for you

hmm..apparently, I just wanted to blog about today.

so I had polymer chemistry test 2 this morn'; got a ride from dad - thank God for that or I'd have to wake up pretty early lol. I reckon I did better for this test than the first, though I'm quite sure most people will be getting 90++ for this test. I'll be happy if I get more than 80. x]

after the test I was like "PHEW. FINALLY!" because yes, I could *finally* plan my schedule for the rest of the day and the upcoming week. so I have a substantial amount of work to do. but....I stayed out at westmall with my family for the better of the afternoon lol. so its 5pm now - really late. so I changed my schedule for the rest of today to "Finish all due work today." Its an achievable goal right? Not too farfetched, heh.

so anyways at westmall it was relaxing. even though at the back of my mind I was a lil worried about relaxing too much, but I believed its a lil rest I deserve. (though I wasn't busy for the week. or more like..not as occupied as last time.) anyways, we had udders, and went watson's-shopping. I -love- doing watson's/guardian-shopping. There's like, an endless amount of stuff you could get from there because everything's in one place lol.

...and I got justin to fold me a crane haha..I wanted it as a keepsake of sorts, but I didn't tell him that of course lol - that'd be stalker-ish. and so the little crane he so meticulously folded (like the previous two aluminium and sample-paper cranes as well; gosh it even has a FOLDED BEAK!) is now sitting atop one of my drawers where its easy for me to look HAHA. no, I'm not stalking here. its not like I WANTED something to remind me of him, no, its not like that. its something different really.

so I already know that he's really not on my list of potentials, he really isn't - that part has really SUNK IN already heh. but I guess it doesn't hurt to be an otome ^^ I know he's not the right type, but I still like him nonetheless. I reckon my cheeks get red when I talk about him, I get a lil shy, I'm happy when I see him - the normal reactions really. its nothing much, and I'm not getting too carried away, nor too stupid to realize things. but I'm happy nonetheless. I have this like-hate thing when it comes to him. that really quiet-I-don't-bother attitude of his I really can't stand - I actually ASKED about it, and all he had to say about it was "Ya.". Thats it. Lol. Ah well. I'm crushing on a guy like that, lol. But it'll be over soon anyway, I know it will, because when you loose regular physical interactions with someone you like, the feeling will fade. its sad, but I know it'll happen. and I'm interested in whether it'll really be this way. the future is, afterall, unpredictable. (though I'm almost really sure nothing's gonna come out of crushing on him).

gosh I think this sounds really mushy. I think I'm gonna tone it down tomorrow when I read this tomorrow lol.

posted 27th november, 2010.

another two more times...

...and it'll be over, and I will probably never get another chance to actively interact with justin again. even with his email, its hard to actually chat him up. though maybe once in while it might work, but I can expect either a 3- or 2-alphabet word for replies, with extremely minimum elaboration. that's why I prefer the him in real life, though there's not ALOT of difference, but I can at least see his expressions.

so I'm really kinda sad about it, and I'm going to make the best chatting out of these last two sessions.

Hmm.

If I cry more than I feel really happy about a situation, is it a sign that reality wants me to accept, or am I thinking far too much about it?

lol

actually I think my facebook is better than my blog haha. Easier to post simple status updates, random shit, emo stuff, etc etc etc. but having a blog allows me to elaborate haha, which is better in another way

gorecki

HE HAS FACEFUCKINGBOOK.

I'm pretty pissed about finding out about that, because I really DID NOT WANT to know.

How I found out? See I needed a more effective way of contacting him (for school work purposes) so I asked, and he said email/online. Then I had the itchy hand to use the friends finder on facebook for fun, and saw he was there. And I clicked. And voila, pissed me.

And neither am I going to be the one doing the adding. No, never, until I'm on better terms with him, which, IMO, is never going to happen because he is probably THAT MUCH uninterested in being friends.

I can't believe I'm affected so much by someone like that. I don't know why either (this is my favourite sentence). No matter how much I try, I can't see him normally as just merely an acquaintence; I'm very conscious of his presence. And I'm just so fucking ridiculously affected that its fucking absurd.

I think I'm gonna loose it; I'm gonna loose this fight. I'm gonna give up on this whole thing sooner or later. Just three more sessions and we'll see how everything's gonna turn out.

Till then..I'm just gonna let things be, and not attempt to talk at all. I really can't take it when he's so unresponsive.

Btw, this blog is private. So if there's anyone from NTU reading my blog, kindly tag in the chatbox. Though i highly doubt there's anyone since i've kept the url to this blog private.

so..

These past two weeks..just some stuff happened, and during my time with you-know-who during a certain class today I was...just not talking at all, neither did he, so we were just doing the experiment and that was it. Some occasional random stuff, but nothing happened.
we left together for once lol. But the whole time I was being the quiet-cool me, not making any attempt at conversation, and neither did he. I cant really describe the situation today, but it ended on a very neutral note that I admit wasn't making me the least bit happy, but guess I just gotta accept it..

So thats the reason why I'm feeling kinda heartbroken.

justin. that's his name.

its tough liking a guy
who shows almost absolute ZERO interest in talking/chit-chatting.
who gives you just a nod without a smile if you see him around the campus.
who replies any sms with one-liners.

what's with him that he doesn't reply when I complimented him on his new hair? =\

even so, I find it hard to just stop liking him. he's tall, he looks pretty good to me, I really do like it when he smiles, jokes with me, and does silly stupid bo-liao things during lab class(we're lab partners). I was weighing some stuff at the sample area in the lab, and he came up to me, holding up an aluminium-foil folded CRANE. I was like, "...Wth? You really are THAT bored eh? LOL" then we went back to our seats, and he said "That poor bird needs a friend. *takes used weighing paper and folds another crane*" I had this -_- and XD LOL expression written all over my face and he was probably amused by how I found it so absurd.

lol and that joke with smells. (we were figuring out the odours of some samples). I won't say it here because some of you might find it gross. LOL BUT I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING. We were guessing and trying hard to link what we were smelling, to something/anything. Then he looked at me and said, "Do you know what this really smells like?" so I asked, and he whispered something really softly, and I was like "Really? oO". And it was only THIRTY SECONDS LATER when I mingled with my other friends in the lab that I burst out laughing at the absurdity of what he said LOL. At first it wasn't funny, but the more I thought about it, the more absurd it was LOL. I JUST COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING xDDDD

When he saw me laughing like that I bet he was so amused by my reaction, that he himself started laughing too lol. That was the best smile coming from him for that day.. I can't forget that smile on his face at that instant. I just can't forget it, whenever I think back to that smells joke, I remember his smile instantly. Then I feel my cheeks getting red :\

at first, during the first few lab sessions, I felt really useless because HE KEPT DOING EVERYTHING OMG WTH. Okay well, not everything, but almost all of it. but recently I decided to just let myself be a little spoiled lol. but of course I do whatever I can whilst he's doing something else.

but outside of class he's just a tree log. what's up with that?

he's very difficult to talk to, because he just doesn't talk. all the waiting time for reactions in the lab, he doesn't chat. AT ALL.

outside of class, he's no gentleman. he doesn't smile at you, he prefers looking scary. BUT I SWEAR MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT WHEN I SEE HIM, regardless of whether he's smiling, or looking like a statue, and whether I'm pissed at him for being such a jerk-like person. But I won't lie. Though I'm not heads over heels for him, I can't help it if I get a doki doki moment. And don't be "woooooooo! shi wan likes him!" with me lol.

but he's just..no gentleman manners. but okay, like daphne said, maybe he's only nice to his girlfriend, God knows if he has one. Anyways, he doesn't greet you, doesn't ask about you, or anything.

okay, I get it that he isn't interested, but isn't it basic courtesy to greet someone you know? like WARMLY? I do that to him, he doesn't return the warm gesture. wth? that's just absurd. maybe not everyone greets, but honestly ugh lol.

I'm torn about how he's so jerk-like, and how I still find myself liking him.

maybe this'll fade, like the two previous guys. but this guy's been the furthest I've went, wtf is it with me starting to like someone like that? I must be out of my mind. there's no way in hell that I'm gonna lower my standards.
I'll see how things go, I'm pretty sure it'll be resolved soon enough. If not...well, we'll get to that later. but I admit, I like him. What a jerk though.

anyone got ideas how to handle liking someone like that? aside from ignoring hiim lol.

uh..

I swear I have ZERO chemistry with guys. Am I too friendly? Too kiddy-looking?