For the past 7 years, we were always on and off contact - all I can remember of our conversations is how they always ended up in the same argument about how he wants to try me. I could never accept it and always ended up blocking him. Its been going on like this for the past few years, and this time round I've decided to put a stop to it after a friend made me truly realize what was happening, and how I was really being treated.
I've been manipulated emotionally and morally to go against my beliefs about how a relationship should be. I will not go into details.. There's too much to say and since I've decided that I do not want this person to resurface in my life again, there's no point in me going on about the reasons to my decision. I've decided, and that's that. Nothing more, and nothing less.
I should have stuck with my beliefs all these years, and now I need to re-affirm in these beliefs.. I need a moral compass for this.. I find it difficult to do this all over again.. I just pray that someone will come by in the future - someone who truly treasures me. Because if he does, then naturally he would respect me, he would make sure *I* was ready as well, basically, he would NEVER pressure me into doing things that go against my beliefs.
I feel so morally gray.. I've been feeling so gray these years. There's not much black and white opinions I have about morality/ethical issues these days.. I feel so.. Just what have I become?
Being a girl is difficult sometimes - especially if you're someone like me. Girls sometimes depend on others' kindness for strength to pick themselves up from where they've fallen. This time round.. Instead of relying on friends' kindness and concern, I want to stand back up on my two feet with my own strength. I want to recover back my beliefs. I don't want to rely on other people's encouragement.. I want to rely on my own strength. I wonder if I will be able to do it. I want to be emotionally independent about this.
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