ITS RANTING TIME. RAWR.

Rant 1
My boss won't stop PMS-ing in the afternoon. He's always talking about ...stuff. When its time to sweep and mop the floor, and we (the part-timers) don't do it in the "correct way" he starts giving us a sermon about how we're going to run our own house next time and doing these house chores will be inevitable. PLS LA I KNOW THAT LOR. -_- Oh and, he likes to pick on me especially - and I have absolutely NO IDEA WHY. Sure I'm a bit slow in preparing the sandwiches and stuff, but YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP SIGHING AT ME RIGHT?!?!?!?!

Rant 2
So what if you're short on part-timers, huh?! Is that my problem? My bosses don't seem to care if I have off-days or not. Its like SO hard to ask them for off-days, for me at least. I feel so bad because they don't have enough people to run the whole damn place. Asses.. I'm really gonna try asking for every saturday off - if I can find the courage to..

Rant 3
F*CK YOU IF I HAVE TO WORK ON MY BIRTHDAY.

Okay well, actually, I'm not at all THAT pissed. I just feel like doing some stupid ranting lol. But yeah, I'll be pretty sad if I can't get a day off on my birthday.

Quiz 2

1. How many relationships have you had?
Including online? That would be..3.

2. Do you like to be chased, or the chaser?
Chased, definitely.

3. Have you confessed before?
Yes, and that was in primary shcool. Lol~

4. How many guys have you really liked?
Primary school - 2.
Secondary school period - 2.
JC - 0.
Now - 1 (still on going).

5. What did/do you like about them?
Face of course. And then there's the usual good-guy personality. But to be specific, right now - classic, charming and a little bit of a bad boy.

6. Are you fickle?
Not sure, really..

7. What physical attributes in a guy attracts you the most?
Face, definitely. Taller(obviously). 3 years older at least. Then a nice medium-sized chest. For westerners - long hair sometimes. For anyone else - a clone of Kyouya from Ouran High School Host Club (anime).

8. Characteristics in a guy that attracts you the most?
Classic. Charming. A little bad. Caring (definitely, as I recently realized). Then the usual.

9. What do you HATE the most?
Drunkards, smokers, liars, irresponsibility, couldn't-be-bothered atttiude, arrogance, playboy, disrespectful, rude, ill-mannered.

10. Are you currently in relationship?
Nope, I am not.

11. Any wishes for Valentine's Day?
...I want the whole day off from work. So that I can spend it with my friends and family ._.
And a surprise too...from ____. Sigh.

CNY passed by too quickly this year -_- But it was all good and okay. Nothing special to report about CNY.

Today's the first day after CNY, is also the FIRST time I'm feeling so damn physically exhausted after work - I'm serious. I've never felt like this in ages. The last time I did, it was during secondary school - Half a day of lessons, and the other half Dance (CCA). I'm dying lol, and I'm SO gonna sleep early tonight. Can't take it today haha.

Oh oh, today at work, the only thing worth noting was that I cried, for the first time (again), because of ONIONS. Ah Poon was right beside me in the kitchen shredding onions, and she didn't cry as much as I did -_-

And next, I'm gonna do another quiz, stolen from Maybo's bloggy. I'll put it in another post.

Because I want to do quizzes now.

QUIZ 1

1.Does any of your friends' birthdays fall on V. day?
...No. Mine does.

2. How would you want to spend your V. day?
Hmm. Well that's a troublesome question. If I wasn't in a relationship, then with my friends. If I was, then first with my friends, then with my boyfriend.

3. Would you like to receive any gifts on this special day? (If specifically from someone, state his/her name.)
Roses, just for once, from James-kun. If not...From any of my friends.

4. Referring to Q1, have you planned anything special on that day?
...No; because I *might* have to work on that day. And if its the night shift...*Dies*

5. Do you think of anyone when the words "Valentine's Day" pop up?
For now, that would be James?

6. Is there anything you want REALLY badly on V. Day?
Roses. Period.

7. With whom are you spending your V. day?
As of now - no one. I don't even know if I can *spend* it with anyone but my bosses at work :\

8. Do you wish for someone of the opposite gender to spend V. day with you?
Obviously yes.

9. Are you currently in a relationship, or do you like someone but haven't told that person, or the person you like feels the same as you do but hasn't asked you out yet?
We're fond of each other but we won't ask each other out until its time to do so.

10. Have you confessed to anyone on V. day before?
Nope.


I got this quiz from Maybo haha. =X

Work again~

I just came back from work not long ago, and today was a lot better than yesterday. Buttttt, the first few customers that I took care of today...Well major mistakes. I dropped the ready-made sandwich, dropped the oven pan etc etc...I was pretty dazed out when I started my shift today because I wasn't in the best of moods. But as time passed, I gradually forgot my troubles and the rest of the shift went pretty well. Wrapping still needs improvement though...>_>

Oh and, I bought 3 Subway cookies before I went home. They taste good <3 I'm eating one right now <3 ANDDDD, my fingers don't stink that badly of pickles anymore xDDD Andddd, bubble tea after a night shift is total pwnage. Awesome stuff, really.

Tomorrow's shift is 12-4pm. The boss wants me to get used to a shitload of customers because the current shifts I've been doing aren't really busy - I can tell >_> I'm pretty scared when they're a lot of customers...I kind of dread having to serve one customer after another without rest >.<;;

So anyway, that's all for today. And I'm feeling much better - work DOES help afterall haha. I wonder if its a weekly or monthly pay....

.....

Its afternoon here on 22nd January, a thursday. Going soon for a lunch-cum-dinner before I go to work heheh. I kind of dread going to work now..When I think of all the mistakes I'll be making, the hectic rushing, and just everything else - I really don't like it -_-;

But that's not the point of this post...I need to get something off my chest.

Just yesterday I clarified things with ____, and the dilemas and problems - they were all solved happily. We reached a certain understanding that was satisfactory to the both of us. But this morning when I woke up - I felt like everything has changed...We can't go back to the way we were before - those innocent-playful days. I don't know why but it feels so different - in a sad way. I don't know which part of this I'm sad about, but I just am.

I mean, I'm happy about what ___ said. __ and I both understand and agree that it may not work out in the end but that wouldn't stop us from getting closer, from dating each other. But....its because we know, me especially, that this proba...Wait, I'm being pessimistic again. I shouldn't say that, and I should stop thinking about the bad parts. Because instead of believing that in the end this surely won't work out, I should hope and put in effort to shape this into something that WILL work out. Nothing's set in stone - beliefs and perspectives are bound to change. But still...Before yesterday I was really happy and hopeful, but now I don't feel the same way anymore. Maybe after a while I will return to being happy - but for now..I'm still sad. I suppose sadness can't be washed away in a matter of hours - it lasts for a time..

Second day at work.

...My mouse stinks of pickles - because I didn't wash my hands thoroughly when I got home from work today. Not to mention my nails STILL stink of pickles even after washing again. So EW.

Second day at work today. I made less mistakes but the bosses kept pointing out that my wrapping of the sandwiches wasn't good enough. The squeezing of the sauce is not satisfactory either. Moreover, I kept forgetting the customer's order when it came to payment. And the cutting of the loaves of bread is still pretty bad. Sigh -.-;; I have to remember what I keep doing wrong, and start doing them right from tomorrow onwards. I repeat to myself the customer's order while I'm making the sandwiches so that I can remember what he/she ordered lol.

Once I got home, the day's exhaustion caught up with my body lol. Oh oh, I bought a cup of bubble tea, strawberry green tea flavor, before boarding the bus. It was SO refreshing, serious <33 Next time, when I return home from work, I'm SO going to get a shower before I TOUCH ANYTHING. If not they'll smell of pickles.

I was talking to Maybo about the pickles' odour, and she said that there was no use washing my hands to get rid of the smell, because I'll be handling pickles EVERYDAY lol. Very logical. But I can't stand the smell of pickles at home when I've only JUST showered D: I mean, come on, I'M SUPPOSED TO SMELL NICE AFTER A SHOWER! -.-;;

Oh oh, one more thing I was talking to Maybo about. We were both..."talking" about our jobs today, how it went, what happened, what was new and stuff. But the most important thing we talked about was quitting already. LOL. For me, its because I think the job doesn't really suit me afterall. Its a tad bit too demanding for me to handle. But I said, "I shall give it 1-2 weeks before thinking about quitting." Not because I desire to get paid, but rather "I shall give it more time before really deciding anything." But for Maybo, its because "her(my) back is BREAKING." And also its because our new shift will be at night, but night time is supposed to be relaxing and fun - a time we get to go out with our friends. Apparently that's not going to happen anymore haha. I think I'll still have to work at night even on my birthday :\

Not to forget, I don't think $4.50/hr is worth it for me to keep smiling, apologize, make sandwiches, cashiering, mop, sweep, wipe and clean the tables, emptying the bin - and soon, baking bread, cleaning the ingredient-containers. -_-

So anyway, that's all for now. I don't want to write anything else as the "anything else" - which is a problem I've been sad about - has been solved happily. Also, I expect future posts to be full of stupid complaints about this new job of mine. They will all sound the same lol. Till next time~

Work~

SUNDAY.

Dad's friend, who'd came down from Thailand a few weeks back, met up with my parents and I after church~ He's a navy officer it seems, and he managed to get a scholarship approved, so he's here for some training and stuff. He has a nice face xD I bet his wife is pretty too ;x

MONDAY.

In the early afternoon, Maybo found some job interviews at Holland Village, so we decided to meet up together to check them out. We managed to get a job at Subway's; the pay is an average F&B's rate, so no complaining here. As long as I can earn some cash on my own, that's enough...For me, at least. And I won't be wasting my hours away at home anyway. I'd really want to save up for LASIC and possibly, a 3-day Japan trip alone.

Today - TUESDAY.

First day of work. 3-5pm. It was really hectic - we had to do lots of learning while attending to a shitload of customers. Just awesome. Mistakes here and there - as expected - so I was rushing here and there lol - I was feeling "x_x!!!" the WHOLE time haha. Hopefully I won't make a lot of mistakes tomorrow; I got slot in for the 4-8pm shift so I'll have to eat a late lunch and an early dinner lol. Maybo got the 12-4pm shift haha, to her dismay. But anyway after today's work, Maybo was super tired. I wasn't though - not very, at least. It was all okay I guess. But right now, I'm feeling sleepy at 11pm~

...DA

[DA] Search "butterfly"
[Me] *Starts browsing through the 300342 search results for "butterfly"*

Time: 3pm - still browsing
Time: 7pm - ate dinner, still browsing
Time: 12am - still browsing

[DA] Search "Sephiroth"
[Me] *Starts browsing through the 45228 search results for "sephiroth"*
[Me] *click* *click*
[Me] OMG THIS IS SO <3
[Me] *click* *click*
[Me] *Dies of nosebleeding*

LULZ
Yeah, I spent my WHOLE day yesterday doing just that.

While I was browsing through "butterfly", I began thinking about some stuff in the past, and thought "Should I get a butterfly tattoo?" I'm pretty serious - if you look at my previous post.

I feel like a trapped butterfly - unable to sleep nor love.

The butterfly reminds me of something that I can never catch hold of. I reminiscence when I see a butterfly. Something icy cold, emotionless, yet sorrowful. The butterfly might be a symbol of hope for other people, but for me it is not hope. It is sorrow - a sadness that I am fatefully tied to.

The butterfly is not a decoration.

The butterfly is the sorrowful part of me.

Re-watching NANA makes me think about quite a lot of things with regards to a certain fondness I've developed for a particular person..

First was this: Is it alright to be fond of someone I still don't really know? Is it really okay? Is it okay if its me and not some other lady?

Next..Oh wait, this next one is private.

Finally, if he's actually looking for the always sweet, cuddly, cute and 60% not-so-innocent me...I'm sorry, she's not always here. If he doesn't like any other part of me accept that personality...I'm sorry..she's not always here.

And if its true that he prefers that personality...I'd be hurt. Because that isn't 100% me. Its only a portion of my character. He brings out that side of me - but will he be able to accept the true me? The me that Daphne, Lynn, Maybo and so many others know. If he cannot..Then this whole friendship is better for cyberspace - I'm better off distancing myself away from him...I'm better off sticking to hoping that I"ll meet someone else in the future.

Its been such a long, long time. I thought I had finally found someone that I'd be quite fond of, but it turns out that I'm still so doubtful of many, many things...And its all because of me.

I'm sorry this blogpost is so irritating, but its what I feel now - I'd like to cry it out a little but the tears just aren't coming out. Forgive me...Forgive me, for I'm thinking too much. After all, he has no obligation to me, and neither I to him. I talk to him because I want to. But in the end...what can we really talk about to make conversation? I'm fine with just talking - but..I sense that he isn't if we aren't talking about *something*..

I hope I'm wrong. I don't wish for him to read this post. I hope I'll be proven wrong about my doubts..I guess tonight I'll be having some trouble sleeping peacefully..Because I'm not feeling happy..

NANA - A Little Pain

....Of sorts.

I've temporarily stopped looking for a job. After the Tampines interview, I was feeling a bit satisfied already, and I felt like "doing what I like to do", so I just stopped with the job hunting, for now.

So anyway, I haven't made any new year resolutions, have I? Its already too late for that, and I don't have a habit of doing it. 2009 is gonna be one hell of a ride, they say. It makes me think as if the upcoming Chinese New Year (CNY) won't be very satisfying. I think many people have realised that as the years go by, the Christmas and CNY seasons become less and less enjoyable. Or maybe its because of "the aging process" - as we get older, our festive moods gradually dissipates. I definitely feel that way, and so do some of my friends. I also wonder if my 19th birthday this year will be fun/memorable/whatever. Oh well~

Hmm, what else...Oh yes. Adult fares suck. They really do. Curse those transit b*stards. May they burn in hell -_- From $14 to like, half of it? Wtf. ;\ I shall never travel to the East again unless absolutely necessary. A**holes.

Oh and, I've yet to properly clean up my room. Only some stuff has been cleared. And then there's that study rack outside near the door with all my papers and books that I probably won't need anymore. Oh brother. I really have to clean up the mess (sort of), but sometimes I'm just lazy. Wait, its not that I'm lazy, I just enjoy sitting on my chair doing nothing. ;)

THE A LEVELS. Like, sh*t, the results are gonna be released soon. In a month or two, maybe? I'm scared as hell, and if I were a guy, I'd be wetting my pants every night because of nightmares. I freak out a little when I think about it, so I try not to. To be honest, I really have no idea what I'd do if I couldn't enter the university that offers the course I *want*. Will I have to forsake my goal, and dream of another? Only God knows. I pray for courage to accept my results when I see them. Afterall, you reap what you sow.

On the other hand, if I DO get good results, and I manage to enter my course, my NEW Uni life will start. What will I be going through, I wonder? New experiences, new encounters, and new challenges. (I suck at making friends ._. ) If I can survive one semester, and if I have the money AND time, I shall go to Japan for a few days to visit a friend. But...well, heh. See the thing is, once he's there, he's bound to make new friends. And well..(I hate saying this, really, but- ) I might not be willing to visit him anymore if *something* happens. Afterall, *some* things are predictable. I might plan a trip, but I may not execute it if *it* happens. Who knows...I don't have the power to stop anything from happening, especially something like *that*. But even if *it* doesn't, even if I DO make a quick visit...What will happen after that? Should I leave it to "when it happens then I'll think about it", or should I just think of it as something temporary and that it can never happen? For now...I think its best if I didn't think about it.

(" * " and italics refer to different things.)

Blog State..?

Right well. I just added this template thing. Credits to whomever did it. Did some editing of the original script. This layout is still pretty raw, but its what I can do, for now. I NEED JODY'S HELP!!!

D:

The Interview

Well well well. Today was the interview. Not a job-interview. I call it an "Agency Interview". It went quite smoothly, so I was pretty glad. But I was also exhausted after that. Travelling all the way to Tampines just for this is CRAZY. An hour's ride on the train. Standing all the way. Wearing heels. I almost DIED. >_>

I left the house at 12:15pm. And I reached home at 4:30pm. -_- I was too exhausted to look for other jobs online. I'm just praying really hard so that I can get a phone call with a real job-interview waiting for me by the next few weeks or so. Hopefully ._.

Well that's all for today I suppose. This isn't a daily write-up anyway.

6th January - Jody's Birthday

Let me talk a bit about yesterday first xD

Two weeks of job hunting, and still no answer. So yesterday I was feeling pretty depressed -_- Sorry if I'm pessimistic, but that's how I am. But thanks to a *certain someone* I slept really peacefully last night ^^ I'm always thankful to *that person* for teaching me that "that's life", even if it wasn't his intention.

So anyway, this morning, I woke up feeling a lot better. But still a bit..well, T_T. I really wasn't gonna go about looking for another job today, but I went 'ARGH! *Picks up phone*' And called an agency. So I have an interview tomorrow.

But anyway, onto today's activities. Jody's birthday @ IMM. We had pepper lunch (Gawsh its been a million years since I last ate at Pepper Lunch.), had lots of fun time together, laughing and goofing around. We went to get some balls too. $1 x 2, Turn turn turn. Ball drops out. Opens. YAY, its not what I wanted, BUT ITS STILL CUTE. ;\

xDD!

Next is my birthday in February xD I don't want to turn 19 ;_; I'd feel so old if I did.

18 FOREVAR!!!!

The interview...I deno why, but I'm REALLY scared of these things. I don't have a lot of courage....I'm a very timid girl actually ._. I'd say "I most likely won't get the job." But I shall not. Instead I shall say... "I hope I'll get a job tomorrow."

WISH ME LUCK! >_<

Ever feel like this?

You know, a lot of things happen when you suddenly start talking a lot to this one person (of the opposite gender).

You talk to each other every, single day. I'm not suggesting you two might start feeling close to each other. But when suddenly one day one of you doesn't really respond to conversation, the other party might start to feel ignored, or lonely, perhaps? I've felt that way before, and until now, I still do. But I try not to think too much about it, I try not think that I'm close to this person, or not.

It gets some getting used to, and sometimes its better not to wait for the other party to speak. I've learnt that alright. If the person's not replying, take the initiative and ask. Sometimes it'll do you good.

I used to feel a bit sad when I was ignored (it wasn't on purpose)..But I've learnt from it, I've learnt not to feel too attached. I guess when the years pass by, I begin to "not think too much". Still, it needs some getting used to.

God finally spoke to me

First off, I'm a christian. So if you don't like reading about christian posts, skip this.

Basically, all of my fears and prayers I had in 2008 were answered on this very Sunday, and I was VERY, VERY happy.

As a christian, I've always felt like a lost sheep, like I'm losing my way, as if I'm not walking with God anymore. I kept praying, "Lord, guide me back. Be the shepherd that lights up my path. Keep me in your mercy and grace."

The church service started off with songs and praises, as usual. When I was young, I always felt that God spoke to me through the lyrics of the songs I sang. And today's lyrics were...very comforting. "Open my heart. Open my heart to you. Lord, I want to know you. Give me the strength to walk with you." I was tearing up, but I kept it all in. I was yearning for an answer to my prayer. I cried because I felt as if I was abandoned. Like, anything I did wasn't helping at all. But somehow...this time, I felt comfort..I felt as if God wants me back. And I was happy, overjoyed.

After the singing session, came the sermon. Our old pastor came back to us today, to preach about Issiah 11:1-10. Again, this sermon was comforting. Somehow, I always felt as if I'd not live beyond 20 years. But God made me look past this.."fear", He made me see the beauty in not fearing death, but embracing what comes after it - Heaven. "The New Heaven and New Earth is what will replace this currently deteriorating universe." the pastor said. This old World is full of war, shattered peace, sadness and loneliness. But the New Heaven and Earth would be peaceful - there would be no spilling of innocent blood. The lion would dine on grass with the lamb, the calf would lie with the snake. God made me see past this old World that I detest, He made me want look forward to a new World.

The Stump of Jesse. (Jesse is the father of King David.)This was about how God would cut off King David's lineage of sons as a warning to the Israelites, who were sinning against God. However, God's promise to King David - that his sons would always sit upon the throne of Israel - is always eternal. We all know that shoots will always emerge from a stump - and I instantly thought of rebellion from the Israelites. But the pastor immediately touched upon that.

"A new shoot will grow from this stump. And he is Jesus Christ - who is of King David's lineage. Jesus is God's promised Hope to His people. And God's promise to King David was kept."

If you understand me well, you'll know that I've become someone without much Hope. But this sunday...I was made to believe in Hoping anew. Its not like I've gained some enlightment. Its not it at all. I was just so comforted, so happy. And I'm very, very grateful for all of this.

I was just absolutely happy that day. And I can't even begin to describe my happiness. My prayers were answered. And I don't feel lost anymore. I just pray for courage from God, courage to want to know Him better. After all, He's my Lord, my God, and my dear friend.

I just pray that I will never forget what happened on this Sunday. Because if I do, I'll become a lost sheep again.

Fireworks 2008

This is late, but whatever~

This year was my first time watching the fireworks with friends. Initially...I really intended to spend this "first time" with Daphne, since she's the closest being to me next to my family. But..in the end I couldn't finalize any of my plans on that day at all, and there was this issue about whether the fireworks would still be displayed since the Party @ The Float was cancelled. By the time I got an update about the fireworks, Daphne had already rescheduled her plans for that day. Haiz.

But anyway, I went to the fireworks with Maybo, Jody, and Jody's boyfriend Kok Guang. And I don't regret it at all, because it was spectacular...Just watching the fireworks with some really awesome people. Jo and KG LOOK SO ROMANTIC TOGETHER!! Jealous... >_<

Maybo taught us a new game - SH*THEAD. It was fun haha. I won almost three times in a row xD Guess my luck was pretty good at that time, huh? XD

8 minutes of fireworks. It was just amazing. But..I felt as if there was this "WHOAAAAA" thing lacking in me. I deno~

After that, it was CHIONG time. My first time chionging like a typical Singaporean. Embarassing ._. But otherwise, I got home safely. And that's about it.

First Blog Post

Well here it is, MY BLOG. Its for ranting, and posting random/emotional stuff. So yes, I won't be maintaining this unless I become attached to it. For those of you out there who wonder why I've never blogged before, its because I find it useless to blog about daily happenings. Sorry for being so blunt, but its true. Its my opinion. ;x

So anyway. No introductions. I won't be introducing myself, describing how I look like, what my habits are etc.

Hmm what else....Nothing I guess.