the Lord is my shepherd

Today my mom had off, so I managed to talk to her about dad.
And I found some enlightment through her words and her perception.

"When things are going smooth, the devil will strike at our hearts to destroy the family peace. This year the employment rate has been low, so your sister blessed not only to have gotten a job, but one with a favorable salary. And I, and your father, haven't been retrenched. Not to mention you successfully got enrolled into the University. But now that your dad has become like this, there's only one reason I can think of - its that satan is striking at us. Evil will always come and attempt to steal our happiness away. There's no other reason I can think of why your dad's become like this - its like something's possessed his heart. He's never like this at all."

I'm glad I have a mom who's a devout christian, and moreso than I am.
I couldn't understand why my dad became so temperamental, and I really didn't know what to do about it. But when I heard my mom's opinion about all of this, I could finally realize that this was the devil's work. And this problem isn't something easily solved, and so we must turn to God for guidance.

This makes me think that God is testing my new-found faith - a revelation of sorts. Remember I said starting this year I had my faith renewed? I think God is using this new situation to bait me - whether I will pray to Him for guidance, or turn my eyes to the world instead.

And now I know what to do (:
I shall put my faith into God, believing that He will provide a way out for our family. I really don't want to see it get torn apart just because the devil wants it to, who likes a broken family? (No offense here.) But then there's this saying that goes, "Praying but not taking action is the same as staying idle." So...What can I do?
In a way, this makes me want to pray for my friends out there whose families aren't in a good balance - I want them to receive the same blessing that God showered upon me. I can't be the only one happy can I? So I shall do my best. I'm not a priest, neither am I a pastor so I can't exactly bestow blessings...I just pray to God that He will show the same kindness He has given me, to my friends out there..


Well anyway, long post is long post - JUST because today was eventful. So here's the next part of the post, its just a brief summary of the later part of today -

07S06 BBQ!!!!!!!!


Most of the class turned up today - thank goodness.
And it was soooooooooooooo fun.
It was held at the estate I live in, but sponsored by Abbas - he lives at Hibiscus(same estate) while I live at Alamanda.
I've never been THIS active in joining conversations (because usually I'm always quiet at other parties). And it was just unforgettable. We had loads of laughs and stuff, so it was just beyond enjoyable. I really had loads of fun. And then I suggested we play at the playground near the bbq pit (Hey, I live there lol. So I know my way around.) So we played catching, and freeze-n-melt. By the end of the day, it was already 11:15pm, and we were all stinky all over. By the time I got back home I smelled like trash, and my legs and arms were kind of aching haha. So anyway, to conclude, I'm glad I was there.

Right now I'm SO tired I could just fall asleep in my chair without brushing my teeth LOL

19th June 2009

antique bakery

As I'm typing a new blog spot right now, my back fucking hurts. Like seriously. I have no idea why; might be because I was sit-sleeping at the wrong position when in the car just now :\

On wednesday I met up with Daphne and we set out for Claris' place. XIN YING'S BDAY PARTY!!!! Supposedly a bbq, but it turned out to be a take-out party LOL. 'Twas a really fun event. And I finally got to meet up with Alvin and co, and XY's church friends again! How lucky~

I made her a mini photo album for her birthday present this year. Had a lot of photos of us all together since secondary 1, and I wanted to let her feel nostalgic, like how I did, and exclaim "WHOA!!! This photo is SO OLD!!! Can't believe its been so long then!!" while pointing at some random picture lol.

Well I'm partially famous for making gifts that have sentimental value. Those of you who haven't received such things from me...Uh...Wait, okay? >_>;;
I'm horrible at picking things that might tickle your fancy, so I just get/make whatever I can that I know might suit you/make you happy.

Btw, I had some trouble making the album. In fact, I only started it a day before the party LOL. And finished it on the same day. Ahaha. Firstly...See, my printer has no colour-ink, so I always ask my dad for help. But that day...MY DAD TOLD ME HIS OFFICE'S PRINTER WAS OUT OF ORDER!!!!! And I was almost going mad already, because I was in a rush (heh, serves me right for starting on the gift late :\). But he managed to get me the required cartridge for my own printer. When I was about to print, THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH PAPER. WTF WTF WTF?!?!?! LOLOLOLOL. Guess what I used? Remember the blank pages from the O Level and A Level question papers? Yeah, I used those. LOL. Honestly, that's the most..ridiculous thing I've ever done.

Anyways, back to the present. I just marathoned a 12-episode anime, "Antique Bakery". And I suddenly feel like having french dessert-cake at a classy cafe. That would be LIFE.

And I'm having some slight family problems...Sigh, its always dad. I mean, starting this year he's changed, like ALOT. He loses his temper over the smallest things, and it always happens whenever we have a family outing together. I've always been the one trying to console my dad, like just cheering him up in my own ways. But now...I just feel exhausted of having to accommodate my father's irregular temper all. the. time. I don't hate him, but I just find it thoroughly tiring. Not to mention, my sister and father had somewhat of a major falling out on MOTHER'S DAY because of driving. And their relationship has soured ever since. Sure there are light hearted jokes every now and then, but I just feel that everything's changed..I feel as if the bonds are falling apart. And today we had a slight falling out over dinner issues. I mean, it just keeps happening again and again and again WHENEVER WE HAVE A FAMILY "OUTING". Wtf, you know? My dad is still pretty cheerful around me (uh...I'm probably more normal about jokes and laughter than my sister is :\), he's always been like that with me since I was young, but now, I've already grown tremendously, well, not PHYSICALLY. But you get the gist. I can't stay a kid for my dad forever, you know? But I always hate to see my dad's dejected expression when I uh..give irritated looks. I have this bad habit of losing my temper whenever I'm disturbed (someone coming into my room and asking conversation-worthy questions) especially when I'm in the middle of WATCHING something, or when I'm extremely absorbed into reading something online. I don't mean to look and sound so angry, but that's just me. Right now I'm thinking of putting the sign "PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB" on my door whenever I need to. That way, I won't be hurting anyone unnecessarily. Sigh, I just feel that my family is in shambles.

Father's Day is coming, and I initially wanted to propose that our family go out to a chinese restaurant this time(over the months, I gathered that my dad seriously doesn't exactly enjoy western cuisine even though he's had it countless times back at his office years ago), but now I don't know what to do. I have a feeling that my father will reject the idea because we might all end up feeling miserable if he loses his temper over something. My dad...When he's angry/extremely annoyed/frustrated...His mood will dampen deeply and remain unchanged throughout the day and night. Maybe I should gather my mom and sis and tell them not to make any mistakes(being late, or arguing, whatever) this time, if not it might be family event..I guess you could say that this time I'm going to try to let us make it up to him.

On the other hand, my dad's at fault for being so temperamental. Even if he were to suddenly fire up, he shouldn't stay like that for the next few hours. Instead, just apologize and joke around. Honestly...If there's anyone..wait ANYTHING, breaking up the family, it'd be his temper. I don't hate him, nor his behavior, I just...feel like I'd die if our family would break up emotionally. Everything feels so fragile now, and its like, hanging by a piece of thread..

Come to think of it, why am I doing so much when I'm not in the wrong at all? Even though I already know the answer to that question..Its because my family is most precious to me, next to God. I seriously hope that things will turn out alright..We're a family...and we must stick together.. Honestly, I wonder when we can all wake up from this horrible nightmare. I'm just totally sick of it, its just so hard to try and patch things up all by myself..I feel like a one-man army facing a wave of despair..I honestly have no idea what to do. I want to stay on my dad's side, you know, let him know that I'll always be there for him - afterall he's been a perfect father, for me at least, and I don't want to leave him alone. Somehow this makes me wonder what my sister and mother are going to do, and how they stand. I think...if our family breaks apart..I'll still stand on my dad's side..I never want to leave my dad or mom alone..ever.

Well anyway, that's that. I can't remember anything else to post about, so that's it for now. Ciao.

15th June 2009

- EDIT -
I don't think I ever want to get married. I'd hate for my husband to turn out like that. And its troublesome having men around. Serious.

さよならの記憶

I feel lonely..
):

Just deep down inside, in my heart,
I feel lonely..
Probably because I don't have anyone to show affection to,
Nor anyone to do the same to me..

And its been a period of 7 years
Since I last loved anyone.

Right now..
I try to talk to some people,
But..I don't know,
I don't know how to put this into words.

I keep searching for someone,
The person who's right for me,
But yet there isn't any..

Not understanding myself,
Nor the reason why,
I desperately search for the one who will bring new light into my life..

piece of treasured memory

Hmm..
Some things happened.

Firstly, Daphne's exams ended on Tuesday, and so we met up on Wednesday.
We finally saw each other again!!!!
Ahaha.
We had a great time spending (literally) the whole day together,
She brought us both to Marche @ Vivo,
And I had a fantastic lunch,
Alongside a pleasant time admiring the whole restaurant.
And we took two polaroid photos, thanks to Daphne
We didn't really get to eat a lot though,
And admittedly, I was unsatisfied because I only got to try a few dishes only,
which we shared as well.
Without a doubt, I'll be going there again at the opportune moment.

After Marche, we just walked around looking for stuff.
Not that we bought anything much anyway.
I had spent quite a lot last week, so I wasn't intending on buying anything haha. But I managed to grab up volume 4 of Faster Than A Kiss, even though I've already read up to (possibly) volume 5 online. LOL.

Oh and I wanted to try making "Nacho Cheese" on my own, to share with Daphne after we go swimming at my place. We had to run around cold storage to find melted cheese...But in the end I could only get a can of pressurized melted cheese. The spray-type. Which was absolutely 100% PATHETIC. Oh well. And we got a bag of plan nachos. So it was all good.

And then we went to my house and swam at the pool~ That was about 9.30pm already. LOL. Its cool to swim at night. Then after showering, we watched some of the featurettes on my double-disc WALL-E dvd. Our nacho cheese was pretty good actually, so the experiment was a 75% success, lolol. And we were both feeling pretty exhausted by 1am..so we went back to my room to crap and sleep.

And the next day, a thursday. Mom called and said "Wanna come for lunch?"
Because mom usually takes thursdays half off. So I figured, "Can we take Daphne along?"
So yayyyyy, I got to spend MOAR time with Daphne. Great lunch, great dessert. And good looking around as well.
And that's about it.

I have something else to post about, but..I guess tomorrow. If not its easy to miss two posts.