this is on a totally unrelated note.
keeping my options open,
I should just stop thinking too much into it since I've done what I can,
I'll just let time take its course, and see whether fate's in my favor this time round.
now that's that....
and its back to reality.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
If you add them all up
So why am I so stressed out and unhappy?
Well, first thing is, I am busy. Now, everyone's busy, so if I feel busy that's normal right? Well, so yes, I feel its normal too. But the highlight is this - I don't ever put aside my work to go out and enjoy myself. No one really asks me out either. No one's telling me 'Girl, you need a break.' And anyways I don't just listen to anyone so I will only seriously consider that if you understand me.
I don't even know if I want to go out. I've so many things on my mind all the time and these things are always about work. I can never have the time, or rather, I just don't put aside time to think for my well-being because time is so precious now and work is apparently No. 1 on my list. I'm just working and working all the time because no one sways my thinking that just working without playing is alright.
Sure, you can argue with me 'You're already an adult, you should be able to balance your own life.' Yeah, I'm balancing it. I'm just working and raging and ranting about having no life. I'm just putting more weight on work. Its like there's a never-ending list of things to do. Once I finish something, there's something else. And its precisely because of this that I don't ever think about wanting to go out.
Just, really, I don't even know how to express all this and its making me even more pissed since no one really understands where I'm coming from. You're not me afterall, and I don't blame you.
I'm just really unhappy. There's honestly nothing for me to look forward to. Everything seems like either work, or an obligation. And you can clearly tell how I'm not enjoying myself at all. I just don't know how to go about balancing my life anymore. "There's always new work to do, so its entirely up to you to balance your time out." ...Right.
I'm just all alone, unhappy, stressed and working to keep my mind off all this. Though in fact, because I keep being like this that it just keeps getting worse. Recess week is next week and I don't feel like I can relax at all!
"failed dual way..."
"bubble of protection..."
"easy way out..."
"responsibilities of an adult..."
"in limbo..."
"balance..."
"just who am I?..."
Well, first thing is, I am busy. Now, everyone's busy, so if I feel busy that's normal right? Well, so yes, I feel its normal too. But the highlight is this - I don't ever put aside my work to go out and enjoy myself. No one really asks me out either. No one's telling me 'Girl, you need a break.' And anyways I don't just listen to anyone so I will only seriously consider that if you understand me.
I don't even know if I want to go out. I've so many things on my mind all the time and these things are always about work. I can never have the time, or rather, I just don't put aside time to think for my well-being because time is so precious now and work is apparently No. 1 on my list. I'm just working and working all the time because no one sways my thinking that just working without playing is alright.
Sure, you can argue with me 'You're already an adult, you should be able to balance your own life.' Yeah, I'm balancing it. I'm just working and raging and ranting about having no life. I'm just putting more weight on work. Its like there's a never-ending list of things to do. Once I finish something, there's something else. And its precisely because of this that I don't ever think about wanting to go out.
Just, really, I don't even know how to express all this and its making me even more pissed since no one really understands where I'm coming from. You're not me afterall, and I don't blame you.
I'm just really unhappy. There's honestly nothing for me to look forward to. Everything seems like either work, or an obligation. And you can clearly tell how I'm not enjoying myself at all. I just don't know how to go about balancing my life anymore. "There's always new work to do, so its entirely up to you to balance your time out." ...Right.
I'm just all alone, unhappy, stressed and working to keep my mind off all this. Though in fact, because I keep being like this that it just keeps getting worse. Recess week is next week and I don't feel like I can relax at all!
"failed dual way..."
"bubble of protection..."
"easy way out..."
"responsibilities of an adult..."
"in limbo..."
"balance..."
"just who am I?..."
Saturday, September 17, 2011
this goes out to someone
I have so many things to say but I don't know where to start.
setting aside what I told you recently by sms, I want to say these things, and no matter how insensitive this is, I think its better if you knew. I'm sorry that I can't sugarcoat these words.. the last thing I want to do is to hurt you, but I'm hurt, stressed and isolated enough as it is. I think its very difficult for me to consider your feelings this time round and as much as I don't want this post to destroy our friendship, or make you want to severe ties with me, I have absolutely NO ONE ELSE to talk to about all this so that I don't have to take it out on you. Every one person I think of.. it just feels that they live separate lives from me and I can't connect. But at least they hear me out. Still, no matter how they hear it out, I just feel that the problem will never alleviate and its like they're my alcohol to this problem, just a drug to numb the feelings for a while before having to take the drug again. I feel SO ALONE, and to me, you're basically not there anymore. I can't blame it on you either, because we DO LIVE separate lives, and we "don't get to meet often". I put "" because I know that in actual fact its me who "can't" meet up because of my work. I don't know what to say really. You try to reach out to me, but you also consider my priorities, my obligations, and everything else about me, so much so that you only ask how my day is, or have a great day, as if you're a stranger who's trying to wish me well. You never express your desires. So according to you, you don't say much but you care alot, I trust in that, but in all honesty, recently, just knowing you care isn't enough anymore. You can consider your busy schedule akin to mine, so if you know that I'm so occupied, do you think I have the time to actually remind myself "She cares for me."? Our friendship is only living on the messages we send each other. LOL, sounds pathetic isn't it? Its like in our busy schedules we just send random text messages to keep in contact. What's up with that? Its like a desperate attempt at keeping our friendship alive. Both of us do that. I'm not one to say this, and neither can I say something like this to someone like you but "Words alone aren't convincing enough." I'm sorry.
I don't know why I feel so negative about us right now, its probably because of the kind of life I have now - which you know only the general part - I'm studying frequently. I suspect I have to leave you alone often soon too since your semester will be starting, sad as that may seem. Because like you, I understand how important it is this new semester is to you like how my semester is to me. And so the consequence of this? We don't meet often. You don't even TELL me, you only explained to me ONCE that you wanted to ask me out ALOT OF TIMES but didn't attempt to since "you understood I needed to study" and didn't want to disturb me. And the very few times you did, I always rejected them because it was so out of the blue......Argh, I just don't know how to put it. Its just totally not like randomly going out with someone. If it were May Bo, yeah I could do a random hanging-out thing. I don't know but every time you try to ask me out, I just feel that its always at the wrong time. The way you ask, perhaps? I just...just...I don't know really, I don't even know what I'm feeling now whether its just profound sadness, depression, hurt, unsatisfaction, gosh I could write a list. There's just something wrong about us. I can't do normal things with you, I can only do sentimental things with you.
Do you even really know what's going on? No, because I don't tell you even when you ask. Why? Because its random, and I feel like I can't connect with you with what I can say to people who can really understand my situation. We're just so separated now and there's nothing I can do about it, nor suggest, that can make things better because whatever either of us do, it just feels out of the blue and plain weird.
Continuing from, "Do you even really know what's going on?" - No, obviously you don't. You want to know? Sure I'll say it here. Its not everyday I get to blog but just tonight I feel so so so pent up I can't take it anymore and I might just go kill myself from all these things. So I know you know that I'm constantly studying. Do you know what kind of consequence that has for me? Add in that I don't hang out with my uni clique because they all are the go-home-immediately type, and I'm not close to anyone of them, neither can I be close to some other people like I want to because they already have their sticky partner and I don't want to intrude. Do you know what I've become as a result? I'M BECOMING AN ISOLATED, LONESOME, DEPRESSED, SOCIALLY-DEPRIVED PERSON. Try adding on this, "I can't even connect to, nor find solace, in my closest friend anymore." I don't know what to do, there's no one helping me(yeah, according to adults that should be the case yeah we should be independent yeah I'm independent in my own ways), no one's telling me "Girl, you need to take a break." and even my family is like "I totally understand you need to study, don't worry (:" I feel like ABSOLUTELY NO ONE FUCKING CARES IF I HAVE A LIFE ANYMORE BECAUSE WHEN THEY SEE ME ALL THEY SEE IS ME STUDYING AND STUDYING AND STUDYING AND THEY GO "I should leave her to concentrate because that's her life right now." Of course I'm grateful, but you know, as a result, there's no one who can comfort me. I feel like I can keep crying and crying and crying nonstop to the point where I just give up crying and go end it all. I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough for such an onslaught of piling negative feelings that the only way out that I can think of is just to stop everything. Either go kill myself or just continue tumbling down the rabbit hole by going on like this because, afterall, like I always say, "One day's sleep will do the trick." (: !!!!
You're working now and I understand why you don't even come online, and that you're very tired once you're home and you have other obligations. Yeah, I totally understand this. But you know what kind of consequence this had on me? That I could never talk to you nor share my deepest troubles with you anymore because doing it on the phone or on sms just doesn't cut it. Its like "You're just being there for me. You're concerned for me." but you can't connect with me anymore, no matter how you should wish otherwise, and I'm serious when I say that. I just feel that I can't repair this anymore, we're just too separated, and I should just only talk to you about random things, but I can't share my troubles with you anymore. I suppose its because I'm superimposing on you my need for a sticky partner when clearly I really can't see you that way afterall. Before uni started everything was beautiful but at the start of this semester, with your presence in my life diminishing by a million times each week, add on the fact that you're the only person I only depend on for comfort and company right now, everything's changed. I'm sorry for superimposing my needs on our friendship..
I'm sorry for saying all these things because afterall, if you weren't you, I wouldn't be able to say these things and we would definitely slowly drifted apart silently. Maybe the nature of our friendship has changed that our dependency on each other has totally changed. Just imagining how you'd be hurt after reading all this makes me want to give up because normally at this stage you'd want to totally be a stranger in my life. I understand that there's a limit to how much pressure and insensitivity you can take from me, and will understand if you choose to give up.
But if I don't say this out, I'm afraid you'd feel the growing distance between us without knowing why, and at the most, you'd be going for my funeral because the problem I feel about this friendship is not the only trouble I have. I don't feel like I'm driven to the edge, I'm handling my studies well. But its to the point that I cannot put my work down, I feel have no one to hang out with and just doing that with you so suddenly feels weird and wrong to me. I mean, having to tell you to hang out with me? C'mon, its like you're being instructed what to do. I want you to be yourself, but at the same time I wish you could be my sticky partner too.
One thing I noticed is, I'm always the one having problems with this friendship, and this makes me feel like deadweight too. I can't take this anymore.
I'm guessing a solution to this problem is you can't be that kind of sticky partner that I so wish I had because I'm really deprived of that kind of friendship. I guess I should take a step back and not attempt to sticky-friend with you because at the rate its going it doesn't seem to work out. You can't change that, so let's just go back to the way we were 3 years back.
setting aside what I told you recently by sms, I want to say these things, and no matter how insensitive this is, I think its better if you knew. I'm sorry that I can't sugarcoat these words.. the last thing I want to do is to hurt you, but I'm hurt, stressed and isolated enough as it is. I think its very difficult for me to consider your feelings this time round and as much as I don't want this post to destroy our friendship, or make you want to severe ties with me, I have absolutely NO ONE ELSE to talk to about all this so that I don't have to take it out on you. Every one person I think of.. it just feels that they live separate lives from me and I can't connect. But at least they hear me out. Still, no matter how they hear it out, I just feel that the problem will never alleviate and its like they're my alcohol to this problem, just a drug to numb the feelings for a while before having to take the drug again. I feel SO ALONE, and to me, you're basically not there anymore. I can't blame it on you either, because we DO LIVE separate lives, and we "don't get to meet often". I put "" because I know that in actual fact its me who "can't" meet up because of my work. I don't know what to say really. You try to reach out to me, but you also consider my priorities, my obligations, and everything else about me, so much so that you only ask how my day is, or have a great day, as if you're a stranger who's trying to wish me well. You never express your desires. So according to you, you don't say much but you care alot, I trust in that, but in all honesty, recently, just knowing you care isn't enough anymore. You can consider your busy schedule akin to mine, so if you know that I'm so occupied, do you think I have the time to actually remind myself "She cares for me."? Our friendship is only living on the messages we send each other. LOL, sounds pathetic isn't it? Its like in our busy schedules we just send random text messages to keep in contact. What's up with that? Its like a desperate attempt at keeping our friendship alive. Both of us do that. I'm not one to say this, and neither can I say something like this to someone like you but "Words alone aren't convincing enough." I'm sorry.
I don't know why I feel so negative about us right now, its probably because of the kind of life I have now - which you know only the general part - I'm studying frequently. I suspect I have to leave you alone often soon too since your semester will be starting, sad as that may seem. Because like you, I understand how important it is this new semester is to you like how my semester is to me. And so the consequence of this? We don't meet often. You don't even TELL me, you only explained to me ONCE that you wanted to ask me out ALOT OF TIMES but didn't attempt to since "you understood I needed to study" and didn't want to disturb me. And the very few times you did, I always rejected them because it was so out of the blue......Argh, I just don't know how to put it. Its just totally not like randomly going out with someone. If it were May Bo, yeah I could do a random hanging-out thing. I don't know but every time you try to ask me out, I just feel that its always at the wrong time. The way you ask, perhaps? I just...just...I don't know really, I don't even know what I'm feeling now whether its just profound sadness, depression, hurt, unsatisfaction, gosh I could write a list. There's just something wrong about us. I can't do normal things with you, I can only do sentimental things with you.
Do you even really know what's going on? No, because I don't tell you even when you ask. Why? Because its random, and I feel like I can't connect with you with what I can say to people who can really understand my situation. We're just so separated now and there's nothing I can do about it, nor suggest, that can make things better because whatever either of us do, it just feels out of the blue and plain weird.
Continuing from, "Do you even really know what's going on?" - No, obviously you don't. You want to know? Sure I'll say it here. Its not everyday I get to blog but just tonight I feel so so so pent up I can't take it anymore and I might just go kill myself from all these things. So I know you know that I'm constantly studying. Do you know what kind of consequence that has for me? Add in that I don't hang out with my uni clique because they all are the go-home-immediately type, and I'm not close to anyone of them, neither can I be close to some other people like I want to because they already have their sticky partner and I don't want to intrude. Do you know what I've become as a result? I'M BECOMING AN ISOLATED, LONESOME, DEPRESSED, SOCIALLY-DEPRIVED PERSON. Try adding on this, "I can't even connect to, nor find solace, in my closest friend anymore." I don't know what to do, there's no one helping me(yeah, according to adults that should be the case yeah we should be independent yeah I'm independent in my own ways), no one's telling me "Girl, you need to take a break." and even my family is like "I totally understand you need to study, don't worry (:" I feel like ABSOLUTELY NO ONE FUCKING CARES IF I HAVE A LIFE ANYMORE BECAUSE WHEN THEY SEE ME ALL THEY SEE IS ME STUDYING AND STUDYING AND STUDYING AND THEY GO "I should leave her to concentrate because that's her life right now." Of course I'm grateful, but you know, as a result, there's no one who can comfort me. I feel like I can keep crying and crying and crying nonstop to the point where I just give up crying and go end it all. I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough for such an onslaught of piling negative feelings that the only way out that I can think of is just to stop everything. Either go kill myself or just continue tumbling down the rabbit hole by going on like this because, afterall, like I always say, "One day's sleep will do the trick." (: !!!!
You're working now and I understand why you don't even come online, and that you're very tired once you're home and you have other obligations. Yeah, I totally understand this. But you know what kind of consequence this had on me? That I could never talk to you nor share my deepest troubles with you anymore because doing it on the phone or on sms just doesn't cut it. Its like "You're just being there for me. You're concerned for me." but you can't connect with me anymore, no matter how you should wish otherwise, and I'm serious when I say that. I just feel that I can't repair this anymore, we're just too separated, and I should just only talk to you about random things, but I can't share my troubles with you anymore. I suppose its because I'm superimposing on you my need for a sticky partner when clearly I really can't see you that way afterall. Before uni started everything was beautiful but at the start of this semester, with your presence in my life diminishing by a million times each week, add on the fact that you're the only person I only depend on for comfort and company right now, everything's changed. I'm sorry for superimposing my needs on our friendship..
I'm sorry for saying all these things because afterall, if you weren't you, I wouldn't be able to say these things and we would definitely slowly drifted apart silently. Maybe the nature of our friendship has changed that our dependency on each other has totally changed. Just imagining how you'd be hurt after reading all this makes me want to give up because normally at this stage you'd want to totally be a stranger in my life. I understand that there's a limit to how much pressure and insensitivity you can take from me, and will understand if you choose to give up.
But if I don't say this out, I'm afraid you'd feel the growing distance between us without knowing why, and at the most, you'd be going for my funeral because the problem I feel about this friendship is not the only trouble I have. I don't feel like I'm driven to the edge, I'm handling my studies well. But its to the point that I cannot put my work down, I feel have no one to hang out with and just doing that with you so suddenly feels weird and wrong to me. I mean, having to tell you to hang out with me? C'mon, its like you're being instructed what to do. I want you to be yourself, but at the same time I wish you could be my sticky partner too.
One thing I noticed is, I'm always the one having problems with this friendship, and this makes me feel like deadweight too. I can't take this anymore.
I'm guessing a solution to this problem is you can't be that kind of sticky partner that I so wish I had because I'm really deprived of that kind of friendship. I guess I should take a step back and not attempt to sticky-friend with you because at the rate its going it doesn't seem to work out. You can't change that, so let's just go back to the way we were 3 years back.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
some collection~
a continuation of reviewing the rest of the series I've completed!
WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD. BEWARE OF PICTURES OF BISHOUNEN. FANGIRLING ABUNDANT.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures posted here. They belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.
all pictures linked.
house of five leaves:
I loved it, period. This series stands on its own, separated from your other more typical shows. Its a very life-oriented series, with no overall action plot, but mini arcs. And I LOVE IT. VERY REFRESHING. TOP ON MY LIST. And I LOVE the soundtrack! ITS ALMOST BRILLIANT! A combination of traditional japanese instrumental music with a little modern mix to give off the right emotion for each track. Currently listening to the soundtrack again XD Really, the tracks make me feel like I could re-watch this series for the refreshing and relaxing atmosphere it gives off. Aiya shit, think I could also rewatch Ristorante Paradiso too...SHIT XD!
Also, despite people hating the character designs, I like it (; Its a unique take, and its by the same author as Ristorante Paradiso, of which I'm also a HUGE fanGIRL of. WHY DON'T THEY HAVE ARTBOOKS FOR THEM!!! D: On a site note, its kind of weird hearing Daisuke Namikawa's low-voice-acting. Don't get me wrong, its easy to get into the character, its just that LOW-VOICE coming from someone who voiced FYE in TRC. Yeah. Like, imagine Sakurai Takahiro in HIGH-VOICE OMG NO THANKS. Oh yes, Sakurai-san voices Yaichi here ^_^ Namikawa-san voices Masanosuke yup. I still don't really get the hype about Sakurai Takahiro though. I mean, yes I like his voice, its *cough*very-yaoi-centric*cough* but I'm not going GAGA over it like I am for Daisuke Ono. LOL. Oh well.
Story in a nutshell: It follows the simple life-story of our timid ronin Akitsu Masanosuke who meets and gets hired as a bodyguard by the very mysterious and charismatic Yaichi. Masanosuke finds himself drawn to a strange bandit group who call themselves the "House of Five Leaves", of which Yaichi is the leader. Masanosuke is reluctant to help them, but as he grows closer to his eccentric new companions, he learns to relate to them and grow as a person in the process.
That cat is too cute ><
natsume yuujin-cho + zoku natsume yuujin-cho:
AHHHHH!!! I LOVED THIS. THIS TOPS MY LIST TOOOOOOO. Its VERY episodic, but it NEVER fails to impress me with the very-cute Nyanko-sensei (omg even the word "nyanko" is CUTE. I LOVED THAT EPISODE with the black cat that natsume calls KURO NYANKO OMG CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE *BURSTS*) and the slightly indifferent but oh-so-handsome Natsume. AND OMG NYANKO-SENSEI IN HIS BEAST FORM IS SO OMG *NOSEBLEEDS* I love protective beasts ;) Its like Mai's very fearsome and majestic (yet loving, to me awwwww) Kagutsuchi from Mai HiME. AHHH!!! I LOVE BIG PROTECTIVE BEASTS. DO WANT PLS. Its like having a protective lover who would never leave you ;) In all, I LOVE THIS SERIES. It has a SERIOUS knack for capturing heartfelt emotional moments ;_;
KURO NYANKO. pu---BWAHAHAHAHA XD With Nyanko-sensei angry at how the other black cat is impersonating him just to get Natsume's attention (to his problem).
PLUS I LIKE HIROSHI KAMIYA HERE. He's got a serious talent for quick pronouncing. But he doesn't top Daisuke Ono, Jun Fukuyama, plus others 8DDD! oh yes, akira ishida's here too. but not much of a lingering presence XD
EDIT: After listening to a Hiroshi Kamiya mimic singing Ren'ai Circulation...LOL I think I've officially fallen in love with the voice XD SO I'M OFFICIALLY IN THE HIROSHI KAMIYA FANCLUB NAO. 8DD
...though, on a side note, I really disliked Miyuki Sawashiro's character -_-' I've only liked Sawashiro-san's voice when she's in *ahem*seme*ahem* pitch aka low. The shoujo-otome ones? No -_-' Although, Maaya Sakamoto's voice is good in low and high ^_^
also also also XD I LOVE Hinoe x3! *fangirl scream*
plus plus plus THIS LITTLE GUY IS FUCKING CUTE OMG DO WANT.
and and and LOL EVIL RABBIT.... NOT. AWWWW. He's actually a very cute/handsome protective spirit guardian ^_^
and LAST BUT NOT LEAST!......BENIO-SAMA!!!! *insert intense fangirl scream here*
true tears:
Its a good story, that's all I say. I've watched this here and there, but only really got around to watching this in one-shot this break. Its rated really good, with all that drama going on. But for me, I never really got into the series simply because I NEVER LIKED HIROMI. I really didn't like her. I loved Noe and Aiko though ^_^ Okay, enough character-ranting. Animation is splendid, and I especially liked the BG art. OH AND, I AM BIASED FOR JUN (Noe's brother), despite his serious sis-con (sister complex) problem, HE'S CUTE OMG. AND HIS VOICE TOO *MELTS* He's my FAVOURITE character despite being only on the sidelines in the plot... BUT STILL, JUN-SANA!!! XD
From top left corner, anti-clockwise: Hiromi, Aiko, Noe (second pic)
JUN-SAMA!!!! *fangirls*
dragon crisis:
hmm..nothing much to say about this. it was a very simple story (though it felt very messy), with characters lacking in some depth, but I still watched it till the end. Though, I loved Horie Yui's character here. Plus her voice is always good. She also voices a really awwww character in Otome Youkai Zakuro (which is also a PLUS PLUS PLUS GOOD SERIES LOVE IT. Sakurai Takahiro's character in it is good ^_^ its not low-pitched, nor high-pitched, but normal ;) seriously, Sakurai-san is really versatile in bringing out those emotions in his voices XD) okay back to dragon crisis. well, nothing more to say, really. its pretty mediocre >< LETS MOVE ON.
fractale:
this was really better than dragon crisis, though I would've wanted the story to flash out more about the "fractale" system that their world resides in, since the overall plot IS ABOUT the system itself. like dragon crisis, I've got nothing much to say here, except...NESSA IS SO EFFING CUTE AWWWW. PLUS VOICING BY KANA HANAZAWA OMG WIN. She's one of my favourite voice actresses aside from Horie Yui and a few others XD
NESSA:
eden of the east movies:
so this was a continuation from where the series left off and I must say, as usual the visuals were impressive. BUT the story still lacks a little depth...STILL! it was a good ride till the end, yup! Akira is still the really likeable hero in here ahahaha, but that's about it lol. the ending of the selecao game was a nice closure, what with a mini battle of wits, which never really pulled off >< I think Death Note's first half was better. (Pictures are from the anime series sadly :p)
Yeah, he DID kiss her in that scene ;D one smooth guy really. she was ranting about her day and how horrid it went and she was pretty upset about it (job interview). so he just went in for the kill to raise her spirits ;D
Le Chevalier d'Eon:
okay, I really liked this. I don't LOVE it, but I really like it ;) d'Eon is SUCH a young man XD I would so die to be his fiance :X anyways, this is a VERY history-heavy show, and not for people who prefer straight-forward ones. Its based on a period of France's history - the French Revolution, and centers on the French spy D'Eon de Beaumont. He takes it upon himself to trace the mystery of his sister's (Lia de Beaumont) death and finds himself trapped in a society of political rivalry, betrayals and loss. So its history + some fantasy elements = wonderful story yup. I honestly can't say I was VERY absorbed in it because it was difficult to follow what with all that history going on, but despite that, I still think its a really really good show for people who tire of typical anime shows. It was, truthfully, a very enjoyable ride.
Note: In history, D'Eon de Beaumont had no sister and was in fact a cross-dresser who goes by the alias Lia when dressed in women's clothing.
nabari no ou:
...I didn't like this. Despite it being rated well by the masses, I totally didn't like this show aside from ONE thing - the SIDE characters. Yes, you read that right, the SIDE characters, not the main. Rokujou's unbearable indifference until the end - oh gosh it was a PAIN to sit through it. There wasn't even enough development on WHY he had this indifference. And Yoite? I don't even know what to say. The WHOLE premise of this show is just Rokujou sticking to Yoite that culminates in the former granting the latter's wish. Yeah, sure, that's all fine and dandy. But wtf, even if the reason for their "close bond" is because Rokujou feels that they are mirror images of each other, there is almost absolutely ZERO development in that story. Like, why do both of them feel this way? We NEVER see a GOOD flash-out display of the REASONS that surround them. Gosh I was HALF frustrated watching this entire series. I am SO NOT GOING TO RECOMMEND it to anyone. It is, at best, a SUPER mediocre serious about characters. Its FINE if its NOT an action show despite it being about ninjas, so if the actual THING about this show is about CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT - I never saw ANY. From the main protagonists, to the antagonists, basically almost EVERYONE was just a stalemate. I say "almost" because the SIDE characters shine so much more than the main protagonists. EXCEPT ROKUJOU'S SENSEI. OMG THAT'S ONE FUCKING BALL-LESS WUSS. OMG I WANT TO JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS SHOW. SO FUCKING UNBEARABLE. UGH. MOVING ON.
Evangelion: 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance:
I enjoyed this, period. I loved every bit of it. The characters are all so loveable, and obviously the PLOT is where it shines, along with the mecha action. I mean, how many post-apocalyptic shows are there nowadays anyway? Little. I absolutely CANNOT wait for the next installment in this four-movie series that sums up the whole anime yup. though of course, to understand the series, I had to read up about the original anime stories heh, since the movie doesn't do alot of explaining. but unlike nabari no ou, I COULD FEEL character development here, especially for Shinji. He has some serious father issues, and I clearly felt that struggle he was going through so much so that during the first half of the first movie, he was A TOTAL WUSS IN MY EYES. But in the second half, and subsequently in this second movie, we see how the people around him change his emotions and views about life and its issues. Oh sure it sounds corny, but seriously, its the people around you that change you to a certain extent, though ultimately the person to decide on that change, is YOU, YOURSELF.
WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD. BEWARE OF PICTURES OF BISHOUNEN. FANGIRLING ABUNDANT.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures posted here. They belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.
all pictures linked.
house of five leaves:
I loved it, period. This series stands on its own, separated from your other more typical shows. Its a very life-oriented series, with no overall action plot, but mini arcs. And I LOVE IT. VERY REFRESHING. TOP ON MY LIST. And I LOVE the soundtrack! ITS ALMOST BRILLIANT! A combination of traditional japanese instrumental music with a little modern mix to give off the right emotion for each track. Currently listening to the soundtrack again XD Really, the tracks make me feel like I could re-watch this series for the refreshing and relaxing atmosphere it gives off. Aiya shit, think I could also rewatch Ristorante Paradiso too...SHIT XD!
Also, despite people hating the character designs, I like it (; Its a unique take, and its by the same author as Ristorante Paradiso, of which I'm also a HUGE fanGIRL of. WHY DON'T THEY HAVE ARTBOOKS FOR THEM!!! D: On a site note, its kind of weird hearing Daisuke Namikawa's low-voice-acting. Don't get me wrong, its easy to get into the character, its just that LOW-VOICE coming from someone who voiced FYE in TRC. Yeah. Like, imagine Sakurai Takahiro in HIGH-VOICE OMG NO THANKS. Oh yes, Sakurai-san voices Yaichi here ^_^ Namikawa-san voices Masanosuke yup. I still don't really get the hype about Sakurai Takahiro though. I mean, yes I like his voice, its *cough*very-yaoi-centric*cough* but I'm not going GAGA over it like I am for Daisuke Ono. LOL. Oh well.
Story in a nutshell: It follows the simple life-story of our timid ronin Akitsu Masanosuke who meets and gets hired as a bodyguard by the very mysterious and charismatic Yaichi. Masanosuke finds himself drawn to a strange bandit group who call themselves the "House of Five Leaves", of which Yaichi is the leader. Masanosuke is reluctant to help them, but as he grows closer to his eccentric new companions, he learns to relate to them and grow as a person in the process.
That cat is too cute ><
natsume yuujin-cho + zoku natsume yuujin-cho:
AHHHHH!!! I LOVED THIS. THIS TOPS MY LIST TOOOOOOO. Its VERY episodic, but it NEVER fails to impress me with the very-cute Nyanko-sensei (omg even the word "nyanko" is CUTE. I LOVED THAT EPISODE with the black cat that natsume calls KURO NYANKO OMG CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE *BURSTS*) and the slightly indifferent but oh-so-handsome Natsume. AND OMG NYANKO-SENSEI IN HIS BEAST FORM IS SO OMG *NOSEBLEEDS* I love protective beasts ;) Its like Mai's very fearsome and majestic (yet loving, to me awwwww) Kagutsuchi from Mai HiME. AHHH!!! I LOVE BIG PROTECTIVE BEASTS. DO WANT PLS. Its like having a protective lover who would never leave you ;) In all, I LOVE THIS SERIES. It has a SERIOUS knack for capturing heartfelt emotional moments ;_;
KURO NYANKO. pu---BWAHAHAHAHA XD With Nyanko-sensei angry at how the other black cat is impersonating him just to get Natsume's attention (to his problem).
PLUS I LIKE HIROSHI KAMIYA HERE. He's got a serious talent for quick pronouncing. But he doesn't top Daisuke Ono, Jun Fukuyama, plus others 8DDD! oh yes, akira ishida's here too. but not much of a lingering presence XD
EDIT: After listening to a Hiroshi Kamiya mimic singing Ren'ai Circulation...LOL I think I've officially fallen in love with the voice XD SO I'M OFFICIALLY IN THE HIROSHI KAMIYA FANCLUB NAO. 8DD
...though, on a side note, I really disliked Miyuki Sawashiro's character -_-' I've only liked Sawashiro-san's voice when she's in *ahem*seme*ahem* pitch aka low. The shoujo-otome ones? No -_-' Although, Maaya Sakamoto's voice is good in low and high ^_^
also also also XD I LOVE Hinoe x3! *fangirl scream*
plus plus plus THIS LITTLE GUY IS FUCKING CUTE OMG DO WANT.
and and and LOL EVIL RABBIT.... NOT. AWWWW. He's actually a very cute/handsome protective spirit guardian ^_^
and LAST BUT NOT LEAST!......BENIO-SAMA!!!! *insert intense fangirl scream here*
true tears:
Its a good story, that's all I say. I've watched this here and there, but only really got around to watching this in one-shot this break. Its rated really good, with all that drama going on. But for me, I never really got into the series simply because I NEVER LIKED HIROMI. I really didn't like her. I loved Noe and Aiko though ^_^ Okay, enough character-ranting. Animation is splendid, and I especially liked the BG art. OH AND, I AM BIASED FOR JUN (Noe's brother), despite his serious sis-con (sister complex) problem, HE'S CUTE OMG. AND HIS VOICE TOO *MELTS* He's my FAVOURITE character despite being only on the sidelines in the plot... BUT STILL, JUN-SANA!!! XD
From top left corner, anti-clockwise: Hiromi, Aiko, Noe (second pic)
JUN-SAMA!!!! *fangirls*
dragon crisis:
hmm..nothing much to say about this. it was a very simple story (though it felt very messy), with characters lacking in some depth, but I still watched it till the end. Though, I loved Horie Yui's character here. Plus her voice is always good. She also voices a really awwww character in Otome Youkai Zakuro (which is also a PLUS PLUS PLUS GOOD SERIES LOVE IT. Sakurai Takahiro's character in it is good ^_^ its not low-pitched, nor high-pitched, but normal ;) seriously, Sakurai-san is really versatile in bringing out those emotions in his voices XD) okay back to dragon crisis. well, nothing more to say, really. its pretty mediocre >< LETS MOVE ON.
fractale:
this was really better than dragon crisis, though I would've wanted the story to flash out more about the "fractale" system that their world resides in, since the overall plot IS ABOUT the system itself. like dragon crisis, I've got nothing much to say here, except...NESSA IS SO EFFING CUTE AWWWW. PLUS VOICING BY KANA HANAZAWA OMG WIN. She's one of my favourite voice actresses aside from Horie Yui and a few others XD
NESSA:
eden of the east movies:
so this was a continuation from where the series left off and I must say, as usual the visuals were impressive. BUT the story still lacks a little depth...STILL! it was a good ride till the end, yup! Akira is still the really likeable hero in here ahahaha, but that's about it lol. the ending of the selecao game was a nice closure, what with a mini battle of wits, which never really pulled off >< I think Death Note's first half was better. (Pictures are from the anime series sadly :p)
Yeah, he DID kiss her in that scene ;D one smooth guy really. she was ranting about her day and how horrid it went and she was pretty upset about it (job interview). so he just went in for the kill to raise her spirits ;D
Le Chevalier d'Eon:
okay, I really liked this. I don't LOVE it, but I really like it ;) d'Eon is SUCH a young man XD I would so die to be his fiance :X anyways, this is a VERY history-heavy show, and not for people who prefer straight-forward ones. Its based on a period of France's history - the French Revolution, and centers on the French spy D'Eon de Beaumont. He takes it upon himself to trace the mystery of his sister's (Lia de Beaumont) death and finds himself trapped in a society of political rivalry, betrayals and loss. So its history + some fantasy elements = wonderful story yup. I honestly can't say I was VERY absorbed in it because it was difficult to follow what with all that history going on, but despite that, I still think its a really really good show for people who tire of typical anime shows. It was, truthfully, a very enjoyable ride.
Note: In history, D'Eon de Beaumont had no sister and was in fact a cross-dresser who goes by the alias Lia when dressed in women's clothing.
nabari no ou:
...I didn't like this. Despite it being rated well by the masses, I totally didn't like this show aside from ONE thing - the SIDE characters. Yes, you read that right, the SIDE characters, not the main. Rokujou's unbearable indifference until the end - oh gosh it was a PAIN to sit through it. There wasn't even enough development on WHY he had this indifference. And Yoite? I don't even know what to say. The WHOLE premise of this show is just Rokujou sticking to Yoite that culminates in the former granting the latter's wish. Yeah, sure, that's all fine and dandy. But wtf, even if the reason for their "close bond" is because Rokujou feels that they are mirror images of each other, there is almost absolutely ZERO development in that story. Like, why do both of them feel this way? We NEVER see a GOOD flash-out display of the REASONS that surround them. Gosh I was HALF frustrated watching this entire series. I am SO NOT GOING TO RECOMMEND it to anyone. It is, at best, a SUPER mediocre serious about characters. Its FINE if its NOT an action show despite it being about ninjas, so if the actual THING about this show is about CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT - I never saw ANY. From the main protagonists, to the antagonists, basically almost EVERYONE was just a stalemate. I say "almost" because the SIDE characters shine so much more than the main protagonists. EXCEPT ROKUJOU'S SENSEI. OMG THAT'S ONE FUCKING BALL-LESS WUSS. OMG I WANT TO JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS SHOW. SO FUCKING UNBEARABLE. UGH. MOVING ON.
Evangelion: 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance:
I enjoyed this, period. I loved every bit of it. The characters are all so loveable, and obviously the PLOT is where it shines, along with the mecha action. I mean, how many post-apocalyptic shows are there nowadays anyway? Little. I absolutely CANNOT wait for the next installment in this four-movie series that sums up the whole anime yup. though of course, to understand the series, I had to read up about the original anime stories heh, since the movie doesn't do alot of explaining. but unlike nabari no ou, I COULD FEEL character development here, especially for Shinji. He has some serious father issues, and I clearly felt that struggle he was going through so much so that during the first half of the first movie, he was A TOTAL WUSS IN MY EYES. But in the second half, and subsequently in this second movie, we see how the people around him change his emotions and views about life and its issues. Oh sure it sounds corny, but seriously, its the people around you that change you to a certain extent, though ultimately the person to decide on that change, is YOU, YOURSELF.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
last regrets
scene 1
I feel like its better to just keep to myself from now on.. Its hard to confide in people. Its probably because of how I've shed that last piece of childish innocence at this age. This is so hard to put into words.. As you get older, the more selfish you become. "My heart is just full of thorns." I feel like crying.
I think the best song to describe how I feel right now is this: Just Be Friends
"I already knew deep inside my heart; that the most painful choice would be the best."
"I shouted until my voice was dry."
I feel like my heart is worn out and torn up inside that I don't know how to put how I'm feeling into solid words. But before I loose it..
I can't find the right person to talk to; it has to be someone who knows me well, who doesn't mind me being emotional, who ultimately doesn't say things or give out an aura that makes me feel like an idiot.
Everyone else has grown up... I feel like a kid. I don't want to share things with people who would look at me like I'm some sort of baby.
But I'm screaming inside, and I want to let it out to somebody - but I can't think of whom.
Like..I just feel that maybe I should just be normal friends and just let go of the bond that makes us all feel like true family. "Even though I love you, and I don't want to be apart from you - but I have to say it - that this is the end." Its easy to say that, but its a very painful thing to do. Its probably stupid of me to feel like this, since I know that I'm not someone who can live alone without family-like bonds.. I know I can't live alone like this, but its one of the few ways to keep your heart to yourself. Its not like being indifferent, its more like..to live with normal bonds that don't go beyond the line. Its a very sad thing..but its also one way to prevent yourself from getting hurt.
scene 2
its probably unfair of me to say this, but I wish that there was someone I could trust and he would take me far far away from this kind of life. a wide blue sky.. a field of flowers..like, there are no painful emotional bonds that exist there.
scene 3
I've talked about this once, but I'll do it again. When your closest bestest friends have found their someone, no matter how much they say "No no, you're still precious to me!" you will never feel the same again. Never.
I feel like I'm out of the circle already. Correction, I -have- been out of the circle for a while. I mean, I still believe in these precious friends, but...its just, everything's changed and there's no way we can go back to those old times. I'm not saying that I want to stay in the past- in fact, I don't; we should always move forward. These friends were, and will always, be precious to me, but I will forever be inferior to that someone.
Though I say this, I still firmly believe that friends are as important as your special someone. Friends will stay by you, they will always be with you. Special someone's can never top the seat.
But looking past that, you slowly see that compared to that special someone, whom your friend(s) will live and share their innermost lives with - the bond that you have with your friend(s) can never top that. There is no denying it, no matter how your friend tells you otherwise, its a feeling that will never go away. Its a feeling that us singles have to understand, accept, and move on from. As friends, we all are destined to reach such a conclusion. I don't care how other people try to convince me otherwise, as a single, I will forever feel inferior. Probably until I find my own someone. I understand that I will change my sentiments after I've found someone, but until then, I will always feel this way. There's no need for anyone to tell me "You'll understand when you've found that person (:" because I already understand it. So don't look at me like I'm a baby - I hate it.
I feel like its better to just keep to myself from now on.. Its hard to confide in people. Its probably because of how I've shed that last piece of childish innocence at this age. This is so hard to put into words.. As you get older, the more selfish you become. "My heart is just full of thorns." I feel like crying.
I think the best song to describe how I feel right now is this: Just Be Friends
"I already knew deep inside my heart; that the most painful choice would be the best."
"I shouted until my voice was dry."
I feel like my heart is worn out and torn up inside that I don't know how to put how I'm feeling into solid words. But before I loose it..
I can't find the right person to talk to; it has to be someone who knows me well, who doesn't mind me being emotional, who ultimately doesn't say things or give out an aura that makes me feel like an idiot.
Everyone else has grown up... I feel like a kid. I don't want to share things with people who would look at me like I'm some sort of baby.
But I'm screaming inside, and I want to let it out to somebody - but I can't think of whom.
Like..I just feel that maybe I should just be normal friends and just let go of the bond that makes us all feel like true family. "Even though I love you, and I don't want to be apart from you - but I have to say it - that this is the end." Its easy to say that, but its a very painful thing to do. Its probably stupid of me to feel like this, since I know that I'm not someone who can live alone without family-like bonds.. I know I can't live alone like this, but its one of the few ways to keep your heart to yourself. Its not like being indifferent, its more like..to live with normal bonds that don't go beyond the line. Its a very sad thing..but its also one way to prevent yourself from getting hurt.
scene 2
its probably unfair of me to say this, but I wish that there was someone I could trust and he would take me far far away from this kind of life. a wide blue sky.. a field of flowers..like, there are no painful emotional bonds that exist there.
scene 3
I've talked about this once, but I'll do it again. When your closest bestest friends have found their someone, no matter how much they say "No no, you're still precious to me!" you will never feel the same again. Never.
I feel like I'm out of the circle already. Correction, I -have- been out of the circle for a while. I mean, I still believe in these precious friends, but...its just, everything's changed and there's no way we can go back to those old times. I'm not saying that I want to stay in the past- in fact, I don't; we should always move forward. These friends were, and will always, be precious to me, but I will forever be inferior to that someone.
Though I say this, I still firmly believe that friends are as important as your special someone. Friends will stay by you, they will always be with you. Special someone's can never top the seat.
But looking past that, you slowly see that compared to that special someone, whom your friend(s) will live and share their innermost lives with - the bond that you have with your friend(s) can never top that. There is no denying it, no matter how your friend tells you otherwise, its a feeling that will never go away. Its a feeling that us singles have to understand, accept, and move on from. As friends, we all are destined to reach such a conclusion. I don't care how other people try to convince me otherwise, as a single, I will forever feel inferior. Probably until I find my own someone. I understand that I will change my sentiments after I've found someone, but until then, I will always feel this way. There's no need for anyone to tell me "You'll understand when you've found that person (:" because I already understand it. So don't look at me like I'm a baby - I hate it.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
just a random update
I haven't been online for a few days owing to my sis revamping her whole room lol. i.e. disconnected modem. So the house right now is in a HUGE mess hahaha. With all her furniture and things, tables, desks etc. Everything's outside right now. She just finished painting the walls of her room on sunday and it looks really nice. And the new lighting my dad got for her from bangkok for her birthday - its hanging in her room now. Really pretty light and romantic lighting lol. Plus my own room and the living room has new lighting. Then dad had itchy hands to go get a new tv for the living room -_- so "old" (its only like, what, a few months old?) living room tv has replaced the kind-of spoiled one in my parents' room.
anyways,...its about 2 weeks till the new semester starts and I think its been a really, really good break. I did everything I wanted to, I did everything I enjoy doing, I'm satisfied. So I'm looking forward to the coming semester now. Though, I must say that I'm scared since I think the modules are going to be killers. I swear I'm going to cry when my second upper honors flies away. I'm very very scared.
I haven't been online for a few days owing to my sis revamping her whole room lol. i.e. disconnected modem. So the house right now is in a HUGE mess hahaha. With all her furniture and things, tables, desks etc. Everything's outside right now. She just finished painting the walls of her room on sunday and it looks really nice. And the new lighting my dad got for her from bangkok for her birthday - its hanging in her room now. Really pretty light and romantic lighting lol. Plus my own room and the living room has new lighting. Then dad had itchy hands to go get a new tv for the living room -_- so "old" (its only like, what, a few months old?) living room tv has replaced the kind-of spoiled one in my parents' room.
anyways,...its about 2 weeks till the new semester starts and I think its been a really, really good break. I did everything I wanted to, I did everything I enjoy doing, I'm satisfied. So I'm looking forward to the coming semester now. Though, I must say that I'm scared since I think the modules are going to be killers. I swear I'm going to cry when my second upper honors flies away. I'm very very scared.
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