HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

1 January 2010


Happy 2010 to all of youuuuuuu!!!

Tiffy/Wan-wan/SW loves you lots lots ^^


So while I'm typing this, I'm eating the kueh that Jehanne gave us. Yum (:


THE FIREWORKS WERE FRIGGIN' SPECTACULAR AND AWESOME. I LOVED IT. AND I WAS SCREAMING EVEN WHEN I SAID ONLY 5 MINUTES BEFORE IT STARTED THAT I WASN'T FEELING EXCITED. Ahahahahaha. Gosh it was just really, really gooooooooooooooooood! I haven't felt this happy/delighted in ages. Its a different kind of 'happy' haha. Well, more like, I can't remember when was the last time hmm. Might have been a few weeks ago, might not. No idea. But this midnight was just...awwwwwww.


Thanks so much for spending it with me Jo, KG and Jehanne ^_^ !!


And kudos to Heng Min for hanging out with me before I met up with Jo and co. DINNER WAS JUST AWESOME HAHAHA. Those LAUGHS we had are like UNFORGETTABLE. I haven't had this much laughter in soooooooooooo long. So thank you so much (: High school days are awesome ;D


Last but not least, Happy New Year ! (:

so they say

"If you love somebody, you should set them free."


Ronan Keating - The Long Goodbye


I can't help but feel an extreme and ineffable saddness from realizing something..

No matter how good a friend you make, no matter how much you think he or she was meant to be your soulmate (on a friendly basis), they are destined to leave you - once they have found their special someone to spend their lives with..

Your friends' hearts - they never belong to you - no matter how much you treasure them. I understand..I understand..I really do understand all these. Afterall, finding that special someone is (supposedly) everyone's goal - even mine. I've come to a point in life where I can understand and accept things that are inevitable, and still be able to smile at that.

But I cannot help but feel so lonely deep inside, and I must ask for your forgiveness for being selfish - even if it isn't my intention to be such...

Because I'm still alone in my love life, my friends hold an important place in my heart. And even more so, for someone who's practically spent the past 7 years of her life supporting me. But..For these important people to leave me one day like this...

I can't help but uncontrollably shed tears that I don't want flowing out of my eyes. These tears don't mean "I don't want you to leave me." rather, they carry the words "I know you have to leave me one day, but for now, the saddness that accompanies such a farewell - its too great for me to bear."

I am fully aware that we all will still remain friends - its not like we're leaving each other. Its something like..This farewell from you is "Our relationship is something of the past - and I can smile at it because it was good! You still hold a very important, an irreplacable place in my life.". But I know, and I understand that this place in your heart that you have given me to occupy is not great - not as great as the one person who will fill the rest of your heart with more love and hope than I could ever give to you.

I am not jealous. I am in fact, happy and will be, for when you, my friends, find your destined person. (:

But I wonder..

Will I be able to say the same thing to you, as you did on that day to me, when I've found my special someone?


30 December 2009

(Please scroll down for next post entered on same day.)

they will never know until..

...until you tell them.


The only way, for friends to understand your true heartfelt intentions, is to make them known.

Do not feel, nor relish in the thought, that it is too wasteful and consuming to explain.

This way, you won't be misunderstood (:

And in doing so, you can gain a new light, a new understanding.

Don't bottle it all up and assume that there is no one who can understand your intentions. As long as it is good, as long as you are not intentionally trying to hurt the people around you out of anger, or jealousy, or spite - it is good.


If someone, if a friend, is trying to explain themselves to you, you should also try your best to sit through it. And if you don't want to because you do not think the issue to be of emotional significance to you, you could refuse it in a manner that would not result in misunderstandings. You cannot expect people to understand your character or personality, nor expect them to understand that your refute meant no intentional harm.

Look at these two sentences, and ask yourself, which is better? Which one should be able to help resolve things in a simple, yet happy manner, assuming the other party doesn't understand you well but yet is a good friend of yours?


" Its okay de, don't need to explain ^^ "

" dun need explain "


If you feel guilt right now, good for you - because you will change one day - everyone changes be it for the good, or the bad. If you know you are insensitive, then good for you - because you will change one day. Don't expect your friends to not hold grudges or misunderstandings against you - because the world does not revolve around you, and not everyone is as forgiving(or forgetful) as you are.

It is alright to be selfish, if you know your limits and that your selfishness is not malicious.


But then again, the world is not so kind..But at least, you should strive to maintain a healthy relationship with those you cherish for you will lose them if you don't. This is a message to all my friends, and of course to myself.

30 December 2009

MOAR PLZ

Its 26 December 2009, and this is my christmas day for this year.


EOYEOYEOYEOYEOYEOY
End Of Year (Cosplay/Event)
NEED MOAR ANIMU FESTIVALZ PLZ
I wish I had taken more photos ;_; !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Gosh. It was like, TRIPLE JOY.
Because I went with Heng Min, who brought more friends, so I got to make more friends, and I seriously thoroughly enjoyed my time at the fair.
BUT NEXT TIME MUST GO EARLIER.
NOT ENOUGH PICS.
*CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY*
Will upload pictars on FB soon enough.


..The MOST memorable cosplayer was the guy who did Sephiroth.
Why? BECAUSE HE LOOKED LIKE SHIT. HE DESTROYED SEPHIROTH'S SEXY IMAGE WTHHHHH.
Don't worry, I took a side-view picture of that guy.


And there was YUI MAKINO.
SHE DID A SURPRISE MINI PERFORMANCE AFTER THE LOLITA FASHION RUN AT THE AUDITORIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Pictures of lolita show will be posted, don't worry you suckers for lolita ;) )
(Her concert starts at night - which requires a special ticket that I didn't purchase because I wasn't exactly interested in the concert. Give me a Daisuke Ono-Katsuyuki Konishi-Daisuke Namikawa script performance then YEZ PLZ. BECAUSE THEIR SEXY VOICES ARE TO DIE FOR.)
Gosh she was SO FRIGGIN' CUTE. She voices Sakura in the TRC anime and OVA's, and I couldn't believe my ears when I heard her singing live, because she sounds exactly like how she voiced Sakura. I mean, she's SUPPOSED to sound like that, but hearing it LIVE, I was at a LOSS FOR WORDS. JUST UBER DUBER CUTE PLZ. I'm *so* going to download her single that's gonna be released March next year. Sure its a VERY generic-sounding song BUT WHATEVER. I LIKED IT. She did a surprise performance for that to-be--released single, and I loved every second of it. It was like "AUDIO ORGASM" as Heng Min puts it. He loved the night concert, awwwwwwwww, loved how cute she was, loved how cute her screaming was. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.


I *so* friggin' loved the friends I made at the fair. Heng Min's cousin(girl), oh she and I clique SO WELL TOGETHER. She's the type, like me, to say "OMG SHE'S SO FRIGGIN' CUTE I CAN'T TAKE IT." =DDDD


And Kay was at the fair too. She had a booth there~ But I only managed to say hi once and she looked so busy so I went off with my friends first. But by the time I was back, she was gone ):


Ah well. STILL GOT SOY. START OF YEAR. YES MUZ ATTEND. Should I get a new outfit?
Gosh I still feel so friggin' high I can't put it into words XD


Anyways, I don't know what else about the event to blog about, I CAN'T REMEMBER. All I know is that WE WERE ALL SUPER HIGH xD


So until I can remember anything else, ciao!

=3

To think that I'm not blogging much in this one month break when I'm actually somewhat "eager" to blog DURING school semesters. -.-'


Anyways, its a sunday today, 20th December. My eyes are popping out.


I had a great time with my sec school girls on the 19th <3 You guys are the best (:
Kudos to Jo and her mom for playing hosts to our stay over ^^

Pizza for dinner with Cindy and Maybo, pool with the girls along with KG, Brian and Clifton(Jo's younger brother). And Brian was being such an ass for being strict with me about pool DDDDDD: Its not like I'll ever improve >_> And besides, I can't play/practice with people around >_< And logcake~ It was delicious, thank God the girls liked it. Too bad KG and Brian couldn't get a taste of it mwahahahahaha. And yeah, next time I'll be the one threatening to push Brian down into the wet pool.


Oh and, AVATAR 3D was awesome. Like, really impressive stuff. Lots of details here and there, but there was somewhat of a lack of ...emotional attachment. For example, I couldn't feel much compassion when *her* father died in that scene. Sure her crying was all drama, but I couldn't feel touched ): And as usual, I love the lead male. I first noticed this actor in the latest Terminator installation(watched the movie at home..>_>). Just that the Terminator movie itself sucked real shit. But the guy was really cute, to me at least =3 I like guys who are slightly buff like him, and have that...slightly macho-bad look aura. They're SO attractive. Like wolves. I love wolves. =D


And before the 19th, I met up with Daphne on wednesday for some light stuff. Great lunch at The Soup Spoon; I wanna go back there again sooooooon DDDDDDDDDD:
Some walking around, tried on a few bikinis, but the ones I liked were too ridiculously expensive D: < Was thinking of going back there today to try on some other cheaper ones but I decided against it in the end (Sorry Bobo :3).


On a side note,

I seem to have the habit of blogging on my laptop. And only on my laptop. Even when I'm at home >w< Strange eh? Anyway...Time to do Daphne's special prezzie, then after that I can relax and do blogshop stuff and read and whatnot.


So that's that for now. Ciao.

finally!

new blogskin is up.
LOVELESS ver 1.0
Graphics and layout by yours truly ;D
Basic arial font used for posts since its supported by virtually -all- computers lol.

The last layout had some gothic fonts(to go along with the vampire knight fantasy lulz) that my comp had, but I bet you guys couldn't see the fonts properly and got some arial-styled ones instead. So I decided I'd choose something simpler this time.


Hope you guys like it ^^

blogskin

its coming up good.
should be up in the next few days.
look forward to it (:

imperfection?

I'm..envious and I'm more often than not, frustrated at my own uselessness. I can't do anything and I don't know anything that's worthy of merit.


Daphne is so independent; she does everything herself. She works, studies, pays for her own necessities. She takes care of herself like she was her own mom.


And Xin Ying... She's so damn perfect. She's provided for, but yet she's got such a great character and she's so much more independent than I am. She has so many interests that she picks up and has time for.


Maybo..She's so sure of herself. She can bake, and knows so much about cooking. She's a living fashion dictionary (not that I take much interest in dressing myself up all the time, but..). And she also knows alot more things than I do. And she's so much more adept to drawing than I am.


And Jehanne..she's grown up to be a pretty lady, and she's good at her studies. She's got so many co-curricular credits to her name - she's gone to camps, festivals, etc. She's ...so studiously-perfect.


Cindy, Jody, Hui Ying, my own sister..


You guys are so sure of yourselves all the time. There's this aura around you guys that says, "This is me."


I feel...I feel empty. I can't cook, and I'm hardly independent. I don't even know if I can take care of myself. I don't know alot of things, and even though I try to read, it just doesn't ever seem enough to match up to you guys. There's nothing I do that's ever comparable to anyone's.. Its not like I feel really inferior, its more like...I just..hate myself (well, this part of me anyway.) to a certain extent.


I have so many opportunities to learn things and yet..I don't make use of them...
I wish...I wish I was stronger..Like you guys.

.

I honestly CAN'T wait to change my blog layout, like SERIOUSLY.
I'm SO going to change it into sometihng about LOVELESS.
Hopefully self-made..

Posted November 20, 2009

machikirenai!

exams starting tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SO TOTALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO END.
Why?
Because I WANT TO EAT ICE CREAM.
I wanna buy a tub of hagen daaz ice cream and eat it after I've had a nice dinner.
But I can't go down after dinner when I'm in the midst of the examintion period. Bleh.

And there are so many other things I've noted down that I wanna do.
1. Go to the skin centre for some treatment if its available *don't ask*
2. If all goes well for my skin, get a black bikini THAT FITS.
3. Go to the butterfly park with Daphne. YAY BUTTIES <3
4. Watch Twilight: New Moon (w/e the title is) - which is precisely what I've planned for (with Daphne) the day my exams end. w00t.
5. Movie marathon with Daphne at my place
6. Continue my POKEMON GAME. Re-play my other games yay.
7. READ MY BOOKS WTF I'VE GOT SO MANY (well just a few actually..) WAITING TO BE READ.
8. WATCH MY ARCHIVED ANIME.
9. Exercise? I deno. Badminton plz.
10. MY BLOGSHOP D: <
11. DIY stuff again. Because I need more earrings.
12. GET A FRIGGIN' DEBIT CARD AND START BUYING MY MOST WANTED ANIME DVDS.
13. Hang out at wala again. Cold rock ice cream again. Essential Brew's sandwich again. Subway cookies again. ALL AT HV.
14. CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION WITH EACH OF MY CLIQUES!!!!!!!!! I deno what prezzies to get you guys though...Haven't had the time to relax and think about these things yet :\

They're all at the back of my head. I'm barely thinking of doing these things because right now I'm concentrating on my exams. All this can wait. They're not in order of preference though. Just whatever I've been thinking of wanting to do after all this has ended. That said, I'm off now.

Posted November 19, 2009

kimi no motoe;

They say, "Once bitten, twice shy."

Does that relate to you I wonder?
I think it does, for many.

I've seen people who've been hurt deeply by falling in love once, as I have, in the past. Its been years, and I've had countless reasons and excuses for not doing it again..


Studies, friends, family, and other personal commitments..

"I simply have no time for guys now."


When I think about it.. they all just sound like flat excuses. Afterall, I know people who balance their love lives with work and family so perfectly that I almost believe they are superhuman. I've never had a real relationship, so I really don't know how much commitment I'd need to pour in into one. Since I've never tried it out, I guess its plausible for me to say "I don't know, really.."


The time when I was in love, it lasted for years; well, just a few, but the me at that point in time - it was a lifetime of one-sided bliss. My feelings were never requited in the end, but I didn't loose anything. I was given the chance to feel and care for someone deeply, to do whatever I could in my limited power to make him smile, so that he wouldn't feel alone in his world. I loved and cared so deeply just for that one person; it never hurt that my efforts were never returned in like - just words of deeply humbled appreciation, and "Its your letters that really keep me going on these days.". I didn't care for him because I wanted to feel "needed" by someone. But as the years passed, my feelings for him slowly faded, but he still remains a precious friend to me, and I still continue to send him letters.


In the years that came, I could never do something like that again. Maybe it was because I was occupied by my studies, but I found it difficult to sow a seed of love in my heart again. I could never really like anyone further than a simple crush, and I didn't want to think too much about my true feelings. Was I running away from myself? Was I afraid of getting hurt? Was I...


Till now I am still living like this in my private life. I've gotten to know more guy-friends around me, but..there is just this gate in my heart that I can't unlock. There are a few suitors around, and I really am quite fond of one or two of them, but..I just...I feel like I'm afraid of taking that one more step. I don't really know why, but I'm just scared of commitment. My life wouldn't change too much if I started to feel for someone, that's a given. I mean, I do feel something. But I just find it hard to really like someone. I want to, I really do, but..


Are we all afraid of getting hurt again? Is that the unwavering, bottomline reason for us to not feel something for someone else? If both parties are afraid, then them both probably need to support each other in this aspect, and slowly build it up to be strong - that's what I just realized.


(Well, this isn't the reason why I gave up on one guy - that's a different story altogether. And he's not one of the suitors, not anymore.)


Posted November 10, 2009

random update

Hey you guys,
A small update (Been wanting to post in a while)~
Just finished with some revising for a test tomorrow,
Thought I'd do a little update before I go home
since I never seem to update my blog at home lol.
At school is where all the work is done ahaha.

Section 1 of post is about meet-ups with friends.
Section 2 is about personal d0rama.

Anyways,
Exams are coming up soon,
In a matter of a week or two in fact.
So how are you guys anyways?
The only blog I still ever read is Bobo's ahaha.
Sorry xD
I might check out some of your blogs, I just don't do it all the time lulz.

I'll be posting up some pictures after the exams about some stuff I did/bought,
Because I want to SHOW OFF.
=D

Met up Daphne not too long ago and checked out jazz@south bridge.
The only few things I remember, are the rather dim lighting at the corner we sat(which was alright), a milky fruity rum drink I ordered, crinkle fries to go along with it, and a bartender who was pretty cute and fun to joke with. Mwahahaha. Bought a white dress spontaneouly on the same day, and I really do like it. So its money "well spent". IT WAS ON SALE ANYWAY SO WHATEVER.

Then there was Cindy's birthday. Pictures on facebook, which you guys have already checked out. And pool at Jody's as well. Hell I just totally suck as a beginner and made a total fool out of myself -.-

Met up Maybo last thursday to hang out at wala. Finally tried out Cold Rock ice cream with her - it was pretty fabulous. Nice cookie dough, right Bo? Hey I hope you weren't too disappointed with the techy problems that delayed the whole gig for a whole hour. I really do hope you have the intention of hanging out at wala again with me - because they play really good music. I mean, I'm not much of a critic, I just really enjoy myself there all the time. And the fries...Yeah, its really 6$ worth of fries lulz. I didn't know wala had fruity barcadi mixes until we asked about it -.- And Bo took my portion of the 1-for-1 drink. Cranberry flavor is pretty nice...

To spill the beans, I was supposed to have gone to wala with someone else, but he couldn't make it so I asked Maybo instead. Ah wells.

Anyways, on to some more personal matters.

Bo's blog recently been about love and relationships.. Well, to tell you the truth, I've been slightly fond of a guy since school started. But now...eh, I'm just totally gonna give up. I'm not going to bother about my feelings or him or whatever.
That's because some stuff happened, and I kinda experienced some unfounded jealousy that hurt alot I got teary eyed on the bus wtf :\
But there are loads of eye candy in school, and I'm kinda like, eye-ing on one particular guy haha. But I don't know him nor am I able to think of any easy way to get to know him >.< And my friend's lab partner is a really nice guy, I've only ever met him twice though. As much as I'd like to get to know him better, I think it'd be super awkward if I asked my friend for his mail or something. It'd be like spilling 100% beans lulz. Ah well.

I'm not really concentrating all that much on such a life with guys right now though.. I'm pretty much occupied with work and stuff. And I really do need to really start planning for some future things. There's alot of work to do, but yet there are so many other things I need to get into the flow of as well. Checking my mail(school), getting news on stuff happening around the school, and other stuff. Just not only work. AND VISIT THE DENTIST WTF. I've yet to arrange an appointment. I decided to get regular check ups on my teeth. >.<

Anyways, on to something else. At church there's this wonderful perfect family, and my dad is actually long-distance cousins with the mom. Everytime I look at/observe them during service, I'm like, "They're....so complete. The parents are so bonded with each of their 3 kids. The married couple themselves are so close to each other. And on top of it all, they're all so ..intune with God." And what's more there seems to be alot of respect within the marriage. I didn't know the mom was a full-time housewife until my mom told me lol, but I guessed the lady was probably working before she got married/had kids. For a housewife, there's usually this dependency on the husband. And sometimes it makes the woman look inferior. But this lady is so different, she carries her own weight and she shines like the sun for God's sake! And it kinda feels like, the husband never stresses the fact "I AM THE BREADWINNER OKAY?! SO YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME!"
IMO, most men, I believe, are like that.
And my mom. Whenever the family has a conversation (in the car, over lunch etc), she never fails to state, "Eh, who's paying for all this arh?" (She's always paying, don't ask me why my dad doesn't.) And she has to do house chores, which I don't do because I've never had that habit. I mean, I don't mind doing it, its just not inbuilt in me. I can't do something that is not a habit. Its bad I know, but that's besides the point. And she also says that its tough for her to have to behave/talk to each of us differently. She has to deal with our temperamental behavior, deal with my father's sudden outburst of cold war sometimes etc etc etc. The only thing I don't like about this is that she (unintentionally, probably) makes people feel bad by always stressing/hinting the fact that she's always the one paying, and its hard on her. I mean, what do you want me to do? She says "Nevermind la, its okay de." when I suggest paying for it. And my dad NEVER pays. Well he's had a pay cut ever since he turned into a senior citizen. The whole family always relies on my mom to pay for meals basically.
With all that ranting she does periodically, it makes me NEVER want to become a mom.
But then I think again, who's gonna take care of ME when I grow old?
And another thing (that's almost completely unrelated to kids), I don't feel a responsibility to clean up the house or toilet or wash bowls or wash clothes or anything at all.
Anyways, long post is long. And you're at the end of it, just because I can't think of anything else to say.
So, laters~

Posted November 5, 09.

gomenasai!!!

hey you guys,
I'm really sorry I haven't changed the layout yet.
As most of you would already know,
the tests I have weren't actually centered on one week,
it was spread out to the whole month of october
(i.e. one week one or two)
so I haven't had any real time to spare to change the layout.

but fret not..I'll really be changing it soon.
As a teaser,
I'm gonna try making my own graphics
(but use a pre-made blog picture as the main picture lol)
just really simple graphics from whatever stuff I have already.
So look forward to it I guess (:
It won't be anything spectacular,
but at least it'll be 70% self-made
The script isn't mine of course lulz.
I'm just editing stuff here and there.
and my blogshop,
I haven't forgotten about it.
Will be doing it in december when I'm on a month-long break~

Take care yeah?

Posted Tuesday 14 October 2009

miniscule update

hey there guys,
sorry about the lack of updates,
been busy+lazy haha.

I'll be changing the layout soon,
and putting up a new post soon enough.
probably by the end of next week since I have four tests coming up next week which I might screw if I continue being lazy+busy HAHA.

Wish me luck >.<

And good luck to you guys too, to whatever you're doing.

Stay happy (:

Posted Thursday, October 1st 2009

autumn break

Yay, the one week school break is NEXT WEEk.
mwahahahaha.
I -finally- have time to myself to play and study and revise my PHYSICS.
which is lacking like crazy.
physics is the new maths.

can't wait for this friday, like seriously.
BECAUSE THAT'D BE THE START OF THE AWESOMELY SHORT BREAK.
There are quite a few things I want to do~
For starters,
I WANT TO DO THAT PUZZLE I BOUGHT WITH MY PARENTS.
I WANT TO WATCH ANGELS AND DEMONS WITH MY PARENTS.
Because they put it on hold just for me, aw.
Hmm what else..
Maybe some hanging out at wala wala next thursday?
(Provided Sherlyn and The UnXpected are playing..)
Maybe catch a movie with Jolene and gang, since she mentioned it last week.
Anyone else would like to add to my list of people-to-meet-up? xD
If my schedule becomes to packed for the break, I might not be able to slot you in xD
Simple because I don't want to go out almost everyday next week. >.<

Anyway these few days, some of you may have noticed that I'm not in the most happy of moods. (Okay, if you didn't notice, that's fine xD). Some stuff have happened, that's why I've been a bit...sad. But now I'm alright, I decided to get angry instead.
What's the point in putting in somewhat special efforts to make contact or meet up someone you haven't seen in months, but he doesn't really reply you back all the time? I mean, it just goes to show that the other party is not that enthusiastic about meeting me up :\
I'm absolutely not going to do it anymore.
At least for now, that is.
Abit sick of it.
And I think this is how Maybo felt with piggy Ryan.
Just that I'm not dating anyone right now.
I'm going to try my utmost best to make sure I don't think about him, nor ask him out, or anything. Talking is fine. I'm just not going to attempt to meet him up, unless he suggests to. I'm going to stop putting hopes in this, stop thinking, and treat him like he was just another regular guy-friend.
(I mean, its not like I was hoping to -date- him, its more like..how it makes me happy just meeting him up once a while.)

Anything else, anything else to blog about..Can't remember, really.
Well that's all for now I suppose.

Posted Tuesday, 22nd September 2009

._.

Hullo ._.

I feel so fucking screwed up today :\
I made a huge, stupid, careless error in my previous lab report and only just realized it after I had handed it in.
Yeah and the lab report before that, I also made a similarly stupid and careless mistake. And these mistakes I made are critical in that they are crucial to my explanations of the results.
Am I cursed or what?! Honestly, I need to learn to read everything properly and just slow down. Gawd..This is just the worst.
Next, my friends and I were discussing about the recent test we had, and now I know I probably screwed up mine when I previously thought I had done okay :\\
And, I also only JUST found out today that we have a mock forensic science test during the 3-hour lecture this week. Wtf. The marks aren't counted since its a mock, but I'm still wtf. Like, WHAT THE FUCK?
Merh.
Also, I'm lagging behind on my own revision wtf, and I really, really DO need to revise and practice, but I have soooooo many things to do! Physics, maths, core chem corses (2), zzzzzz. And people actually wonder why the science students always have so many things to do while the arts/social-science students just need to have a good command of the English Language, do research, and write heaps of essays. No concepts involved, no practicing involved :\ My life is tougher than yours if you're an arts student who's reading this rant post.
And I also heard that its hard to score high for my course. And that in year 1 you can at best only get a GPA of 3. So I'm like, wtf?!shit...
I have school every. single. day. lasting for majority of the day. When I come back I'm usually quite worn out. Whatever time I have left on each day is SO little. But yet my list of work-to-do's goes on and on. And it doesn't help that whatever chemistry I learnt back in my college days aren't enough to help me deal with the new stuff I'm learning in my core chem courses.
Whatever time I've used to rest abit till now...they don't even amount up to a day(leaving out nella notte, and wala wala and church). I need 3 days of weekends instead of two, honestly. Because when friday comes I'm usually tired, and so I get a good sleep till saturday. Then saturday comes and I don't have much time till monday so I need to just start on work and revise. Sunday I have church, and I come back and revise my work. I don't have a proper rest day to do my own things, you know?
I'm absolutely not complaining here, I'm not fed up or anything. I'm just abit..worn out of sorts, that this routine is somewhat stressful. I feel like... "In the end..I'm not even university-material."
And the university curriculum is as short as 4 months, with a 2-month break after. So we study like batshit crazy during the 4 months, along with tests and exams and revision and practice.
I know that everything is do-able, and I know I can do it lol. Its more like...I just need a proper weekend to consolidate all that I've learnt for the week. And I ALSO need to read up on the relevant chapters taught for the week using the textbooks I bought.

Oh well..

Anyway, on to some amusing stuff.
I caught a roach in my room the other day. Sealed it in an air-tight container. AND ITS STILL FUCKING ALIVE. WTF WTF WTF.
The night I caught it, I decided I'd teach myself to be less afraid of roaches. So guess what I did. I just held the container up at eye-level, and stared at the gross thing running about in circles. Not more than 3 seconds of that, and I was ready to THROW UP MY COOKIES. :\ So yeah, now I'm like honestly thinking that roaches are fucking gross. I never want to do something like this again lolol.

Another small joke,
My dad had a friend who owned a pet bird. Everyday the owner would try to teach it greeting words. So one day his friends came over, and they talked to the birdy, "Hello hello how are you?? ^_^" Guess what it replied?

"BASTARD."

AHAHAHAHAAHAHA. Apparently, whenever the bird didn't learn the words, which was always the case, the owner would curse and swear, saying "Bastard!!!." So the bird learnt bastard instead LOL. Funniest thing I've ever heard haha.

So that's all for now~~

Posted 14th September 2009, Monday

nella notte

w00t
just came back from Nella Notte 2 (a concert)
finally get to see kor performing again!!!!!!!!!!! (with a string ensemble)
choooooooo happy hahaha.
the original composition he wrote was pretty awesome
I personally liked it.
and I managed to get the tickets through kor,
so each ticket is 5$ cheaper ahahahahaha.
one for daphne one for me.
can't wait to see kor again >.<

today after the concert we left immediately,
but luckily daphne strongly encouraged me to turn back and wait for him at the auditorium to chat with him for a while.
she looked straight into my heart sia xD
I was shy about waiting la..but also because I feel that I'm not the only person on his list of to-greet-friends (aka I'm not that important)
but I think it was good I went back haha.
He said he was gonna go back to school to study since he's got a quiz tomorrow (again!!!!!!! xD always next day got quiz de lol)
I really wanted to go follow/disturb him at his school but sigh its a thursday, and I still have school tomorrow zzzzzz. and it was 10pm by the time the concert ended. haiz.
oh well.
next time go ask him out ba~
after his exams or somethin'

anyway, thanks daphne for coming with me (:

and I swear my physics lecturer is super cute sia.
xD
can't take it xDDDDDD
and bengang today was VERY entertaining AHAHAHAHAA.

posted September 10th, 2009.

wala wala

Finally managed to put aside time to write a new plot post
sorry for the lack of updates guys >.<

anyways,
school is going really good.
honestly, this is much better than my dreadful college days.
my physics lecturer is so cute.
my cbc 121 lecturer pronounces some words in such a weird way, its so funny lulz.
I tried imitating some of his mispronounced words to my friends in school, and they said "...WHOA. SOUND JUST LIKE HIM SIA!!"
ahaha~~
and I've made quite a lot of friends from all over the place lol.
I'm so happy I decided to become more open and friendly,
because its led me to making more friends of both sexes.
and they're all seemingly good people,
so lucky me (:

anyways, met Daphne on thursday to chill out at wala wala with a band performance.
as usual, the vocalist sings great.
I wished they covered more songs I'm familiar with, but that's okay.
I miss their rock version of Keane's Everybody's Changing though.
That was a great cover.
All the band members were, as usual, great. The drummer was forced to sing 2 Become 1 again ahahaaha. (He sang the same song the last time I was there.) It was a request from the audience in the packed room.
by the time I came home I was superrrrrrr tired, and went straight to sleep at 1am.

Next thursday I'm meeting up Daphne again to attend Joel's mini concert. Finally get to see him performing lol. And I managed to get cheaper tickets through him ahahaha. Can't wait! Even though I'm always tired on thursdays but its okay. I'm good.
(I'm in school from 830 to 530 on thursdays lol. 4 lectures, awesome right? haha~)

anyways..
I STILL haven't caught up with my animes! Haiz. And I always have things to do haha.
I finish the important stuff first, then I do the extra stuff. Gosh there's just alot of extra stuff for me to do. Well actually, I pile all this work on myself lol. Re-read the notes, summarize the notes, re-do some tutorials, read notes for next week's lectures, do extra tutorials from the textbooks, do research on some stuff I'm not sure about etc etc etc. And its for almost all courses I'm registered for this semester lol.

I'm really occupied and busy all the time,
And it makes me wonder if its actually the same for SIM people?
How many courses are you guys registered for??

Posted 5th September, 2009.

lovers at JP!

a great week.
had an even greater night out with a couple of old friends today.
took loads of pictures
of them actually, lol
photos will be put up at a later date on FB
because I'm resizing, auto-colour-correcting (some), and also trying to salvage all those red-eye photos >.<
they might look a tad bit weird, but it'd be the best I can do
so don't blame me =3

just got my lappy last saturday,
its working great
and its light
and its really handy, like really handy.

got some stuff for daphne too.
this pair of earrings from the NTU bazaar
a macaron key-chain
and some other stuff

and I made more friends,
and so school is getting alot, alot better
but it seems that I'm still busy here and there
so yeah..
oh well.

I haven't caught up with some of the animes I'm following this season,
for two weeks already xD
and some new chapters of certain manga I'm reading
ah well
its okay

oh and we also went to jo's new house at JP
great ambience at the pool at night
love it, honest.
I'd want my house to be like that,
but alot more spacious please xD
the overall design and concept is pretty impressive,
and visually more stunning than Parc Oasis
but I still like my estate (:
because its SPACIOUS!
ahahahahaha~~

oh and I also got me a Stitch puzzle to do with my family ;D

that's all for now (:

oh and the blogshop,
it'll take me some time to do a proper post
I'm really sorry about that.

once again,
pictures to be up soon. (:

bon voyage to jehanne!
take care my dearrrrr.
sorry I couldn't get you that puzzle >_<

an ending theme..

school is going good..
but there are alot of things to do
rather, I'm doing more work than others are, I think.
but that's that..

and I have almost no life now.
I made friends here and there, so its getting alot better,
but I don't have the time to properly relax and do the things I want..
save for my daily routine stuff..

and I'm very lonely, so lonely to the point that I often break down,..
and it started ever since the U did.
I don't know why..
Everything is just so..I don't know.
All of my good friends (daphne, xy, maybo, jehanne, etc)
they're all busy with their school work,
and so am I,
its not that its difficult to meet up..
but somehow..I'm just really lonely..
my nights are filled with a very still air,
I don't even like sleeping in my room anymore.
well its more like..
I don't even want to sleep alone.
I'm in a house, with my parents,
and yet I'm alone in my room,
and there is no one but me.
its just..beyond lonely, I don't know how to describe it..
the days are just so different from what they used to be..
back in the old days we would all hang out together,
and even if we didn't, my days were still always happy
but since I entered the U..
I feel even more lonely than ever..
I don't wish for a boyfriend just so he can fill this gap,
or anything of the sort.
you don't go making boyfriends like that. its wrong.
I just..I just really wished the days went back to how they were before the U started..Where everything was my-pace-styled,
where I would have happy and comfortable company like when I was at work.
but now..
say if I met up with my old gang,
or just with daphne,
I would feel that everything's changed..like literally..
I can't get back into the I-have-good-friends mood anymore..
I only know that the people who are supporting me
are my family, and daphne
I feel like I can truly fall back and walk along the road of life when I talk to them, or when I'm with them..
I'm not saying that you other guys out there aren't on my mind,
but..its more like..I don't know how to put it.
but I really would like to get back into the close-friends-mood again with you guys..I really mean it..
in fact, I can't wait for it, because then I'd probably feel "Ahh..finally, this day my life is back."

and, I don't think I like being alone at home anymore. Because of all this, I prefer to do things when there are people around. When I have afternoon classes, I'm all alone at home in the morning, and it makes me very uneasy, so I play some soundtracks loud enough so that I won't hear the silence in my home..
I really don't like being alone...I really, really don't.
It..makes me want to cry, and I've been doing just that pretty frequently..

but of course I'm really more than grateful for having made some friends I can hang out with during breaks in school..
its really alot better than being alone in school..
so I'm really happy in this aspect..

I think I really do need to study smart and not harder. Because there's just too many things for me to do, so much so that I can't afford to give my fullest attention to every single detail.
and then I also need to manage my time well so that I can properly relax on my friday evenings or half-day saturdays..



to maybo:
I'm so sorry I couldn't make it for all the invitations you've smsed me. I'm really so sorry and I really wanted to go, but circumstances forbade it..Not because of alot of work but I just have this policy when I'm studying. But I was really happy that you asked me out..it made me really really happy because it made me get in very slight touch with my old life..so thank you so much, really..! Ask me out again alright?

to daphne:
thank you so much for that ice cream on that day..eating the ice cream you bought me makes me feel less lonely because I feel like I'm with you. Its really comforting..

eh..just an update for the sake of it.
second of school today,
its still going fine.

school is great.
at least, better than wasting away at home.
but I come back near evening,
and after taking a quick shower,
I need to start reading up on tomorrow's lectures.

then on thursdays my lessons start at 8.30am
so I need to wake up super early just to eat a proper breakfast
and then leave the house at 7.15am for fear of the morning rush hour
zzzz

and I go on treasure hunts to find the lecture theatres
awesome eh?
then I still need to figure out where to get some stuff,
and I probably will need to go get a new black ink catridge because my old one is dying :\

and more
the lec notes sre in pdf format
and I have no idea how to print them out well
because the pages are...weird, eg
slide3 slide1
slide4 slide2
like that, if I don't rotate the pictures.
but if I rotate, the slides become really small
WTF?!
:\

edit: I managed to do it correctly! YAY. :\ By changing printer settings instead of preview settings :\ Ass.

BLOGSHOP UP!

le butterfly.


like FINALLY. zzzzz.
still in the midst of updating, like seriously.
the first post is a test post. and you can't buy something if the price hasn't been listed yet. ahaha.

go check it out (:

I love you.

you know you love someone
when you do things for him unconditionally
and expect nothing in return;
his happiness is your utmost happiness
you'd do anything for
an instant flash of a smile
across his face

you know that person is right for you
when you can be yourself
whenever you're with him;
no hiding of your true character

the person you truly love
is someone who makes you feel whole again

he is the closest to heaven
you'd ever want to be

you know you love someone
when its painful to be apart from him

you know you love someone
when you desire to share his burdens

he is the person
with whom you feel the safest


just some stuff I realized
by watching things.
searching, and searching..
for that someone
who makes you feel like that
and more.

what are your thoughts though?
share them with me (:

posted August 2nd

stars, plasma, ions, chemistry..

now this is unexpected,
for me to do a new post the next day

in any case,
I was reading up on a game(n wikipedia) which had loads of relations to history,
like the Third Crusade, Damascus, Templar Knights, etc
so yes, I did loads of right-click-open-in-new-tab

there was this page about Doomsday
coming December 12, 2012
the end of the world,
related articles include astronomical significance,
historical countdown etc
which led me to right-click again
so I could read about astronomy-related things

back to the game, which takes place in Jerusalem and Damascus,
I saw some pictures of cities in Syria.
made me think, "I should go there some time."
there are alot of historically important locations there,
and the very thought of being able to stand in front of these sites, as well as seeing it, makes me think, "Wow...Something actually happened here so long ago. And to think the building is still standing. Very, very intriguing and wonderous."

It'd be spectacular if we could -feel- the great weight of importance of places in history
Don't you think so?
Which brings me to my next discussion,
even though it is totally unrelated to history

here we are, in the present.
and so many events happened so long ago,
things we never witnessed,
great people whom we've never set our eyes upon,
etc etc etc

and when I started reading the tabs about Aatronomy
it made me think about the whole universe.
the planets, the orbits, the sun, the Milk Way,
and how many light years it takes for ANYTHING to happen
It suddenly dawned upon me how insignificant we are, as individuals,
in this Great Flow of the universe.
As humans, we are only a very, very miniscule part of everything
And yet, when you think about YOUR own existence as a person in society,
everything each of us have experienced is, in some way, important to ourselves.
this sounds confusing,
but my point is,

our existence itself is miniscule compared to that of the universe
but because we are living organisms, and perhaps because we are human,
our intelligence and consciousness enables us to realize/believe in our own individual importance in society.
it makes us humans conceited and self-centered, doesn't it? just because we are able to think.

but I think it is more important to always remember,
that we are in fact,
very insignificant individuals as compared to the great flow of events in the whole universe

our lives are so short,
a mere hundred years as a maximum for each human.
what is a hundred years compared to ten light years?

all in all, the bottom line is, I repeat,
we are only a small part of a Great Flow in the universe.

anyway, on to my next topic,
I read about suns and stars as well,
wow, there's just alot of information on these things
my head could blow, but its really interesting
like magnetic fields, solar flares, etc etc etc.
anyway, I read this -
A star is a massive, luminous ball of plasma that is held together by gravity.

plasma...what's plasma? *right-click*
yeah, and I read and read and read,
and I realized,
SHIT I NEED TO REFRESH MY CHEMISTRY.
and yes, I'm definitely going to have to do that soon -_-;;

posted July 27th

theme park galore!

so here's a little update on what I've been up to -

managed to catch the latest HP film recently
'twas not so bad.
I mean,
if you're looking for alot of action, a full story,
then you're better off not watching it.
personally,
the half-blood prince felt more like
an intermission and introduction of sorts to me.

I'd like to think
that it had a good development
of relationships between our
beloved characters,
some dark story beneath the cheerful scenes

however,
the transition between the
dark elements and the brighter side of things
was done totally half-assed
also,
the relationships weren't flashed out enough
so it was difficult
to get into the romance
it was as if the movie expected us
to already be informed of the backstory of each relationship shown.

then there's the part about
the half-blood prince's potions book
there was just not enough relation to it
sure, we're being shown scenes
of Harry never letting go of the book
at almost all-times,
but still,
there wasn't enough detail

I don't know if the potions book
was of any great importance,
and even though its supposed to be
"through the book, Harry gets closer to Professor Slughorn (sp)"
There just wasn't enough detail to the book, nor to
Harry's 'mission'

as a non-reader,
I'm left being quite disappointed in these aspects
everything basically felt
like an introduction to the book.
its not good enough to
be representative of the book.

with that said,
I'm not unhappy with the movie.
Afterall,
I wasn't expecting much
(not because of the reviews)
I just wanted to watch it,
that's all.

anyway,
here's something extra,
HARRY POTTER THEME PARK
Its to open next year I heard,
In America.
I'm gonna go there when I have the money, I swear lol.

oh and,
having a blob of custard on your cheek
is embarassing.
*chewy junior*

posted July 26th

le butterfly

That will be the name for my upcoming blogshop.
le is french for the

I'm not about to create a page for the shop yet,
since I haven't photoshopped the photos I just took.
And plus,
I ALSO haven't finished taking photos.
But things are looking good I suppose.

So look out for more updates and whatnot.

cheers.

.."friends"

I don't know where to start.

I suppose I'll say this first,

Its such a pain in the ass to be thoughtful when others don't spare a single shitty thought for you since they're so busy.

I always do the reaching out to this clique of mine,
I ask, "How are you?"
I initiate the conversation.
And what do I get in return?
Nothing.
They hardly ever do the same for me.

I've always wanted to keep them close, just because they were/are really good friends of mine. And we've went through thick and thin together back in high school. That's why I always held out my hand first, because I cared for them.

Regretfully,
my efforts were very often, if not always,
a one-sided concern.

But recently..These days..
I've come to think that..
They don't really care about "old" friends anymore,
Since they have new lives and new friends.
Like there's not a single need
for them to contact old friends.
Like they didn't really care at all.

"I always feel bad for my sec school friends, because I really treasure them, but I'm always lazy/don't ever do anything much for them."

What a load of bull.

"I dunno, just one good friend's enough, I suppose?"

If someone you cared for said those things to you,
And mind you, the good friend does NOT refer to you,
How would you feel?

I'm ..thoroughly disappointed.
I'm just seriously so hurt I could cry.
I'm not jealous of that "good friend",
I'm just so hurt that someone I showed care and concern for,
could actually say something like that to me.

I'm not boosting about myself here,
Neither am I ranting about how I'm not anyone's "good friend" anymore,
Nor am I being a petty little prick here.
I just wish those friends of mine could return the efforts.

I feel like I never want to meet up these people again.
Hell, I don't even want to organize any gatherings anymore.
I'm thinking something along the lines of,
"I feel like I want to cut all active ties with them, and just remain a dormant friend." - As if they're strangers to me now.

I feel like I should just forget about these old friends and make new ones when I enter the university.
In the past, I would've rebuked the former idea, but now..I see it as the only solution to ease whatever pain I'm feeling now - because these friends of mine are doing the exact same thing to me. Whether they're aware of it or not - I am NOT going to bother about it.

Why should I care for them anymore?
I used to be able to love my friends, and when I could it made me very happy. And they felt the same too.

Now...
Now I just find it an impossible feat for me to accomplish.
I find it very, very difficult to feel love for my friends,
I find it hard to spare a thought of concern for them.
Not now, not anymore.
Someone suggested that its because
I'm tired of doing that all the time,
Especially when others don't do the same.

And when I ponder over these words,
I realize that they're probably true.

All this make me feel like..
Like I should start doing something about myself and my life,
Since I've been doing quite alot of reflection about many things,
Starting from this point onwards,
I shall try my best to love those who still love me.

Don't you even DARE say that I'm turning my heart into stone.
You DO NOT have the right to say that.
Not to someone who tried to reach out to you,
But yet you entirely so-called FORGOT to hold out yours as well.

As of now..
There are probably only around five people to whom this post is not addressed to.

To Adeline's Husband, please don't make a joke out of this post. It'd be more than rude if you did.

16 July 2009
Posted 11pm.

totally. fucking. badass.

10th July, 1:45am

uh, here's a short update.
just came back from a local gig @ Wala Wala.
Great night, seriously.
My second time there,
With my sis again, and with her friends.
These people are great company. Loved it.
And wtf, the long-awaited return of the female vocalist of the band,
My first time hearing her today,
And dude she can FUCKING GROWL.
TOTALLY BADASS.
And she's lovely.

I loved tonight.

Hey, I know its been almost a month since my last post.
And there are loads of things that happened, and I'm honestly too lazy to type everything out, so I'm just going to recite the events.

Earliest event was the Transformers movie date with XY, Daphne, XY's church buddies, XY's poly buddies (Jia Qing and gang). Before I met up with them I checked out PoMo's TCC. Twas pretty fine. Daphne joined me later.

Next up..Oh right, my family went to Johor for a simple and short one-day tour around, along with my mom's colleagues.
Delicious fishball noodles, albeit pretty expensive
(tourist spots suck :\ fucking money leechers),
batik painting
(which each of us were entitled to, and bring back home as a souvenier. I chose a pre-designed butterfly to paint),
durian farm stop
(oh gosh this was the highlight. great durian - even if I'm not a lover of it, I do eat it - and rambutans that we can pick from the trees and eat without getting scolded - they tasted heavenly).
Then it was just plain shopping at a local huge mall. Anything from this point onwards needs no explanation from me. But one thing I'll say is that its no different than shopping in Singapore - and its a bad thing because everything's the same. My family ended up hanging out at their local Watsons store lulz :\
Like, of ALL places in the mall, WATSONS. HAHA~
Then dinner was at this seafood village open-air restaurant. Satisfactory food (which is a compliment). And the open-air factor was good.
Since it was 4th of July, we spotted a fireworks display at a naval base not far from the restaurant. Pretty enjoyable stuff since there was a decent breeze, we were at a seaside as well - so the scenery was pretty good.

So yeah, that's all. I can't remember anything else.
And even if I did, the fact that I didn't blog it means it isn't all that significant, or I just don't want to type it out. Simple as that.

Anyways,
I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO KINOKUNIYA AGAIN!!!! I can't remember when's the last time I was there. I really, really want to go check out whether there're any new releases.

And also,
I WANNA WATCH HARRY POTTER WHEN IT COMES OUT. FUCK, who wants to come with me? Or rather, who's INTERESTED in watching it with me?

-edit-
I'm glad I went to Wala Wala "today", because I wasn't feeling really good the day before, so the gig made me happier and more relaxed. Thank God for that.

the Lord is my shepherd

Today my mom had off, so I managed to talk to her about dad.
And I found some enlightment through her words and her perception.

"When things are going smooth, the devil will strike at our hearts to destroy the family peace. This year the employment rate has been low, so your sister blessed not only to have gotten a job, but one with a favorable salary. And I, and your father, haven't been retrenched. Not to mention you successfully got enrolled into the University. But now that your dad has become like this, there's only one reason I can think of - its that satan is striking at us. Evil will always come and attempt to steal our happiness away. There's no other reason I can think of why your dad's become like this - its like something's possessed his heart. He's never like this at all."

I'm glad I have a mom who's a devout christian, and moreso than I am.
I couldn't understand why my dad became so temperamental, and I really didn't know what to do about it. But when I heard my mom's opinion about all of this, I could finally realize that this was the devil's work. And this problem isn't something easily solved, and so we must turn to God for guidance.

This makes me think that God is testing my new-found faith - a revelation of sorts. Remember I said starting this year I had my faith renewed? I think God is using this new situation to bait me - whether I will pray to Him for guidance, or turn my eyes to the world instead.

And now I know what to do (:
I shall put my faith into God, believing that He will provide a way out for our family. I really don't want to see it get torn apart just because the devil wants it to, who likes a broken family? (No offense here.) But then there's this saying that goes, "Praying but not taking action is the same as staying idle." So...What can I do?
In a way, this makes me want to pray for my friends out there whose families aren't in a good balance - I want them to receive the same blessing that God showered upon me. I can't be the only one happy can I? So I shall do my best. I'm not a priest, neither am I a pastor so I can't exactly bestow blessings...I just pray to God that He will show the same kindness He has given me, to my friends out there..


Well anyway, long post is long post - JUST because today was eventful. So here's the next part of the post, its just a brief summary of the later part of today -

07S06 BBQ!!!!!!!!


Most of the class turned up today - thank goodness.
And it was soooooooooooooo fun.
It was held at the estate I live in, but sponsored by Abbas - he lives at Hibiscus(same estate) while I live at Alamanda.
I've never been THIS active in joining conversations (because usually I'm always quiet at other parties). And it was just unforgettable. We had loads of laughs and stuff, so it was just beyond enjoyable. I really had loads of fun. And then I suggested we play at the playground near the bbq pit (Hey, I live there lol. So I know my way around.) So we played catching, and freeze-n-melt. By the end of the day, it was already 11:15pm, and we were all stinky all over. By the time I got back home I smelled like trash, and my legs and arms were kind of aching haha. So anyway, to conclude, I'm glad I was there.

Right now I'm SO tired I could just fall asleep in my chair without brushing my teeth LOL

19th June 2009

antique bakery

As I'm typing a new blog spot right now, my back fucking hurts. Like seriously. I have no idea why; might be because I was sit-sleeping at the wrong position when in the car just now :\

On wednesday I met up with Daphne and we set out for Claris' place. XIN YING'S BDAY PARTY!!!! Supposedly a bbq, but it turned out to be a take-out party LOL. 'Twas a really fun event. And I finally got to meet up with Alvin and co, and XY's church friends again! How lucky~

I made her a mini photo album for her birthday present this year. Had a lot of photos of us all together since secondary 1, and I wanted to let her feel nostalgic, like how I did, and exclaim "WHOA!!! This photo is SO OLD!!! Can't believe its been so long then!!" while pointing at some random picture lol.

Well I'm partially famous for making gifts that have sentimental value. Those of you who haven't received such things from me...Uh...Wait, okay? >_>;;
I'm horrible at picking things that might tickle your fancy, so I just get/make whatever I can that I know might suit you/make you happy.

Btw, I had some trouble making the album. In fact, I only started it a day before the party LOL. And finished it on the same day. Ahaha. Firstly...See, my printer has no colour-ink, so I always ask my dad for help. But that day...MY DAD TOLD ME HIS OFFICE'S PRINTER WAS OUT OF ORDER!!!!! And I was almost going mad already, because I was in a rush (heh, serves me right for starting on the gift late :\). But he managed to get me the required cartridge for my own printer. When I was about to print, THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH PAPER. WTF WTF WTF?!?!?! LOLOLOLOL. Guess what I used? Remember the blank pages from the O Level and A Level question papers? Yeah, I used those. LOL. Honestly, that's the most..ridiculous thing I've ever done.

Anyways, back to the present. I just marathoned a 12-episode anime, "Antique Bakery". And I suddenly feel like having french dessert-cake at a classy cafe. That would be LIFE.

And I'm having some slight family problems...Sigh, its always dad. I mean, starting this year he's changed, like ALOT. He loses his temper over the smallest things, and it always happens whenever we have a family outing together. I've always been the one trying to console my dad, like just cheering him up in my own ways. But now...I just feel exhausted of having to accommodate my father's irregular temper all. the. time. I don't hate him, but I just find it thoroughly tiring. Not to mention, my sister and father had somewhat of a major falling out on MOTHER'S DAY because of driving. And their relationship has soured ever since. Sure there are light hearted jokes every now and then, but I just feel that everything's changed..I feel as if the bonds are falling apart. And today we had a slight falling out over dinner issues. I mean, it just keeps happening again and again and again WHENEVER WE HAVE A FAMILY "OUTING". Wtf, you know? My dad is still pretty cheerful around me (uh...I'm probably more normal about jokes and laughter than my sister is :\), he's always been like that with me since I was young, but now, I've already grown tremendously, well, not PHYSICALLY. But you get the gist. I can't stay a kid for my dad forever, you know? But I always hate to see my dad's dejected expression when I uh..give irritated looks. I have this bad habit of losing my temper whenever I'm disturbed (someone coming into my room and asking conversation-worthy questions) especially when I'm in the middle of WATCHING something, or when I'm extremely absorbed into reading something online. I don't mean to look and sound so angry, but that's just me. Right now I'm thinking of putting the sign "PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB" on my door whenever I need to. That way, I won't be hurting anyone unnecessarily. Sigh, I just feel that my family is in shambles.

Father's Day is coming, and I initially wanted to propose that our family go out to a chinese restaurant this time(over the months, I gathered that my dad seriously doesn't exactly enjoy western cuisine even though he's had it countless times back at his office years ago), but now I don't know what to do. I have a feeling that my father will reject the idea because we might all end up feeling miserable if he loses his temper over something. My dad...When he's angry/extremely annoyed/frustrated...His mood will dampen deeply and remain unchanged throughout the day and night. Maybe I should gather my mom and sis and tell them not to make any mistakes(being late, or arguing, whatever) this time, if not it might be family event..I guess you could say that this time I'm going to try to let us make it up to him.

On the other hand, my dad's at fault for being so temperamental. Even if he were to suddenly fire up, he shouldn't stay like that for the next few hours. Instead, just apologize and joke around. Honestly...If there's anyone..wait ANYTHING, breaking up the family, it'd be his temper. I don't hate him, nor his behavior, I just...feel like I'd die if our family would break up emotionally. Everything feels so fragile now, and its like, hanging by a piece of thread..

Come to think of it, why am I doing so much when I'm not in the wrong at all? Even though I already know the answer to that question..Its because my family is most precious to me, next to God. I seriously hope that things will turn out alright..We're a family...and we must stick together.. Honestly, I wonder when we can all wake up from this horrible nightmare. I'm just totally sick of it, its just so hard to try and patch things up all by myself..I feel like a one-man army facing a wave of despair..I honestly have no idea what to do. I want to stay on my dad's side, you know, let him know that I'll always be there for him - afterall he's been a perfect father, for me at least, and I don't want to leave him alone. Somehow this makes me wonder what my sister and mother are going to do, and how they stand. I think...if our family breaks apart..I'll still stand on my dad's side..I never want to leave my dad or mom alone..ever.

Well anyway, that's that. I can't remember anything else to post about, so that's it for now. Ciao.

15th June 2009

- EDIT -
I don't think I ever want to get married. I'd hate for my husband to turn out like that. And its troublesome having men around. Serious.

さよならの記憶

I feel lonely..
):

Just deep down inside, in my heart,
I feel lonely..
Probably because I don't have anyone to show affection to,
Nor anyone to do the same to me..

And its been a period of 7 years
Since I last loved anyone.

Right now..
I try to talk to some people,
But..I don't know,
I don't know how to put this into words.

I keep searching for someone,
The person who's right for me,
But yet there isn't any..

Not understanding myself,
Nor the reason why,
I desperately search for the one who will bring new light into my life..

piece of treasured memory

Hmm..
Some things happened.

Firstly, Daphne's exams ended on Tuesday, and so we met up on Wednesday.
We finally saw each other again!!!!
Ahaha.
We had a great time spending (literally) the whole day together,
She brought us both to Marche @ Vivo,
And I had a fantastic lunch,
Alongside a pleasant time admiring the whole restaurant.
And we took two polaroid photos, thanks to Daphne
We didn't really get to eat a lot though,
And admittedly, I was unsatisfied because I only got to try a few dishes only,
which we shared as well.
Without a doubt, I'll be going there again at the opportune moment.

After Marche, we just walked around looking for stuff.
Not that we bought anything much anyway.
I had spent quite a lot last week, so I wasn't intending on buying anything haha. But I managed to grab up volume 4 of Faster Than A Kiss, even though I've already read up to (possibly) volume 5 online. LOL.

Oh and I wanted to try making "Nacho Cheese" on my own, to share with Daphne after we go swimming at my place. We had to run around cold storage to find melted cheese...But in the end I could only get a can of pressurized melted cheese. The spray-type. Which was absolutely 100% PATHETIC. Oh well. And we got a bag of plan nachos. So it was all good.

And then we went to my house and swam at the pool~ That was about 9.30pm already. LOL. Its cool to swim at night. Then after showering, we watched some of the featurettes on my double-disc WALL-E dvd. Our nacho cheese was pretty good actually, so the experiment was a 75% success, lolol. And we were both feeling pretty exhausted by 1am..so we went back to my room to crap and sleep.

And the next day, a thursday. Mom called and said "Wanna come for lunch?"
Because mom usually takes thursdays half off. So I figured, "Can we take Daphne along?"
So yayyyyy, I got to spend MOAR time with Daphne. Great lunch, great dessert. And good looking around as well.
And that's about it.

I have something else to post about, but..I guess tomorrow. If not its easy to miss two posts.

something beautiful

Right, I really just HAD to post about today.

First,
Today, tonight,was the FIRST time
I ever went out with my sis, alone,
Like...
I mean we're not very close to begin with,
But throughout the years it got better,
And we finally went out together for once!

Well I mean sure, when we went on family trips (these few years), sis and I share a room and bonded. But today was just different.

On wed sis and I were talking over dinner,
Chatting about various things
And we decided we should just go out and chill out together,
So she intro-ed this bar place where live bands perform
Wala Wala, that was bar's name
But we had dinner first at Mykii,
And her friend joined us too,
So it was all good and cool
Nice guy he was,
Very tech, and metal driven haha.

Judging from how active I was in the conversations, I think I've improved over the years, improved from being shy and soft-spoken, that is.

Its the first time I've ever done something together with just my sister.
And it was very heart-warming.
So we talked, and laughed
And drank.
I have to treat my sister sometime soon. -_-;;

And the next thing to post about,
Mei linked me to this really wonderful and beautiful song on youtube
Love Story meets VIVA LA VIDA (Piano + Cello)
by Jon Schmidt
Seriously, just click on the link,
And wait for it to load.
I promise your time will NOT be wasted.
Its simply and really beautiful.

Anyway, I'm going to change the "Interests" section to a "Must-watch/hear section"
Because I have good tastes,
And I know you trust me (:

Mwahahahaha.

Monkey Majick

So I've been rejected by NUS.
Figures.
And I'm too lazy to appeal,
Because it'll probably take a long while too.

I'm going to NTU!!
I just hope I DON'T see any undesirable familiar faces.
If I do,
I hope I don't see them often.

Anyway, its pretty much settled.
I submitted an appeal to change programme,
But I doubt it'll get through.
So I'm looking forward to attending the
Biological Sciences course.

Heard from my sister that Uni life is kewl.

Tiffany wants an exciting life at the U.

Tiffany believes change is good.

Oh and did I mention,
MY SEPHIROTH FIGURINE HAS ARRIVED. Yay,
If you already know that,
Well,

Tiffany hits you with a large trunk so that you'd forget she told you before.

I'm looking for an appropriate place to display it.
Hmm.
I'm also contemplating on purchasing a nendroid of
Sebastian from Kuroshitsuji

Dad suggested I display my (pathetic) collection of figurines on top of my cupboard.
And I was like,
"WTF. No way. If the air-con ever leaks (it does), then my darlings are going to kena!"

>_>

So anyway, speaking of figurines,
I'm a collector of anime merchandise.
Well, specifically, anime TRINKETS.
I love it.
But they're guns, you know?
They fire a big hole in my pocket.

Tiffany is frightened of firepower.

I also like reading.
And books are guns too.
And mangas.

Lol.

Links to share today:

A new song I just found, its good:
Aishiteru
By Monkey Majick
Really good song!

Also, check out Neil Gaiman's novels/books/whatever.
They're good.
Examples include:
The Graveyard Book
Neverwhere
American Gods
Good Omens
and many more...

And a manga,
again
So what?
I like it, and this is MY blog.
07-GHOST
Its good, though the story is abit confusing at times.
And there are
BISHOUNENS.
The glasses type <33, the naughty-rebel type,
The totally cute-angsty type (the main character...),
Etc etc etc
Totally worth it.
I'm SO going to buy the artbook when it comes out.
There's an anime for it too, currently airing.

I love you Wasted Junks and Greens

I'm finally freeee~~!
Free from Subway.
Strangely, after I quit, majority of the workers quit too,
Because they freaked out when David requested for them to work the night shift.
Lulz.

[Ben] Lol, you should go back, and laugh.
[Me] ;D

Mary keeps pushing me to go back,
But I swear I won't.
Not until I tire of boredom,
Which is highly unlikely me thinks.
Well too bad for them,
If the pay was higher, and we had free meals on weekends and at night
Maybe that would be okay.

[David] I've been here for 9 years.

Tiffany thinks about why gayboss didn't learn his lesson when his workers keep quitting one after another
Tiffany believes that gayboss is probably a retard.

So yep.
I quit on tuesday, and for good reason,
Because on wed I wanna see my friendssssssss.
Its SO rare that I managed to gather ALL of us
So it was a must that I turn up.

I intro-ed them to this Jap-western restaurant-cafe at Bugis
Which served pretty good food.
And we took LOADS of pictures.
Like LOADS OF THEM.
Camwhores we are :\
And Maybo kept staring at herself
On the mirror, or a full-body length reflection.

You want pictures?
Please proceed to Maybo's blog,
Or check them out on facebook.
Kay?

Tiffany is a lazy ass.

Stuff to share today:

Check out
I love you Wasted Junks and Greens
By The Band Apart

No? Maybe this manga instead
Faster Than A Kiss
Because its sweet and I said so.

WTH? You don't like it? Not interested? Merh.

Tiffany hits you with a large trunk.

YAY!
I PWNZ j00.

sigh...

I'm just stressed out.
Again.

These few days/weeks at work have been almost hell.
Kat has left already, and I have to train a new one.
And for three days in a row, including today, I've been slightly reprimanded by David for losing money.
"Already 5 or 6 times you know, *sigh* I don't know what to do. It just keeps happening with you, the past few partners you've been doing with - maybo, kim, katrina and now shan shan. It happens everytime."
"Are you sure or not? You sure? You sure?"
"You just have to be more mature and responsible la."

He keeps suspecting that I stole the money since its been consecutive.
You guys know me, I don't steal money.
And I know I didn't.
But he keeps insisting/questioning ME.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't work in a place when it keeps happening again and again,
And I'm the one being questioned again and again and again like I was a criminal!
I can't take it working there anymore!...

But I don't know what's stopping me from quitting.
Its something like commitment to work I suppose..

The pay sucks,
We don't get extra for working at night and on weekends.
We don't even get ONE free meal.
And we have to bear with the gayboss.
Wth?
And I don't get to see my family,
I don't get to rest properly
Sleeping late, waking up late, eating very little/not eating at all..
Even my health suffers.
And my mind as well - because of all this stress.

It makes me feel really down and tired.
I have to break down so frequently because of all this.

I don't get it,
Alot of sucky things keep happening to me again and again these few months.

I got accepted into NTU, but I somewhat chose the wrong course.
I didn't realize there was a Chem+BioChem course until a few days ago.
And I'm absolutely NOT confident of scoring well in Biological Sciences -
And that's what worrying me.
I don't want to study something that I have to put alot of extra effort in - because its really tough.
I don't even know if I really love biology anymore.
And that's probably because there are so many things to study and remember that its almost impossible :\
I know I just really love chemistry.

Sigh I'm just..I don't know what to say.

update

Changed my blog layout.
Though the colors are a bit dull, I personally like it.
Did some adjustments to the fonts to make it look slightly gothic/dark.

I can't wait for June 19 to come...seriously...Because I want to quit already -_-;;

In love with a song called "MEMORY"
Younha - Memory (Regular Mix)
This is the original version of the song, the one that I initially fell in love with was the jap version (TV Size) from the anime Rideback. And I still like the japanese version ;P

Its a really sad song..And I can really relate to it.. That's why I love it. She sounds like she might break down and cry any moment when singing this song.
No matter how much time passes by...
I might have forgotten how it felt like,
And I might have gotten over you..
But...
"My heart still can't forget you."

I don't know why, but I always think of Ben when I watch/read romance anime/manga.
Recently I watched the Itazura na Kiss anime again, and it made me think
"Would Ben do this?"
"Do I still love Ben?"
"Can someone with unrequited feelings stay steadfast with his/her feelings for so long?"
"Is there really no one else for me, no matter how much I try to find someone else?"
"How is it supposed to feel like? I can't remember anymore.."
It makes me teary-eyed sigh.

Well, that's all for now.

I. am. fucking. stressed. out.
Like seriously.

1. I haven't received any notice from NUS yet. And its stressing me out to the point that I'm starting to get depressed over it - so much so that I broke down when I just woke up today ;\

2. I finally have today as my off. Yesterday on the bus home, I smsed Mei I can meet her today. Then I suddenly remembered, "SHIT. That NTU Seminar!!!" So I had to sms her, "Mei sorry hor, just remembered that I have to attend an NTU seminar. Will check when I get back home.

3. In the end, the registration date for the seminar was over (30 April). I went "WTF." So yeah, I AM meeting Mei today. But I'm like "Shit...I really need to attend that seminar." Mom even suggested I just go, but I told her, "I'm already going out! (Damnit)" And I was like, "HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO SLOT IN AN NTU SEMINAR INTO MY NOON SCHEDULE TODAY WHEN I'M ALREADY OCCUPIED?!?!?!"

4. JUST WHAT THE FUCK. Okay? Wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf. Ugh. I went to re-check the NTU Seminar info sent to my email, and figured "Hm...Maybe its not that important - seeing as the programme itself is pretty useless. I only need the -short- presentation and the tour." But well, the tour - I can actually just find my way around when I have the time. The curriculum - hmm...I really hope they'll have an orientation that includes description of the schedules and topics and the shit I'll be learning.

5. Kat is going to quit any time now. Like sunday or coming monday, maybe? And I'll have to teach another new one. The very thought of it just frustrates me to the point that I want to puke out my insides. Having to keep teaching and teaching and doing everything on my own and having to experience all that stress again - it just really exhausts me, mentally. I don't even know why I feel that having to teach a new person night-shift-stuff is so frustrating and stressful. I just know that it is. I have to adjust myself - and I keep having to do that again and again and again and again - so much so that I can't take it anymore. I'm not blaming Kat for quitting - I just feel..I don't know. Ugh... I want to rest from all of this - but I don't see it a valid-enough reason for me to quit and start rotting away at home ;\

6. I just realised that I"m really alone in all of this. Sure I have people to talk to, I have friends and family to comfort me - but that's all they can do. They can't help me. And I feel like a lone warrior standing up to a mountain of shit that keeps piling atop of one another. I just really feel alone - like the only person that can help me is myself. There's no one else who can solve my troubles.

7. Now that I've had my fill of pouring out, and crying, I suddenly feel a wave of exhaustion sweeping over me and pushing me to go sleep. But alas, I need to get a shower and go meet Mei. I just hope that I'll feel better by the time I'm on the train...I just hope that I won't think about all this so that I can have some good fun with Mei. If not, I'd feel miserable the whole day.

~

Well well look at this shit.
Its been a fucking month.
Jesu-..Shit no, can't use that.

Okay anyway. Yes I'm still working at Subway - night shift everyday. And SURPRISE SURPRISE!!!
I'm working with Katrina, who was in NTSS as well.
Its all good.
I hope Shan Shan will quickly learn top-ups so that Kat and I can rotate noon shifts. Not that I really want that but well hehe. I want to see my family more often.

I got NTU's acceptance letter the other day.
w00t.
When I looked at the unopened letter, I was like, "Shit. Wtf. I'm SO scared."
And I got good news.
But I'm still waiting for NUS' reply. They're taking SO long that its FREAKING. ME. OUT.
I'm happy for Nessy who got her NUS acceptance letter (:

So anyway that's my life right now.
The night shift and the normal day-to-day things that I do.
Nothing much to report.
Just that...
I want to have an ice cream date with Daphne and Mei soon!!!!!!
But they're both busy ):
Oh well.
Doesn't matter. I have PATIENCE!!!!

On a side note...At Subway, I have to say
_____ STINK!!!!!
Go figure it out yourself. And they're freaking dickasses, because they think they're all high class since they come from the highest caste.
WELL FUCK THAT SHIT. Do I give a damn fuck if you're from one of the most wealthiest families in ___? NO. So stop acting like you're superior than the people SERVING you at food outlets.
AND, ____ suck. Well, the young ones actually. They think they're all high and mighty. AND THEY MAKE SO MUCH NOISE. Fucking undisciplined dicks.
:\

So yeah.
About my personal life?
Well..Nothing much to report actually.
So thanks for reading, and have a nice day.
SPAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, 2nd April

WTF
NOISY LIKE SIAO LA
Those ACJC/ACS people that came in in one whole big group. Sat at the back. Wtf, they talk and LAUGH and SCREAMED until Kim and I had to literally SHOUT at our customers just to confirm their orders. Got once Kim said "OKAY!!" to the customer right, it sounded as if she was scolding the poor boy la lol.
-.-;;;
Then then the person organ lady came again. After I finish making her sandwich right, have to wrap correct? When I wrapping it, she said *smilesmile* "Don't press the bread already!! Don't press the bread already!!"
I was like, *Wants to show her the finger*
-.-;;

Friday, 3rd April

Busy like siao.
Customers keep coming in la lol.
Totally cannot do anything on time because customers 9.45pm then come la -_-;
In the end, Kim could only sweep and mop at like what, 10pm? Lols~ Poor kim.
Then I keep irritating her unintentionally with my new catchphrase "Whreao"
Nessy came by with her boyboy to buy sandwich too.
Miss you lots Nessy!!
At 9.30pm liddat I took in the meatballs.
After that I took a customer's order: "Can I have a meatball sandwich?"
I was like "-_-;;;"
So I had to bring in the 90% completed bread with veg and cheese into the kitchen to put meatballs lols.
After all the customers went,
Kim: "I WANT GO TOILET!!! I WAITED FOR LIKE ONE HOUR PLUS PLUS LA!!!"
Me: "I OSO WAN GO TOILET!!! OSO WAITED FOR ONE HOUR PLUS LA!!!"
Ahaha.
In the end Kim and I could only leave at like close to 11pm haiz.
She was sweating like crazy, like SRSLY. Lols~~
Her burger king cup still haven't throw away la
So she said "I dun care!!!! I want to refill for free again!!! Grrrr."
Ahahaha~~
Me: "I DUN CARE!!! I WAN TAKE COOKIE TO APPEASE MY PEK-CKE-NESS!!!"
>_>;;
Then lock the door already, almost going to climb up the stairs liao..
Me: "OH SHIT MY COKE STILL IN THE FRIDGE!!!!"
Kim: "WHAT?!"
So we had to go back xDDDD

So that's all.
I don't remember anything else.
:X

For the fun of it =P

1. I scalded three of my fingers at work on monday. Had some trouble cutting the bread sia..BECAUSE IT WAS MY RIGHT HAND THAT WAS INJURED LA WTF. Luckily it was close to closing time lols. And thanks Maybo for helping me do the washing, as always.

2. Off on tuesday. Met Daphne up to pre-celebrate her birthday (: Watched DMC together. Its fucking hot and good sia. I wouldn't mind watching it again, just like how I watched Howl's Moving Castle 3 times in the cinemas lulz. SATSUGAI!!! SATSUGAI SEI YO!!!! <333

3. My blogshop will take long time to set up. Why? Because I'm lazy. Just because. Mwahahahaha.

4. Today work with Maybo was fun, as always. Got some lady order "Person organ", according to Maybo. Lulz. Then the mayonaise pronounce like mamonaise. Lulz.

5. I'm eagerly anticipating my acceptance/rejection letter from NUS and NTU. Hopefully it will be good news (i.e. acceptance from BOTH) For you n00bs out there, you can check out the application status (whether it was properly received or not) online at NUS. Dunno about NTU.

6. I miss Nessy ): Hopefully we can all go out soon sia. Nessy, if you're reading this right, are you interested in watching Wolverine? If yes right, I was thinking we four (you, me, maybo, rachel) watch it together (: AND EAT PEPPER LUNCH AFTER THAT MWAHAHAHA.

7. I wish kor would just drop by Holland V for fun and visit me for once ): But that's impossible, because he lives all the way in the east. He'd be out of his mind to do that lulz.

8. And WHAT THE FUCK. TOKYOTOSHO TURNED INTO CHINESE. WTF WTF WTF.

Link for sharing today:
DMC - Symphony of the Bitch Pig
Its <3. And hilarious at the "orchestral" parts ahahaha. <333 Other than that, I absolutely love the beat and guitar.

Because Maybo wanted me to update.

DETRIOT METAL CITY FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!!!!!
Its the HOTTEST movie I have EVER seen.
Like seriously.
Its a SUPER turn-on.
I just love the last part of the movie where Krauser aka Negishi goes crazy at the concert after beating Jack Ill Dark. He screams, goes wild, it was absolutely fantastic and fanatic.
"I could get wet just by listening to it." - says the boss from DMC.

SATSUGAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just to hyped up, so excited. It was just FUCKING LEGENDARY.
Krauser is HOT. Not like physically - he's like this iconic metal head lol. Absolutely HOT HOT HOT. LIke SERIOUSLY.

AND KRAUSER HAS LONG BLOND HAIR. LOL.

Link to the official DMC "Satsugai" song
SATSUGAI

It makes me wet.
I'm sorry but I can't put it any other way lol.
ITS SO FUCKING SEXY.
I just LOVE IT when Krauser is on stage, and when he screams.

ITS FUCKING HOT.

For Jody's sake. And because I'm bored.

1. Work everyday - the usual. Its always fun to work with Maybo at night though >.>

2. Going to start up my blogshop soon.

3. Been too lazy to blog about shit.

4. This is the most notable. WENT OUT WITH KOR TODAY!!! *Happy* I treated him to TCC - because first his birthday is next week, and second he's been the one paying whenever we went out -.- So I figured its my turn haha. For you n00bs out there, Kor is my ex-drums coach-turned-friend. Eh..what goes on during our dates is more-than-friends, but nothing beyond that. Its fun going out with him. He said he had to go back to SMU to continue studying after TCC-ing with me, he suggested visiting the arts museum together after he ends since there's an exhibition that's going on inside the museum. But in the end, he called me up and said, "Aiya, just go to the exhibition first la. On the way anyway, and you don't have to slack around for hours to wait for me." So we ended up going there first. The exhibition was NICE. Its some costume design exhibit by some famous guy Christian La-something. The exhibit was niceeeeee, you all should go there asap kay? Anyway throughout the whole date kor kept teasing me as usual >.< And joked around xD And held me close all the time, especially at the exhibit since it was VERY dark there >.> There was this instant when we entered this secluded area in the exhibit and I felt like he was going to spin me around and kiss me >.< I'm always happy when I'm out on dates with him =X AIYA CAN'T DESCRIBE DE LA!!!!! >_< It just feels very natural when he jokes around and holds me at the same time. Its not like..romantic, or trying into get into the "proper" mood - because there's absolutely nothing else going on between us >.>;;

5. After parting ways with Kor I just walked around Bugis. Bought a new bag for use when I'm going to work, some earring parts, a new pair of egg-wings earrings too. What else..Nothing I guess oO I just took really long to decide whether to spend my money or not. But in the end I still did la, because I sort-of needed the bag anyway lol. And some of the other stuff as well >_> I swear I won't go out next week le lol.

I Can't Stop.

I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks one by one as I lay down on my bed - I think of how I could make my way through the crowd to him to say hello, but he probably won't ever do that to me.

I felt my tears slide down my face as I began to recall how we first met in that place 6 years ago. You were my first Romeo, and until now you were the only one. It was a love story, but no longer..

Why "Romeo"? Because it was love - my first experience with the feeling "love"..And only you were the one with whom I could feel it. No one else...There was no one else..

Romeo sounds cheesy - but there's no other way I can describe it because you were really my first.

Why do tears well up in my eyes whenever I think of what happened, of us, of you, and of myself? I have no more feelings for you - but I'm still crying sometimes..

I want to see you - because I want to know the next chapter of our story - will it be the end of the book, or a reconcilation...or a acknowledgement?...

Edit: I've finally found another reason to get a butterfly tattoo.


Again, I can't be arsed to blog about shit.

But if there's anything I'd like to get off my chest, it would be..

Everyone needs affection of some sort - whether from the opposite sex, from family or from friends.
We all feel lonely deep down inside - I do. I really, really do. Sure I have friends (and I love you all too, a lot), but..There's always this part of me that wishes I could get some sort of affection/care from a guy I have feelings for.

Its just that I have no interest in any one currently - and no one's interested in me either. I really don't want to commit to a relationship right now - unless I really, really *found* someone, you know? I just feel really lonely...

And thus,
Bearing witness to any type of romance - tv, drama, movies, real life - anything of the sort affects me quite a lot..
"Well at least you have someone right? I don't."
It sounds really selfish, but I think I'm entitled to say something like that once in a while.
I recenly finished reading a romance-genre manga, and all those sweet/lovely/kissing/hugging/crying/laughing scenes jerked me up a lot - it made me wish I had a guy like that too. But in the end...I don't think I can ever find someone. Even if I do, I don't think I have the looks/character to attract him anyway...

Kimi dake wo, kimi dake wo, suki de itayo.
"You were the only one, the only one whom I loved."

Its part of the lyrics of the song "Toki wo Kizamu Uta" (the opening song from CLANNAD ~After Story~)- which literally translates to "The song which transcended time".

Kimi dake ga, kimi dake ga, soba ni inaiyo.
"You were the only one, the only one who wasn't by side."

Kimi dake to, kimi dake to, utau uta dayo.
"You are the only one, the only one with whom I will sing this song."

Somehow these phrases relate to me - in a way - not VERY, but yes..
Ben...
Ben..
Ben.

Sometimes, I think of how he was the only guy I have ever really loved so much and so unconditionally. Asking for nothing in return. Imagine how I felt when I realized that I was falling even deeper in love with him even though we'd broken up already and were still good friends.. It was for his sake - all the postcards, birthday cards, christmas cards. If they could put a smile on his face, make him happy even for just a few minutes - I would be satisfied (He goes through shit now and then). Even if I wasn't that important of a friend to him - I wouldn't mind it. But now, I have already moved on (well, actually a year ago), I finally have no more lingering feelings, but I still keep my word and send postcards every now and then. Its all for his sake. I have never loved another since him - and it all happened so long ago..

Just thinking about this makes my eyes teary. I just don't know how to explain this..
I won't go back to the past - because its already history. I know I will meet him someday - although I have no idea when that is..
I have no idea how I would feel - how HE would feel - when we meet. Nostalgic? Elated? Sligtly heartbroken? I think I would really like to kiss him lightly - just for once. I think until then..I shall remain single..Unless someone really good comes along - which is almost impossible.

"Like you once told me, its all in the past..but.."