And Jehanne..she's grown up to be a pretty lady, and she's good at her studies. She's got so many co-curricular credits to her name - she's gone to camps, festivals, etc. She's ...so studiously-perfect.


Cindy, Jody, Hui Ying, my own sister..


You guys are so sure of yourselves all the time. There's this aura around you guys that says, "This is me."


I feel...I feel empty. I can't cook, and I'm hardly independent. I don't even know if I can take care of myself. I don't know alot of things, and even though I try to read, it just doesn't ever seem enough to match up to you guys. There's nothing I do that's ever comparable to anyone's.. Its not like I feel really inferior, its more like...I just..hate myself (well, this part of me anyway.) to a certain extent.


I have so many opportunities to learn things and yet..I don't make use of them...
I wish...I wish I was stronger..Like you guys.