cherry tint

God is my refuge and comfort (:

this post is in no way all fluffy, pink and cute. in fact, you could say its the exact opposite. just let me rant, I swear by the end of this post, I'll feel LOADS better, no sarcasm intended!

christmas celebration? personally I think this year's christmas is just one of the most lonely ones I've ever had. like every year on Christmas Day, I'm only going to service with my mom, and after that, sometimes we have a nice christmas lunch at my mom's aunt's place. doesn't seem like that lunch is gonna happen this year. I'm only celebrating it with my parents, hell, I don't even call it celebrating. we're just at home doing whatever we want: mom watching tv in her room, dad watching his movies in the living room, and I'm in my room doing my own stuff. there's never been once when we went out to have a christmas dinner. my sister, you ask? she's having a christmas dinner at her best friend's house. you might ask me, "You have your family with you on christmas, isn't that enough?" technically, I should be. But every year I feel so lonely, and seriously all these things aren't all that exciting as they used to be - I feel like I have no one to really share the joy with. I can't ask my friends out because they ALL have SOMEONE to share that joy with already. Why I don't ask my parents to go out? BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO. THEY JUST WANT TO STAY AT HOME. ESPECIALLY MY FATHER. SERIOUSLY I AM SICK OF THIS. EVERY TIME ITS LIKE THIS. You ask me, "Go ask someone out then!" I ALREADY SAID, I HAVE NO ONE. I AM ALONE. Doesn't that spell out the situation already? Every, single, year. Am I unappreciative? It certainly sounds like it. And I say the same thing on my birthday almost every year. I have friends around me whom I meet for my birthday and for christmas - but honestly, I can't be satisfied. I just don't have that special someone to share my happiness with, and I am truly envious of those who do. I'm also envious of those who are single, and yet feel happy enough to have friends and family around them to share these joys with. Is it because that I don't love my friends and family enough, that I am still single? Afterall, God teaches, "Only when you love your family, can you have the capacity to love others." I take that as me not loving and appreciating my family enough. But seriously I just.. I feel like I've had enough. Every year I say the same thinsS, and I will possibly continue to do so annually.

I am honestly not enjoying myself this christmas, at all. Aside from having my own private time, I have never felt so detached and empty. I find that I hardly talk about myself anymore, and I probably just ask my friends how they've been. I don't open up myself to anyone anymore. I don't do it to my closest friend anymore either. If she thinks I do, then the things I tell her are not my real troubles at all. Those things are still my troubles, but I guess I would classify them as medium troubles. I don't ever confide in anyone about the troubles I'm struggling with deep down in my heart. I'm sorry.. Its not that I'm typing this out for her to read, I'm typing it out because I need to vent since I don't have anyone I trust and feel connected to enough to pour out my troubles. Then here's another question, "Do I want a boyfriend to whom I can pour out my inner troubles?" Honestly, I sure don't want to treat my boyfriend as someone like that. A boyfriend is not supposed to be a diary or a blog or a confidant. Maybe just a little will do, but I'm of the opinion that guys don't like to hear emotional shit from girls. "If girls are too emotional, they're a total turn off." Then how am I to survive? Well, here's your answer: I've been struggling on my own and not confiding in anyone.

I feel like I have a lot of conflicting feelings. I would like a special someone, but because I don't appreciate my family and friends enough, I feel that I can't have that special someone yet. why am I not happy? what is happiness to me? what is true happiness to me? I feel immensely hurt but I don't dwell on these kinds of feelings anymore - just basically looking at things from a more positive perspective. but isn't that just an avenue of escape from my problems? you just continue to "look from the positive perspectives" and eventually you come to convince yourself that you are happier and less depressed, but then it all comes back and you realize you were just lying to yourself, that you just believed that you were okay when you really weren't. I just don't understand these things anymore. I used to be pretty emotional, but this past year I've been looking from a positive perspective and things really turned out for the better. but then my old problems started to hunt me again when my mind is empty of studies. so was I truly looking from a more positive perspective, or was I just running away? of course, you could also suggest that I'm just depressed right now.

I feel hardly happy these days, or am I just thinking I'm not, but actually am unconsciously? Though I said my family isn't doing anything on christmas, that's just for Christmas day itself. We actually have had movie outings on weekends for the past two weeks I think, does that make me happy enough? I know I enjoyed myself, but during those times I just felt very conscious of how I was wondering if I was truly happy and enjoying myself, or going with the flow. I hope that next time, even though I am going with the flow, I can also make something out of it and tell myself that I really am happy. this is so conflicting. I'm sure you're wondering "You worry too much." Personally, it doesn't feel that way to me because I feel that this is a serious problem that can make me feel indifference more and more often. as if nothing really excites me, as if I just cannot truly do what I want with people around me. I feel like I am just causing trouble for them by doing what I want. I cannot feel at ease. Its precisely because our interests are not aligned that I feel this way. Moreover, because of this, I have slowly been just unable to share my interests with anyone anymore. Its impossible. I've been like this for quite long - just not talking about my hobbies and interests and sharing and fangirling with one person, that its become almost practically impossible for me to truly, heatedly, and passionately talk about the things I like. If you want me to, I'm sorry but I can't do that anymore. You won't understand what I'm talking about anyway.

you want me to say this honestly? I definitely feel lonely that my best friend is not with me at this time. I don't know how she feels or thinks inside, but sometimes I feel that I can never be a confidant for her because of my sensitivity to some things and also because she has someone, unlike me. Though how her relationship with that person is like, I do not really know. Things can never be the same - I'm over with the "feel hurt" part already, and have sadly and slowly been able to accept the truth that I can't be with her anymore, so the kind of "things can never be the same again" statement means something along the lines of "I know you're sad that I'm saying these things, and I'm sad too. We both try to work together to make things work out no matter what, and we definitely will, rest assured. But *I* cannot be as carefree as I was around you like in the past. I'm sure you've noticed this. [: Its not something that either of us can control." Something like that I think? I'm not angry or anything.. Its a hard lesson I've learnt, that friends can never be forever with you, that the nature of friendships will change one day. I wonder how we'll be like when I have my own relationship? Maybe I will come to understand your problems and troubles you've had about me, then.. Until then, I ask that you forgive me for being insensitive, sensitive, demanding, and distanced, right now. Its just how I feel right now. Its a way I use to prevent myself from getting hurt I guess?

I was talking with a guy friend the other day, and we came upon the topic of relationships and how I'm still single. I told him, "I don't like getting too close to guys sometimes." and he retorted, saying "Then how on earth can you get a boyfriend?" right now I'm thinking, "What do you know about me and the guys around me whom I'm interested in?" I choose not to get too close to guys I may become interested in - BECAUSE THEY ARE ATTACHED ALREADY!!!! Get that??? That's why I'm not close to guys, I dare not talk too much nor be myself too much around guys whom I'm actually a little interested in, just because they are attached! I'm too afraid of the worst possible consequences, though they may never happen. I'm too afraid of them, because I don't want them to happen at all. I'm probably thinking too much again, but my fear kind of controls me in these situations. Though I'm glad enough that for other guys who are attached whom I may be interested in - that the line has been drawn and I'm comfortable with it. Those are good guy friends to have, thank God for them.

now that's that.. I do apologize for this long and negative ranting post.. to sum up, I'm kind of really hurt for some things, but still okay with others, trying to stay positive in some, and realizing and understanding that I'm slowly distancing myself from people so much that I've lost myself and any excited chats I used to ever have. anything I ever say to people these things, half of the time they're forced, sad to say. or I'm just trying to make surface conversation. I'm looking to connect, but haven't found anyone so I'm not even trying to connect anymore. I'm slowly loosing the passions and excitement of life itself. I'm also more aware of and understand better my darker emotions. things that I didn't want to face previously, things that I've tried to suppress in order to stay as a "good" christian. but I realize that I have to accept these dark thoughts that I have about people and myself in general, before I can move on from these thoughts..

I'm also not a very smart person, but for important things I try as best as I know how to. In all aspects of life, I'm really just a baby I realized - really! I'm also not a very nice person at all, only probably towards my closer circle of friends then I'm nicer and more sincere. Otherwise, I don't give much of a shit. I'm sorry to say it this harsh, but I want me and myself to realize that. So that I can handle new/future friendships better, instead of portraying a really "nice" me all the time. Okay here's the deal, for surface social relationships with people, I'm generally respectful, nice, sometimes upbeat enough for a topic I can relate to, and helpful for small stuff. But if you want to delve into a deeper friendship than that, I'm sorry, if I feel annoyed or irritated by some of your antics, I may just avoid you for the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure some people do that to me too, its understandable. Its awkward, but hey, thats how I handle these things right now. If we're really good friends enough on the surface, I usually show appreciation on birthdays. Its like an obligation I have, its just personal, really. Though I figured this year, that its high time I try not to do that haha, unless that person really means alot to me in some aspects of my life. so now that I've ranted everything out, I feel better, and have more strength to continue to think and try to stay positive, ignoring the "am I really being positive" part.

Its a little early but.. ちょっと早いですけど。。

Its been a fruitful year full of changes, life lessons, heartbreak, and happiness.

I wonder, where should I start? Listening to Chemistry's Winter of Love album makes me want to do up a blog post about this past year.. And I've been wanting to do it anyway.

I think the most significant thing that's happened this year is my own growth. There's definitely more to learn out there about social relationships and personal growth, but for this year this has been more than I'd hoped for. Honestly I can't really remember the first few months this year, except that I was still feeling jolly and free as a student. Those months feel like a few years ago. But now, as my last studying semester has come to pass, the NTU chapter in my life is about to come to a close. I am going to miss NTU, it has been like a second home for the past 4 years and I really loved my time there. It feels like I've been in NTU for more than 4 years, what with all the people I've met, and how much I've changed. How was I like 4 years ago? I can't really remember, but I'm glad I've had these changes.

I remember back in May/June I had a turbulent time with a friend.. I almost wanted to give up, but I'm glad I didn't.. I've only just realized that I take a little longer to adapt to social changes. Some things can't be helped, but that doesn't mean I should stay trapped in the past, because like how things have changed, I have changed too. My friend is not complaining about it, she's kept quiet and watched me grow in the hopes I'd come to understand. I'm glad she didn't give up on me either.. I've really come to realize that I don't grow very fast, nor do I adapt very fast to vastly changing social environments. I realized that I'm not a very nice person anymore, and I'm more self-centered. In the schooling life I've had these past few years, the way I prioritize makes me more aware of only me and myself, and that other things are secondary. I'm glad I decided to really just change my priorities abit a few months back, and everything now is so much more joyful. I'm so much more happy by doing this little change, and I'm glad I did it, because this person means so much to me and I really wanted to do something. Like how my friend puts so much effort in, I really figured that I should return the effort, because it takes two hands to clap. Though nothing can stay the same, I hope that I will continue to put this effort in especially when I start working.. We'll go through this together, okay?

I mentioned heartbreak too, didn't I? Well, no, I haven't been in a relationship, but I've had some wonderful experiences and lessons learnt. I had my eye on 3 people the past year, but now, there are none. Don't take this the wrong way - I am neither sad nor angry. I'm glad I met these people, they've made me realize and learn the hard way about my feelings and myself. "Don't be a girl about it." one of them said to me, I clearly remember wanting to reply "I'm a GIRL. How can I NOT be a girl about it??" So I realized I wouldn't want a guy like that. At the same time, I was becoming better friends with someone else who told me "Don't bash yourself up like that." when I wasn't feeling my best. One of the rarer instances when I felt support and understanding from a guy - it doesn't happen to me often because I'm not very close to guys. We talk about anything under the sun, and we're comfortable about it. We even know each other's crushes. But alas, his crush was also returning his feelings. He told me about how there was someone he 'was getting close to', but I didn't make anything much of that statement.. Until I happened to chance upon them together studying. I felt hurt, truthfully. Then I realized, ah, this must be some sort of jealousy.. I didn't want to lie to myself, so I told myself what I was feeling, "Yes, I'm actually hurt." I wasn't too depressed nor too affected, because there were circumstances about us that were rather.. abnormal. The most important thing I got out of this was the kind of guy I would like for a partner in the future. Someone whom I can support and receive support in return. Someone with whom its okay to be abit stupid or dumb. Someone with whom you can bear to let look when you're looking most cui, or feeling down. Someone with whom you don't want to bash yourself up too much because he said so and because you want to be positive about yourself too. Then, these two guys made me realize how futile my attempt to connect with my crush was, and so I have finally decided to really just move on - maybe there really wasn't anything there afterall. I won't be seeing him again anymore, so its a good time to let go. I actually do feel that I'm slowly forgetting about this person as time passes - a person can only be on your mind if you connect with him/her. If not, then things just.. gradually disappear, and then you realize, oh! its actually fading away.

I also mentioned "happiness" right? Well you got that right - the previous two add on to my happiness, whilst my japan trip was the highlight of this year I think? When I look back at the pictures I took, they feel nostalgic and I can't help but crack up at the pictures we took together, the time we spent together, the time we had living together in the same room. Its just extremely unforgettable. I'm going back to Japan next june, though not with the same company. I don't know if I'm ever going with them again, but I sure wouldn't mind it. We compromise well together, we work pretty alright together. We spill the beans good enough together. That said, maybe for just one person I cannot feel comfortable around with - it started to feel really bad and awkward AFTER the trip when the semester started. I don't hate the person - there's just something wrong. I hope I can get over it, but who knows? I'm not a very nice person afterall :p I care more for the people whom are closer to me, or whom I can connect better with. Really, you just CANNOT keep up the "nice" facade all the time - its pretty much impossible if you're not the type (: I have to find ways to present myself in a good manner even though I'm not nice.

dango

watched Snow White & The Huntsman with Daphne today! after that went shopping at the japanese supermart for the ingredients to make dango and onigiri hehe~~ gonna start on dango tomorrow. testing testing how much of the dango flour I should use, water, steaming, etc. looking forward to the testing phase before I make dango dessert for anyone lol.

so! reviewing the snow white movie..:

in a nutshell, I give it 3.6/5. Its a pretty nice and good movie to watch, and I really enjoyed watching it. Hmm where do I start.. I guess I should split my commentary into a few sections.

general: plot, environment etc.

okay well, it IS a snow white movie so there are definitely elements of the fairytale in this: the evil queen, snow white, the dwarves, the huntsman, and THE MIRROR! take all these characters, mash them up, put them in a fantasy setting with a dark and gritty edge to it, and you get Snow White & The Huntsman. No, there's no prince here. Yes, there's a kiss scene. And thank LORD the one who woke snow white up was NOT her childhood sweetheart, but the huntsman. and also thank LORD that there wasn't any real romance and the epilogue ended just right. Why do I say this? read it in the next section. I went in the theatre not really expecting anything much as I had already seen what would be going on in the movie after watching the 5-minute trailer on youtube. I wish I hadn't done that. But regardless, since rotten tomatoes gave it a bad rating of about 46%, I didn't want to think about "expectations" and start criticizing the movie while watching it. I wanted to enjoy this movie for what it was, I wanted to enjoy a movie that was in a fantasy setting with horse-riding scenes that stole my heart away with the background orchestral sounds accompanying it. I really loved the mounted knights galloping into battles. I always love these types of scenes. Loved it. So epic.

I'm also quite biased for british fantasy settings. Not really because of LOTR, but I just love the idea of knights in armor being all valiant - that's a man I say. I'm sold. Lol. With all that strength and courage to face a battle - that's a man. That's MY kind of heart throbe. Haha.

I also really liked the forbidden forest, and the enchanted forest after that. the troll was so cute. the enchanted fairy forest was really quite beautiful - in a rough sort of way. Don't get me wrong - I loved that forest for looking both beautiful and yet wild and untamed - it was like a natural forest in a world where everything else was desolated. for a snow white film, these forests are a must. no, there's no singing nor dancing in this forest, thank goodness. It was like a transition into another world that was untouched by man. This was the only environment in the movie that I actually paid more attention to. The rest of the environments/settings - like the castle, the throne room, the great hall - I didn't pay much attention to, nor did the movie fill me in on the details of where was what and what was where. it was just scene after scene like walking a straight trail that didn't permanently split at all. that was what the whole journey in the story felt like too. its a linear plot, that's it. but I like how it was done - so that's that.

the only thing that I didn't exactly buy in this story was how SHORT the climax was. was it supposed to be a climax or a conclusion? seemed like both to me actually. or rather, there wasn't much building up, nor climax, nor conclusion. the story doesn't seem written that way. it was really just a linear plot, one part transitioning into another. and I also don't have a map of how the world in snow white looks like - but if the director was banging on his audience to know what lies after each location, then there's no need of a map, and I was sold on his assumptions. so it was alright. no complaints. I just want to enjoy this movie for what it is. in a sense, its an "epic" movie - not in The Avengers sort of way, but in a rather a simple, dark, gritty manner. its basically snow white and darkness packed into one small box. I'd remake this movie into a drama if I could. I'd want to show more background, more settings, expand on the world and its characters. regardless, this was a pretty satisfactory movie. I wasn't asking much, so I got more than what I wanted, on the surface. I enjoyed it for it being simple and not trying to be complicated and messing itself up in the proces, period.

characters and their actors/actresses

Snow white and her childhood friend didn't have alot of interactions when they finally reunite almost a decade later so thank goodness it wasn't his kiss that woke her up -_- it was the huntsman's kiss that did. and that was the only "romance" in the movie, really. thank goodness they didn't go for the "snow white and the huntsman fall for each other along the way" side-story because that would have been devastating. kristen stewart and chris hemsworth are not meant to be an on-screen couple. no. I have no idea how old the huntsman(chris hemsworth's character) is in the movie, but as the huntsman, he seems like ten years older than young snow white, who's age is probably around 16. its not about their ages that aren't compatible, its how stewart and hemsworth don't have much chemistry and hence they aren't compatible. well, the huntsman can fall in love with her, but not the other way around - not while snow white is portrayed by stewart. hell I wouldn't mind a BOOK about snow white and the huntsman falling in love along the way, but in this movie, NO. thank goodness it didn't happen. talking about a book.. since I felt that the movie could have been deeper, I think a book would have done this story more justice, while the movie would just be a prelude or a brush on the surface of something better. I would have loved to see deeper stories and semi-plotlines about the characters in this movie but then it would take a drama, rather than a movie, to do it. maybe I should write my own Snow White & The Huntsman. that would satisfy (the girl in) me alot more. HAHAHA. I'm a sucker for romance. Especially when its between a reluctant person and a princess who's strong in her own right, as characters. not the actors or actresses who portrayed them. as characters in a BOOK, when you can imagine how they look like on your own, they can fall in love. but in this movie, NO.

that said, I was sold on how kristen stewart and chris hemsworth acted out their own characters. this is a story about a princess who is strong, young and beautiful, and goes into battle, and I was more or less convinced enough throughout the whole movie that kristen was suitable enough for this role. I don't care of people think she's not beautiful enough, I think she had an inner beauty as snow white - that's what sold me on it. I was convinced by snow white that she IS the snow white *for this movie*. Innocent and yet mature enough, she has the "destined" look about her when you watch how snow white carries herself, she's got that "I don't know realize it, but I'm actually on a totally different level than you in terms of being mysteriously beautiful and destined for something.". The only thing I wasn't really sold on was the last part of the movie when she started taking up the role of a leader - that part didn't suit her. but at least it was only for a short while. by right, snow white is an inexperienced fighter from what I've been shown in the movie, but she has survival instincts. or rather... it seems that alot of "traits" were built into snow white as a character and you aren't shown how she develops them - she can ride a horse, she can hold a blade and swing it right, she knows how to run on very uneven ground in the dark forest(but of course she trips and falls as per normal). we aren't shown how she learnt to do these things, they were just built in the character. nevermind, its alright. I still bought it and didn't question it- because afterall, I wanted to enjoy this movie, not criticize it for what it didn't show me. ^^ at the end of the day, during the battle, I could really see that at least the director didn't ruin her as a leader by making her shout commands. it was as if her army was there only to buy her time to kill the queen. that was her only role - to find and kill the queen, not overturn the queen's army. you can see that snow white is still snow white - she is small and petite when standing before the queen, she TRIES to fight, and not TRULY fight. if she did, I would NOT have been sold on this character. snow white-kristen stewart is not angelina jolie, period. I think the movie was careful enough not to make me doubt snow white as a character. in this movie, to me, snow white is supposed to be an inexperienced swordsman/leader, that's it. if she fought REALLY WELL, that would have totally torn the character apart.

now for the huntsman.. granted, chris hemsworth is far too overwhelming an actor to JUST BE AN HUNTSMAN. but his handsome rugged-type face AND HOT BOD was toned down by him wearing a huntsman's clothing, and all that facial hair and dirt make-up on his face made it convincing enough. the camera angle on him made him seem alot shorter than he actually is IRL, which also sold me on his huntsman role. his behavior and the things he said made it convincing enough that though chris hemsworth is in this role, HE IS NOT THOR IN HERE. thank goodness. he plays the protective guardian in this movie, like snow white's right hand man. from beginning to end, it felt to me as if the huntsman gradually could see for himself that snow white is special and important to the kingdom, and that he feels obliged to protect her from harm till the time comes when she has to kill the queen. and protect her he does. it felt as if he was gradually drawn to her, to protect her as her knight, and it didn't matter if he didn't end up as her prince charming. you couldn't really feel his anguish when she died from the poisoned apple, but you could understand his grief that "whoever I am close to, dies" since he had a wife who died prior to the movie's timeline. he was grieving over her death and, having been drawn closer to snow white throughout the whole journey, she became somewhat of an important person to him - the movie showed this. so it felt appropriate that it was HIS KISS that resurrected snow white, NOT her childhood sweetheart's. I was sold on the snow white X huntsman pairing, sorry childhood sweetheart william. they're both good-looking though :p there's nothing to say about the huntsman's action/fighting scenes because THIS IS CHRIS HEMSWORTH. THERE'S NO QUESTIONING HIS ACTION SCENES. CHRIS HEMSWORTH IS A NATURAL FOR ACTION SCENES. so what can I say? I'm sold on the huntsman - I liked him enough. or rather, alot. because its chris hemsworth in a role of the hunter who slowly finds himself drawn to the mysterious yet beautiful snow white and falling for who she is. THANK GOD HE DID NOT DIE. I would've RAGED TILL HELL BLEW OVER, if he did. and THANK GOODNESS they didn't show a second kiss scene between snow white and the huntsman. it was the huntsman who slowly fell for her, not the other way round. if you observed the first time the huntsman saw her - his expression was already a foretelling that HE was the one who'd be slowly drawn to her. it would've been beyond weird if after being coronated, she ran and jumped into his arms and smiled all happily. but at least, during the last scene, he was the last person (i.e. most important person) that snow white noticed while she stood in front of her new throne in the great hall that was flanked left and right with people. during that scene, the huntsman was right at the back near the great doors, slowly walking towards the center from the sides behind the crowd while looking at her, and snow white's eyes followed his every stride. that was the most important ending scene to me. basically, at this point, it was acknowledged that the huntsman became somewhat of an important person to snow white. in short, I love you, huntsman. I adore you, chris hemsworth. that's it.

the evil queen? there's no questioning her. I was sold on her character and how she was portrayed. the only irky complaint I have is how... a little over-the-top her screaming was. it would've been better if she screamed more naturally. I don't know how to put it, but that was how I felt. other than that, the evil queen, WAS THE EVIL QUEEN.

and that's all I have to say about Snow White & The Huntsman. (: I'm pretty tempted to buy the blu-ray/dvd for this movie, and Thor, and The Avengers..

やっぱり胸が痛い。。/ my chest really does feel tight..

I'm hopelessly crushing on Justin. At first I got a little bit angry, and tried to just forget about him entirely from my own and my friends' encouragement.. But every single time, I find myself thinking about him again and again. Then I realized that I just.. really like this person.

At first it was hard to control my feelings and I had my hopes up frequently.. But after a while, I just let things slide and decided to just look at him from afar. It made me really happy to just be able to look at him from far away. And this was last semester..

This time round.. I started the semester in January with the same thinking: Just looking from afar and not talking to him - like I'm just some sort of stranger to him. But the more I saw him the more I wanted to talk to this person.. To get a little bit closer to him. I learned from my past experiences with this person that its hard to get him to talk.

Last semester for the lab module I always felt happy just being able to spot him from afar, but at the same time I kind of.. "hated" on him. Because to me, he was always a difficult person to talk to.. But I was still happy. And my lab partner could tell how happy I was.

Then for this semester I checked the photo gallery for the lab module and found out that he's in the same slot and day again. This time round it was going to be organic laboratory so he would be at the same fumehood all the time instead of last semester when it was physical laboratory where the location of each experiment was different.. So obviously this time I checked which fumehood he would be assigned to, whilst also finding out that another good friend of mine would be in the same lab as he. They'd be in lab 1 while I'd be in lab 2, and even better was that my friend would be doing the same experiments as I would be every week. This gave me a good excuse to visit lab 1 while waiting for my reactions to complete.. Which I always did, every single week. Except for my birthday (yes it fell on a lab day), because that experiment was demanding and I was too nervous to visit Justin's fumehood on my birthday aka valentines.. Whenever I visited lab 2, I told myself that I could use the excuse that my friend was doing the same experiment schedule as I was, to visit his lab where Justin was as well.. Every time I visited I would stop by my friend's before trying to spot where Justin was. The first visit I noticed that his fumehood was at the same row as my friend's - I guess you can say I was pretty happy about it, because it would be easy and convenient to drop by at Justin's. Before I plucked up the courage to talk to Justin, whenever I passed by him at his fumehood, I would tug at his lab sleeve as a form of greeting of sorts.. I wasn't yet prepared to say hi to him in a friendly way yet so I just tugged.. I was happy enough. Some time later I plucked up the courage to "talk" to him - just mindless statements about the lab - like which experiment he was doing, how was it and all. He was unexpectedly more cheerful and happy compared to the previous few semesters - and it made me wonder what had changed for him to become like that, even in the faculty. He was known to be a cold unfriendly person to others at the faculty, and didn't have much of a presence since he always left immediately after lectures ended.. Regardless I was happy and whenever I returned to my own fumehood in the other lab I would be satisfied and happy and would blurt out whatever happened to Vicky who happens to always be beside me during every lab. What I loved the most during these visits was how more friendly he'd become, his voice, his smile (though I never dared to look at him in the face for long - it'd be too much for me to take) - and most of all just standing beside him.. I can never forget how it feels like to stand right beside him. That tall built figure standing right beside someone as petite as I am.. I could always feel myself shaking because of that feeling.

And not only was he in the same day for lab, he was also taking two other modules that I had undertaken too. It made me even happier (heheh), and I managed to give him valentine's chocolates for once. I wonder if he ate them (lol) or.. disposed it, because when I saw him leaving the building a while later he wasn't holding it anymore. One of the modules I always made a point to sit beside him; it was hard to keep myself sane from the accelerated heartbeats and my mind going crazy about how close I was to him again in a while. Though we didn't talk at all, he did cheerfully greet me hello and goodbye before I did - and I returned the greetings as cheerfully and happy as I could - afterall, I really WAS happy about how he said it first before I did.

And now that semester is over.. I guess I will never have the chance to talk to him, nor see him ever again. From what I know, he's going to be doing the industrial attachment in the upcoming semester - and I'll be in school. And the exact opposite when I'm on my own attachment the next next semester. I really wanted to take a photo with him at least for memory's sake but I guess maybe it wasn't meant to be then eh? My friend suggested I could do it during convocation but I told her Justin didn't seem like the sort to attend it.. But if he does, I would really want to snap a shot with him. I don't think I'll be confessing though.

The last time anyone made me feel this way was Ben. I haven't crushed on someone this hopelessly since Ben. But I already know its one-sided, just like it was with Ben. I'm keeping my distance properly and making sure I don't make him feel stalked by a small girl (hahaha) while constantly feeling a heartache whenever I think about this person. I don't think about him every second of every day, but once in a while. Its just really hidden, in a sense - although a few of my friends know how hopeless my case is (heheheh). I can't control my feelings - and they're serious feelings, not some half-assed thing.

All this might sound like some kind of puppy crush and if it really is I won't deny it.. Afterall, I barely know this person and how he's really like. But I'm already hopelessly falling. I like him, a whole lot. To the point that I could cry just by having had a dream in which we were talking like real good friends. I don't desire for anything else right now other than to be able to be better friends with this person.. But its not going to happen any time soon, nor ever.

I hope I can meet someone in the future for whom I can feel the same way and he'd feel the same for me.

heh

I've decided not to pursue anything with Joseph, and also to cut off all ties with said person.

For the past 7 years, we were always on and off contact - all I can remember of our conversations is how they always ended up in the same argument about how he wants to try me. I could never accept it and always ended up blocking him. Its been going on like this for the past few years, and this time round I've decided to put a stop to it after a friend made me truly realize what was happening, and how I was really being treated.

I've been manipulated emotionally and morally to go against my beliefs about how a relationship should be. I will not go into details.. There's too much to say and since I've decided that I do not want this person to resurface in my life again, there's no point in me going on about the reasons to my decision. I've decided, and that's that. Nothing more, and nothing less.

I should have stuck with my beliefs all these years, and now I need to re-affirm in these beliefs.. I need a moral compass for this.. I find it difficult to do this all over again.. I just pray that someone will come by in the future - someone who truly treasures me. Because if he does, then naturally he would respect me, he would make sure *I* was ready as well, basically, he would NEVER pressure me into doing things that go against my beliefs.

I feel so morally gray.. I've been feeling so gray these years. There's not much black and white opinions I have about morality/ethical issues these days.. I feel so.. Just what have I become?

Being a girl is difficult sometimes - especially if you're someone like me. Girls sometimes depend on others' kindness for strength to pick themselves up from where they've fallen. This time round.. Instead of relying on friends' kindness and concern, I want to stand back up on my two feet with my own strength. I want to recover back my beliefs. I don't want to rely on other people's encouragement.. I want to rely on my own strength. I wonder if I will be able to do it. I want to be emotionally independent about this.

"Just wot the fuck you want??"

I asked Joseph that question the other day, and also requested for him to be honest about it. So he said "I want...company."

..Company?? Okay, I'm not sure how many of you get into relationships with motives that are vastly different from your partner, but the general reason for getting into one is because you're interested in the person, right? Like, you LIKE him/her. And also the other party feels the same - hopefully. Even if its not that way, I still find that the way Joseph is approaching all these is just... as if he has no real feelings? I don't like it. Okay well, everything's just barely started because our exams JUST ended a week ago. But nevermind that - this is a journal entry, a place to voice out my real thoughts.

Fuck, I'm not someone whom you can just ..omg, I don't even know how to put all these feelings and thoughts into proper words. Please don't treat me like I'm some person you can ask out and not show any real interest in R.E.A.L.L.Y. wanting to see me? F, I'm not going to say all these things to him, it'll defeat the whole purpose! See if you really like someone, you'd EXPRESS your interest in wanting to meet him/her, right? It doesn't feel that way with Joseph!!! Omg man.

Okay, well, we're just trying. things. out. And here's where my HUGE confusion starts. What does "trying it out" pertain anyway? Does it mean that its just a "okay u free i free, i see first if i want to meet u." wot the fuck?? How are things going to work out that way??? Just ...wot the f man. I don't even know what's going on. I don't want to show that I *want* to see this person when he doesn't show it!!! F THIS MAN!!!

Seriously, if he was really interested in me, and not in this for "company", he'd put his back into asking me out. F, I feel WEIRD saying things like "we" "together" "us", because omg, this is just a try out!!!

What do I feel about all this? What do I really want to do? I want to go out with this person to walk around/watch movies/whatever with the more-than-friends motive. Not the "okay u free i free" thing only. This is the way *I* would do things. I suppose I will need to control my feelings - like, don't start feeling about all this too early or too much - afterall, its just a try out. But when HE does this don't-start-feeling-yet thing on me - in all honesty, it kinda hurts. Like he ALSO doesn't care. Fuck, HE WAS THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED THE TRY OUT. WHY ISN'T HE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT??? Like, asking me out, talking to me etc.

On the topic of talking, okay well, not everyday obviously. But seriously, I don't have any interesting conversations with this person!!! Heck, even from before trying it out it was like this already!! Him and I have nothing in common!! He doesn't make the effort to talk about anything else other than 'hi' 'how was your day' etc.. But I shall *appreciate* it that he at least MAKES the effort to suddenly ask me these things out of the blue.

F THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!! But I guess I shouldn't say things like "I want out" when nothing's really started yet. But if by the end of this summer break there's no improvement then THAT'S IT. I think. I'm going to need to find the courage within me to put an end to this once and for all. The only reason we're back in contact is because of this try out thing. We've had a long history going back to our primary school days and so we have something like a "soft" spot for each other. We've never dated each other before so we decided to try it out - not JUST because we've been friends long and never dated each other before.

Another thing that I *CANNOT* accept is his desire for intimacy. Seriously, INTIMACY IN THE TRY OUT STAGE? DON'T F WITH ME. F NO OKAY. And he CANNOT get this into his F-ING. THICK. SKULL. And that's the reason why I'm always off and on contact with this person - he pisses me off with how lightly he takes this intimacy issue. You want the extra deal of intimacy in this try out stage? SORRY, NO CAN DO. I don't even have the slightest how this try out stage with him is going to work out without intimacy because he's really quite the insistent type. I need to come up with ALOT of countermeasures. But there's a limit to how many encounters I escape.

I don't mind intimacy if we're going SERIOUS, because that's when we have feelings for the other person. But now? NO OKAY. NO CAN DO. NO GO. RED LIGHT.

That's all. I can't think of anymore I wanted to say. Brain bock. Ugh.

BUST THOSE ZITS

ya that's right. but don't do that physically!

adapted from: Lifestyle, April 2012, pg 100

MYTHS OF ACNE PREVENTION

1. CHOCOLATE GREASY FOOD AND CAFFEINE CAUSES ACNE BREAKOUTS

- That's a lie. In fact, research has shown that these food items (potato chips, chocolate, french fries etc) rarely causes acne!!! However, if your face DOES break out the next day after eating these things - it is best to find out WHICH FOOD ITEM caused the break out!

2. DRINK MORE WATER TO FLUSH OUT ACNE

- ******* lie. There's NO PROOF that water has that ability. That said, DO DRINK WATER in healthy amounts. i.e. THIRST DRIVEN DRINKING! Its your BODY that needs water (:

3. SUGAR CAUSES ACNE

- False. Like chocolate and greasy food. BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN EAT SWEETS LIKE THE WORLD'S GONNA END TOMORROW OKAY!!!

4. ACNE IS CAUSED BY OILY SKIN

- Okay, truth be told, I thought the oil skin and dirt clogged up my pores on the sides of my faces that gave me pimples there. But apparently not eh? Pores will be clogged whether or not you have dry or oily skin.

So that's about it. Ciao.

お願いジュンブライト

okay the title has nothing to do with this post. I initially just wanted to make some Notes on facebook, but couldn't find the tab so I assumed it became extinct with the new facebook look. So here I am blogging instead.

I was reading this month's lifestyle magazine over lunch and I just wanna share some of the pages in it that might help peeps out there.

The most important nutrients/vitamins/minerals for one's skin - whether you're male or female.

Reading about it makes me want to invest in these things LOL Either by eating better or taking better care of myself, etc.

Adapted from: Lifestyle, April 2012, pg 94-95. So first, EVENING PRIMEROSE OIL. Obviously extracted from the plant lol. Helps in skin conditions like acne, eczema, pre-menstrual syndrome and psoriasis. Generally well-tolerated by most people, but some may get headaches, nausea and stomach aches. Okay, the main reason why I'd want to take this, IS BECAUSE MY MOM IS ALSO TAKING IT LOLOLOL. And she's been taking it since forever. So I was thinking, maybe I can too - when I'm older (:

Second, ANTIOXIDANTS. Now, in my opinion, THESE ARE VERY IMPORTANT. I have no idea why, but its probably because I'm just biased for berries LOL They help to hinder radical production in our skin that's caused by excessive exposure to sun, stress, pollution, alcohol and stress. These free radicals weaken our skin and accelerate aging!!!

ANTIOXIDANTS INCLUDE VITAMIN A, C, AND SELENIUM. Short for vital amines, if you didn't know. But what we all DO know is that vitamins are important no matter what. And these are essential for healthy and supple skin. So take as much foods that contain these lovelies as you can, in healthy amounts (:

VITAMIN A is awesome for good vision, a healthy immune system, and cell growth. Long history of use in treating acne - by encouraging collagen production in the skin.

VITAMIN C. Yeah, I think we all know pretty well what this does. Aside from improving the immune system like we all know already, it also helps in IRON ABSORPTION. So girls, we need this vitamin (;

VITAMIN E. Yeah, The Body Shop has commercialized/made famous Vitamin E with their related products LOL. It is actually the most important vitamin that prevents damage to cell membrane enzymes by inactivating free radicals. It has been noted to reduce UV/photo damage, wrinkles, and improve skin texture - though if taken in large concentrations may cause bleeding. So when taking this vitamin, くれぐれもお気おつけて下さいね - which translates to be careful (:

SELENIUM - preserve tissue elasticity and thus slows down aging!

So, what's the last thing on the list? LIFESTYLE CHANGES, that's what. I think we all know - stress management, sunscreen, healthy diets and water, and HEALTHY SLEEP!!!

By the way, never use supplements as a form of　換わり。 i.e. do not use supplements as REPLACEMENTS for real food!!!

christmas days

so before I start off the bulk of this post, let me just get a few things off my chest first! XD

one, DAMN MY SEC 3 TUITION KID IS CUTE! Like, the boyish cute. Seriously, he might be ALOT younger than me, and according to him, "the shortest one in class, the smallest one, too light for a guy, too skinny for a guy", I'm like "Dude, if I were younger than you, I wouldn't mind you lol." Plus he seems to have an awesome character. I really pray that girls won't mind his height so much lol. At least, for me, I'll always be shorter than general guys, so I have no problem finding taller guys lol. When I tried comparing our heights, he was like "I AM TALLER THAN YOU LA" to which I replied "I THOUGHT WE WERE AT SIMILAR HEIGHTS OMG" Ah well. He's really cute :p but no worries, not going to step over boundaries here. BUT DAMN AM I LUCKY LOL. He has an awesome character, and damn "When I talk to you, I feel like I'm talking to a friend than a teacher." I SHALL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT :D!! TO ALL THE YOUNG GIRLS OUT THERE, THIS IS A GUY YOU SHOULD BE FRIENDS WITH LOLOLOL.

next, DAMN MY STYLIST LEFT A BIG IMPRESSION ON ME. BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I ONLY SEE HIM ONCE EVERY TWO TO THREE MONTHS, I THINK OF HIM SOOOO FONDLY AND QUITE OFTEN BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A NICE, NORMAL GUY. DAMN LOL. He's always asking me, in chinese, "Going pak tor today ah?" to which I always reply no (honest), he says "Aiyooo, why never??" LOL AND THE WHOLE CONVERSATION IS ABOUT OUR CURRENT LIVES (in general terms). I'm really fond of him in that friendly way XD

ON TO THE BULK OF THE POST.

I WENT TO USS TODAYYYYYYYYY YAIZZZZZZ With my mom and sis~~ I had everything for free since they paid for everything >< I feel really bad sia, gotta make sure I pay them back or return the favors when I start working lol seriously.

So we headed to USS in the morn at about.. 11am? And spent the whole day there lol. We rode almost every single ride out there, like, at least one for each of the different attractions (Sci-fi, Egyptian, New York, Far Far Away, Madagascar etc) BUT THE FIRST WAS THE TRANSFORMERS RIDE OMG I WAS LIKE "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU--------" FOR THE -WHOLE- RIDE LOL. I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE OF HAVING NO WORDS TO SAY DURING THE WHOLE RIDE LOLOLOLOL And we sat RIGHT IN FRONT. SO IT WAS AWESOME. DAMN lol, after trying all the rides already, we thought of doing the transformers ride again - but the waiting time was still as horrid as about an hour long at least lol. So yes, on average, if its a clear sunny day, an hour's long of wait is usual.. I won't complain about that because its something thats hard to avoid (: But thank goodness, for the next two rides, because of the rainy weather where people gave up queueing for the two outdoor roller coaster rides, we got in without much waiting :D LOL WE SAW MOM CLOSE HER EYES FOR THE RED ROLLER COASTER HAHAHAHAHHA AND SIS WAS LIKE "AIYO SO WASTED LOL!!!" and when she further told us "Nvm, sometimes I close one eye only." sis went "OMGGG EVEN WORSE LOLOL" HAHAHAHAHAH THAT WAS SO FUNNY. PLUS OUR STUPID WTF :OOOOO FACES TAKEN ON THE CAMERA LOOKED LIKE "LOLOLOLOLOL" my mouth gapped wide open, and sis's as well LOL we were laughing at each other HAHAHAHAHA.

AND DAMN LOL SIS AND I TOOK THE 360-TURN BLUE RIDE TWO TIMES AHAHAHAHAHA IT WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME LOLOLOLOL. Mom didn't take this one because the red one was just nice for her already XD!!!!! DAMN THIS RIDE WAS JUST FUCKING AWESOME. The transformers one was just AWESOME, that 3D experience and all that. BUT THIS ROLLER COASTER RIDE WAS SO FUCKING THRILLING LOLOLOL I told sis, "Yeah...gonna be addicted" HAHAHA. OH YA! The second time we took the blue ride, I suggested "...Lets seat at the first row this time round." AND LOLOLOL THAT WAS JUST FUCKING AWESOME SHIT LOLOLOLOL Damn I really never knew roller coasters were meant to be THIS THRILLING. I was always afraid or not really interested because I always feel that, because of my weight and small size, I may really FLY OUT of my seat. But now that I think about it, there are YOUNGER CHILDREN TAKING THIS. So I was like '...yeah, they're even lighter than me.." So yeah, I HAVE THUS CHANGED MY OPINION OF ROLLER COASTER RIDES NOW, AND I LOVE THEM HAHAHAHAHA.

So anyways, those were more of the highlights of the day for all of us - since we're all adults, these attractions were better to us in our opinion. the kids rides that we sat are relaxing, and a good way to slow down the day.... THOUGH IN THE END SIS AND I TOOK THE BLUE RIDE (SECOND TIME) AS OUR ENDING RIDE OF THE ADVENTURE HAHAHA. Just DAMN LOL WE'RE SUCKERS FOR THIS THRILLING EXPERIENCE. ah well.

oh yes, we had pizza for lunch! It was really niceeeeee. When we just entered USS, sis and I were like "... I smell nice pizzas." so yeah, that just decided the pizza's fate for our lunch ;D THEN WE HAD CHILLI'S FOR DINNER at around 10pm. DAMN THAT WAS SO DAMN NICE. THE FOOD WE SHARED WAS JUST SO FUCKING AWESOME. I JUST *HAVE* TO EAT AT CHILLI'S AGAIN I FUCKING SWEAR. (http://chilis.sg/) I JUST MUST. EAT. AT. CHILLI'S. AGAIN. I DON'T CARE. DAMN I SHALL JUST DRAG YOU PEOPLE TO TRY IT OUT. ITS FUCKING AWESOME - to me anyways. FREE FLOW OF MAJOR DRINKS - the blackberry iced tea was NICE! And the chicken crisps, and the starting salad. BIG PORTIONS, REAL HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE, NICE CHICKEN CRISPS AND BRILLIANT FRIES, SALAD, CORN DAMN ALL JUST IN TWO DISHES ONLY! JUST... FUCK, I MUST EAT AT CHILLI'S AGAIN. Aside from RWS, there's one at tanglin mall ;D

I think that's about it for today, really. It was just really fun at USS, and the general experience at RWS was good ^^ I don't know if I'll go back again, but...
...Yeah, I think its just blatantly obvious how much I enjoyed myself HAHAHAHAHA

CIAO!

fun days

so I went to Desaru for a nice getaway at the Lotus Beach Resort with my uni clique – 6 of us in total. And it was fun because of the good company! I wouldn’t say that the resort is top-knotch, but whenever you have good company – usually everything turns out GOOD! (: and it helped that we didn’t argue at all during our stay there. We lived under one roof in a 3 bedroom apartment lol – and I was pretty worried that we’d argue who’d use the bathroom, or whether we could share some toiletries etc. but thank God that we all were open with all these things and didn’t mind it at all.
I wonder what it’d be like if I lived like that with you girls instead? We might end up arguing over certain things :p not that I’m saying we definitely WILL, but with our friendship on the line, damn I’m pretty afraid of that. I’m usually anything, but I don’t know about some of you XD we’ve all been separated all over the place for too long that we’re not spending almost everyday together now, unlike during our secondary school days heh. I do hope though, that if we ever go on a trip together, that we still be respectful, humble, and give-and-take to each other (:

Anyways, back to the original intent of this post lol. To start off, damn we had to wake up early to catch the first train at 540 so as to make sure we wouldn’t be late for the coach lol >< though at first, we were to go by ferry, but a few weeks before departure, the guide told us the ferry terminal to Desaru suddenly got shut down – or something like that. So we had to wake up pretty early to catch the coach instead =W= 5am – I haven’t woken up THAT early in a LONG LONG while LOL. Oh yes, when I boarded the train, it was pretty surprising to see that the seats were almost full already! I had TOTALLY expected (and wanted) an empty train of sorts for the peace and quiet, but I guess not.

So it’s officially my first time out of the country on my own with friends – and it was a really really good experience. I really enjoyed it a lot.¬¬ all that independency was refreshing. Being out of my family’s protection but at the same time we looked out for each other – I’m really, really glad we cared for each other that way, especially when we passed the borders yup.

silvia and I sat beside each other for the whole journey during the coach and we were the two who were always sleeping LOL especially the first day before we reached the resort.

so after we passed the border, they took us to the fruit farm as per the itinerary. but before that, we had a short stop for breakfast at the JB area since some of the other passengers (who signed up for the same tour package to Desaru) requested for a breakfast stop. the 6 of us ended up eating at a cafe instead of the coffee shop. most of us were feeling full already, so we just had something light like toast and/or beverage. I had thick toast spread with peanut on top ^^

so after that we slept on the coach (again) and headed for the fruit farm. TBH, Amanda and I weren't really listening to what the guide was saying, we were just doing some photo-taking of the plants there and doing some of our own observations (; scientist much? heh plus we got to taste really fresh, albeit really sweet too, passionfruit juice. yup it was fresh alright,with all that crushed pulp lol. it was quite an eye-opener to be seeing all those plants and fruit trees actually. they also had a zoo lol. a mini zoo. which I think was... well I don't really like going to zoos because the animals are kept there in captivity. seeing animals in cages isn't something I enjoy much. they should be free (: I guess you could say that farm was a pretty commercialized one, even the guide said so himself, so I was thinking to myself "money-leeching bastards" lol. I hope the animals there are treated okay at least.

so anyways, after that we had a... what they called "fruit lunch" but to me, it was like regular lunch LOL. when the itinerary read "fruit lunch" I really thought it was lunch FULL OF FRUITS ONLY. which would've been fine as well. but anyways, the lunch was niceeeee. I wouldn't say it was DELICIOUS, but it was good enough for my taste and appetite haha. I ate quite a bit lol :p then after that we had a little talk on bees keeping management - or summin' like that. silvia was like "omg.. I don't want to sit through a LECTURE when we're on holiday! -.-" HAHAHAHAHA I agreed with that. at least they gave each of us a sampling of honey ;) and it was TASTYYY. and I was sooo tempted to start a new habit of taking a spoon of honey everyday LOL yeah... since they say good honey is nutritious. ah well.

and that was the end of the tour on the itinerary. the rest was just free and easy, like we wanted, and the tour guide left us to our own stuff for the rest of the stay thank goodness lol it was more like, the fruit farm tour was a complimentary thing LOL the real tasty bit was just having time to ourselves hahahaha. so when we arrived at the resort, OMG IT WAS CROWDED. yeah.. so it was goodbye to peaceful quiet days. but hmm, maybe it was better that way, since I was with friends and enjoying the quiet days with my own stuff isn't really nice lol. better to just spend your time with company (; I can always do my own things on my own time at home or something anyways. so! hmm.. we started off playing card games, as usual we did monopoly and uno lolololol. whilst snacking heh. but at the end of it all we were too tired already lol and so some of us ended sleeping for a while (silvia did) I think I did too, on the chair lol.

by the time we were ready to head to the beach, it was about... 5 or something. we spend about two hours there just putting our feet in the crashing waves hahaha. and camwhoring. lol. it was really nice to step on the sand barefooted and all. been a few months since we last did that haha. though, the first time we stepped into the water was with our slippers on. AND ONE OF MINE ALMOST FLOATED AWAY LOLOLOLOL thank goodness Kai Bin was quick... but she got wet because of that haha >_> after that we just decided to head back to our room for a bath and of course, our instant noodles dinner. we had in our plans to go drinking that night too, at the bar, after our dinner and some games and some tv haha. I ended up sleeping a bit whilst waiting for amanda to finish bathing (I'd already showered by then). seiously, for the whole day, I was just so tired whenever we'd finished any activity lol, and silvia too. we both slept late the other day hahaha. well actually, I had lights off at about 11-12, but could only sleep TWO HOURS LATER OMG. I was rolling in my be with alot of things on my mind zzz. so I ended up having only like, what, 3 hours of real sleep? wth lol. ah wells. back to the post.

so we went drinking, AND IT RAINED THEN! haha. the whole day was just dry until night, thank goodness! well of course we were stranded in the rain till about 11pm+ lol only Kay and I drank non-alcoholic beverages - we had fruit punch lol. the rest drank alcoholic stuff. and Kai Bin got red so fast lol - the other girls kept teasing her about it XD plus we had wedges to go along, with mayo and mustard NAISE. I MUST EAT WEDGES WITH MUSTARD AND MAYO AGAIN SOME TIME. sadly we didn't bring games with us so we could only talk and self-entertain lolol. but it was alright. when the rain let up, we decided to return to our apartment before the rain got heavier again lol. so the last thing we did before sleeping was MASKING! yes, we brought out masks along for the trip and did them together as the before-sleep activity :D it was a nice quiet peaceful time we had. haha.

by the time we went to sleep, it was about 1am I think. ALL of us were too freaking tired already lol so it was really easy to fall asleep, unlike the previous night for me -.-' it was a REALLY good sleep I swear lol. though the next morning when I woke up my arms were kinda aching lol. we then had breakfast at the resort ballroom before leaving on the coach. the guide then told us suddenly he'd prepared a surprise extra activity - and he brought us to this food festival, which was only like 2/5 opened lol. only a few of the stalls were open, but at least he gave each of us 10 RM worth of coupons to spend at the fair. so yeah I spent some of it on water apples since my parents like them and gave the rest to weng lin since I had nothing else to buy really haha. then we all just headed for the border and back to singapore after that~ we discussed and decided to have dinner together at causeway point lol, but Kai Bin ended up throwing up before we even ate anything - she looked really uneasy so we sent her home first after the rest of us ate, before going back ourselves~ AND THAT WAS THE END OF THE TRIP! yup.

lol one thing is, when we entered Singapore, it just started to get REALLY DARK. AND IT RAINED WHILST WE WERE ON THE BUS TO KRANJI MRT LOLOLOL. three of us missed the bustop, and so they had to walk all the way back to kranji from the next stop LOL. WHILST IN THE HEAVY RAIN. HAHAHA. damn seriously this whole trip was FULL of funny/memorable things happening HAHAHAHA.

thanks to the good company this trip was really good ^^ AND FUNNY hahahahahaha XD

dream days

so now that the exams have ended, ITS TIME TO PLAYYYY!!!! loads(well, not really) of meet ups to plan, CHRISTMAS CARDS TO MAKE - yes, you read them right - I'm making them this year. christmas solutions.. yeah, still cracking my brain! x_o plus, the christmas party on the 23rd!

though TBH, THIS BREAK IS TOO SHORT!!! C'MON! THIS SEMESTER WAS CRAZY!!! AND I ONLY HAVE ONE MONTH TO RECOVER? THAT'S JUST UNFAIR. But ah well.. what can I do but to make the best out of it eh?

So anyways.. for those who're curious, or want to know what I'll be up to this break so that you have an idea what I'll be doing:

Anime
Yes, probably loads of it.

Gaming
Replaying my old rpg's (I started on NWN 1 during revision week LOL)
AND ALSO PLAYING OTOME GAMES. Yes, again. Because in actuality, I've only played ONE so far, ever since I got into the fandom, and that was Vampire Knight which I haven't finished. By that, I mean that I haven't finished playing ALL routes. I got the basic story done, but I'll have to play through it again and again, but targeting different guys, and different endings - each time lol. VK aside, I've started on Miyako. Harutoki style - ancient feudal japan and all. There's so much kanji to read that my brain blows after a few hours of reading this game lol. Yes, I really mean READING, its a visual novel, slightly different from VK where there were interative games and all. This time, Miyako, until now, I've only been reading the story as it unfolds - not much to DO on my part, except try to read those kanji I haven't been exposed to yet - its really quite challenging. That aside, I'm really excited to be playing my second otome game haha. I haven't the slightest about what to REALLY expect for this game, because I resisted reading spoilers and all that. Don't wanna form any pre-expectations for this game :p Regardless of whether it turns out good or bad, I still want to enjoy it for the experience ^^

Meet ups
Yes, I have a few to plan lol. Most are TOT style - Talk over Tea. Though it doesn't have to be tea XD But you get the general idea~
Puss in Boots with Daph, XY, and hopefully our moms lol. Yes, you read that right. My mom wants to watch it too, and when I mentioned it to XY she also expressed interest in bringing her mom too lolol so it'd be nice if Daph's mom could join us as well. It'd be quite an experience lol.
TOT with Vanessa and Rachel. Currently waiting for Ness to contact me about her schedule and all.
TOT with Ben - another Ben, mind you. Not the 14 years older one LOL Not the one year older one either. The one who was in my group for Accounting. He just keeps suggesting on a meet up. No worries, I'm not getting any ideas, and neither is he. Because he's already attached yup. No border-crossing here. Just plain old TOT. Gotta discuss with him soon enough when I can catch him online.
XQ and Vicky coming over tomorrow to watch Gantz together at my place yup.
Maybe, juuuuuust maybe, meet up with my jap level 3 friends. Not much of an idea about how it'll come to pass, its just a maybe.

Christmas
Aside from the party, I have cards to make, and also prezzies to think of. Please don't expect anything fancy from me this year either XD Its going to be really simple... But I swear the card is going to be better than the prez, in that sentimental way. Oh yes, I also have to make Ben(Aussie)'s card too. More like a greeting card for him lol, since he's not on much. Come to think about it, I'm quite glad I have his address because other than online, that's the only way I'm able to ask about his well-being LOL But that's how it is with online friends - I haven't contacted James either, sadly. But I do see him on facebook now and then, so I'm guessing he's doing okay, at least. With all that mess in the UK - I'm hoping he's alright. Then again, you can't get too sentimental when it comes to online friends because first and foremost, you're both miles apart - and so there's just THIS much you can do for said person - unlike friends who are with you in the same country.

Japanese
Yes, I have to practice it. Its rusty after a semester of not touching it at all -_- I ALSO need/would like to/plan to revise organic chemistry =_= because of next semester's modules.... AIYA DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ALL THIS NOW ZZZ. Jap is okay though. :D

Reading
YES, FINALLY BACK TO READING. I hope to read all the books I've stalled up so far.. physical and soft-copy. Damn its really quite alot to read, though I really prefer the physical/hard copies.

I think that's about all for this post. I'm splitting my posts up because they're all about different things.

channel

I know I'm probably too sensitive about certain things, but that's how I handle them..

For example, I'm actually really sensitive towards Joseph, its probably because of how I see him in a different light.. he's a friend, but he could also be more than a friend. the fact that he thinks similarly but isn't doing anything about it just spells "No thank you" to me. I admit I'm also too busy to date, but he doesn't treat me as someone "I've known for 9 years". He DID say "Well, I've known you for 9 years, that just spells something." It used to mean something to me, but now? No, it doesn't. "I'm more close to my uni friends right now." Well sure, who wouldn't be lol, in their first year, I'm also happily friends with uni people. But even so, I also expressed interest in meeting him up in school once in a while, and on numerous occasions. But he didn't do the same. I guess I should never have expected anything from him. That's when I started thinking, I can never get along with this person. So I decided I never wanted to have anything to do with him ever again. So what did I do? I blocked him off msn, facebook, and ignored any message he sent. See, THAT'S how I handle things when it comes to this person. Previously I would just get him off my mind, but now, no thanks - I don't want to have anything to do with this person anymore. He's a stranger in my life, and that stays permanent.

another example would be HM. I'm not spelling out that name here because that person has the url to my blog - though whether he actually VISITS it is another issue. Anyway.. I'm pretty sure you all know about how I thought I might be liking this person some months ago. But recently, I found out he has a girlfriend now. Was I devastated? Admittedly, somewhat. So I told myself that I was probably confused with how he treated me so well when he was back in Singapore, that it gave me some vibes. But in the end, it turned out my hunches were wrong ^^' Now that he's back again, I.. haven't the desire to meet him up in a group. I just don't know how to face him and I also don't want to see him. So that's how I'm handling this.. I'm just not meeting him up for the time being. I don't want to talk to him either. I don't know when he'll be going back though.

So there you have it.

its a promise.

funny,

I'm never surprised by things that don't work out in life.. I just knew they wouldn't work out, and I wouldn't blame you for it because I just knew you'd say "Sorry." I've half resigned to this fate of always saying "Yeah,.. I knew." If I were to look at these from a third person's POV, I'd say these are just some temporary stops on the road that God had prepared for me so that I could learn lessons about life. People I find always have bad compatibility with me so I always wonder whether fate is toying with my life this way.

Of course, you could say I'm still young (:

and counting

this is on a totally unrelated note.

keeping my options open,
I should just stop thinking too much into it since I've done what I can,
I'll just let time take its course, and see whether fate's in my favor this time round.

now that's that....

and its back to reality.

If you add them all up

So why am I so stressed out and unhappy?
Well, first thing is, I am busy. Now, everyone's busy, so if I feel busy that's normal right? Well, so yes, I feel its normal too. But the highlight is this - I don't ever put aside my work to go out and enjoy myself. No one really asks me out either. No one's telling me 'Girl, you need a break.' And anyways I don't just listen to anyone so I will only seriously consider that if you understand me.

I don't even know if I want to go out. I've so many things on my mind all the time and these things are always about work. I can never have the time, or rather, I just don't put aside time to think for my well-being because time is so precious now and work is apparently No. 1 on my list. I'm just working and working all the time because no one sways my thinking that just working without playing is alright.

Sure, you can argue with me 'You're already an adult, you should be able to balance your own life.' Yeah, I'm balancing it. I'm just working and raging and ranting about having no life. I'm just putting more weight on work. Its like there's a never-ending list of things to do. Once I finish something, there's something else. And its precisely because of this that I don't ever think about wanting to go out.

Just, really, I don't even know how to express all this and its making me even more pissed since no one really understands where I'm coming from. You're not me afterall, and I don't blame you.

I'm just really unhappy. There's honestly nothing for me to look forward to. Everything seems like either work, or an obligation. And you can clearly tell how I'm not enjoying myself at all. I just don't know how to go about balancing my life anymore. "There's always new work to do, so its entirely up to you to balance your time out." ...Right.

I'm just all alone, unhappy, stressed and working to keep my mind off all this. Though in fact, because I keep being like this that it just keeps getting worse. Recess week is next week and I don't feel like I can relax at all!

"failed dual way..."
"bubble of protection..."
"easy way out..."
"responsibilities of an adult..."
"in limbo..."
"balance..."
"just who am I?..."

this goes out to someone

I have so many things to say but I don't know where to start.

setting aside what I told you recently by sms, I want to say these things, and no matter how insensitive this is, I think its better if you knew. I'm sorry that I can't sugarcoat these words.. the last thing I want to do is to hurt you, but I'm hurt, stressed and isolated enough as it is. I think its very difficult for me to consider your feelings this time round and as much as I don't want this post to destroy our friendship, or make you want to severe ties with me, I have absolutely NO ONE ELSE to talk to about all this so that I don't have to take it out on you. Every one person I think of.. it just feels that they live separate lives from me and I can't connect. But at least they hear me out. Still, no matter how they hear it out, I just feel that the problem will never alleviate and its like they're my alcohol to this problem, just a drug to numb the feelings for a while before having to take the drug again. I feel SO ALONE, and to me, you're basically not there anymore. I can't blame it on you either, because we DO LIVE separate lives, and we "don't get to meet often". I put "" because I know that in actual fact its me who "can't" meet up because of my work. I don't know what to say really. You try to reach out to me, but you also consider my priorities, my obligations, and everything else about me, so much so that you only ask how my day is, or have a great day, as if you're a stranger who's trying to wish me well. You never express your desires. So according to you, you don't say much but you care alot, I trust in that, but in all honesty, recently, just knowing you care isn't enough anymore. You can consider your busy schedule akin to mine, so if you know that I'm so occupied, do you think I have the time to actually remind myself "She cares for me."? Our friendship is only living on the messages we send each other. LOL, sounds pathetic isn't it? Its like in our busy schedules we just send random text messages to keep in contact. What's up with that? Its like a desperate attempt at keeping our friendship alive. Both of us do that. I'm not one to say this, and neither can I say something like this to someone like you but "Words alone aren't convincing enough." I'm sorry.

I don't know why I feel so negative about us right now, its probably because of the kind of life I have now - which you know only the general part - I'm studying frequently. I suspect I have to leave you alone often soon too since your semester will be starting, sad as that may seem. Because like you, I understand how important it is this new semester is to you like how my semester is to me. And so the consequence of this? We don't meet often. You don't even TELL me, you only explained to me ONCE that you wanted to ask me out ALOT OF TIMES but didn't attempt to since "you understood I needed to study" and didn't want to disturb me. And the very few times you did, I always rejected them because it was so out of the blue......Argh, I just don't know how to put it. Its just totally not like randomly going out with someone. If it were May Bo, yeah I could do a random hanging-out thing. I don't know but every time you try to ask me out, I just feel that its always at the wrong time. The way you ask, perhaps? I just...just...I don't know really, I don't even know what I'm feeling now whether its just profound sadness, depression, hurt, unsatisfaction, gosh I could write a list. There's just something wrong about us. I can't do normal things with you, I can only do sentimental things with you.

Do you even really know what's going on? No, because I don't tell you even when you ask. Why? Because its random, and I feel like I can't connect with you with what I can say to people who can really understand my situation. We're just so separated now and there's nothing I can do about it, nor suggest, that can make things better because whatever either of us do, it just feels out of the blue and plain weird.

Continuing from, "Do you even really know what's going on?" - No, obviously you don't. You want to know? Sure I'll say it here. Its not everyday I get to blog but just tonight I feel so so so pent up I can't take it anymore and I might just go kill myself from all these things. So I know you know that I'm constantly studying. Do you know what kind of consequence that has for me? Add in that I don't hang out with my uni clique because they all are the go-home-immediately type, and I'm not close to anyone of them, neither can I be close to some other people like I want to because they already have their sticky partner and I don't want to intrude. Do you know what I've become as a result? I'M BECOMING AN ISOLATED, LONESOME, DEPRESSED, SOCIALLY-DEPRIVED PERSON. Try adding on this, "I can't even connect to, nor find solace, in my closest friend anymore." I don't know what to do, there's no one helping me(yeah, according to adults that should be the case yeah we should be independent yeah I'm independent in my own ways), no one's telling me "Girl, you need to take a break." and even my family is like "I totally understand you need to study, don't worry (:" I feel like ABSOLUTELY NO ONE FUCKING CARES IF I HAVE A LIFE ANYMORE BECAUSE WHEN THEY SEE ME ALL THEY SEE IS ME STUDYING AND STUDYING AND STUDYING AND THEY GO "I should leave her to concentrate because that's her life right now." Of course I'm grateful, but you know, as a result, there's no one who can comfort me. I feel like I can keep crying and crying and crying nonstop to the point where I just give up crying and go end it all. I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough for such an onslaught of piling negative feelings that the only way out that I can think of is just to stop everything. Either go kill myself or just continue tumbling down the rabbit hole by going on like this because, afterall, like I always say, "One day's sleep will do the trick." (: !!!!

You're working now and I understand why you don't even come online, and that you're very tired once you're home and you have other obligations. Yeah, I totally understand this. But you know what kind of consequence this had on me? That I could never talk to you nor share my deepest troubles with you anymore because doing it on the phone or on sms just doesn't cut it. Its like "You're just being there for me. You're concerned for me." but you can't connect with me anymore, no matter how you should wish otherwise, and I'm serious when I say that. I just feel that I can't repair this anymore, we're just too separated, and I should just only talk to you about random things, but I can't share my troubles with you anymore. I suppose its because I'm superimposing on you my need for a sticky partner when clearly I really can't see you that way afterall. Before uni started everything was beautiful but at the start of this semester, with your presence in my life diminishing by a million times each week, add on the fact that you're the only person I only depend on for comfort and company right now, everything's changed. I'm sorry for superimposing my needs on our friendship..

I'm sorry for saying all these things because afterall, if you weren't you, I wouldn't be able to say these things and we would definitely slowly drifted apart silently. Maybe the nature of our friendship has changed that our dependency on each other has totally changed. Just imagining how you'd be hurt after reading all this makes me want to give up because normally at this stage you'd want to totally be a stranger in my life. I understand that there's a limit to how much pressure and insensitivity you can take from me, and will understand if you choose to give up.

But if I don't say this out, I'm afraid you'd feel the growing distance between us without knowing why, and at the most, you'd be going for my funeral because the problem I feel about this friendship is not the only trouble I have. I don't feel like I'm driven to the edge, I'm handling my studies well. But its to the point that I cannot put my work down, I feel have no one to hang out with and just doing that with you so suddenly feels weird and wrong to me. I mean, having to tell you to hang out with me? C'mon, its like you're being instructed what to do. I want you to be yourself, but at the same time I wish you could be my sticky partner too.

One thing I noticed is, I'm always the one having problems with this friendship, and this makes me feel like deadweight too. I can't take this anymore.

I'm guessing a solution to this problem is you can't be that kind of sticky partner that I so wish I had because I'm really deprived of that kind of friendship. I guess I should take a step back and not attempt to sticky-friend with you because at the rate its going it doesn't seem to work out. You can't change that, so let's just go back to the way we were 3 years back.

some collection~

a continuation of reviewing the rest of the series I've completed!

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD. BEWARE OF PICTURES OF BISHOUNEN. FANGIRLING ABUNDANT.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures posted here. They belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.

all pictures linked.

house of five leaves:
I loved it, period. This series stands on its own, separated from your other more typical shows. Its a very life-oriented series, with no overall action plot, but mini arcs. And I LOVE IT. VERY REFRESHING. TOP ON MY LIST. And I LOVE the soundtrack! ITS ALMOST BRILLIANT! A combination of traditional japanese instrumental music with a little modern mix to give off the right emotion for each track. Currently listening to the soundtrack again XD Really, the tracks make me feel like I could re-watch this series for the refreshing and relaxing atmosphere it gives off. Aiya shit, think I could also rewatch Ristorante Paradiso too...SHIT XD!

Also, despite people hating the character designs, I like it (; Its a unique take, and its by the same author as Ristorante Paradiso, of which I'm also a HUGE fanGIRL of. WHY DON'T THEY HAVE ARTBOOKS FOR THEM!!! D: On a site note, its kind of weird hearing Daisuke Namikawa's low-voice-acting. Don't get me wrong, its easy to get into the character, its just that LOW-VOICE coming from someone who voiced FYE in TRC. Yeah. Like, imagine Sakurai Takahiro in HIGH-VOICE OMG NO THANKS. Oh yes, Sakurai-san voices Yaichi here ^_^ Namikawa-san voices Masanosuke yup. I still don't really get the hype about Sakurai Takahiro though. I mean, yes I like his voice, its *cough*very-yaoi-centric*cough* but I'm not going GAGA over it like I am for Daisuke Ono. LOL. Oh well.

Story in a nutshell: It follows the simple life-story of our timid ronin Akitsu Masanosuke who meets and gets hired as a bodyguard by the very mysterious and charismatic Yaichi. Masanosuke finds himself drawn to a strange bandit group who call themselves the "House of Five Leaves", of which Yaichi is the leader. Masanosuke is reluctant to help them, but as he grows closer to his eccentric new companions, he learns to relate to them and grow as a person in the process.



That cat is too cute ><


natsume yuujin-cho + zoku natsume yuujin-cho:
AHHHHH!!! I LOVED THIS. THIS TOPS MY LIST TOOOOOOO. Its VERY episodic, but it NEVER fails to impress me with the very-cute Nyanko-sensei (omg even the word "nyanko" is CUTE. I LOVED THAT EPISODE with the black cat that natsume calls KURO NYANKO OMG CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE *BURSTS*) and the slightly indifferent but oh-so-handsome Natsume. AND OMG NYANKO-SENSEI IN HIS BEAST FORM IS SO OMG *NOSEBLEEDS* I love protective beasts ;) Its like Mai's very fearsome and majestic (yet loving, to me awwwww) Kagutsuchi from Mai HiME. AHHH!!! I LOVE BIG PROTECTIVE BEASTS. DO WANT PLS. Its like having a protective lover who would never leave you ;) In all, I LOVE THIS SERIES. It has a SERIOUS knack for capturing heartfelt emotional moments ;_;



KURO NYANKO. pu---BWAHAHAHAHA XD With Nyanko-sensei angry at how the other black cat is impersonating him just to get Natsume's attention (to his problem).


PLUS I LIKE HIROSHI KAMIYA HERE. He's got a serious talent for quick pronouncing. But he doesn't top Daisuke Ono, Jun Fukuyama, plus others 8DDD! oh yes, akira ishida's here too. but not much of a lingering presence XD

EDIT: After listening to a Hiroshi Kamiya mimic singing Ren'ai Circulation...LOL I think I've officially fallen in love with the voice XD SO I'M OFFICIALLY IN THE HIROSHI KAMIYA FANCLUB NAO. 8DD

...though, on a side note, I really disliked Miyuki Sawashiro's character -_-' I've only liked Sawashiro-san's voice when she's in *ahem*seme*ahem* pitch aka low. The shoujo-otome ones? No -_-' Although, Maaya Sakamoto's voice is good in low and high ^_^

also also also XD I LOVE Hinoe x3! *fangirl scream*


plus plus plus THIS LITTLE GUY IS FUCKING CUTE OMG DO WANT.


and and and LOL EVIL RABBIT.... NOT. AWWWW. He's actually a very cute/handsome protective spirit guardian ^_^


and LAST BUT NOT LEAST!......BENIO-SAMA!!!! *insert intense fangirl scream here*



true tears:
Its a good story, that's all I say. I've watched this here and there, but only really got around to watching this in one-shot this break. Its rated really good, with all that drama going on. But for me, I never really got into the series simply because I NEVER LIKED HIROMI. I really didn't like her. I loved Noe and Aiko though ^_^ Okay, enough character-ranting. Animation is splendid, and I especially liked the BG art. OH AND, I AM BIASED FOR JUN (Noe's brother), despite his serious sis-con (sister complex) problem, HE'S CUTE OMG. AND HIS VOICE TOO *MELTS* He's my FAVOURITE character despite being only on the sidelines in the plot... BUT STILL, JUN-SANA!!! XD

From top left corner, anti-clockwise: Hiromi, Aiko, Noe (second pic)


JUN-SAMA!!!! *fangirls*


dragon crisis:
hmm..nothing much to say about this. it was a very simple story (though it felt very messy), with characters lacking in some depth, but I still watched it till the end. Though, I loved Horie Yui's character here. Plus her voice is always good. She also voices a really awwww character in Otome Youkai Zakuro (which is also a PLUS PLUS PLUS GOOD SERIES LOVE IT. Sakurai Takahiro's character in it is good ^_^ its not low-pitched, nor high-pitched, but normal ;) seriously, Sakurai-san is really versatile in bringing out those emotions in his voices XD) okay back to dragon crisis. well, nothing more to say, really. its pretty mediocre >< LETS MOVE ON.

fractale:
this was really better than dragon crisis, though I would've wanted the story to flash out more about the "fractale" system that their world resides in, since the overall plot IS ABOUT the system itself. like dragon crisis, I've got nothing much to say here, except...NESSA IS SO EFFING CUTE AWWWW. PLUS VOICING BY KANA HANAZAWA OMG WIN. She's one of my favourite voice actresses aside from Horie Yui and a few others XD



NESSA:


eden of the east movies:
so this was a continuation from where the series left off and I must say, as usual the visuals were impressive. BUT the story still lacks a little depth...STILL! it was a good ride till the end, yup! Akira is still the really likeable hero in here ahahaha, but that's about it lol. the ending of the selecao game was a nice closure, what with a mini battle of wits, which never really pulled off >< I think Death Note's first half was better. (Pictures are from the anime series sadly :p)



Yeah, he DID kiss her in that scene ;D one smooth guy really. she was ranting about her day and how horrid it went and she was pretty upset about it (job interview). so he just went in for the kill to raise her spirits ;D


Le Chevalier d'Eon:
okay, I really liked this. I don't LOVE it, but I really like it ;) d'Eon is SUCH a young man XD I would so die to be his fiance :X anyways, this is a VERY history-heavy show, and not for people who prefer straight-forward ones. Its based on a period of France's history - the French Revolution, and centers on the French spy D'Eon de Beaumont. He takes it upon himself to trace the mystery of his sister's (Lia de Beaumont) death and finds himself trapped in a society of political rivalry, betrayals and loss. So its history + some fantasy elements = wonderful story yup. I honestly can't say I was VERY absorbed in it because it was difficult to follow what with all that history going on, but despite that, I still think its a really really good show for people who tire of typical anime shows. It was, truthfully, a very enjoyable ride.

Note: In history, D'Eon de Beaumont had no sister and was in fact a cross-dresser who goes by the alias Lia when dressed in women's clothing.




nabari no ou:
...I didn't like this. Despite it being rated well by the masses, I totally didn't like this show aside from ONE thing - the SIDE characters. Yes, you read that right, the SIDE characters, not the main. Rokujou's unbearable indifference until the end - oh gosh it was a PAIN to sit through it. There wasn't even enough development on WHY he had this indifference. And Yoite? I don't even know what to say. The WHOLE premise of this show is just Rokujou sticking to Yoite that culminates in the former granting the latter's wish. Yeah, sure, that's all fine and dandy. But wtf, even if the reason for their "close bond" is because Rokujou feels that they are mirror images of each other, there is almost absolutely ZERO development in that story. Like, why do both of them feel this way? We NEVER see a GOOD flash-out display of the REASONS that surround them. Gosh I was HALF frustrated watching this entire series. I am SO NOT GOING TO RECOMMEND it to anyone. It is, at best, a SUPER mediocre serious about characters. Its FINE if its NOT an action show despite it being about ninjas, so if the actual THING about this show is about CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT - I never saw ANY. From the main protagonists, to the antagonists, basically almost EVERYONE was just a stalemate. I say "almost" because the SIDE characters shine so much more than the main protagonists. EXCEPT ROKUJOU'S SENSEI. OMG THAT'S ONE FUCKING BALL-LESS WUSS. OMG I WANT TO JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS SHOW. SO FUCKING UNBEARABLE. UGH. MOVING ON.



Evangelion: 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance:
I enjoyed this, period. I loved every bit of it. The characters are all so loveable, and obviously the PLOT is where it shines, along with the mecha action. I mean, how many post-apocalyptic shows are there nowadays anyway? Little. I absolutely CANNOT wait for the next installment in this four-movie series that sums up the whole anime yup. though of course, to understand the series, I had to read up about the original anime stories heh, since the movie doesn't do alot of explaining. but unlike nabari no ou, I COULD FEEL character development here, especially for Shinji. He has some serious father issues, and I clearly felt that struggle he was going through so much so that during the first half of the first movie, he was A TOTAL WUSS IN MY EYES. But in the second half, and subsequently in this second movie, we see how the people around him change his emotions and views about life and its issues. Oh sure it sounds corny, but seriously, its the people around you that change you to a certain extent, though ultimately the person to decide on that change, is YOU, YOURSELF.